Hi~ A warning before you proceed reading. The male lead here has a nasty mouth so that might turn you off. I suggest reading 5 chapters to decide whether you’d like to continue or not rather than just judging it from the first chapter. This novel can get quite heated at certain chapters but the dialogues are really funny which is why I picked it up so I hope you could give it a fair chance 🙂
Translator Little Potato
The legal partner on my marriage certificate is someone whose tongue is so sharp it makes people retch. Five minutes ago, he phoned me saying that the weather this autumn was so dry, asking me to boil some radish and spare rib soup at home and earnestly exhorting me of the proportions of each component so that once he returned home from working overtime, he’d be able to drink a bowl of hot soup with just a pinch of salt.
I decided to put some rat poison in his soup, and end his life by poisoning him.
Yu Haiqiao is a dog, a b!tch to be exact.
He graduated from the best professional university in our city and went on to do motherf*cking IT for a foreign enterprise and it was even a pharmaceutical company at that. Pharmaceutical companies were dang awesome and were very rich, but the number of people in the IT department can only be counted with two hands, numbering a mere 8 people. Among them, five of them were outsourced, so they were the least valued department. Forget that Yu Haiqiao was soon going to die from poisoning, he even had to tell me with a serious face that I had to arrange everything myself.
I also had my own plans for him. Tonight was the night he was going to take his last breath.
Of course, it was not as if the matter of him working as IT at a pharmaceutical company was a reprehensible mistake. Even though he’d rejected so many company offers like an idiot after graduating with masters, insistent on staying in this city he grew up in, this was still his decision. Even though I agreed to get married to him, we still had to take turns every end of the week to visit our parents’ home for the sake of keeping filial piety, and though I was nominally called his wife, I don’t have the right to care for him.
Oh, the “no right to care for him“ was something he had told me himself.
The day our marriage certificate was printed out in the Bureau of Civil Affairs, he was driving the Audi A6 I loathed extremely and was sitting on the driver’s seat, staring at me for a long time before saying, “Shi Ran, Even though we’re legally married, you don’t really have the right to care about me.”
At that point in time, I wanted to raise a bottle of sulfuric acid and splash it on this human-looking face. He had thrown the ring to me in such a terrified manner he looked like a dog, and after signing his name, he quickly took advantage of my weakness.
“If it weren’t because nobody wanted you even at the age of 27, I wouldn’t have gotten married to you.”
“Of course, it’s not as if marrying you is going to change my life, the main point is to put up a good front for our parents.”
“You know how aggressive my mom’s been as of late, pushing me to get married. I’m still young and I haven’t played enough so I definitely can’t get tied down by marriage. In any case, old women aren’t sought after so I’ll begrudgingly accept you. Wait until I find true love then I’ll divorce you.”
“But you don’t need to worry that I’d do anything to you. A girl like you whose temper is violent and looks barely passable isn’t really my type. Moreover, we grew up together so if I ever grow to be a little bit interested in you, that would be no different to incest and that’s too disgusting. Moreover, let me reiterate that this agreement between us is mutually beneficial. Last time, your mom even asked me to introduce you to someone, but you insisted that my friends, who don’t even work in IT, act too similar to me so you look down on them. Besides, for the sake of getting your mom to stop pushing you and to stop my mom from nagging me, we banded together to solve our parents’ problems. Once we divorce, in order to compensate for your loss, you can take away a small part of my assets.”
This b!tch will forever be a dog who can’t seem to speak human words,
The day I got my marriage certificate printed with him, I knew that there would come a day where I kill him and end his stupid life.
*
A few days ago, I sat on the bed, holding a tablet watching “Deadly Woman” while this b!tch Yu Haiqiao was lying on the bed watching his phone with squinted eyes. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, “I’ve seen a lot of people watching this drama, someone from our small department group’s also mentioned this before.‘
I snorted coldly, “You only have 8 people in your department who’re all guys, and they’re talking about the tv series they’re following in your group?”
This nerd Yu Haiqiao read a lot of books so he had become nearsighted early on, but because he wanted to look handsome when reading, even when he couldn’t see the blackboard, he was determined not to wear glasses and underwent corrective eye surgery in university. Though he was finally able to see clearly, he still had the habit of squinting his eyes whenever he was looking at something, so he squinted at the screen I was looking at for a while.
I shifted the screen closer to my side and deliberately blocked his view, continuing to say, “Your little department seems quite lively.”
Yu Haiqiao knitted his brows and started to pull my arm, the strength he used akin to as if he were tearing off a cow’s leg, “Aiii what’s the matter. Let’s watch it together, I haven’t seen this yet.”
I deliberately yelled before throwing the tablet to him. He then cast me a side glance after taking the tablet, “What are you being so loud for? Those legs of yours can even break a door whenever you try to stop one from closing, do you really think I’d be able to break it?”
At that time, I couldn’t help but seethe with anger, wanting to take the chance while he was sleeping, to tie a rope around his neck and strangle him.
He held the tablet with one hand while his other hand secretly reached over my arm, gently kneading it. I gritted my teeth for a moment, wondering whether this motherf*cker Yu Haiqiao would ever have a moment where he was not being a hypocrite and regretted the fact that I was now going to take after his surname Yu from then on.
Yu Haiqiao held the tablet and watched the drama together with me for a while, his mouth starting to chatter on about it incessantly. After watching the opening scene, he said, “Aiyo, you women sure are troublesome. Are you all this violent? Look at this guy who got crushed to death by his wife even after giving her a gift”, after a while, he clicked his tongue, “Being a housewife sure is nice. The house would be clean and you get to save money by not hiring a housekeeper. Moreover, whenever you return home, there would be warm food to eat”, he narrowed his eyes, looking quite conscientious as he told me, “Men cheating on their wives isn’t a big deal. How could there be a man in this world who never had an affair?”
At the end of my patience, I took the pillow placed behind my head and covered the face of this person who couldn’t seem to speak human words.
“Shut up, stupid.”
I felt that I either had to quickly divorce this fool Yu Haiqiao soon or there would come a day where I would kill him without thinking.
*
Yu Haiqiao was born with a peach blossom face and upon closer look, he would even ooze with restrained sexiness. Strangers thought of him as a handsome guy, classmates thought of him as a top student, and friends who were slightly familiar with him, thought he was a gentle and good youth. It was only I, who had grown up with him, that could look past his appearance and see his intrinsic nature, and his intrinsic nature was that of a b!tch.
When he was chasing the school flower back in senior high, he was akin to a f*cking love saint. Every time he opened and closed his mouth, the words coming out would always be —it’s very painful for women to give birth. I don’t want you to suffer through that, I only wish for you to be happy and blissful.
——If you have something you want to pursue, chase after it wholeheartedly. It doesn’t matter if it’s profitable or not, I’ll be the one to make money and support our family. I also won’t let you touch any household work. I’ll hire a housekeeper so that you don’t have to worry about these things. I’ll prepare everything in advance for you.
——What? Fall in love with someone else, that’s naturally impossible. I will only like you. Ever since I laid eyes on you, how could I look at other people?
When I was in senior high, I carelessly overheard this and nearly barfed, thinking that I must’ve eaten something bad. I had also gotten acute gastroenteritis and they sent me to the hospital, admitting me. Yu Haiqiao was wearing the school uniform, his forehead seeping in sweat from rushing to the hospital, asking worriedly about my situation. He even evoked a few words of praise from my mom for being mature and understanding, almost hating that she couldn’t stuff him into her belly and give birth to him.
I rolled my eyes at him and immediately stopped feeling nauseous, wanting to return to school as soon as possible and study hard, making progress every day.
The result of studying hard and making progress every day was eventually getting into the university of my home city. It was half an hour by car from where I lived so every time school ended in the afternoon, I would be able to return home and eat dinner before going back to the school dorms. The university was located in the university city area so there were many other universities nearby. The best university in the province was located a station apart from my university and the back street of our university would also lead to the street of their university’s north entrance.
When Yu Haiqiao left senior high, he bade goodbye to his school goddess. This dog could’ve gotten admitted to any university he wanted with his grades, and could’ve stayed in any city he wished. In the end, he was unable to leave his hometown due to his inability to adapt whereas his school goddess had moved to an international metropolis. On the day she broke up with him, I was at a milk tea shop drinking milk tea while the two people were seated not too far from me, earnestly discussing their future, talking about what development and what opportunities. The school goddess chuckled as she said, “I didn’t think you would stay here.”
The b!tch Yu Haiqiao feigned a deep and serious tone as he said, “Yeah, I didn’t expect it either.”
I was nearly about to spit out my milk tea. After the school goddess left, Yu Haiqiao paid for the milk tea and returned with a small plate of snacks, sitting down to gobble them up in front of me. I thought he wanted to seek consolation from me about the matter of his break up and specially bought snacks to curry some favor, but he smacked my hand away and grabbed a bunch of chips, munching them in front of me, the sound so deafening to the ears that I almost smacked the back of his head.
Yu Haiqiao stared at me hard and said, “We’ve broken up.”
Before I could even sneer, Yu Haiqiao immediately said, “Stupid, if I don’t stay at home and move far away just to go to university, who’s going to wash my clothes? The canteen food is also terrible, where else am I gonna eat?”
At that time, I thought that Yu Haiqiao didn’t deserved love in his life.
The author has something to say:
This is really just a brainless story. Please do not take this too seriously. Thank you!