Track 13: Sweet Dream/Beautiful Nightmare

1.

Madaline scooped up her clothes and walked out into a living room that was now submerged in an aquariumesq vibe; ghostly smoke drifting through a dim mix of pink and teal light.

Estelle was wearing her cutesy owl slippers while sitting in her favored armchair with a half smoked joint between her pinky and ring finger and a pencil pinched between the index finger and thumb of the same hand. She had a tome like volume on one battered red leather arm and a yellow legal pad on the opposite side.

“Hey E, welcome home. Why didn’t you join us?” Madaline asked.

“Computer freaks are always good to go to bed with, at least the girls are, but when you bring your computers to bed with you... There are many things I enjoy, but I don’t get off to a really good rootkit or a proxy server or whatever. Plus, you keeping her busy is good dissertation time,” Estelle responded, tapping her legal pad with her pencil and knocking her thick glasses up her nose with the heel of her hand.

Madaline shrugged, “We could’ve played a game you like instead, got you off to ah… I don’t know what you queers get off too, I mean, I know what you get off to, but like, psych majors in general.”

“Acknowledging that the biggest sex organ is between the ears always gets us wet,” Estelle lit the joint, puffed, “Except for you of course, I will testify in court your dick is actually bigger than your brain.” She held the joint out to Madaline.

Madaline sniffed the air and shook her head, “Too much indica for me right now and why yes Poppet, I am absolutely Satan’s gift to bottoms.” She gave a theatrical, self congratulatory bow and moved about the tiny cluttered apartment to a dresser along the wall that blurred kitchen into living room, extracting a clean set of clothes while tossing the dirty ones in a hamper.

“You know what I meant. She make a mess?”

“Satan's gift.”

“Hmmm, you're tired,” Estelle said, running a hand over the smooth expanse of her naked scalp, peering at Madaline with sharp, stormy, steel colored eyes magnified by dummy thicc lenses.

“I am fucking exhausted.”

Madaline stalked to the fridge for a jolt cola, then went back to her coat and found a bottle of pills that had most of the label scraped off. She popped the can, popped the bottle, and shook out a pill. “Fortunately, I’m reliably informed we’re dwelling in the age of sin, the age of the thing, the age where all values other than polyamory, gender bending and living totally wasted one way or another, are all either dying or dead.” Madaline tossed the pill into the air and caught it in her mouth, before chewing and chasing it down with a chug of jolt.

“Yeah, but dying animals can be the most dangerous and zombies have a tendency to dig themselves up and need killing again from time to time.”

“That’s why I defend the Maggies when anyone calls them crazy.”

“Very political of you. While I loathe using it as a technical term, I will say they absolutely are crazy but befitting their namesake they also happen to be right, mostly. Speaking of which, last we saw you Friday you were being lured away by Nance and Zuri, have fun?"

"Yeah, just reconnecting and you said I haven't been getting around."

"They trying to recruit you?"

"No, just fun and games."

"Those uppers?"

“Of course not, I’m taking downers at a time like this. Want one? They're always good for nerds,” Madaline rattled the pills.

Estelle’s eyes flicked behind her glasses, her pencil and joint went aside, she clapped twice and Madaline tossed her the bottle.

Estelle swallowed the pill as Madaline began jumping up and down, speeding the drug through her system, looking like a boxer preparing for a fight.

It was an affectation that Amber had not yet seen, but Estelle was very familiar with.

When she'd finished her short round of cardio, Madaline took her drink to a desk by Estelle and turned on the desktop.

Estelle turned pages in her book, jotting notes in shorthand as the keyboard began to rattle just out of her line of sight.

After five minutes Madaline slipped her vape from a pocket and began drawing, “Okay, good, bearable.”

“She hack you again?”

“She's still on from last time, she can see everything I’m doing on my desktop, but she’s been considerate enough to not save anything and it looks like she's leaving my main phone alone, though that’s probably cause she knows where I receive lewds and a sense of communal respect, not her capability... Best she can pinpoint my location is... she’s tracked me to east South Prov… which it should say I’m in Istanbul, but I’ll take it."

Estelle's left eyebrow rose slightly and she turned her head just enough to study Madaline's profile in the glow of the screen, turning back to her book after a moment.

"Bimbo's right, I do need to beef up my security.” Madaline downed more jolt and pulled a drive from her bag, plugged it in and executed a few commands before shutting down the desktop. “There that ought to slow the little bitch down for a week or two.”

“Remember what my dissertation is about?”

“Sure, the shadow, master of men or something.”

“The Jungian Shadow. The most bas-”

"Actually, wait, Jung, they talked about him in that basic psych course in High School, he did lots of coke and wanted to fuck his mom."

"That was Freud, who yes did lots of coke and concocted the theory of the Oedipal complex which, fair, that might have been an unintentional self portrait, and of course that's what you took away from that class."

"No, some other stuff is coming back, the shadow... it was all about repression right?”

“Yes. Darker feelings, socially inappropriate desires, that’s the shadow, repress the shadow too much and it can grow darker, it can... grow teeth.”

“Well, no one will ever claim that I have that problem.”

“No, you have the opposite, you let your shadow run wild a lot of the time…”

“Not as wild as I used to and it sounds way better than repression, I’ve seen what that does to people.”

“Fair point,” Estelle pivoted hard and fast into the actual purpose of bringing up her dissertation at this time, “So what happened with your shadow today?”

Madaline jerked towards the bedroom door, “Little bitch didn't even-”

“She was worried. If her fibbing makes you that unhappy I’ll increase her sentence for you, but I would’ve found out anyway, I can see it on your face Maddy. You don’t just look tired, you look guilty. Make this convenient, should I keep the bail fund on me?”

Madaline rubbed her eyes. “No, leave it where it’s at, I’m tired, there was... a misunderstanding, that’s all.”

Estelle gave her a look.

Madaline sighed, “Right, want me to sing? Fine, this wasn’t me going in to intimidate, this wasn’t me going in for controlled pacification-”

Estelle snorted at the term, making her glasses slide down her nose slightly.

“-it wasn’t about a shitty guy in a bar or a phobro on the street or someone’s creeper ex wart, you know thank Satan for all those, my shadow loves to... express herself in minor,” she held up a hand to make her point, “non...dismembering ways with people in those categories, even you agree that it’s good for something sometimes right?”

“I believe… when it’s controlled, when you curb the impulse into something useful it serves a function in our community, but this wasn’t that.”

Madaline rubbed her palms together. “No, but I thought it was, like I said, it was a misunderstanding… fine… yeah E... I nearly... first time in a long time where I was just nearly totally out of control, I mean, boom, so it could’ve been bad, but then the process got killed. Things got explained and sanity reigned. Look, it’s not an issue, but this... it's not a trend. It’s just,” she gave Estelle a helpless award winning smile, “You have off days too, bad days, sometimes you get something wrong? Got your own shadow? Right? Nothing happened that I.... regret. Nothing I won't forget about. Eventually. Probably. The scary part...” She frowned and shook her head. “The scariest part was how bad I wanted it. I forget sometimes that when I get like that, how... bad I want it.”

“And now you don’t?”

Madaline zipped up and tied a boot, “It wouldn’t have been worth it.”

“That’s not you not wanting it.”

Madaline chugged more jolt, blew out a stream of air and thumped her other boot on, “It’s honest. Want me to stop being honest?” She put in order in on her phone in less than 30 seconds.

“As if you could pull it off, but no, I don’t want that. Keep an eye out for that process starting up, head it off: Count backwards, play calm music, jerk off." She lit the joint, and spoke through smoke in her throat, "If it keeps going, call me, if I'm in class or whatever, go beat the shit out of your punching bag, one full of sand not blood and bones."

"It's in storage right now."

Estelle exhaled, sipped at the joint again, "Get a gym membership then and use their's, actually, no, don't do that... going to some place like Body World will just present more potential issues. The Maggies," she considered, "They have to have one, a punching bag?"

"They've got three, basically a private gym."

"Would Nance let you in at Camp Crazytown on short notice."

Madaline nodded, "I could talk to her about it."

"Do it, don't wait, I want that available if you need it."

"This was really just a one off, E."

Estelle ignored her, "When it gets... bad... you have to get away from what it is that's..." she considered her words carefully, she could fill the slot with descriptors like aggravating you or pissing you off, but tempting you was far more exact, the bigger issue and they both knew it. "Triggering you," she settled on. "Take a chill pill, figurative is good, but when things are bad literal could be the better option."

Madaline nodded her head, half thankful, half... something else.

It was a verbal instruction booklet, an updated program Estelle had been prompting her to run for years, in recent times Madaline had accepted the command with little complaint.

Estelle brought a flame back to her joint. “In what I’m going to assume is a totally unrelated subject…” she produced a poignant pause, “the young lady with the eating disorder?”

“I have her eating, thanks to you mostly. Bringing her food on my way back.”

She flashed her phone at Estelle.

“Going home for anime and chill?” Estelle asked, her mood lightening.

Madaline sucked her tongue, “Yep, watching anime, little online shopping, I’m exhausted so we’re probably going to sleep early,” she pointed at Estelle, catching her before she could say anything, “In separate beds.”

“Wow, still? That must be making you climb the walls.”

“She's got a boyfriend.”

“Wow, still? That must be making you climb the walls.”

Madaline's face drew into a sneer, but Estelle kept on.

“When are you bringing her out to meet us?”

“I’m not. She’s just my roommate.”

“Hmm, you know why don’t I pick you up at your place on Wednesday, I can meet her then.”

“Nah, call me when you're up, I’ll come over here in the morning after breakfast. Tomorrow, I’m going to get this project in, get my bonus, take the whole day off Wednesday, so after that I’ll just hang out with the two of you all day.” Madaline leaned down and kissed her. “Take care of the bimbo, she seems fine now, but she was really off earlier today, like her meds might not be working.”

Madaline went to the door, sweeping up her bag and tossing away her can.

“What are you up to, Maddy?”

“Nothing but LFDY, night Poppet.” She went out the door.

Estelle tapped her pencil on her pad.

Thirty seconds later, Madaline was walking back through the door and to the dresser, she hunted around and found a tape measure. “I’m stealing this, I'll give it back Wednesday,” She went back to the door, “You’re gorgeous in studious cunt mode by the way.”

“Mmm, thank you. Have a good time with little Ms Dainty Wrists.”

Madaline’s finger made an appearance as she slipped back out.

2.

As was Madaline’s nature she was five minutes late for bestie anime time. Amber was waiting for her.

Five minutes after that Madaline had her hands on Amber in the middle of the room, moving her about, taking various measurements, writing each number down.

Amber had been fairly quiet past asking how Madaline's work meeting had gone, she’d also noticed Madaline had come back in new clothes, she didn’t mention it, mentioning it would be to acknowledge thinking about it.

Amber twitched as Madaline took a measurement of her inseam,“Are we going to talk about… what… I did?”

Madaline paused. “What did you do?”

Amber rubbed her forefinger and thumb together, “Lied, I lied, you know I did.”

Madaline nodded, “Yeah, I know.” She sighed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No… but you kind of ran out, you know.”

Madaline measured around her calf, considering, taking a little more time at this process than strictly speaking was necessary.

“I can show you the message from this afternoon proving that this meeting was already scheduled," Madaline said, cursing herself when she remembered the context of how the meeting was scheduled.

Amber didn't seem interested in seeing the conversation. Madaline felt better. Instead:

“Do you-”

Madaline interrupted her, sliding her hands over Amber’s sides, pushing her arms out. “Amber, you can ask me if I’m mad about it, I get that, but if at this point you need to ask me if I hate you over this I might actually be slightly miffed.”

Amber went quiet.

“To answer your question, no, I’m not mad, I see why you did what you did, honestly on one hand I am overjoyed when you do anything that grabs a little bit of control for yourself, on the other that lie, yeah, gives me a little knee jerk... discomfort. Assholes like to say we lie about experiencing transphobia, but there’s probably a million cases you’ve dealt with that you don’t bother to complain about... But, Amber, for your safety and because… look I don’t really look at it this way cause assholes either won’t believe us or are intentionally playing dumb anyways, but some trans people would see that as risking our community's well-being by possibly giving those assholes free ammo, some of us might just be offended by it on principle. All I’m saying is, never lie about that unless you’re sure you can get away with it.” She wrote down the last measurements.

Amber nodded, Never, never without being able to get away with it, of course not, but she also thought, Our community? Of course, I don’t want to cause problems for other trans people, but… I don’t really have... community.

“In brighter news,” Madaline said, settling on the couch, “Your boobs are definitely bigger.” She pointedly stared at Amber’s chest.

“There’s no way, ” Amber said, filling the air with shiny shards of laughter, growing a little warmer then she'd already been when Madaline was measuring her.

“Don’t be so sure, the meals could have tipped you over the line back into some growth, the meds are helping too. Yeah, no, definitely bigger.”

Amber smiled to herself, a thrilled little joy running through her that was suddenly cut off as Madaline slid the dish of noodles she'd picked up on her way back towards her.

“Don’t you think maybe I should-”

“No, you still need more, come on eat up.”

Amber chewed her lip.

“Amber, I swear... I will feed you if I have to.”

Amber looked down at the food. “I-”

“Do you think I’m joking?” Madaline opened the container and broke a pair of chopsticks, the amphetamine she'd taken was working on her, dissolving some restraint, cocooning her in the moment so that this seemed reasonable, nothing that could be interpreted as a violation of the best behavior agreement.

Madaline stirred the pasta. “At dinner, you ate ten percent of your food and turned the rest into abstract art, admittedly that was because I blew a fuse today, sorry about that, but also I blew a fuse today and I do not have it in me to do an extended debate with you about this, the noodles are good, you are so fucking gorgeous, but you need the calories,” she scooped up a small tangle of fat sticky pasta. “Eat the goddamned noodles.”

After a moment, Amber leaned forward and received the noodles from the chopsticks, chewing and swallowing.

“Good girl.”

She did it again.

“They’re really good,” Amber said slurping the end of a noodle in her mouth with a little meep.

Madaline could have handed the chop sticks over at this point… she didn’t. “Look at you too much of a short stack royal to feed yourself.”

Amber flushed with embarrassment, but after a moment the feeling contorted on itself, becoming something else, she took a breath, accepted another bundle of noodles and looked up at Madaline with hooded eyes, “You’re the one who proclaimed me a princess, it’s only appropriate that I’m attended to by a vassal, but remember I recognized you for the queen you obviously are. It’s not my fault you insist on taking on the role of a mere courtier, anyway, now that I’ve experienced such luxury I don’t think I can go back.”

Madaline blinked at her, a noodle pinched between the chopsticks fell back in the dish, she blinked again.

Amber watched her do one of her little understated laughs, a puff of air, the smallest pull of the muscles around her mouth and a slight jump of her shoulders.

Amber pressed on, “You wanted me to eat, are you going to keep going, grape-feeder?”

“Grape-feeder?”

“Like the person in Greek and Roman art feeding people grapes while they lounge on couches.”

Madaline gave her a teasing little glare and clicked the chopsticks a couple of centimeters from Amber’s nose, then held them out to her.

Amber accepted them and after a couple of tries, taught herself to use them.

Madaline opened her laptop, “Smart mouth tonight.”

“Sorry,” said Amber, slipping noodles in her mouth.

“Wasn’t a criticism. Now what have you always wanted to wear?”

Amber chewed and swallowed, “Are yoga pants with cool patterns fashionable?”

“If not I imagine you’ll bring them back.”

Amber looked at her, uncertain.

“They’re in if they’re something you want to wear, they’re comfy too.”

3.

Over Thai noodles and Cowboy Bebop Madaline made an oddly wonderful discovery, a realization that was both refreshing and reassuring, Amber was, as Madonna once put it, a material girl.

You had to work her past a few minor anxieties, you basically had to reassert to her that it was okay to want things, but once you got her rolling, the wanting was there.

The expression of desire on her face, how dark her eyes got was so great and naked and weirdly innocent, like she wanted to reach through the screen of Madaline’s laptop to immediately touch and hold the things on display.

It was the same look she'd seen on her face when Madaline had told her that her body could become more feminine.

Madaline eased their way in with staples, before moving in the direction of seriously considering the stuff that Amber had wanted to try but had found too extravagant.

“They’re too tight.”

“They’re perfect for your size, I took your measurements,” Madaline pointed out the fitting chart and the paper she'd written the numbers on.

At last Amber nodded.

Then a few times they would roll around to various misgivings and uncertainties as Amber tried to chart a course away from the things she liked to things that felt safer.

“It’s nice… it is… but it’s too much.”

"Too much? The cut, the color, or the price?”

“All three.”

Madaline looked at her eyes, fixated at the sheer top on the screen, yep, there was the look, the word to describe it that she’d come up with seemed horrifically unfair, an ugly word for a look on Amber that was so beautiful: Greed.

Madaline had to think of it like that though, nothing else worked, she didn’t know anything else to call such an expression.

Madaline keyed around through several shopping carts, “Come on hear me out, let me talk you into it, this top with these pants, come on you’ll be so-”

“Okay, okay, yes.”

And of course, the boyfriend came up at a couple points:

"Simon will hate it."

Madaline bit off her automatic response, thinking a minute about what to say.

"That really shouldn't be a consideration here, but if we're going to... look, he'll give me lip for five minutes, before realizing he loves it."

A little later:

“So that’s got to be it for the budget right?” Amber asked.

“Yep, did pretty well with deals and such, it’s a good start to a wardrobe. So, yeah, I think we’re about-” Madaline stopped, something else catching her eye, she clicked on it.

It was a coat, medium length and wide sleeved; black and patterned with lines composed of mixing shades of purple that produced chains of interlocking pentagons like an impression of armor plating.

Madaline tapped her finger.

“What do you think of this?”

Amber looked at it.

“Um… it’s nice... cool.”

Madaline checked Amber’s eyes, now that she’d seen it she wasn’t sure she could ever unsee it, yeah, ravenous as a black hole.

“Want it?”

“What?”

“Do you want it?”

“N- It would destroy the budget. We’d have to cancel a bunch of stuff.”

“No we wouldn't and not what I asked.”

“I'm pretty sure we're already over-”

“Still not what I asked, my gift to you, for two missed birthdays. Look, it looks cool and it’s really practical.”

“Simon might have been a little right, you think this is practical?”

“It’s extravagantly practical, it’s two layers. The inner lining is removable, it'll keep you warm when it’s cold, but when it heats up it comes out and the material of the outer layer is really breathable, you can wear that layer late into spring, maybe early summer at night and be comfortable.”

“Is that how the leather pants in June work for you are they a really breathable material?”

“Nothing special, I just suffer to look good and you’re dodging the issue, come on.”

Amber scratched a little, but her eyes didn't change, didn't look away.

“The pattern, the lines, come in different colors, what would you want, purple?” Madaline keyed through the options, “Green?”

“Do… does it have pink?”

Madaline keyed over to the pink lines. She checked Amber’s eyes, yes… but no.

“Mmm, let’s pocket pink, I think we can do better.”

She keyed over to blue, checked, red, checked, at last she landed on one with lines that were a mixture of burnt yellows and dusky oranges. And there Amber’s eyes went.

Madaline patted herself on the back. She didn’t name herself Rose.

“It’s too-”

Madaline sighed and stuck it in the cart and began punching in her payment information. “You’re getting it as a gift, separate from the rent money we’re using to shop with, I’ll get you a receipt, if you want to go through the pain in the ass of sending it back once you have it, fine, but you’re trying it on.”

Amber looked worried. She also looked excited.

When it was all said and done:

“Thanks… for everything… just thanks," Amber said, gratefully.

“No problem, it was fun.” More than fun, Madaline was well aware of how dangerously close she was to getting off on this.

Amber’s eyes bugged, now that the shopping was done she actually took in the time at the bottom of the screen. “Is that right?”

Madaline ran a thumb over the bridge of her nose, “Ah, yep, yeah, it is two to four.”

“Oh, wow, we both have to- we need to go to bed.”

“Right, fuck, yeah,” Madaline closed the laptop down and put it back in her bag.

Dark eyes looked up into a sea of green.

Neither of them moved and Amber found herself thinking about how much work going upstairs was when it was already so late, how it would be so much easier just to leave the TV playing and fall asleep, she’d never really noticed before how comfortable this couch was.

“We need to go to bed,” she repeated with a little laugh, uncertain as to why she was saying it again, instead of just standing.

“Right.” Madaline agreed.

Neither of them moved.

Amber glanced at the screen for a moment, the current episode was over, “We… we kind of missed a bunch of episodes, actually one of the best ones, the teddy bomber one.”

“Yeah, I don’t really remember that one,” Madaline said, running her hands through her hair.

“Do you want to… um... back it up and catch up... one more... I mean it’s not like 22 minutes is going to make that much a difference at this point?”

4.

Amber slid quietly into bed next to Simon, laying down, curling her arms tightly around her pillow, cuddling it to her. Through the wall she could hear the sounds of Madaline installing herself into her own sheets:

The flop of a head falling onto a pillow, and then the softest of curses.

Amber wondered what was wrong and felt the urge to get out of bed to check on her, but she held herself in place and soon barely audible music started up from Madaline’s headphones.

Soft instrumentals with empty spots, notes hiding in spaces Amber's ears couldn't pick up, low to no discernible lyrics, she thought Madaline preferred less words in her music when she was trying to get some serious rest.

Amber closed her eyes, imagining Madaline doing the same. She chased the faint notes coming through, the back of her hand moving to rest on the wall’s surface and after a few minutes, she slumbered. She dreamed.

5.

The corridor was familiar, Wilmarth Hall, Amber was in school.

Familiar, yes, but the dimensions of the space seemed wrong, somehow distorted; stretched too long, going for miles, the angles kind of cockeyed or even crooked. Filled with overlapping layers of slender shadows with sharp points and jagged edges, the kind that were cast by skeletal tree branches, but here seemed to be the product of nothing whatsoever.

She fled forward, her books clutched to her chest, she had to get to class, she couldn’t be late. A current of air passed over her exposed skin, her legs kissed by the gentle swishing of a skirt who’s touch felt wonderfully like gossamer. It felt really good, cause that was another oddity, it was oppressively warm in Wilmarth today, just enough to make her uncomfortable, to make it hard to think. She actually felt terribly out of sorts, confused, unable to recall what class she was racing towards.

She turned into an open door, this was it, this was the room she was supposed to be in; brighter than the hall, long rows of student desks, a brutish metal desk for the professor in front of a large smart board and thankfully no instructor.

Good. On time. But what class is this?

She saw Simon sitting at a desk in the front row and nearly collapsed by the door in relief, Simon would be able to tell her what course this was, what Amber was supposed to be doing now that she was here.

She rushed to him, trying to explain her situation, a situation that felt like it was unraveling in sense the longer she stood in it.

It was so warm.

One wall held a length of windows, allowing her to see outside into a beautiful mid autumn day, students and staff wandering back and forth in jackets, the ground covered in a spectacle of leaves colored like a blaze. Several people looked up at her from outside the windows as they past, some stopped, doing more than glancing, their eyes holding on her.

Amber watched them for a moment, forgetting her situation, distracted by them looking at her, a pleased little thrill because they were… admiring her?

Simon’s hand snapped around her wrist, “Amber. Look at yourself, what are you thinking?”

“What?” she whispered, horrified.

“Why are you dressed that way?”

She moved her head through jerky motions to look down at herself, then quickly back up at him, blushing, trying to shrug, trying to explain; it certainly elucidated why people were goggling at her through the windows.

“It’s um…” she looked back at what she was wearing and responded weakly, “It’s... um, I don’t-” Her top wasn’t exactly against the school dress code, a black form fitting halter, sleeveless, shoulderless, it’s ring tight around her throat.

But...

“Do you see how short your skirt is?”

Amber glanced down again, looking closer at the skirt, and felt an odd rush in her stomach that rolled right over into nausea at the realization of what Simon was thinking, it was so short, so inappropriate so sexy, patterned black and dark yellow plaid, almost spider’s web like. Her thighs were slightly exposed to the air, above matching black and yellow high rise socks. Well, it looks kind of nice and really what was I thinking, I guess… it’s really hot in here so it kind of makes sense.

Simon glared at her.

The rationale shriveled up inside her.

“I’m sorry, um, I’m sorry, I’ll just-” She set her books down on the desk next to Simon and rushed back to the door, wiping her forehead with her hand, intending to go back to her dorm and change. She stopped at the door as she caught the sight of her hand, alternating colors on her nails, the outfit's scheme slightly modified, not black and yellow, but black and gold.

Looking up she caught her face reflected in the door's window. Her make up. Darker and far more elaborate than she’d done in… she’d couldn’t remember how long, her hooded eyes outlined in thick, expansive lines of black, making them appear even larger. She took a couple steps back, seeing the whole picture of her instead of details, captivating herself. No wonder people were staring, she looked amazing, why was she rushing to change again?

“Amber.” Simon’s voice snapped from behind, making her jump.

Right. That’s why.

She turned back in his direction, her back to the door, “I’m sorry, um, having a weird- tell the… teacher… I’ll just be right back um, I just have to.. I promise I’m going to fix myself.”

She was about to turn and bolt again, when a pair of green nailed hands made a pair of gentle but audible claps as they came down on the bare skin of each of her shoulders.

Amber gasped at the electric shock of contact.

“Ms Orlet,” Madaline drawled placidly, warm breath falling on Amber’s ear, “Don’t you think you should be in your seat by now?”

Amber tried to babble her way through an explanation, “I.. um… mmm… I… I need to… sorry… it’s um… it’s really… hot.”

“Right... must be you.” Madaline said, evidently waiting for Amber to move.

.Amber stood there shivering in the heat, feeling green eyes on the back of her neck.

“Turn around.”

Amber did as she was told and the image she found in the door frame almost floored her.

Madaline looked at her, decidedly not dressed for the role of a student; black suit and tie, fit tight to her body, her hair braided into a chain, nails freshly painted, thumb, index, and pinky were pointed and terribly sharp, her middle and ring fingers terribly blunt.

Amber made a sound in her throat, freezing on the spot.

Madaline appraised her with a raised eyebrow and sighed, “This kind of feels familiar doesn't it? Like we're back where we started instead of making progress."

“Sorry,” Amber whispered.

“I didn’t ask you to be sorry. Don’t worry, I’m going to take care of you.”

Oh, god those last seven words were the best, all the prose and poetry in the world couldn’t aspire to anything like the effect of Madaline saying those words, Amber relaxed, melting under them.

“Feel better?”

“A little, um, yes,” she said her voice pitched high.

“Good, now turn around for me.”

Amber moved to rush back to her desk, but before she could even begin to make her feet move, a hand fell on her back, not just warm but unusually hot. The sharp point of Madaline’s pinky nail rested on Amber’s shoulder blade. Amber stopped before she started and waited for the slight pressure of the hand to tell her to move, when it came she was walked back across the front of the class to her seat. Like she was Madaline’s… like she was Madaline’s dearest... friend. Her sense of panic and shame drained away, replaced by the almost drunk feeling that came with being seen next to Madaline.

As they went along, Madaline drew the nail of her pinky back and forth, without moving her hand, a little scratching arc, leaving the slightest mark, they arrived at her seat and Amber could feel the curving red line of it sitting in her flesh.

She settled in the seat, to find there was now an apple waiting atop her books, ripe, fat and a deep vibrant green. Madaline’s finger’s pinched the stem and drew it upward. “Did you bring this for me?”

Amber couldn’t remember having brought an apple, it had just been there when she’d looked down, but what else could she say? “Yeah, you know, yes, it’s yours, you can have... whatever you want,” she finished quickly.

“Thanks,” Madaline said with a smile and took the apple with her.

The second her back was turned Simon was back at it, “Amber you can’t just-”

“What’s the problem Simon?” Madaline wheeled on the spot, halfway to the instructors desk. She began to toss the apple up and down, catching it in her hand, the apple making an audible smack each time it landed in her palm.

“What’s wrong? Look at how she’s dressed.”

The shame came roaring back, Amber immediately slouched low in her seat, wishing to sink into the floor and die.

Madaline looked her over again, “I have been. Princess, you look exceptionally exquisite today and I’m so sure you appreciate Simon noticing.”

Amber glowed and immediately sat up taller.

“Now, seriously bro, I’ve got a class to teach.”

Madaline’s declaration succeeded in switching Simon’s interest. “What. No way. There’s no way they are letting you teach a class.”

Madaline sat the apple on the instructor's desk and thumbed a key out of her suit pocket. “Hey, I agree this seems like a terrible idea for all parties involved, unrivaled insanity, incomprehensible stupidity, but I’m sure in the end it’ll work out one way or another for... I’m guessing 2/3rds of us,” Madaline unlocked a drawer, drawing out a thick book. “Alright, class, please take out a piece of paper and writing utensil, hate to be a bitch but as my brother will attest-”

“Step- brother and you don’t seem to hate it all that much.”

“Thank you Simon, I can always trust you to back me up, anyway, pop quiz on the reading material.”

Amber found herself with a pen and an empty sheet of paper on the desk, she pulled at the ring of her top's collar. It was nice, but she really just needed a little more air.

It didn't help.

In spite of the inspired outfit she was feeling more and more like she was wearing a hoodie in a sauna, the idea of a pop quiz, of getting through class at all with her brain cooking felt increasingly untenable.

She turned to Simon. “Um…. Does it feel warm in here to you, like really warm you know… like, I can barely…”

“Amber,” he looked at her like she was stupid or crazy or both, “It’s October,” he thumbed at the window, at jacketed people walking around in cool air and late day sunlight.

“No, but-” she groaned, Why do I like you again- Sorry no, that’s just the heat talking- “Sor-”

“Amber,” Madaline said sharply, now at the center of the class, “Come on, you know better, no cheating.”

Amber shook her head, “I’m sorry, Madaline, but I think I really need to leave, I think something’s wrong with me, I need to go to my dorm or…” she trailed off.

Amber projected pleading with nothing but her eyes. October? Maybe… If it’s October... just like can I just go outside for awhile, just find some place that’s chill and shady and if you cancel class you can come to, I’d really like it if you come too.

Madaline tapped the spine of the book on her wrist, “Nothings wrong with you Amber.”

“But-”

“Okay, lets face it, that whole thing you went through a couple years ago left an impact.”

A cacophony penetrated the walls at the back of the class, making Amber jolt in her seat, twisting around in fright. The noise seemed to be traveling from miles away, reverberations of a booming splintering crash; the sound of Genevieve Orlet’s curio cabinet going to smithereens.

Amber’s eyes searched the back of the class frantically, her hands running over her torso, rapidly, systematically, rising upward to her face.

Out of sight she heard Madaline stepping closer to her.

“Not to mention the prior fourteen years.”

Another sound through the wall, comparatively softer, even further off, but no less memorable, a squelching crack. Amber winced and slammed her hand protectively over her left arm, her eyes jerking about, searching for a threat to come roaring at her-

Thunder cracked next to her, splitting her panic in half and sent her spinning the opposite direction, she found Madaline’s face, she’d snapped her fingers right beside Amber's ear.

"Hey,” Madaline smiled.

“Hey,” Amber sighed, her skin prickling with fever, but her terror swiftly departing. Then she remembered why she’d looked away in the first place, “There was… sounds.”

“Yeah, those might happen from time to time, can't help that, but they can’t hurt you, they’re just echos.”

“Echoes?”

“Right, since you can’t help doing what you do with your memories, you might as well focus on the future instead of the past, so do your best and try to look ahead instead of looking back.”

“Future... What I do with my memories?” Did I tell her about fading the elephant?

“Right, this is the whole point, you’ve got some issues, but you’re not unhealthy. I mean the really unhealthy thing is how you keep insisting you’re going to fix your problems by teaching a fish to fly, instead of letting it learn to swim, which is not helped by,” she glanced at Simon, “By certain parties, but everything your going through is... in a way… with a big ol emphasis on, in a way… it’s a healthy psychological response to what’s happened to you.”

Amber glanced at the door, above it was a red exit sign, “So can I-”

“No.”

“What? I don’t understand. Please I really think- look I know how this outfit looks, but I swear I feel like I’m boiling.”

“I mean that seems like fair comeuppance in a way doesn’t it? Look, I don’t expect you to understand all this, that isn’t the purpose of today’s class, that’s more of a whole semester kind of thing.”

“Please, Madaline.”

“Amber, I have you, I’m not letting you go, but I promise, stay put, keep looking ahead as best you can, participate in these academic endeavors and soon you’ll start feeling better.”

“What’s the pop quiz on?” Amber mumbled, petrified by the prospect of trying to function like this.

Madaline clicked her tongue again. “A Christmas Carol,” Madaline said with a wave of the book.

A sense of ease trickled through Amber. A Christmas Carol, she could do that, she’d read A Christmas Carol several times. She was very good at remembering things she read. She swallowed. “Okay, I’ll try my best.”

Madaline hummed and moved away, addressing the whole class, “Now the good news is if you all only read the best part of this really really good book, your going to do fine, cause all of the questions are about this one passage.”

Amber puzzled, trying to preempt the questions by working through her stored list of quotes from A Christmas Carol, but she couldn’t think what would be the best part, perhaps the Ghost of Marley’s rant about business… That was Amber’s favorite.

Madaline began, “Question one, the passage posits that there are two kinds of people in this world, what are they, and which of the two does the remainder of this passage discuss?”

Amber sense of wellness deserted her… two types of people? Rich and poor? Selfish and selfless? That didn’t feel right… was there such an important passage and was it that good? Not that she remembered, not one that talked in such stark terms? She hunted back through her memory of the book.

“Question two,” Madaline held up a peace sign.

No. No- No, it’s okay, I’ll catch up, if it’s all about one passage then the other questions will help clarify things.

“The passage is primarily constructed with a call and response structure, a question and an answer, so fill in the blanks.” Madaline read the quote leaving four words as empty spaces to be filled.

Amber blinked, her pen fell from her hand as the realization hit, leaving a black gel mark on her empty page. Her brain spoke the whole quote, a call and response between Amber and the nameless voice that was explicitly not her friend. Their relationship wasn't improving.

Where do they come from? the voice giggled.

The dust. Amber thought back quietly, as though others might hear.

Where do they go?

Amber didn’t respond at first, she sat there, body and mind frozen.

Amber, where do they go? the voice sangsonged.

The grave, Amber thought, the two words shifting into a moan. This can’t be happening, how is this happening?

The next question came soon after; the nameless voice and Madaline’s blending together in an awful, almost audible synchronicity, Does blood stir their veins?

Terror crashed and clanged through Amber’s head, but whispering through it was the answer, No: the night wind. It was such a beautiful line and that passage really was the best part of the book.

She forced herself to look closely at the book held in Madaline’s hands for confirmation of the obvious, and yes, the copy of A Christmas Carol, was of course, Amber’s copy of “A Christmas Carol”…

She felt the nameless voice slithering away, back into the depths of her, laughing all the way.

Amber tried to think of what to do, she couldn’t freak out in front of the class, she couldn’t risk further chance of being regarded as inappropriate, but she needed her book back, Now.

No, she had to wait until after class, then she’d talk to Madaline alone and try to explain, try to fix things, try to make things right, except the problem was she was the one that had been wronged-

She shook in her seat.

Panic was normal, panic was often manageable, so was shame, but the heat wasn't just bearing down on her now, it was inside her, and the way she felt was so rare an occurrence it was nearly alien, outrage- she had to explain, but why should she have to? It was hers.

She picked up her pen, she scribbled and scratched at the side of her paper, Madaline asked another question, another fill in from the passage and Amber knew it, of course she did. She knew this passage, but then she knew so many passages by heart, she collected them:

She knew Shakespeare and Stephenson. Frost and Fitzgerald. Dickens and Dickinson and Stein and Steinbeck. She knew Hawthorne and Hugo and Hughes and Hemingway, Byron and Stoker, Melville and Miller, Elliot and Radcliff, Twain and London. She knew Walpole and Whitman and Williams. She knew Poe and Goethe and Verne and both Shellys.

She knew their passages by heart and the passages of many others, but what that meant was they were in her head, but this… this passage from her book, mine which Madaline had taken, this section, it wasn’t in her head, she actually knew it by heart because it had taken residency there years and years ago, she’d earned it, it belonged to her, MINE! the author was rotting in his grave and it couldn’t be anybody else’s, because nobody else had risked anything to have it, it was hers, MINE!MINE!MINE!MINE!MINE!

Amber surged up from her seat as Madaline finished the question, knocking her course books to the floor, her voice fierce and accusative, “That’s not-”

Madaline’s eyes were on her.

Amber’s voice echoed back, the fabric of her skirt brushed at her thighs, fluttering from flinging herself upwards.

Every eye in the lecture hall followed Madaline’s, including Simon’s. No one said anything, she was dressed how she was dressed and now she was acting even more like a crazy person… They didn’t understand, they wouldn’t understand even if she had a million years to explain it to them.

Amber tried to find the words to get her book back, she needed it back, she deserved it, and then she needed to leave. “I- I-” She couldn’t think, it was like she was slow cooking, sitting a little too close, for too long by a bonfire. Her brain broiling inside her skull.

Madaline waited for her.

Amber took a breath, tried again, what could she say? Give it to me now. The phrase sat lodged in her throat.

Finally Madaline sighed, “Yes, Ms Orlet, do you have some commentary on the course material?"

Amber scratched at her arm, her head jittering on her neck, “It’s not- It’s not… That's not A Christmas- It's not yo-” The conflagration of confrontational energy burnt itself out, leaving her emotions sitting in little more than an ashen heap, “No, no, I’m sorry.” She sat back down and smoothed out her skirt, she looked at the blank page before her.

“What the fuck is wrong with you today?” Simon asked.

Amber cringed and put in the work to make herself as small as possible.

All was silence until broken by a loud sigh from Madaline.

A hand with green nails rested itself on Amber’s desk. Amber looked up, getting as far as the thin straight line of Madaline’s mouth.

She glanced away.

Amber’s books were back on the desk, had Madaline picked them up for her?

“I’m waiting,” Madaline said.

“For- for what?”

“For you to look at me.”

Amber craned her neck up.

“I have to say, I’m disappointed, if you had something to contribute...” Madaline paused, waiting.

Amber shook her head, her mouth clamped shut.

“If you did, then it might be forgivable, but since you don’t, what am I to do but to consider you’re behavior… disruptive, ” she clicked her tongue several times and tipped her head towards Simon, snorting into a grin, “I swear to god, in my experience the old saying is true, it really is always the quiet ones.”

Amber pulled at her collar again as Madaline’s eyes returned to her.

The sharp point of Madaline's index nail clicked on Amber's desk. “Detention, Ms Orlet.” She picked up Amber’s pen and handed it to her.

She sauntered past Simon’s desk, he glared at her, she knocked on his desk and held up her palms, “Hey, I agree, she’s totally worth it, right?”

Madaline looked back into the book, “Final question, quoth the text, what speaks from their mouth?”

Amber kept her head down, feeling defeated and scratched the answer to the question:

The snake.

6.

People were filing out. Simon’s bag was packed, he was standing. “Amber, we're going.”

Amber tried to point out that she had detention, even if she didn’t she needed her book back, but his voice was so stern that she obeyed, rising from her seat.

“No, no, no,” said Madaline, her shoes up on the instructor's desk, still holding Amber’s book. She swung her feet down to clatter on the floor, standing,“Detention remember.”

“Bullshit, Maddy, she’s not staying here with you.”

“Very chivalrous, but that isn’t up to you.”

Madaline stalked closer to them, pulling off the suit jacket and tossing it behind her. It fell open across the instructor’s desk.

“It’s okay Simon, just go, I’ll be behind you as soon as I can,” Amber mumbled. She really didn't want to deal with Simon going at Madaline for the whole detention, whatever it entailed his presence would just complicate things.

“No, I’m staying.” He sat back in his seat.

Madaline rubbed her temples, and tucked the book under one arm, rolling up her sleeves, “Simon, you’re my brother and I probably love you to some degree or another, so there’s something I really have to tell you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep. Simon you are not staying for the following reasons, they’re not the only reasons but they’re at the top of the list right now, internalize them,” Madaline tapped her temple, “You are not staying because you are counterproductive.” She grabbed Simon’s arm and pulled him to his feet. “You are not staying because you are obsolete.” She hauled him to the door. “You are not staying because you are at this point, frankly fucking speaking,” she gave him a somewhat gentle push out into the hall, “absolutely unnecessary.”

The door slammed shut.

She gave a little wave and wheeled on her feet back to face Amber, “Satan save me, fucking hell, guy can’t take a hint can he.” She loosened the tie around her neck, letting it hang there.

“I think you did a little more than hint, it was actually a little mean,” Amber said from her desk.

“Was it? Well, don’t blame me,” she sauntered slowly back towards Amber, “I’m not the one composing the dialogue,” she whispered. Madaline patted her pockets until she found her vape, she drew on it, and exhaled a cloud that smelled kind of like fruit, but also kind of like spearmint, “Though in a masturbatory sense I absolutely am.” She shrugged and took another hit.

“Huh?” Amber asked.

Madaline shook her head, continuing to fill the room with a haze. “Ah, that’s, kind of, it’s…” she cracked a big smile and laughed, “It’s an inside joke."

Amber took a breath, unable to stop herself from smiling back, the vapor haze combined with the temperature made it seem there was a fire roaring just beyond the walls of the class, but she found the overall conditions were more bearable now that it was just her and Madaline.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll get it eventually, probably soon, depending on your perspective, whether or not you’re willing to accept it’s connotations, well that’s a little more up in the air.” She drew again.

Amber turned her head, on the wall was a large sign that clearly stated smoking and vaping were not allowed. She looked back to Madaline, exhaling through her nose with another little laugh. “Princess, are you going to tell on me?” She moved forward, sitting on Amber’s desk.

“What? No, no, of course not, never.”

“Okay good, that’s great, that means we understand each other, right?”

“Um…”

“Anything we discuss here, anything that happens, it stays between us, right?”

Amber nodded vigorously, “Yes. Absolutely, I promise.” I know I said you could have anything you wanted, and you can, anything you want, but I need my book back. It's mine.

“Good,” Madaline smiled down at her. “So, with that being said,” she pulled the book out from under her arm. “You maybe want to talk about this?”

Amber opened her mouth to tell Madaline that she didn’t care how she’d gotten it, to lie and say that she didn’t mind, but that she absolutely needed it back now.

The words wouldn’t emerge, she held out her hands helplessly, hoping the book would fall into them.

“Something about how you got it, maybe?" Madaline sighed, “Come on, you have to know by now that I’m not going to care, just like you have to know by now he probably would have let you have this one.”

Amber opened and closed her mouth, “I… I… never knew… not for sure.”

“Come on, princess, how’d you get it?”

Amber shook her head.

Madaline pushed off the desk and strolled back up towards the front of the class, she held the book between a couple fingers wiggling it back and forth, “Sure you don’t want to talk about it? Don’t want to brag?”

Amber pressed her lips together and said the thing she knew she was supposed to say, “Why would I brag about it?”

“So no?”

“No, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You sure? It’s this or a remedial lesson?”

“Remedial lesson, please.” But give it back.

“Hookay,” Madaline opened the drawer she’d taken the book out of and dropped it in.

“Wait!” Amber bleated.

“Yes?”

“Can I- I need it. I need it back. Now. It’s mine.”

“I know, but no,” she kicked the drawer shut and leaned down to lock it.

Amber seized control of herself, Madaline wasn't listening to reason, but it was alright, Amber would just have to find someway to take the key from her, if Madaline set it down on the desk maybe she could-

There was the sound of thin metal snapping, as Madaline broke the key in the lock.

“No,” Amber yelled in protest getting to her feet.

Madaline held up the half a key that remained, “Don’t be so dramatic, though that’s rich coming from me,” she tossed the portion of the key across the hall to ping against the floor somewhere. “You stole it once, you can do it again, I believe in you.”

“Why would you do that?” she whined.

“I gave you options and you picked, just like how I gave you the option on whether or not to stay alone here with me.”

“What, no, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.” She slid her hands into her pockets, and leaned forward so her eyes were level with Amber’s, a smug smile on her face, “No, I didn’t spell it out as that, but the only thing I insisted on was the fact that you had detention, if he should stay or if he should go, was up to you. I never kicked him out until you wanted him gone.”

“Look, but... I didn’t necessarily want him gone… I just need my book and it’s just… somethings are sometimes easier when it’s just you and me.”

Madaline giggled. “Well the remedial lesson certainly will be,” she returned to standing over Amber.

“I… what’s the remedial lesson?”

“The goal of this remedial lesson, your goal today, is to answer a question, give me a satisfactory answer, an honest answer and detention is over.”

“Okay?” Amber said, uncertain, her eyes sliding in the direction of the drawer.

Madaline snapped twice, “Amber, you’re not getting it back right now, concentrate on me, nobodies going to steal it, one way or another I’ll see it’s back with you by the time you wake up tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Amber forced herself to keep her focus on Madaline, it was difficult at first, but it got easier every second she kept at it, she really looked gorgeous in the suit, it was disheveled, but that worked for her and it brought out the shape of her body, it's curves and angles, enhancing Madaline's usual aura of confidence to one of power.

“Good girl.”

Amber’s heart fluttered for her. "What question am I trying to answer?"

“The question is what kind of girl are you?”

Amber blinked, thinking, “I’m um- I’m not sure-”

“Yeah, tell the class something you do know.”

Amber glowered a little at that.

Madaline bit her lip through her smile.

“Longer term, the answer to that question will be in service to answering another question, it’s something you should really start thinking about, it’s like your project for the semester.”

“What?”

“Who are you?”

Amber looked around for a more obvious solution than she held on her ID, “I’m… I’m Amber Orlet?”

“Actually, you are specifically Amber… Janus... Orlet… Janus. You’re trans princess, that middle name, you picked it. Not Jane or Janet or Janice, but Janus.”

Amber jumped around, once more there was noise off in the distance echoing from miles away, Christmas music broken by an animal screaming in rage, punctuated by glass first shattering and then crunching. She wheeled back on Madaline, clapping a hand over the right side of her face, insisting, “It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t break it.”

Madaline rolled her eyes, “And even if you did, no one figured it out, closed room and a nearly empty building… they probably figured it was one of the girls, which of course it was, but the definitions of their investigation were likely less than inclusive and obviously less than informed about your status. Talk about mixed feelings.”

“There were no mixed feelings, I swear it really wasn’t-”

“Remember," Madaline purred, raising her finger, "today is supposed to be about looking ahead not back."

"But you keep-" Amber protested.

"Amber, princess, let's just focus on answering that question, shall we?"

7.

Amber fumed in shame and frustration.

Outside the windows, the figures passed by, coming and going, shadowy and faceless in the twilight glow, the day drawing to a close.

"The way we get to the answer of our question issss," Madaline threaded her fingers together and cracked them, “Activities,” she enunciated. She slipped a hand in her pocket and drew out a mini can of spray paint, yellow, and set it on Amber’s desk. “There you go.”

Amber picked it up, “What... are we doing?”

“It’s a game,” Madaline hummed. “The A game. You wanted to be an English major after all."

“Okay, but what do I do?”Amber asked, missing the incongruity between the reality of Madaline’s statement and the narrative of the dream.

“Go to the smart board and write for me the letter A.”

Amber went to the smart board, she uncapped the can, and gave it a shake, her forefinger on the nozzle, she held up the can and stopped, “Do you… is there any thing else?”

“Lots, but just this to start.”

“Do you want like, a capital or lowercase?”

“Ah, I’d prefer a capital please, nice and big too.”

Amber started and stopped just short of actually triggering the mechanism. Wait. No. I'm so stupid. She pulled back, blowing a puff of air upward at her face to cool herself down. “I can’t, this will ruin it,” she explained, pointing to the smart board. “Spray paint has like solvents and stuff.”

“It does, it will, but you paid a lot in tuition, you’re going into debt, they have a pretty good football team, government grants, merchandise… So, I figure they can spare you a smart board for the lesson.”

Amber looked back on the blank space, now there was something other than heat, a tingling pulling feeling, like standing in front of a deep chasm, a serious drop. “I… I- don’t think I should-”

“Princess, let’s get one thing straight here." She pointed at herself, "Teacher giving instruction,” she pointed at Amber “Student receiving instruction, following directions. Which is to say, if any one gets in trouble for this it’ll be me not you.”

“But I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

Madaline shrugged, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll get out of it, we both know I’m talented at that.”

Amber scratched a finger at the can, facing the board again, uncertain.

Madaline walked closer, her shadow sliding over Amber, her voice growing lower, “And Amber,” two steps closer, “that convenient set up aside,” another step, now standing right behind her, searing warmth emanating from Madaline's body, filling Amber's head with leather and spearmint, the invisible fire reaching higher with a whisper into her ear, “Do not take my permission for an order.”

There was that feeling again like standing over a drop.

“I’m really warm,” Amber whispered, she looked at the board.

There was a feeling like putting her foot over the edge.

It’s really expensive.

There was a feeling like stepping off...

The can hissed like a cobra through three long, high, interlocking slashes across the smart board's surface, a wide toothy smile grew on her face as she ensured that the smart board’s further usefulness to the school was concluded.

The feeling grew into a rush that made her gasp and it was like falling, curling pleasure in her belly and her legs, radiating outward. Distantly she thought of Edgar Allen Poe and the idea of the Imp of the Perverse.

She turned back to Madaline unable to stop smiling.

“Good girl, very good,” she gently snatched the can from Amber, and stepped backwards towards the desk, “This is the A game, the next activity is all about words that start with the letter A.”

“And how is this supposed to help me answer the question?”

“Well the Answer is rather obvious, but not the question we’re trying to answer.”

“Okay. Why the letter A?”

“Because As are what you,” she pointed at Amber, “Aim for in Academics and there what you usually get and it’s because I like the letter A, there’s lots of things that I like that start with the letter A.”

Something inside Amber uncoiled and stretched.

“Yeah?”

“Mmmhmm,” Madaline's freehand whipped out and snatched up the Apple that had been sitting on the desk, “I like Apples,” it wasn’t in her fingers for more than a second or two before she casually turned the motion into a toss, sending the apple spinning through the air.

Amber snatched at it, her hands snapping shut around it, pulling it close to her chest, close to her heart.

Madaline tossed the can once, stepped forward and caught it, taking Amber’s shoulder and spinning her back to facing the dripping yellow lines on the surface of the board. Madaline's arm slid around her, over her belly, Amber’s back pressed up against her chest.

Amber suddenly felt very out of breath.

“And I like…” Madaline's hand swung round with the spray paint, enclosing Amber's A in a circle, “Anarchy.” She tossed the can away, clattering off somewhere.

Amber’s senses were alight, everything cranked up, everything burning gloriously, she couldn’t smell the paint, no, she could just smell Madaline and fruit; fresh and ripe and ready to be eaten.

Amber looked down at the apple in her hands, her stomach groaned, suddenly very hungry, her throat aching with thirst. The apple was so very green, very much the same shade as Madaline’s eyes.

Madaline’s arm departed from her and she was stepping back, giving Amber space once more.

Amber turned, so they were face to face, stepping forward without thinking, riding the rush that was somehow still going.

Madaline stepped backward again, just around the desk. Her jacket still lying on it.

Amber moved once more and Madaline didn’t move away this time, but reached out to run her hand through Amber’s hair, “And then there’s you, your name starts with A too and I like you, I really like you.”

“I like you too,” Amber responded, not so much quiet as breathless, her eyes pulled down to the apple.

Madaline gently scratched a sharp green nail down the side of Amber’s head, flicking over her ear lobe, then out across Amber’s jaw, until she softly pinched Amber’s chin between her fingers, tilting her attention back to her.

“I can think of another activity that starts with A, one that we could enjoy together.”

Amber's heart jumped and pistoned. “Yeah? What is it?”

“I think you know.”

Amber's breath hitched, she looked at the classroom door Simon went out who knows how long ago, and then back to Madaline.

The sky outside was a bruised purple with a few lingering streaks of rotten orange.

After a moment, she tour herself away from Madaline's eyes and shook her head. “No, I don’t know.”

“Really?”

“It’s… just… it’s really hard to think right now.”

Madaline puffed out a laugh, "Right."

Amber turned the apple over, feeling it’s smooth flesh in her hands. She swore she could feel her pupils expanding.

"Something else you want?" Madaline asked.

After a moment Amber had to answer, “Yes. Um... can I have some of this?” Her tongue darted out and wetted her lips.

“Of course, you can have whatever you like.”

Amber nodded and gratefully brought the apple to her lips, pressing into it, but the small dainty bite she planned on taking transformed halfway, famished, she savagely ripped a hefty chunk out of it, juice coating her lips and chin, chewing, swallowing, oh god it made her throat feel so much better and it was so complex in flavor, rushing across her tongue, she couldn’t tell if the taste was bitter that went sweet or sweet that went bitter, it was just so refreshing, finer than water or chilled wine, like it was the first time she’d ever actually had sustenance.

She bit again. Gnashed her teeth and swallowed. “Thank you.”

“They’re better when shared,” Madaline reached out and took the apple, Amber let her.

Madaline’s teeth crunched into it, “Hmmm, Ambrosial isn’t it?”

“Uh-huh.”

Amber received the apple, it’s fluids on her fingers and palms and lips and chin. She tore off another chunk, ravenous.

“This state has the best apples,” Madaline said, taking it back.

They ate the apple, passing it back and forth to one another, at one point Amber just started laughing for no reason, until she doubled over, hideously unrestrained and full of terrible joy. Madaline smiled softly and began to laugh with her.

Soon they were down to nothing but the core, the center rendered needle thin. Amber watched as Madaline yanked the stem out with her teeth and spat it aside before biting the remains in half. She held out the other end for Amber.

After only a moments hesitation, Amber accepted it, taking it in her mouth, popping and grinding the seeds between her teeth, You shouldn’t eat the core. Cyanide, she thought before swallowing.

It was the best thing she’d ever eaten.

Amber licked and sucked the juice from her fingers.

“Ready to play?” asked Madaline.

Amber nodded vigorously. Thinking was still very hard, it was still unreasonably hot, but maybe if she let it the heat could help, maybe it could cook out the distractions. It was easy to imagine so with that weird euphoria hanging behind everything, inside everything, scintillating and sensual and alive, when was the last time she’d felt this-

“Good, what words can you name the start with the letter A? I feel I’ve gotten us started, so your turn.”

“Um, Appropriate

“It was Apparent to anyone with eyes that Appropriate would be your go to. Still I can’t say I’m not disappointed.”

Amber hurried to correct the disappointment, “Avocado, Aardvark, Abra-”

“Amber come on.”

“What?”

“All those books, memorizing all those lines, even at an Adolescent Age you were indulging in rather Advanced reading materials, books for Adults from 1800 onward. Come on, what were you trying to memorize in the fourth grade?”

“The dictionary,” Amber mumbled.

“Exactly.”

“No, but I didn’t memorize it, I couldn’t-”

“But that’s what you were reading.”

“It was a convenience thing, there were a lot of words in the books I was reading that- I didn’t like having to stop to check all the time.”

“Point being, no you didn’t memorize it, but you remembered a lot, you’ve got higher grade Ammunition to work with than fucking Avocado, come on, stop being Ashamed, I’m not going to like you less cause you secretly know lots of big words, I'm not a man, let yourself play with it, impress me, show me why you are to be dreaded in scrabble.” Madaline began to move towards the student desks, reverse stepping without so much as a glance backwards.

Amber teetered between apprehension and temptation, the euphoria thrumming through her, spiked by Madaline’s encouragement, reassurance and compliments; enhancing the euphoria, flavoring it with-

“Amour Propre,” Amber said. “Does that count, it’s two words and I think it’s French, but-”

“There we go, now we’re Accomplishing something,” Madaline slipped backward behind the student desks, moving gracefully without concern. “Come on,” she curled her fingers for Amber.

Amber stepped forward after her, “Careful, you’re going to trip Accidentally.”

“Adequate, but a bit of a step back,” she weaved her way backwards through the rows, turning through the maze of seats at random, going back and forth, making Amber follow her. “And no I won’t. While your Apprehension is Appreciated, have I told you that at times your thinking trends way too fucking Antithalian for a girl in a skirt that short.”

Amber’s skirt brushed against her thighs, and she stopped.

There’s something wrong here. The dream shuddered, Amber looked around, “Where did you… where did you hear that word?”

“A Game, Amber,” Madaline grinned wide enough to eat someone alive.

Amber followed, falling forward into Madaline’s smile, she pressed her lips together with a huff, Fine, “Where did you Acquire that word? Do you only Apply it inside Aularian Atmospheres?” she waved a hand about the lecture hall.

“Aularian, is Mis U on the English side of the Atlantic? Eh, works. My Answer is of course, music. Lyrics, but maybe I only break it out, as well as words Akin to it in rarity, for Affairs where girls with Aurulent Aspects are in Attendance.”

Amber grinned, her thumb rubbing itself across the golden polish on her nails, "Awesome, should one of us be Adding up points?”

“I’m Afraid this doesn’t work that way Ms Orlet.”

“Then Ms Mellor how do I win?” Amber was positively flying, riding on the heat now, like a thermal, instead of suffering from it, chasing after Madaline.

“Winning? An Apex player are you? Then you’d better remember this is an A Game and earn the title.”

“Ms Mellor, please Allow me some Awareness of what sort of Agenda I should Attend to that will Assure I Achieve Absolute victory over this Anacrisis?”

“Anacrisis? Ain’t everyone an Aristarch,” she shrugged helplessly, “Though it’s good to hear you turn just a little of that outward for once, you should do it more often,” she made three fast blind turns, through which Amber followed, then a fourth, passing behind Amber, making her twist and redirect, “You know provide someone a tongue lashing,” she purred, “Want to win? You’re Appellation for this situation is fairly Apt, all you got to do, princess, is Answer the question.”

“Alright… well, I... I think it's Awfully clear I'm not that kind of girl who... Admonishes others so… no tongue lashes.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes,” Amber said quickly, “But I am the kind of girl who Amasses an Ample vocabulary.”

“Not the only thing you’re Amassing that’s getting Amplified towards Ample,” Madaline said it quick and just loud enough to be caught, her head cocking down as she turned, obviously making a study of Amber's ass.

“Madaline!” Amber laughed, pivoting, her feet speeding up.

Madaline turned suddenly, hands going down, boosting herself backward over the line of desks with feline grace. “Anyway, your point about your vocab is Accurate, but then, we knew that, just like everyone knows I’m the kind of girl who’s into Aischrolatry,” Madaline’s smile grew wry and she rocked her fist lewdly in the air a couple times.

Amber followed her over the desk, totally forgetting to just go around and totally forgetting to be embarrassed by the comments. “In that case I think I’d rather Accuse you of being an Adamant Admirer of women and I must Ardently Assert that you should Adjust your- Seriously stop Accelerating.”

Madaline turned, turned again. “Guilty, but to say one without the other would be a denial of the fact that for me they are just so Associat-”

At last Madaline’s hubris caught up with her, her foot snagged on the leg of a desk and she wheeled back, balance undone.

Amber sprang forward, her hands snapping out to snatch Madaline’s tie, yanking her back and returning her to equilibrium.

“Appreciate it,” said Madaline glancing at the tie still held in Amber’s hands.

“You’re welcome,” Amber said softly.

Madaline began to walk backward to the front of the class.

“Madaline, don’t,” said Amber following keeping a hold of the tie.

“You can let go of that now princess.”

Now that they'd slowed, the heat had regained some of it's oppressive quality, Amber’s clothes felt very tight and below them her body was slick with a thin layer of sweat. “Can we, maybe do this somewhere else?”

“Why? We're having so much fun here, and you can let go of that.”

“You’re still walking backwards, I’m just… making sure you don’t fall. Are we still playing?”

“Yep. It’s kind of like a leash. Which end do you think is which?”

Amber flushed, shut her eyes and swallowed hard, “It’s in my hand and Around your neck so… so the Answer seems fairly Apparent and you don’t seem to be playing the A game anymore.”

“But I am, the A game is all about Activities that lead Amber to answering the question and earning an A.”

“I thought it was about naming words that started with A.”

“We could switch it Around if you like.”

Amber stopped.

Madaline kept going until the tie was taught and then halted.

Amber squeezed the tie between her hands without thinking about it, as if to keep it from slipping away.

Madaline’s eyes were blazing.

“I thought… That seems to be... what you’re doing? Switching things around, another new Activity. New stage?”

“Yeah, a new activity, but I Actually meant the leash.”

“It’s a tie,” Amber said, her voice cracking.

“You Acknowledged the possibility of it serving as a leash before, come on, you don’t want to give it a try? Let it be a leash? Some people are into that. You’re holding it like a leash.”

“No I’m not. I’m just… you keep moving backwards and it’s… like I said, you could fall, get hurt.”

Madaline smiled beautifully, “I’m not anymore and no one moves backwards as fast as you do.” Almost as if to prove her point Madaline stepped forward.

Amber stepped back automatically, tie still clutched in her hands.

The air was very still.

They went like that slowly, Madaline stepping forward, Amber stepping back.

“You didn’t answer what you wanted it to be.”

Amber’s teeth clicked together, it was hard to think, impossible. “It’s…” she shook her head and then laughed, she couldn’t help it, her clothes were so uncomfortable and this really couldn’t be happening… Madaline didn’t actually mean… not seriously…

“I mean exactly what it sounds like I mean, Amber, I’m not joking. It’s a simple question. Do you want to try it?”

“No, no, it isn’t.” Amber took one hand off and wiped at her brow, then hurriedly placed it back, “And it’s… it’s… it’s…” Her ass collided with a desk and she stopped, Madaline took another step and stood very close to her.

“Um… no... you know.,. I don’t think I understand… what you’re saying… it’s too… suggestive.”

“Yes you do and of course it’s suggestive, it’s a suggestion. Really, I’ve been suggestive the whole time, I’ve been suggestive since we met, you like that about me, why is it only when something is on the verge of being... real... that it becomes an issue?”

“Um… okay… because… cause, it would be-”

“Amber, I swear to god if you say the word inappropriate, I am going to scream,” she didn’t shout or snap, it was a plain and simple statement.

“Okay, I won’t say the word, but it would be, I’m Simon’s… your brother’s girlfriend,” she glanced at the door and back up at Madaline.

“It’s a shitty world we live in, but sometimes the universe has a way of eventually correcting minor errors, that said, I think we should call attention to the fact that you’re not saying that it’s not what you want.”

Madaline reached up to her neck, and began working her tie loose, "That the idea isn't attractive, that you're not attracted."

She's right, Amber thought. It wasn't a realization, it wasn't something she hadn't known, just an elephant in the room Amber went about her day pretending wasn't there, that Madaline was now pointing out.

“It…” Amber fell quiet, trembling on the spot, her head was swimming, “It’s not fair.”

“I agree.” The tie whispered softly as it came undone.

“No, I mean, it’s not a fair point,” her voice creaked and groaned as she tried to explain herself without actually saying anything.

“No? Why not?”

“Cause it’s not, I mean… who wouldn’t… want… you… at least… a little bit… who wouldn’t be just a little attracted to you.?”

“Including you.”

Amber stomped her foot in frustration, “Yes, okay, yes, I mean if we’re just going… if we’re just going to say it like that, but it doesn’t really change things. Like I think- What I do is, I usually do a good job pretending otherwise, for you, for me, cause if I didn’t… I’d go crazy or do something… but-”

The tie slithered off of Madaline’s shoulders into her hands, clutching the opposite end from Amber.

“But, it’s really hot today?”

“Yes, exactly,” Amber said, terribly grateful to hear someone else say it.

“And I could also say the same things about you, hot today and who wouldn’t want you,” she took a hand off the tie and grazed a thumb over Amber’s cheek, running near the corner of her lips.

The euphoria that had been following her turned totally on Amber now, an awful physical craving for more, her cells rioting with sensation, she could feel the air sitting on her skin like thousands of moths colliding with her over and over, she wanted to throw herself at Madaline, she wanted to press her body to something to seek some kind of external stimulation, some kind of relief, she wanted to collapse and curl up on the floor and cry in wretched need.

Not thinking about it, she took a sharp breath and ever so slightly started to turn her head to reposition the pad of Madaline’s thumb. “Mmm,” she hummed.

Madaline took her hand back before the action could complete itself.

“But if you insist that you want to keep playing besties we can,” the tone of her voice didn’t match her words.

Amber's mouth was so very dry, it was like before she’d had the apple only worse, she wished she had another one, she needed more.

Madaline’s eye’s glittered, her hands went to Amber’s neck, making her shiver. “Hey, bestie,” she purred, “I love your outfit today.” Long, nimble fingers wrapped and tied the tie around Amber’s neck, making her quiver with each slight touch.

Amber watched Madaline’s fingers work, but Madaline’s eyes didn’t leave her face, at last she pinched the knot and slipped it upwards, until the loop was snugged tight around Amber’s throat. “There we go, I think that’s what you needed, it completes the look.” Her hands fell away, the tie resting heavily against Amber's chest.

Amber’s heart hammered away. She was very aware that at some point her underwear had gone from dry to soaked. Everything felt like Heaven. Everything felt like Hell.

If you tell me to do something I think might just do whatever- Oh god, please.

“Have you thought of a new answer?”

Amber began to shake her head, but she glanced down at herself, at what she was wearing, at her flushed exposed skin… A light flickered on in her mind, she spoke slowly, “Am I… Am I the kind of girl who goes to class dressed like this?”

Madaline stepped away from her, exhaling vapor. “I don’t know, are you?”

Amber fiddled with the tie, forcing herself to not step after Madaline once more, and slowly a very small nod. “Yeah, I think… I think I might be…” she laughed quietly. “You know, if I thought… I could get away with it.”

“You seem to be getting away with it.”

Madaline swung her legs and moved back to the instructor's desk, hands in her pockets, leaning against it, leaving roughly five feet between them into which someone might stuff whole galaxies.

There was an awful click, Amber jumped looking at the door to see if somebody was coming in, as if they’d been caught doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. Nobody was there.

“That answer works. Told you we’d get there, but you better get going, Simon’s waiting, it’s getting late, detentions over, everything else is just extracurricular.”

Outside the windows people continued to pass, but it was dark, night, the courtyard lit by a moon as ripe and fat as an apple.

Amber stepped towards the door, an awful sick feeling growing in her stomach as she did. She couldn’t help it, she turned back, she stood still and still felt like she was shaking down to pieces, fragmenting. She looked at Madaline sitting on the desk.

Amber looked around and then stood for a long time.

“If we did… something… extracurricular… then it’s like you said at the start… it would be between you and me… we could… just keep it a secret?”

Madaline huffed. “You mean from Simon? Sure.”

Amber paused, “Why are we specifying Simon?”

Madaline laughed, “Because you don’t want it to be a secret.”

Amber took several shallow breaths, she looked at the marked up smart board, yellow lines burning bright against the blank surface, a single thought radiated out from that color, from the symbol melting there, I need more.

She went to the door and slowly pushed it shut.

Willingly, she walked deeper into the crucible.

Amber stopped short of Madaline, a tremor in her hand, “What do we- how do you want me-”

“It’s your game and your move. You can have whatever you like.”

“I like you,” Amber whispered.

She felt like she’d been falling the whole time and still there was no bottom, just an eternal drop, a perpetually accelerating descent.

“You are so beautiful, looking at you it… hurts.” Her fingertips slid over the silk threads of the tie, holding it, getting closer, breath short, aching, burning alive.

She let the tie go and looked at Madaline’s hands, she reached out and took them in hers, caressing the skin with her thumbs, marveling at them, touching the backs, the palms, each digit. Madaline's hands were strong, but also soft and smooth, except for the finger pads of the left hand which were far rougher than anywhere else.

Amber maneuvered Madaline's hands to grip the tie, letting her own fall, pinching and rubbing the edges of her skirt, which somehow now felt at once like too much and too little clothing.

Madaline held the tie, cocking her head at Amber, their positions had been reversed.

"There," Amber said, "Your move."

Madaline chuckled and began to walk backward again, pulling Amber along gently, Amber followed breathing hard, almost panting, her spine arching slightly towards her friend, they went like this until they got near the desk and Madaline yanked her forward with a look of glee.

Amber stumbled as Madaline’s arms went around her, then she was being boosted up, and sat on the desk, on Madaline’s suit jacket.

Madaline gently spread Amber’s legs with her knee and stepped inside them, took her face between her palms, leaned down and dipped her tongue into Amber’s mouth. Apples, she tastes like apples, Amber thought, caught up in a sensory delirium, yes, apples, candied sweet and poison bitter.

Madaline’s hand snapped the button keeping her top's collar in place, and pulled the whole thing down.

Amber leaned back, working in a frenzy to untie the chain of Madaline's hair, before succeeding and running her hand languidly through the waterfall of it.

She unhooked Amber’s bra, letting it fall off, before dashing it to the side, only the tie remained, leaving Amber's breasts and belly exposed to the cooking air.

With those articles gone she felt so much better.

The really wonderful thing though, the thing that some small part of her took notice of, was how the heat was now defined entirely by that indiscernible mixture of euphoria and need, but more importantly, the terrible impurities that always plagued Amber were gone, as though the situation had at last breached the boiling point of those old and persistent emotions that so defined her life, vaporizing them into non existence. Madaline was touching her, her mouth mashed again against hers, Amber was pressing back in something like a fight and something like a dance, and there was not a hint, a trace, a quantum, of shame nor fear.

Madaline stole her lips back and reached down into her pocket as Amber continued to run her hands through Madaline's hair, captivated, curling it around her fingers and letting it go, before curling it again. She found what she was looking for, at first Amber thought it was her vape, but it wasn't, too thick and the wrong color, a fat yellow permanent marker.

Amber nuzzled her face into the softness of Madaline's hair, inhaling, a pleased sensation soaring through her. She watched Madaline uncap the marker, Amber didn't stop with her hair, but curiosity forced her to give away a little attention, "What's that for?"

"It's for you," she leaned back down to Amber's chest. "You're an English major, I expect you'll get the joke."

Slowly Madaline pressed the tip of the marker over Amber's heart and drew it down, the tip seemed to be vibrating delightfully, making Amber want to twist, her toes curling.

"Hold still."

"Kay."

Amber occupied herself with Madaline's hair, enjoying the feel of the marker on her skin. She added two more lines, the trio intersecting, than a swinging loop that went all the way around and closed itself.

Amber looked, her brow furrowed, discovering a replica of the symbol on the smart board over her heart, she furrowed her brow and got the joke.

"Hawthorne. Not funny," she laughed.

"A little," Madaline responded, looking into Amber's eyes, tossing the marker away as she'd tossed everything else she no longer needed.

"No," Amber said, keeping a straight face this time.

Madaline traced the mark with her fingers, brushing her lips across Amber's as she did.

Amber tried to kiss her, but Madaline pulled back just a little.

Amber whined. "It's supposed to be red by the way and it's still not funny."

Madaline tapped the center of the symbol with a pointed nail. "No?"

"No." Amber lurched up again, this time Madaline let her mouth be caught, pressing Amber back down, Amber writhed, her tongue flicking against Madaline's lips, her tongue pushing into Madaline's mouth, her tongue slithering over Madaline's.

Madaline pulled back, her lips red and wet with Amber's spit, trailing Amber's shoulder with her hand, making her shiver.

“It’s not hard is it?”

No, she was, she really painfully was, she was actually hard for the first time in a long time. Amber's clit throbbed under her skirt, struggling against the prison of her tuck, fighting her way to freedom.

Oh, not what she meant.

“What... what's not hard?” Amber asked, as Madaline drew her fingers across Amber's stomach, strands of hair flicking over Amber's nipples tantalizingly.

“Not starving.”

“I don't... I don't know, but I could learn to.. be used to it, maybe,” she gulped, reaching down to the hem of her skirt, trying to pull it down, but Madaline’s hand was there though, seizing them, gripping her wrists tight.

“No, leave it on, it's so cute.”

“But I really need-” she squealed as Madaline's head dropped, a tongue cutting hard across her liberated breast, sucking it, sending arcs of sparks blasting through her body.

Amber's legs closed like a vice trying to pull Madaline closer.

Madaline planted her feet and pressed more weight into Amber's chest, denying her, locking her under control.

She let off. “Amber, if you could be trusted to express what you need honestly we wouldn’t be going through this whole thing.” One of Madaline’s hands disappeared under her skirt, teasing fingers slid across her thighs, over the edges of her underwear.

Amber groaned.

“Soaked, add it to the list of things we knew.”

“Uh-huh. More.”

Madaline pressed her back down with another kiss, gently sliding her middle fingertip up and down between her legs, across her underwear, right under her sack. “The real question is are you wearing good girl underwear or bad girl panties?”

Amber tried to think of what underwear she was wearing, but couldn’t remember. “I don’t know.”

Madaline reached her finger under the edge and pulled them down to her thighs, air whispering over everything that had been covered, contrasting the profound wetness.

“Well,” Sharp nails glided across the exposed flesh of her flank, as Amber propped herself up. “We’ll make a determination sometime.”

Madaline's hand was collecting the slick and moving under her, seeking deeper spaces.

“Yes please,” Amber begged with a sharp gasp.

“Yes please, listen to you. This is why we’re going to play another word game.”

“What! Now? I can't! Not now!”

“Yes, you can, but you’re going to hate it.” she was pressing against Amber’s entrance, teasing with the bare pad of her middle finger.

“Please, please, please, inside me.” Her voice was high and frantic. She was so warm and she needed this so bad, she hadn’t felt like this… maybe ever.

“See no, that’s what I mean, Amber,” Madaline twisted her finger first left than right making Amber whimper, “Ask me to fuck you.”

“Please, Madaline, I need you in-”

“No.” Madaline purred, curling her finger away, making Amber moan in despair. “Amber, be a good girl for me, and say the words, please fuck me.”

“Madaline.” Amber made a face that was not totally dissimilar to the expression of the pained emoji with the squiggly frown.

“Sorry,” Madaline said, not looking particularly sorry, “You don’t get it until you ask for it properly, I will settle for just the four letter word or even just calling me a bitch or a cunt or ask for my cock, something of that order.”

Amber moaned again.

Madaline leaned in and drew her tongue along Amber’s throat.

“Cute as you are, whining will get you nowhere right now” Her finger rolled forward and back several times but never forward far enough to do any good, pressing, flicking, teasing.

Suddenly overcome by a furious mixture of lust and indignation, Amber found herself rearing upward, her jaws snapping at Madaline's shoulder, her teeth missing by a mile as Madaline yanked away, leaving her finger to keep doing what it was doing, then grinning as Amber dropped back into whimpering pliability.

Madaline's body lashed forward, her mouth dropping onto Amber's breast, licking and sucking at her, first gently and slowly growing more fervent and all the time her finger was moving just right outside of her.

Amber wanted to cry.

The dagger of Madaline’s free thumb drew itself up from Amber's navel, between her breasts, terminating under her chin.

A velvety slide of her tongue along Amber’s collarbone.

A coarse scrape of teeth ascending her jugular.

“Come on little girl say it for me, you know so many words, just say it, ask to be fucked.”

Her hidden thumb reached up and pressed down on the head of Amber’s clit, like pressing a button that made Amber arch upward, her spine bending, shrieking in pleasure.

Just as quick Madaline let off.

“Please, please,” Amber babbled, “Please what about you, I want to do something for you.”

Madaline attacked her other nipple which had so far been shown mercy, Amber shrieked again, growing more sensitive all the time.

“I’m sure you would, but that's not in the lesson plan,” She swiveled her thumb back and forth against Amber’s clit, the touches were feather light brushes, until every now and again, for less than a second Madaline would press, making Amber’s body seize and her heart stop.

“God you are just so wet.”

“Please.”

“Come on princess, don’t deny me, I really want to be inside you.”

“Please.”

“Say it.”

Just one more little brush of her clit.

Amber broke for her, “Fuck, more, need more, fuck me , fuck me, fuck me.” If she’d splayed her legs any wider she’d be doing yoga.

“Good girl,” Madaline's finger at last entered her, as her hand squeezed and molded Amber’s breast.

Amber convulsed, voltage blowing out her nerve endings, rapturous in delight, panting at the sky, her eyelids fluttering.

Still not enough.

Madaline grabbed the tie she’d left around her neck and hauled Amber upwards, so they could see each others faces, drawing her finger out before pressing her way back in again, her thumb still teasing her aching clit.

“Fuck, more, please, fuck me harder.”

“Mmmm, fuck yourself.”

Amber nodded, rocking her hips in the upright position, it wasn't enough.

“Please,” she whimpered, bouncing desperately, as hard as she could on Madaline's hand, “Please fuck me properly. I can’t take it. I need it.” She shook her head, crazy with pleasure and lust, but somehow in spite of all the build up, all the tension, all the heat, it just refused to go anywhere, only peaking and sliding down.

“Yeah, princess, you need my cock? Huh? Is that what you need?”

Amber nodded.

“Say it.”

“Please… please, Ms Mellor, I need your cock, please fuck me.” she continued to rock and bounce on Madaline’s hand, it was amazing, delicious, but More.

Madaline slid her finger out of Amber, who groaned at the familiar emptiness. Madaline placed her hands on Amber’s legs and pushed them back. “Hold yourself like that for me.”

Amber clasped her hands to her thighs, feeling wonderfully visible.

“See, now we have another answer to the question of what kind of girl you are.”

“Huh?”

“You’re the kind of girl that sleeps with her instructor to get an A or I would say that, cause the problem is,” she slipped two fingers inside Amber, thrusting hard. “You already get As, so your just the kind of girl who’s into sleeping with her instructor.” Amber made several purely incoherent noises, her clit running, dribbling onto her combined bunched up skirt and top, even down to her exposed belly.

“Madaline, Madaline, Madaline, I need to cum, please, I need to cum so bad. Please fuck me properly, please.”

“You're just so polite. Are you sure I should do that?” she thrust again, her fingers flexing and curling inside her.

“Ye-s.”

“I’m sure they’d like to see it.”

“What?”

Madaline inclined her head towards the window.

Amber looked at the shadows outside.

They were being watched.

Amber gasped, choking on cries. The fire grew higher.

“It’s nice to be seen isn’t it, in multiple senses.”

Amber did her best to check the shadows in her current compromised state and inconvenient angle, Simon wasn’t there. The heat was still getting worse, the heat was still getting better, she just kept burning. She put her focus back on Madaline grinning down at her. “Please, please, please. Need it.”

Madaline chuckled, continuing to piston her fingers into Amber as she used her free hand to unbutton and unzip her pants, they dropped. Madaline pulled out and climbed onto Amber, teasing once more, pressing against her-

An alarm blared, swallowing up everything.

Amber screamed at it.

8.

“No,” Amber whimpered, coming awake without cumming, her body soaked in sweat among other things, her clit harder than it had been in years, locked in her underwear.

The awareness of what had transpired came first, the separation between dream and reality and that realization was quite human, but before all had cooled, something animal roused itself, the useless urge to somehow scramble back down into the dream so what was begun might be properly finished, but more of her followed; awareness and rigid structures of self consciousness and self concept, the locks and chains she walked around with in the waking world. They wrapped and jangled, clicked and snapped themselves tightly back into place.

Her head twisted on the pillow like she was trying to locate a threat.

Simon’s half of the bed was empty. Darkness there, nothing more, her mind recited with a little relief.

Her body rested in the dampness, her teeth chattering with the intensity of the denial.

Amber forced herself to breath slow, twitching and shaking under the sheets, wracked with sweat, every beat of her heart an explosion.

Except it wasn't really dark, in fact the room was quite light. She might have overslept. Her head flopped to look at the clock on the wall, no she still had five minutes before her alarm would go off. With that confirmation, she was left with nothing but her bodies increased sensitivity and a nightmarish level of dissatisfaction.

Skipping in behind the dissatisfaction, partnered up with it, hell, married to it, was an awful kind of loneliness, so strong it almost made her feel physically ill. If she was being honest with herself, something which she was rarely capable of when it came to matters such as this, these were terribly familiar feelings in this bed.

She whimpered slightly, she hadn’t had this kind of thing happen in awhile and never so vividly and certainly never featuring... she turned once again and glared at the bottles of medication on the nightstand, a side effect in the information packet was increased libido, but what about dreams? Strange dreams, dreams she ought not to be having.

Something like guilt fell upon her

This was good though, this was good, no one saw anything, no one heard anything right? Everything was fine, she just needed to fix things and make sure this didn’t happen again.

Well, there was one obvious solution to one obvious problem, her fingers trailed down across wet flesh, pressing the tip of her middle finger to the head of her clit, producing a rush of agonized pleasure.

Green eyes, ashy hair and long fingered hands flashed through Amber’s brain. She wrenched her hand away from herself, out to safety on the other side of the sheets. Okay, no, no way, never mind, that’s not happening. I’m clearly not in my right mind yet.

She lay there breathing deep and slow, ashamed. Not okay, not okay, not okay. But this was immediately forgotten as another part of the dream reeled itself through her head, the drawer banging shut and Madaline throwing away the key.

Amber flung herself out of the bed to the floor, yanking down sheets with her, tangled in her limbs, missiling towards the box under the bed.

Her book was right in the box where she’d left it, right there, she clutched it over her heart, a sense of peace and safety falling over her, another reminder, no one saw, no one knew, she did not need to admit to anything, she did not need to explain.

She put the book back in the box and the box went back under the bed.

Her skin was cooling, her clothes were drenched. She sat on the floor in the pool of sheets, waiting for her erection to go away.

Progesterone, progesterone that was all, and things in dreams, shouldn’t ever be taken literally or… or.. or… given much grounds at all, it’s just the brains way of... she thought of watching Madaline empty the trash bin on her computer. Yes, exactly. That’s all it is...

She just needed a few minutes and dreams would do what dreams do, fade away, easiest things to forget really and totally meaningless. Whatever remained after a shower she would push down out of sight and keep herself from thinking about it- otherwise how was she to look Madaline… or Simon in the face?

She was just starting to calm down properly, preparing to make her way to the connected bathroom when her imaginary not friend decided to pop up for a rousing morning round of kicking Amber while she was down.

A Bible? How very Charming, how childish and refreshingly old-fashioned. Have you ever read it, Ms. Orlet? Faux friendly, good morning neighbor energy, yet still charming and irresistible.

Just bits and pieces here and there, Mom and Dad weren’t- Amber’s brain clicked in recognition, another quote from her book. Shut up, just shut up and leave me alone.

That was the problem when the nameless voice engaged Amber. Answering back, speaking with it at this point was so easily automatic, it was not responding to it that required Amber's conscious thought and effort.

Come on, I’m just trying to make you feel better, it’s your favorite book, mine too as a matter of fact.

Amber sighed audibly and took the next line from her book, Read it! I've had every page, paragraph, and word read at me, you snake!

Amber flinched in horror, realizing what she’d just done. The final word in the quote was supposed to be "Sir!”

She wasn’t sure why she’d called her that… it had just come out and...

Yess, that'sss my sssound, I am ssserpentine. Ten letters and worth twelve points in scrabble, before bonuses. A word that means snake like, and perhaps more appropriately, a word that means going back and forth. It’s not what you wanted to call me last night, that was five letters and also worth 12 points, a word that means among other things an unpleasant difficulty, but I’ll take Serpentine as a descriptor, it’s as good as anything else and better than nothing. Thank you for Acquiessscing, princesss.

Amber sat still coated in a thick layer of her own perspiration, scowling over her spontaneous naming of the voice, her unintentional assent to last nights request, now that the description had occurred to Amber, she probably wouldn’t be able to stop thinking of her that way.

It wasn’t even a good term for the voice, she didn’t actually sound like a snake, sure she hissed when she got upset, plenty of things did, including a kettle when it got too warm, but beyond her little bit of mockery moments before she didn’t lisssssssp through her Ss or anything like that. She didn’t actually sound like a snake, real or anthropomorphized.

No, she didn’t actually sound like a snake, except in all the ways she did; while frighteningly malleable, at a baseline the voice was slippery, silky and sly. Both enticing and quick to bite. Too clever to be up to any good with a smug sense of superiority, almost snobby. It was the voice of someone who thought she was smarter than everyone else, sometimes covertly, other times overtly, but always with pleasure at the idea. No, she didn’t sound like a snake.

Except in spirit, except in all the ways she did.

Amber threw up her hands, ten minutes into her day and already at her limit for dealing with her own brain’s nonsense. She picked herself up, disentangled herself from the sheets, shedding the soiled clothes that clung to her like a second skin and began her morning routine. Fine, whatever, I don’t care, I dub thee Serpentine, you want to be a snake, fine then, you’re a snake, very good, I’m happy for you, now crawl back in your hole and leave me alone.

Amber brushed her teeth, washed her face, and after a little thought, cranked the shower handle to a medium cold, if the voice was snake like maybe the chill would quiet her, make her go into hibernation and if not it might at least sooth the low level of vicious discontent still coursing through Amber’s blood; a low level agony.

Serpentine got one more lick in as Amber shivered under the first few minutes of the spray before acclimating, a thought so quiet that she could almost convince herself she missed it and could therefore go without putting in the work of shoving it down.

If you did something extracurricular, you could keep it a secret.