Alice is a boring, totally normal, completely average, and frankly, an overall quite lame university student. She doesn’t go to parties, she sits inside. She doesn’t pay attention during lectures, she daydreams. Alice Ekyd is also, above all else, a girl. She’s a bit of a brat, and she normally doesn’t look half-bad when she has a full face of makeup caked on. Deep emerald eyes, too-pale skin, and bright, thick, wavy orange hair that she believes is her best trait. She’s a little tall for a girl, but that’s okay. She’s not awful at introspection, though her therapist says she could try to focus on avoidance some more and see which parts of it are ones that make her uncomfortable. She spends most of her mornings tweezing any stray hairs off her face and getting ready to look her best for people that don’t give a fuck about her appearance. Alice Ekyd thinks her last name is super clever, even though her best friend sussed it out in seconds. Alice Ekyd is shy, and normal, and boring, and average, and nothing ever happens to her. Ever.
Which is why it is really fucking weird that when I stare into my mirror this morning, it isn’t Alice Ekyd staring back at me, but rather a lithe and rather suspicious-looking floofy black cat. It stares at its reflection and part of me is wondering if I really did overdo it with the weed and the drinking last night. Like, I expected to feel like shit, yeah, but hallucinating myself as an entirely different species was decidedly not on my bingo card for University Bullshit I Need to Learn to Deal With. Hangovers? Check. Greening out and staring at the ceiling for hours? Oh yeah. Drunken hookups with one of the only other trans girls on campus that are a mistake and will keep being a mistake until I admit I have feelings for her? …sigh, yep.
Waking up as a goddamn cat? Hell no!
My roommate (and best friend, because we moved in together, because of course we did) is going to have a worse reaction to this than I am. And when I think of her reaction being worse, it isn’t because she’ll be freaking the fuck out—no, it’s because she’ll chase me around and try to cuddle me. The thought of that isn’t actually that bad at all, really. In fact, it’s a pretty nice thought. My only issue with it is that I can’t talk and don’t know if this is permanent or, if it isn’t, how I switch back to being a human. How the shit am I supposed to become a therapist if I can’t even open doors? Or talk?!
I am, at least, glad I sleep with my door open most of the time. I’d have been stuck in my room otherwise until Gwen decided I needed to be woken up At All Costs, which she has thankfully only done once since the start of the semester.
Still though. A cat? Why am I a cat? Why now? I like, had a maybe-date with Tav later. Well, not a date, probably just fucking, but whatever.
I raise a paw.
The cat in the mirror copies me.
I stick out my tongue.
The cat in the mirror copies me.
I wrinkle my nose, and she copies me, and she’s actually pretty freaking cute. She looks like she’s at that age where people stop calling them kittens and start calling them cats. Small for a cat, I think, but cute.
And then I freeze because I hear Gwen’s door opening and her bare feet padding into the living room, headed straight for me. I’m a black cat, luckily, and the bathroom light is off—oh, I can see in the dark—so I should be able to hide. Where, though? Where to hide?
I jump off the counter and land on the tiled floor with a near-silent thump, and it’s cold, but I patter over to the shower and jump in, having a mild panic attack at the last second for some reason when I think about there potentially being leftover water puddles at the bottom. Thankfully, there aren’t any, as I wouldn’t have been able to change my trajectory anyway. Landing in the tub is a bit louder, but I don’t think Gwen heard me, so I should be safe. Oh gosh she’s almost here I need to duck my head down and—
Flick.
Hissssssssssbrightlight.
Oh my gosh I just hissed. I hissed at the freaking light! What is wrong with me?
Gwen lets out an eep and I can hear her swivelling on the spot to face the shower. I am barely hidden, crouched down on all fours behind the curtain and tub wall. OhshitohfuckIcanhearhershe’scomingoh—
“Oh. My. God.” She is, of course, instantly bending over to pet me, and I hiss again, this time at her, batting at the air with a paw as if to say “Stay back!”
“You are so cute. How did you get in here?!” Gwen gasps, holding her hands to her mouth as she giggles impishly.
I groan, but it comes out as a mew instead, and Gwen squees.
“Alice! Alice, wake up!” she calls out, facing the bathroom doorway. “Alice, there’s a CAT!”
Alice doesn’t respond, because I am Alice, and I am right in front of Gwen in the tub, and I can’t talk. She’s distracted, though, and I probably need to get it across that I’m Alice, so I jump out of the tub and land on all fours, my tail swishing back and forth as I dart between her legs. She lets out another eep and immediately begins chasing after me. My whiskers twitch in mild annoyance, but it’s fun to run around like this, so I zip around the living room, letting her get close, closer, almost—and then I’m off again, running around the kitchen island and underneath the table and oh my gosh this is so much fun. Gwen seems to be tiring of it though, and has probably categorized me as a feral animal that needs to be caught rather than pet and admired at this point. I huff, and it comes out as a tinny little sneeze, and I grin and am not sure what it looks like but can’t bring myself to care as I zoom past her for a final time and into my room.
“No! Bad cat! That’s Alice’s room! Hey—wait a sec. ALICE! Get out here and help me!” she yells out as she chases me inside, seeming to finally remember she isn’t the only one living here and has been loudly chasing a cat around for the last few minutes. I jump up on the empty bed and turn around to face her, sitting in what I think of as a regal way, my front paws between my haunches with my tail curled around them. I stare at the doorway as Gwen storms in, holding her gaze as she fixes me with it.
Gwen isn’t short, or tall, and she’s got a cute brow piercing and matching silver snakebites that also match her hexagonal glasses. Lightly tanned skin, and a runner’s physique that I envy but could never work up the energy to commit to trying to get and maintain. She’s wearing boyshorts and a red cami with a skull on it currently, and breathes out a sigh of relief as she realizes I’m staying still. Her frizzy blonde hair swishes in the air as she closes the door, and great, now I’m stuck.
Didn’t think this through, did you Alice? You idiot.
“It’s just you and me, cat,” she says. “I have no idea what you’re doing here, but we’ll get in sooo much trouble if the RA thinks we have a cat. Did Alice let you in or something? Huh, I should text her… wait, why am I talking to a cat?”
I tilt my head and keep my emerald eyes locked on her hazel ones, and then I give her a mrow, which she seems to enjoy more than I would have thought.
“Look, cat, I need to get you outta here. I should probably call the RA now, actually. If I leave you in here, can you promise not to wreck Alice’s stuff?”
I shake my head.
She freezes, and her eyes go wide.
“Did you… did you just—oh my god I’m losing it. It is far too fuckin’ early for this,” she groans.
I nod, and she gives me a Look.
“Okay, what the fuck?” she asks, exasperated. “Do you… are you understanding me?!”
I dip my head forward, twitching my whiskers as they catch something in the air. No clue what, probably just cat things. Oh, it’s dust—achoo! Oh gosh, even my sneezes are cute.
“Ah, no, I’m just being weird,” she half-sighs, half-laughs. “Cute sneeze, though.”
Gee, thanks. I dip my head again, and she ignores it. Goddamn it.
“Okay, time to call the RA. I wish I could’ve pet you though,” she says longingly, and with an internal groan, I know what I must do.
I bound off the bed and slowly approach her, wiggling my butt a little as I walk and swishing my tail through the air. Those aren’t like, conscious things I’m doing, just things I notice because I need to make sure she doesn’t call the RA and get me sent to the pound or something.
She eyes me suspiciously as I approach, and I rub my head against her ankle. She gasps, then slowly bends over and, hesitantly, puts a hand on my head and starts giving me scritches and holy fuck I’m in heaven this is so good how have I never experienced this before this is legit better than sex oh my fucking gosh oh—
I’m rumbling, I realize, and then I realize I’m purring and Gwen is just eating this shit up.
“You’re cute, kitty cat, but I still gotta call the RA. Thanks for letting me pet you, though,” she sighs, and then the pets stop and she gets up. I stick right by her legs and make sure she can’t get out while locking me in at the same time. “Kitty…” she admonishes, nudging me with her foot. Rude! “I gotta go! I don’t wanna get us in trouble. Alice is dealing with enough shit and I just want to make sure she knows how much I love her and be a good friend. Okay, kitty? Can you like… go back to the bed?”
I shake my head.
“This shit again,” she sighs.
I hiss.
She squints, and then she lets out an even bigger sigh. “Okay, fuck it. If you can understand me, spin in a circle.”
This bitch! Well, this incredibly wonderful bitch who tells random cats she loves me. I guess I can listen to her.
I spin in a circle, and her eyes narrow even further. “O…kay… um… get back on the bed?”
I hop on the bed and do a few circles to find a good spot to sit comfortably, and then I stare back at her.
“This is sooo fucking weird,” she says quietly. “You can understand me. Or… or you’re well-trained and someone’s prized cat or something. Umm… nod if two plus two is five?”
I shake my head. Damn, Gwen is smart.
“Nod if two plus two is three?”
I shake my head.
“Nod if two plus two is four?”
I nod.
“Holy shit. How—how can you understand me?!” she stammers, rushing forward to kneel in front of my bed, staring up at me with her wide, unblinking hazel eyes. Gosh, her eyes are so pretty. “Can you talk?”
I shake my head, and then I try to think of what I can do to show her I’m Alice. Oh, shit, can I use my laptop? It’s plugged in on my desk… I could jump up! My room is a mess, the floor covered in dirty laundry with ramen cups sitting all over the desk. It is devoid of personality aside from a trans flag pinned to the wall over my bed, and even then, gender isn’t really a personality. Regardless, I can make my way through the battlefield of college debris.
I hop off the bed and jump up, perfectly, to my desk, pawing at the laptop until Gwen gets the hint. “Holy shit, you’re gonna use a computer,” she says, mostly to herself, shaking her head in disbelief.
I nod, and she gasps again, and then she opens the computer. It’s locked, but I know the passcode. It takes a minute, but I manage to type it in with my paws without messing up too many times. It unlocks, and Gwen still doesn’t seem to know it’s me. I paw at the Firefox icon, and look up at Gwen expectantly. Like a good little servant, she nods and clicks it open, and then clicks the search bar.
After another minute, I manage to type out (and even include capital letters): I am Alice.
“No fucking way. Prove it,” she demands.
Bitch, I just fucking did?
I hiss at her. There, that’ll show her.
To my surprise, it actually does. Sort of. “She’s not here… you know the password… you… no… c’mon, man, this shit doesn’t happen in real life,” she moans, continuing to stare down at me. “Uhh, fuck. Fuck! I mean, this is like really really cool, but also, I’m assuming you can’t turn back into a person? And that’s probably not good?”
I nod.
“Shit!” she hisses. I give her a whiny mao. “What do we do?”
Fuck if I know. I’m a cat, and I can’t be reasonably expected to type out a response to everything.
I do my best approximation of a shrug, and I think she gets it.
“Umm. Uhh. I am so not equipped for this shit. I’m… I think I’m gonna get high,” she says, and I squint at her. Gwen, we got super fucked up last night after finding out Cody was cheating on you and swore off all men for forever. To be fair, I already have sworn off all men, but Gwen’s more flexible than me when it comes to who she fucks.
Regardless, getting high sounds excellent right now, so I nod and raise a paw to point at the door.
Five minutes later, I have learned how to hit a weed pen as a cat. Gwen has to hold the button for me, but if I suck in hard enough, I can get a puff. I do so without even making any kitty coughs! Thirty minutes after that, this turns out to be a big mistake. I do not have the same tolerance for weed as a cat that I did as a human. I certainly couldn’t have attended classes anyway, but Gwen gets so fucked up that even she ends up needing to skip. At least it’s a Friday, so we have the weekend to figure out… whatever the hell is going on with me.
Beneath the weed-induced haze, the anxiety I’ve been burying this whole time rears its ugly head in the form of a question I wish I had an answer to.
What if I can’t turn back into a human?