At the foot of Peach Blossom Mountain stands a Peach Blossom Temple, and within the Peach Blossom Temple dwells a Peach Blossom Immortal.
The Peach Blossom Immortal was not originally called the Peach Blossom Immortal. His real name was Tao Mian, and he was human.
He was a transmigrator. Because he had bound himself to a Longevity System, he had inadvertently lived for a thousand years.
Still at the Qi Condensation stage.
One day, the Peach Blossom Immortal emerged from his old, dilapidated little temple, walked into the courtyard, and picked up a bag of feed to feed the chickens.
“Eat up, eat up. Once you’re full, go lure a hen back, and I’ll have eggs to eat.”
Tao Mian had lived for a thousand years and had yet to descend the mountain. The reason was simple: he knew no cultivation techniques.
The system hadn’t given him any yet.
The system he carried was abbreviated as “Holds Back,” with the full name being the “Shared Cultivation Master Always Holds Back Longevity System.” In other words, if he wanted to cultivate, he first needed a disciple.
Then the disciple would be responsible for cultivating techniques, exhausting themselves in the grind, while he was responsible for the Cloud Share-always remaining one step ahead of the disciple.
This system sounded like a godsend for the terminally lazy, the ultimate art of lying flat.
Everything was absolutely perfect.
…
So where the hell was he supposed to get a disciple?!
Were they given away in a lottery?!
Picked up from the trash?!
Free with a phone top-up?!
He had been waiting for a thousand years-why hadn’t one come yet?!
At this rate, he was going to have to consider forcibly accepting his three chickens as disciples!!
How infuriating.
Tao Mian shouted a few questions at the heavens, venting his impotent rage. Only the chickens in their cages flapped their wings in response, sending feathers flying everywhere.
Perhaps influenced by Tao Mian, everything in the Peach Blossom Temple came with a longevity buff.
For example, the three-hundred-year-old sparrows, the six-hundred-year-old chickens, and the thousand-year-old flying cockroaches.
That’s right-even if a human could live to be a thousand years old, they would still have to battle cockroaches for a thousand years.
Tao Mian suspected that after another two thousand years of cultivation, he would be able to ride a cockroach out the door.
The first to lose the will to live was a goose. It had lived for two hundred and fifty years and simply couldn’t go on any longer. Every day, it would try to jump into the pot to end its own life.
At first, Tao Mian couldn’t understand the goose’s intentions. Later, he discovered that over those two hundred-plus years, the goose had seen off several hundred beloved female geese.
Deep affection does not ensure longevity.
Tao Mian pitied its single-minded devotion and fulfilled its long-cherished wish.
After joining forces with the chickens, ducks, dogs, cats, and cockroaches in the yard to hold a grand farewell ceremony, he stewed the goose.
Even the tigers in the mountains were drooling with envy.
Brother Goose, your death was too fragrant.
Tao Mian even wrote a couplet for Brother Goose.
The goose is so big, one pot can’t stew it all.
He picked up his brush, couldn’t think of a matching second line, and gave up.
Future generations would surely have their own commentary.
After seeing off Brother Goose, another hundred years passed, and he saw off Brother Dog.
Later came Brother Cat.
In the four hundredth year, the small courtyard of the Peach Blossom Temple was empty. Unwilling to spend his days with the cockroaches, Tao Mian went to the foot of the mountain and picked up three chickens.
These three chickens looked domestic, but there were no houses nearby. He didn’t know where they had come from-probably lost from someone else’s home.
Tao Mian bagged one in each sack, substituting kidnapping for purchase.
He had chickens, but still no disciple.
So Tao Mian took his sack and wandered around the base of the mountain all day.
Waiting for someone to lose a child.
Another six hundred years passed like this. Just yesterday, Tao Mian celebrated his thousandth birthday.
He made a fist-sized pastry and stuck a thousand candles in it.
He made a wish: that the new year would be kind to him.
When he blew out the candles, a single whoosh of breath nearly set the mountain on fire.
Would the first day of his thousandth year bring any new changes?
Tao Mian thought without much hope, and opened the System Panel.
Name: Tao Mian
Age: 1000
Realm: Qi Condensation Layer 1000
Techniques: None
Disciples: None
Evaluation: Happy thousandth birthday, handsome but useless immortal
The first day of his thousandth year did bring a change. One layer per year-his realm had finally reached Qi Condensation Layer 1000.
But…
What was the point?!
Without knowing how to cultivate, he was even out of breath from feeding the chickens.
Tao Mian angrily closed the System Panel. Out of sight, out of mind. If worst came to worst, he could just live another thousand years.
Ding-dong-
A crisp notification sound, as if drifting down from the clouds, reached Tao Mian’s ears.
?
Could something have changed?
Suspicious, Tao Mian reopened the panel and found a pop-up window appearing, bright and clear before his eyes.
[A human with disciple qualifications has been detected. Please proceed to Peach Blossom Creek immediately.]
Peach Blossom Creek was a small stream at the foot of Peach Blossom Mountain.
There really was a change!
Tao Mian was overjoyed, spinning around twice on the spot.
He took out his most favored chicken from the coop-Consort Lu, a black-and-white-spotted rooster-and rushed excitedly to Peach Blossom Creek.
The stream babbled along, flowing from Peach Blossom Mountain to this point, crystal clear to the bottom.
Tao Mian set the clucking Consort Lu on the ground, cupped his hands over his brow, and squinted into the sunlight.
A wooden baby bath was floating down from halfway up the mountain.
Tao Mian: ?
This plot felt a bit familiar.
He crouched by the creek, the rippling water soaking his straw sandals. The bath was carried by the current to the shore.
In the basin was a delicate little baby, eyes not yet open, a small, ugly face scrunched up, mouth open to wail.
Tao Mian pinched its mouth shut.
Was this really his disciple?
Before he could question it further, the system had already given the answer.
[Congratulations, Host. You have obtained your first disciple.]
[Disciple Name: Gu Yuan]
[Background: Only son of Gu Yuanhe, former Sect Leader of the Blue Mist Sect.]
[Talent: High Grade Water Spirit Root]
[History: Internal strife within the Blue Mist Sect. The current Sect Leader, Li Heshan, was originally Gu Yuanhe’s Junior Brother.
Gu Yuanhe treated him like a true younger brother, but Li Heshan was consumed by greed. He also harbored improper desires for Gu Yuanhe’s wife. He devised a poison plot, killed Gu Yuanhe, usurped the position of Sect Leader, and forced Gu Yuanhe’s widow to marry him.
At this time, the couple already had a son. To preserve the Gu family bloodline, Lady Gu sent a trusted confidant to take her only son out of the mountain, then took poison and ended her own life.
The confidant was pursued by assassins and had no choice but to place Gu Yuan into the wooden basin, letting it drift down the stream. Before the pursuers could catch up, the confidant drew his sword and took his own life.]
[The above is the relevant information for the disciple “Gu Yuan.” Please nurture him carefully, Host.]
[Congratulations, Host, for unlocking the Novice Reward: Cloud-Piercing Sword Technique ×1, Underworld River Saber Technique ×1]
Finally, he had techniques!
A thousand years!
He had finally made it through!
Tao Mian looked at the messages popping up from the system, the smile on his face growing wider and wider.
This Gu Yuan-though he looked like an ugly little baby now-had unexpectedly high talent!
And looking at his background-father murdered, mother forced to poison herself-reading through it all, Tao Mian felt like carving the word “tragedy” right on the kid’s forehead.
And that confidant wasn’t very reliable either.
Just setting the kid adrift down the stream.
Good thing there was a kind-hearted, handsome immortal like himself.
The disciple had high talent, he had techniques now, and the Cloud Share could be activated.
As for the blood-deep vendetta the child carried, Tao Mian didn’t think about it too much for now.
Go with the flow, adapt to circumstances.
Everyone has their own destiny, everyone has their own path of cultivation.
Besides-
“You’re surnamed Gu,” Tao Mian said, holding the child under his armpits with both hands and lifting him high. “Based on my experience reading two hundred web novels in my past life, you’re definitely going to amount to something big in the future.”
“But this name of yours won’t do. Gu Yuan… ‘Gu Yuan’… always looking back, easily trapped by bad memories for a lifetime.”
“Here, I’ll give you an easy-to-raise name.”
“Gu Yigou-how about that? Catchy and down-to-earth.”
“Don’t say anything, and I’ll take it as agreement.”
Held high, Gu Yigou opened his eyes for the first time in his life. What he saw was the beaming, thousand-year-old little master Tao Mian. He babbled twice.
“Agreed? Good. Yigou, from today on, you are my, Tao Mian’s, senior disciple. Don’t worry. Master and disciple, together for life. If I have two mouthfuls of soup to drink, you’ll definitely have two pots to wash.”
Gu Yigou giggled, foolish beyond measure.
Tao Mian was laughing too. His birthday wish had come true. Heaven had truly bestowed a disciple upon him.
The first day of his thousandth year was being pretty kind to him.