Seeing that Xie Xuanyi remained silent for so long, A-jian felt somewhat uneasy and gently knocked on his bedroom door.
“Master, are you finished?”
The young person’s voice sounded somewhat muffled, whether due to the wooden door separating them or because he always spoke in a very soft tone.
Aside from his outburst of anger toward the young master today, A-jian had never heard him speak in a loud voice.
“I am, come in.”
A-jian had been standing anxiously outside the door, and upon receiving the permission, she let out a sigh of relief and walked into the room on tiptoe.
Xie Xuanyi was wearing white sleeping robes, the ends of his hair still dripping with water, and his brows and eyes were shrouded in a damp aura.
In the autumn and winter seasons, it always grew dark early. After Xie Xuanyi finished a simple dinner, the sky was completely pitch-black. A thick layer of white clouds covered the ink-like night sky, looking like brush strokes of oil paint smeared across a canvas by a scraper, which inexplicably made one’s heart feel heavy.
While he was eating, A-jian had already dried his hair. At this moment, it hung down loosely over his shoulders like black silk. A-jian watched him silently from behind, filled with a strong sense of accomplishment. She unconsciously straightened her back, a faint smile blooming on her face.
“Why so happy? What did you see today?” Seeing her happy, Xie Xuanyi’s mood improved considerably as well, and he patted the empty chair beside him. “Stop bustling about, sit down and eat first.”
A-jian’s smile was instantly replaced by anxiety. She flushed and waved her hands, “N-No, how could that be? After all, this servant is a subordinate.”
“You’re using that form of address for yourself again,” Xie Xuanyi sighed. “Sit down, think of it as my command.”
When he had first rescued A-jian, the little girl’s temples were disheveled, and with red eyes, she had thrown herself onto the ground before him, kowtowing repeatedly. He had been so startled that he hurriedly rushed to pull her up, almost causing himself to tumble over as well.
He had always tried to change A-jian’s habits, but unfortunately, the results weren’t very effective.
Seeing Xie Xuanyi speak so firmly, A-jian could no longer decline, so she sat down apprehensively. She picked at a few bites of food, though it tasted like sawdust.
As if afraid that her master might be dissatisfied with her performance, A-jian seized the initiative and changed the subject before Xie Xuanyi could look over.
“Master, A-jian heard the steward say today that the palace will host a banquet in a few days. Word is that envoys from both Southern Xinjiang and Northern Desert will come to attend.”
Xie Xuanyi was indeed interested. He ladled out a small half-bowl of vegetable soup while asking her, “Northern Desert?”
“Yes, they say the Northern Desert people are bold and unconstrained, and also quite tall and large. I wonder if it’s true or false,” A-jian kept the conversation going while quietly putting down her chopsticks. “Has Master ever seen anyone from the Northern Desert?”
Xie Xuanyi had long noticed her small evasive actions, yet he didn’t call her out, choosing instead to follow her train of thought.
He really couldn’t answer A-jian’s question.
Xie Xuanyi’s hometown in his modern life was a city in the southeast; he had never traveled north. During high school, there were indeed a few classmates from the imperial capital, but they probably couldn’t fit this definition of northerners either.
“Never seen them,” he shook his head.
“That’s true, Master has very little contact with outsiders,” A-jian couldn’t help a hint of regret. “This… A-jian really would like to see the customs of the Northern Desert, to see if they are like what is written in storybooks endless land and snow-like sand.”
“There will be a chance.”
Xie Xuanyi said softly. To A-jian’s ears, it sounded like mere consolation; she smiled and let the matter drop.
After rinsing his mouth, Xie Xuanyi was preparing to go to the study to read a few volumes of books when he suddenly heard the sound of a gate being knocked outside the courtyard, prompting him to signal A-jian to open the door.
The visitor was Gu Cai, a maidservant by Xie Father’s side. Rumors had been swirling through the estate for a while that Xie Father intended to take her as a concubine. Even though Xie Xuanyi didn’t care much for gossip, he inevitably caught wind of some rumors and hearsay.
Xie Xuanyi watched A-jian bring her in, and for the moment he didn’t stand up, waiting quietly for the other person to speak.
Clearly winter had not yet arrived, but Gu Cai was already wearing a moon-white short jacket with a ring of velvet rolled around the collar, looking quite exaggerated. Her outfit was even a few shades newer than Xie Xuanyi’s.
She gave a very perfunctory bow to Xie Xuanyi and said, “Master has ordered this servant to invite Young Master to the front hall for a chat.”
Xie Xuanyi stood up, but his first words weren’t addressed to Gu Cai: “A-jian, just stay here in the room. Given how the accounts are running in the red and your clothes are thin, if you catch a cold, the loss will outweigh the gain.”
Hearing this whole speech, a trace of awkwardness flashed across Gu Cai’s face, and she chuckled dryly, “Young Master is joking, this servant will go urge them about the winter clothes right now, and have them sent over to Young Master’s courtyard later.”
Hearing her promise, Xie Xuanyi revealed a belated smile, “Then I must trouble you, Girl.”
The wind at night was indeed growing stronger, and A-jian had fetched a thick outer jacket for him.
By the time Xie Xuanyi walked to the front hall, brittle, withered yellow leaves had pelted down five or six times. Afraid of being scolded as unkempt by Xie Father, he stopped outside the hall to tidy his attire, and coincidentally overheard the conversation inside.
At first, he thought it was Xie Qiuzhi, but listening closely, he realized it was different—it was an unfamiliar male voice. He was certain he had never met this person before.
Unable to make sense of it right away, Xie Xuanyi had no choice but to step into the hall first, just in time to see the unfamiliar man striding outward; the two of them almost collided head-on.
“Clumsy and careless, still as incompetent after all these years.”
Xie Father was seated right in the center. Upon seeing Xie Xuanyi, his eyebrows immediately knitted tightly together, almost hurling the teacup in his hand at him.
“Oh dear Master, (Xuanyi) is busy with his studies and works so hard, it’s only natural he’d be distracted for a moment.”
When Xie Xuanyi bowed to Xie Father, he finally noticed the glamorous woman sitting to the side.
This was his nominal mother, Xie Qiuzhi’s biological mother, Sun Shunniang.
With just a few words, Sun Shunniang shifted all the blame onto Xie Xuanyi, and visibly, Xie Father’s expression grew even more displeased.
However, Xie Father did not dwell on this matter, and quickly changed the subject, “Just mind it in the future.”
Sun Shunniang’s smile faded slightly, yet she still picked up the teapot and dutifully poured more tea for her husband.
“What do you know about the Zhao family boy who studies alongside you?”
Xie Father got straight to the point.
The Zhao family only had two sons in this generation, and the eldest was already married. The “Zhao family boy” the other referred to was likely the second young master who had slandered him during the day.
Unsure of Xie Father’s intentions, Xie Xuanyi shook his head very slightly, “We are merely fellow students who have crossed paths a few times.”
“Hmph, fellow students,” Xie Father repeated, lifting his eyelids, which were obscured by deep folds. “That Shen family boy is also merely your fellow student why won’t you let go of him?”
Xie Xuanyi was blocked by his words, unable to answer either way for a moment.
Xie Father heavily slammed his teacup onto the tea table, and Sun Shunniang, watching, immediately reached out to stroke her husband’s hand.
“In the future, keep your distance from the Shen family boy, and grow closer to the Zhao family.”
Xie Xuanyi lowered his head and kept silent.
He didn’t need to guess to understand what Xie Father meant by this. The head of the Zhao family held an official rank of the sixth grade and belonged to the Ministry of Revenue alongside Xie Father; his father was likely long dissatisfied with remaining a humble, minor clerical official and wanted to use him to hook up with the Zhao family.
Yet, upon careful thought, he couldn’t help finding it absurd and laughable.
“Oh, Xuanyi, Mother knows you are deeply infatuated with Young Master Shen, but since Master has said so, consider it more for the family’s sake. Stop pulling such a long face.”
Fearing he wouldn’t resist, Sun Shunniang eagerly poured oil on the fire.
Xie Father was naturally led along by Sun Shunniang, speaking threateningly, “Xie Xuanyi, you better figure out clearly what you ought to do. You can throw tantrums for five or ten years, but the Shen family boy will eventually have to marry.”
“The Wu family daughter has long held secret affections for that boy, and she is soon coming of age; I’m afraid the Shen family will send betrothal gifts as early as next month.”
Xie Xuanyi’s eyelids twitched, yet he knew Xie Father was speaking the truth.
The head of the Wu family served as the Minister of Rites, and a marriage alliance between the Wu and Shen families was practically a settled certainty.
“Son… Son understands.”
Xie Xuanyi struggled for a moment before speaking in a low voice.
Whether it was mutual affection or a political marriage, in any case, it had nothing to do with him.
He was merely a plaything summoned and dismissed at Shen Shixin’s whim, a laughingstock devoid of talent and virtue, and a stubborn fool who never learned his lesson.
So Shen Shixin was truly this perceptive, having long since seen through the fact that he was an ignorant fool.
Seeing Xie Xuanyi agree, both Xie Father and Sun Shunniang visibly relaxed.
Xie Father cleared his throat, “Qiuzhi, your brother came alone escort him back to his courtyard.”
Only then did Xie Xuanyi notice that Xie Qiuzhi was present as well.
Although the other showed a flash of reluctance, he didn’t dare to disobey, and after gritting his teeth, he answered, “Yes.”
When Xie Xuanyi left, he was still carrying only the single lantern he had brought with him. The outer garment he wore was somewhat thick, and its stiff fabric made him look even more slender and solitary.
The dim yellow lamplight drifted about, casting only a small patch upon his face like a sprite in a storybook, frail enough to appear nearly transparent. Even so, his hair grew exceptionally well; draped over his shoulders, it blurred his gender in a hazy, ethereal blur.
Xie Qiuzhi neither dared nor wished to walk shoulder to shoulder with him, trailing far behind.
Hearing Xie Xuanyi’s footsteps, A-jian hurried forward briskly, meticulously inspecting him from head to toe. Seeing no injuries, the heavy stone in her heart finally dropped.
Failing to notice Xie Xuanyi trailing far behind, she took the lantern and asked, “Master, just a moment ago a maid came to ask—that snow-green handkerchief Master brought back, should it be thrown away?”
“No!” Xie Xuanyi shook his head in panic, instead grabbing A-jian’s wrist and speaking without controlling his volume, “Bring it to me, don’t throw it away or crumple it up, go right now, make it quick.”
A-jian had never seen Xie Xuanyi look like this, and getting caught up in the panic, she floundered, “Master…”
Xie Xuanyi walked over slowly, just in time to see Xie Xuanyi’s panicked expression. All his internal, inexplicable fears were cast aside, and returning to his usual spiteful nature, he scoffed, “Oh, Xie Xuanyi, you agreed to Father just a moment ago, and on the back foot you’re already flirting with a maidservant are you even a man?”
Xie Xuanyi belatedly released A-jian’s wrist, his face turning deathly pale as he forcibly curved the corners of his lips into a strained smile, “Sorry, A-jian, I didn’t mean to… don’t take it to heart.”
How could A-jian dare take it to heart? She simply stepped immediately in front of Xie Xuanyi, looking at Xie Qiuzhi with nervous vigilance.
Xie Qiuzhi rubbed his chin, let out a couple of hums, and left behind a parting shot of “Master here is in no mood to deal with you,” unsure whether he meant it for anyone in particular.
He didn’t resemble Xie Father; he looked much more like his mother, Sun Shunniang, except that he hadn’t inherited her good traits, nor was he as slender and lithe as Xie Xuanyi. His posture resembled that of a street hoodlum.
Xie Qiuzhi’s series of grimacing expressions carried no real threat, yet Xie Xuanyi remained like a wandering ghost.
Terrified that the handkerchief might be lost, A-jian fetched it almost by running, presenting it to Xie Xuanyi in a small box.
Being extremely careful, she subconsciously dropped to her knees before him, terrified of triggering any more of her master’s heartache, and asked softly, “Master, shall this servant help you wash it? It won’t take long.”
Who would have thought Xie Xuanyi wouldn’t answer, instead gently gathering the handkerchief and giving a slight shake of his head, “No need, I’ll wash it myself.”
A-jian couldn’t read her master’s expression; she only knew the other was in a bad mood, yet she understood nothing of the origin of his sorrow.
Xie Xuanyi pulled her up and gently patted the dust from her knees.
The dust scattered into the air in a hazy mist, quickly vanishing without a trace, never to be known where it fell or when it would land perhaps never landing at all. Yet he could no longer see it.
He was merely a despicable grain of dust.
He could change nothing, yet he remained forever caught in wild, delusional fantasies.