In the magnificent and resplendent grand hall, the immortals were holding their daily routine meeting.
“Bai Zhao, this time when you descend to the mortal realm, you must figure out why an anomaly has occurred in the script world.” Seated on the high throne and dressed in luxurious attire, the Queen Mother gazed intently at the lower seat.
Standing in the hall was a man draped in a greenish-blue willow-leaf brocade robe with gold thread, wearing a gold-thread and red-bead lotus crown. He folded his hands across his chest, exuding a gentle and scholarly aura.
His physique alone was enough to be considered breathtaking, but once one saw his face, they would truly understand how partial the heavens had been to him. Slowly raising his head, a pair of long, slender willow-leaf eyebrows framed a pair of amorous phoenix eyes. His nose was high and delicate, and his rosy, thin lips parted slightly. “Understood, Bai Zhao accepts the decree.”
Today’s grand meeting did not have many important matters. After two immortals gave their reports, the assembly was promptly dismissed.
Bai Zhao turned around and walked lightly among the immortals, heading out of the hall.
A person dressed in a blazing red robe walked quickly toward Bai Zhao. Walking side by side with him, he asked, “You’re heading to the mortal realm?”
Bai Zhao nodded and replied, “You heard it just now.”
“Does a tiny script world really require you to go in person?” The newcomer was baffled. If a simple script world collapsed, let it collapse—why did a high immortal of the celestial realm have to descend to handle it personally?
“Gu Ran, boundaries are interconnected. If the script world collapses too severely, it might end up affecting the celestial realm.” Bai Zhao’s voice was clear like a spring, possessing a soothing quality that could comfort the human soul.
“Those are all overly eloquent grand principles.” Gu Ran was one of the warrior immortals; usually, he only managed matters of fighting and killing, and he was clearly not adept at things that required thinking.
“You’re not the one descending, so you don’t need to worry about it,” Bai Zhao said.
“When do you set off?” Gu Ran asked.
People often say that a day in heaven is a year on earth. If the script world was also subject to this old saying, naturally, the sooner he went down, the better.
“If there’s nothing else, I’ll leave shortly.”
As they spoke, the two walked out of the hall, and the various immortals mounted their respective mounts to return to their residences. Bai Zhao flicked his hand, revealing a colored silk thread on his wrist. The silk thread gradually dissipated and transformed into a small boat made of leaves. The bow of the boat was adorned with flowers that would drop petals of varying colors during the journey.
Every time Gu Ran saw Bai Zhao’s mount, his jaw would drop. His own mount was a long sword, which, compared to Bai Zhao’s ride, was utterly plain.
“Do you have to make everything you own so flashy?” Gu Ran said.
Bai Zhao cast a sidelong glance at Gu Ran. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
Gu Ran choked for a moment and replied, “Beautiful, very beautiful.” This friend of his—truly, only “beauty” could stir his emotions.
“I’m leaving.” Bai Zhao stepped onto the leaf boat, swept his robes back, and sat down cross-legged.
Petals drifted down as the leaf boat moved forward. Gu Ran reached out and caught one, intending to crush it, when Bai Zhao’s voice drifted from afar, “You’d better not crush my flower petals.” Though spoken mildly, these words scared Gu Ran into dropping the petal he was holding.
In the celestial realm, everyone knew that you could curse Bai Zhao a hundred times and not even a single eyebrow of his would twitch, but if you destroyed something beautiful that belonged to him, the only thing waiting for you would be a life of zero peace.
“Does he have eyes in the back of his head…” Gu Ran muttered grumblingly.
Returning to the Qingdu Hall, his two immortal boys were waiting at the entrance to greet him. He had already sent word back while still in the grand hall, and by now his attendants had already prepared the luggage, waiting only for the word of command to descend directly to the mortal realm.
“Yue Bao, did any new scripts act up over at Xike’s place today?” Bai Zhao asked the immortal boy standing behind his left shoulder, who had a pair of long rabbit ears. There were more immortal boys in the hall than just the two gatekeepers; Xike was the immortal boy in charge of preliminary script reviews, and problematic scripts would be sent here to him.
“Replying to the Immortal Lord, all is well today,” Yue Bao replied.
“In that case, you and Feinu will accompany me down to the mortal realm,” Bai Zhao said.
The immortal boy dressed in snow-white robes behind Bai Zhao’s right side made a bow. “Understood.”
Yue Bao and Feinu quickly ran into the hall and brought out the prepared luggage. The luggage was an entry-level celestial artifact; it looked small and incapable of holding much, but its actual capacity was several times greater than it appeared.
“Immortal Lord, we are ready!” The two immortal boys stood at attention before Bai Zhao, full of high spirits and vigor.
Bai Zhao suddenly had a surreal sense of deja vu, as if he were taking two children out on an outing. So be it; these two immortal boys had followed him for many years, and it was about time they went out to play.
Arriving at the Luoting Pavilion, heavily armed guards stood watch outside. After layer upon layer of verification, they finally allowed Bai Zhao and the two immortal boys into the pavilion.
Descending to the mortal realm was a serious matter after all, and no carelessness could be tolerated.
“Given that Immortal Lord Chenmo is descending for the first time, this minor immortal has a few points to remind the Immortal Lord of.” An armored immortal soldier walked in holding a long spear. “Immortals who descend with a mission can only return to the celestial realm once their mission is completed. During their stay in the mortal realm, eighty percent of the Immortal Lord’s celestial power will be sealed.” The preceding restriction was a hard condition, but the celestial realm would never mistreat its immortals. As he spoke, the immortal soldier pulled a palm-sized porcelain dish emitting a faint white light from his armor. “This object is a communication disc. When the Immortal Lord needs assistance in the mortal realm, you may use this disc, and the celestial realm will do its utmost to help.”
Bai Zhao took the communication disc and said, “That certainly makes things convenient for immortals in the mortal realm.”
“Indeed. After all, you are going down to complete a mission, not to undergo trials.” After the immortal soldier finished speaking, a circular array gradually materialized in the center of the Luoting Pavilion. “Please step into the array, Immortal Lord.”
When the moment to actually descend finally arrived, Yue Bao and Feinu grew nervous.
Bai Zhao understood his immortal boys best. Taking one by each hand, he led Yue Bao and Feinu into the array.
Yue Bao was more lively than Feinu, and his temperament was naturally more childlike. He gripped Bai Zhao’s hand tightly and said timidly, “Immortal Lord, I’m scared.”
Bai Zhao squeezed both immortal boys’ little hands back. Although Feinu did not speak, judging by his slightly trembling hands, he was terrified deep down as well.
“It’s alright, the Immortal Lord is here. Even if the sky falls, the Immortal Lord will hold it up for you,” Bai Zhao said.
With Bai Zhao’s comforting words taking effect, the two immortal boys’ emotions relaxed significantly.
“I wish the Immortal Lord a smooth journey and success in all things.” Along with the immortal soldier’s auspicious parting words, Bai Zhao slipped into unconsciousness.
When he opened his eyes again, he was standing in a very dilapidated courtyard.
It was currently autumn, and the gusts of autumn wind were truly freezing. Nine yards away from him stood a fence constructed of bamboo. The fence rustled, blown back and forth by the wind and making a clicking sound; it had no resemblance to an actual enclosure and merely served to mark boundaries.
Next, Bai Zhao observed the layout of the courtyard: directly in front of him was a main hall, to the right near the fence was likely the living quarters, and directly to the left was a kitchen. All the rooms shared a common trait—they were built of wood with thatched roofs, lacked maintenance, and looked thoroughly rundown.
Bai Zhao was shocked by the environment and speechless for a moment. He had no other particular hobbies in life except for a love of beauty, and an aesthetically pleasing environment counted as beauty too.
Just as Bai Zhao frowned, a sudden pain pierced his mind, and the contents of the script flooded into his head.
He had transmigrated into an ancient abusive web novel. In the original text, the shou protagonist was bought home by the cannon-fodder gong to be his wife because his delicate appearance closely resembled that of a woman. On their wedding night, the cannon-fodder gong discovered that the shou protagonist was a man and flew into a rage, but since the arrow was already on the bowstring and had to be shot, the cannon-fodder gong forcibly took him. After tasting the experience, the cannon-fodder gong pinned the shou protagonist down and forced himself on him for the entire night. Following that night, the shou protagonist suffered continuous bleeding and a high fever… Fearing that his hard-earned wife might die, the cannon-fodder gong went to town to buy some topical medicine for him. The shou protagonist had a tough constitution and managed to survive it, but was left with chronic ailments. Afterward, the cannon-fodder gong took to gambling; whenever he lost, he would come back and vent his frustrations on the shou protagonist. On one occasion of good luck, the cannon-fodder gong won a large sum of silver and treated the shou protagonist well for two days, making the shou protagonist think he had changed for the better, which reignited a sliver of hope in his heart. One day, the shou protagonist accidentally knocked over a bowl, causing it to shatter on the floor. While cleaning it up, he accidentally cut his hand, drawing blood. The cannon-fodder gong considered this ominous, lost all his money that very day, and blamed it all on the shou protagonist, treating him very harshly upon his return. Completely heartbroken, the shou protagonist wanted to perish together with the cannon-fodder gong. Coincidentally hearing that monsters were roaming the village today, he lured the cannon-fodder gong into the forest together with him. The cannon-fodder gong was eaten by a monster, but the shou protagonist miraculously survived, was taken in by a cultivating sect that had come to eradicate demons, and became a junior disciple of the sect…
The content of the script stopped right there. Looking at just this first half alone, Bai Zhao was already too speechless to know what to say.
Script updates and iterations happened at lightning speed; he hadn’t read such ancient tropes in ages, yet he never expected the problem to lie precisely within this kind of old-fashioned script.
He simply couldn’t understand: according to the trajectory of the script, the gong protagonist would only appear after entering the cultivation sect, which meant the preceding plot involving the cannon-fodder gong should have had no issues. The place where things actually went wrong was in the second half.
However, he couldn’t see the second half right now either, so he would just have to endure the front half of the plot first.
Bai Zhao lowered his gaze to inspect his attire. Although the material was not of high quality, it was at least a red garment, which, coupled with the bright red “Double Happiness” character pasted on the paper window of the main hall ahead, meant today was an auspicious day—and he was the cannon-fodder scum who deserved to die a hundred times over.
Bai Zhao had no desire to force himself on others, but in order to get the plot back on track, he had no choice but to follow it.
Fortunately, he was an immortal lord and could use celestial arts to solve the immediate dilemma.
Once he figured this out, Bai Zhao remembered his two immortal boys. Yue Bao and Feinu were not immortal lords, and their celestial power was insufficient to support them appearing in the mortal realm in human form, so they could only revert to their true forms.
A cooing sound came from a withered tree not far away. Bai Zhao looked over and saw a plump, white carrier pigeon perched on the bare autumn branches. Feinu was found; next was Yue Bao.
Yue Bao seemed to know Bai Zhao was looking for him. He hopped out from a gap in the bamboo fence, landing with a pata sound that caught Bai Zhao’s attention.
Upon seeing him clearly, Bai Zhao couldn’t help covering his mouth and smiling. Even though his current appearance was not handsome and merely resembled an ordinary adult man, a person’s disposition could always make others overlook their physical appearance.
“Why are you still so careless?” Bai Zhao walked over to Yue Bao and pulled his right hind leg out from where it was wedged in the fence.
Overcome with shame and anger, Yue Bao immediately dug a hole to hide himself.
Feinu on the tree cooed with laughter, his plump little body shaking so hard that he snapped a withered branch. Fortunately, he could fly, sparing him from falling to the ground and sharing Yue Bao’s embarrassment.
“A-Yu, are you still not coming in? The auspicious time is about to pass!” An older woman’s voice called out from inside the tightly shut main hall.
Bai Zhao hesitated for a moment and answered, “Coming.”