A few decades later, I stood dumbfounded just inside the treeline, near the beach. There was a ship visible on the horizon, well offshore. For the first time in 943 years, humans had stumbled within sight of my island.
Everything else aside for a moment, the ship had sails! Had they hired a green mage to control the wind and water? How quaint! And expensive! It had the advantage of reducing the risk of dangerous storms, I supposed. But still, what a misuse of resources! Green mages were too valuable, chiefly for agriculture. Or, perhaps their enchanted propeller been damaged, and the sail was a backup? Or were they unable to get it charged?
This line of thought raised a troubling possibility. The mage population had not been healthy 943 years ago. Most powerful mages came from strong lineages, like the Corzas. Spontaneous mages were a rarity and normally weak. Even with her heritage, Izena's power was extraordinary; if neither of my parents were latent mages, my own comparable strength was inexplicable. I certainly had never noticed the characteristic impression of whiteness from either of my parents, nor any other mana color, but they might have been too weak for a young child to notice anything odd.
So, if the lineages had faded, it was altogether possible that magic nowadays was associated with relics and godlike monsters, and mages were extinct, or nearly so.
'Hmmm,' I thought. 'Maybe I count as a relic myself?'
I mulled over what to do. No matter how reluctant I was to...interact with anyone, I absolutely refused not to help people in need. Never would I ever be one of those mages who makes excuses to avoid helping those they can help. I am a helper. The vow I made at the age of five is absolute.
'But do they need help?'
I stared at the ship, trying to determine whether I needed to expose myself even more by going for a closer look--if they were alert, they probably already knew that something was strange about this island. My natural art was noticeable, and more than anything, they must have seen my glow. It had been centuries since my island had a true night.
No ship should want to sail through this dangerous area, and none had in at least 943 years, probably much longer. There was likely something wrong. The ship may have been damaged, perhaps by one of the terrors of the deep ocean, and drifted here. If so, the sailors may be in immediate danger, from dehydration or starvation. I had the power to fix both of those problems. No excuses: I needed to check without delay.
Within a few moments of gathering enough resolve to step toward the beach, I saw signs of activity on the deck. I paused and watched. Specks that I guessed were sailors were bustling around. Eventually, I could see that they were deploying a smaller boat, presumably to go to shore.
'Well, that works,' I decided. 'I'll greet them here, then, and figure out what's going on.'
There was no danger. I could grant a shield that only the most powerful sea monsters could challenge to every large living thing on the island and in the reef.
'Actually, in case they're here for food, best to shield all the birds now as a precaution.'
A moment later, and it was done. The island now had a bunch of little glowbulbs scattered about.
Once upon a time, I had struggled to make even two shields of that caliber. Heh. How satisfying.
As I waited, watching the oars on the approaching boat swing rhythmically, I recalled Izena's words from many years ago.
"Consider yourself objectively, how you appear to these people, and embrace it."
"Okay sister," I exhaled. "I'll give that a try, right now."
'These sailors, likely with no more knowledge of mages and magic than typical refugees had during the war, are about to meet a glowing woman, who is immune to getting dirty, and is apparently living alone on an impossibly isolated island that she hads intentionally sculpted for centuries with the self-described goal of achieving a Sacred Peaceful Garden aesthetic. Her only companions on the island, birds whose tails sparkle in her light, are all enveloped by impenetrable shields of light. Her island has, near its center, a glowing pool of liquid light that rejuvenates those who touch it.'
Right...
'Ah, and I've been infusing the fruit trees with my mana for centuries, to guide their growth. Might the fruits have healing properties, too? An interesting possibility.'
...I could foresee how this encounter would go.
'At least it won't be immediately obvious that I'm immortal. Or can make glowing levitation platforms. Or heal people. Or repair things. Or cure diseases. Or turn salt water into fresh water. Or resurrect the recently deceased, nowadays without completely exhausting myself...'
I blinked at the approaching boat.
'Alright, seriously, what is the difference between what I have become, and an 'actual' goddess, whatever that is?'
I thought about it briefly. Hundreds of years to think this through, and I had waited until the last possible hour.
'I do have limitations. I'm far from omnipotent, clairvoyant, or infallible, but I don't think those are expected of me. The people who called me a goddess in the past all knew that I was none of the three. Resurrection is conditional, slow and expensive even now, but I can do it. My range is limited; I need to be almost touching my target to use any spell except a shield. My most powerful attack is smacking my enemy with a stick made of a material with healing properties, because I am only half of a matched pair, a mainland without an ocean.'
I sighed, forcefully.
"Alright, sister. These people may be in desperate trouble, seeking divine intervention. If they need me to play the role of the pseudo-goddess that it's within my power to be, I will do my best to embrace my role. If I can meet their expectations, do my half of what they need their goddesses to do for them, then I'm not really an imposter, am I? That's what you meant, right? I am who I am, no more or less, and if that makes me a 'goddess' to them, then so be it."
I straightened my spine ever so slightly.
"If they recognize me, I will tell them what happened. I made the only choice I could make, and lost everything that mattered to me. I needed to get away. I needed peace. I needed to make sure it would never happen again, so I could live with myself. It took a very long time to achieve that, but I did. It's that simple. And fuck you, hypothetical inquisitor demon. I didn't see you fighting Oscanion, self-important prick. No one ever mistook you for a goddess."
I awaited the acid, and instead got...butterflies?
Izena's smudge is so black on the ground--
I sighed again, this time more exhausted.
"I am sorry, big sister. I wasn't able to keep you safe. I just wasn't strong enough. No one was strong enough. If all the people in the world had been there, everyone would have died except me. I could only make one shield strong enough, and I could only use it on myself."
I wiped away some tears.
"Even now, I am not omnipotent. I couldn't look after you then, and can't do anything for you now, but at least I can let you look after me..." My voice started cracking" You looked at me, shocked and terrified, because you thought that your shield fading meant I had died."
And now I was croaking.
"That's what your first thought would have been? That's who you were? Am I wrong? You didn't even care in that moment that it meant you were dying?"
No one answered, but no one needed to.
"I'm sorry that it's taken me so long. I just couldn't accept what had happened. That I was alone again. That I had as little ability to help you as I did to help Mama. That you were right next to me and I couldn't do anything. That you saved me from that camp and I couldn't save you. Thank you for hugging me, even though it made you smelly. And thank you, father, for telling me where to go. I know you would prefer for one of us to survive, rather than none."
The birds had gathered round me.
"Daddy, Mama, Azenum, and Izena and all the others were killed by Oscanion," I told them. "Not me. I helped who I could help."
The boat was close. I really had waited for the absolute last second to get over myself.
I still wouldn't seek this meeting out. I liked my peaceful island. But the meeting was coming anyway. The worst that could happen was they say some things that would outrage Azenum and Izena so much that they might come back from the grave to burn them all to ashes. That would be nice.
"They're almost here. It's strange that they've come. I'm not sure what's about to happen, whether I'll be returning, if the world needs me anymore. I'll do what I can do. I'll be who I can be. If they need me to be their 'goddess' again, then I'll meet their expectations as best I can."
As the boat reached shore, I cast a cleaning spell to make myself look like less of a blubbering mess, and finished what I had to say.
"I'm really strong now. You would be amazed. I don't need to let anybody die anymore."