Having been reborn, the past was merely a long dream.
Zheng Xiangyi slowly gathered her thoughts and observed the Purple Heaven Hall, which held many changes in her memory. After Feng Yu ascended the throne, the hall had undergone numerous alterations. The late Emperor had been skilled in calligraphy and painting; his collected works over the years were buried with him underground. The palace had been renewed from top to bottom, leaving little trace of his legacy.
Consequently, Zheng Xiangyi had rarely visited the Purple Heaven Hall of her own accord.
“Xiangyi, have you had breakfast yet?” Feng Jue saw her curled up on the soft divan, watching him with a silly smile. She remained silent, her eyes still rimmed with a peach-blossom pink. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of tenderness.
Zheng Xiangyi blinked, her thick lashes falling like little fans. She initially wanted to tough it out and say she had eaten, but the words that came out were honest: “…No.”
Feng Jue then lowered his gaze, looking at her steadily. He was consistently gentle towards others; even when court disputes reached an impasse, he rarely showed a cold expression, truly embodying the idea of not revealing joy or anger. Yet Zheng Xiangyi detected reproach and dissatisfaction in his calm gaze. She instinctively shrunk back, feeling a long-forgotten sense of guilt.
But this wasn’t her fault. After such a bizarre occurrence, who could remember to eat?
“Forget it.” Feng Jue turned his face away with a helpless sigh and summoned a palace servant.
Hearing him order the servant to bring food, Zheng Xiangyi secretly breathed a sigh of relief, while a hidden sense of security and sweetness welled up within her.
Before long, the servant brought the breakfast: a bowl of bird’s nest and eight treasures porridge, a plate of ruyi hundred-flower cakes, four crystal dumplings, and a few side dishes. Though not a large quantity, they were all Zheng Xiangyi’s favorites. Feng Jue was always disciplined, never allowing food into his office study. The only exception was for Zheng Xiangyi. Watching her eat until her cheeks were round and full, he picked up his chopsticks with interest and began feeding her.
Zheng Xiangyi ate absentmindedly. After her earlier unrestrained crying, His Majesty was sure to ask for an explanation later. She hadn’t yet thought of how to respond. Rebirth was mysterious and profound; she definitely couldn’t tell His Majesty. She needed to find an excuse, but His Majesty wasn’t one to be easily fooled.
Wait—to what point in time had she been reborn? She should have asked Muqin clearly before coming here.
“Xiangyi,” Feng Jue noticed her distraction and lightly tapped his chopsticks on a plate. “Focus on your meal first.”
Zheng Xiangyi looked up in a panic, meeting those calm eyes that seemed to know everything, carrying a power that inexplicably reassured her. Her chaotic thoughts quietly settled. Zheng Xiangyi opened her mouth and obediently accepted the dumpling he offered, swallowing it in two quick bites.
She suddenly remembered Feng Yu. Even during the most intimate period of their newlywed life, he had never done anything like this.
Only after Zheng Xiangyi had finished eating everything did Feng Jue set down his chopsticks and order the dishes to be cleared. The hall fell silent again. Zheng Xiangyi lowered her head, waiting for him to speak first.
Perhaps her uncharacteristically obedient appearance was too rare, making Feng Jue reluctant to press her further. After a long moment, he sighed softly and reached out to stroke her hair.
“At yesterday’s banquet, I saw your father frequently looking over. Would you like to go back and visit him? I heard your stepmother has given birth to another son. You’ll have more brothers to protect you in the future.”
Hearing him mention the brother born to her stepmother, Zheng Xiangyi realized what point she had been reborn to. Yesterday must have been her coming-of-age ceremony. Due to His Majesty’s favor, it was specially held in the palace, with the Grand Princess tying up her hair and inserting the hairpin. This honor was truly one of a kind in the entire realm.
She tried hard to recall the events of her coming-of-age ceremony in her past life. It seemed she had gotten drunk at the evening banquet and was kept in the palace by His Majesty. The rest of her memories were hazy.
But as for her father, she felt conflicted.
“I don’t want to go back.”
Zheng Xiangyi’s mother was the Empress Dowager’s niece, married to the Marquis of Pingyang. The couple treated each other with respect and lived harmoniously. When Zheng Xiangyi was three, her mother died during a difficult childbirth, both mother and child lost. The Empress Dowager, pitying Zheng Xiangyi for losing her mother so young, brought her into the palace to raise personally. Less than a year after her mother’s death, her father, the Marquis of Pingyang, remarried the second daughter of the Xue family as his new wife, and they subsequently had two sons and a daughter. The Empress Dowager, worried that Zheng Xiangyi had no siblings and might face difficulties upon returning, entrusted her to His Majesty’s care on her deathbed.
From age three to five, Zheng Xiangyi was raised in the Empress Dowager’s palace. After age five, she was transferred to His Majesty’s care. Her relationship with the Pingyang Marquis’s household was quite cold. The Marquis of Pingyang… her father wasn’t unkind to her, but whenever she returned and saw her father, stepmother, and younger siblings living in harmony, she always felt like an outsider.
Moreover, in her past life, when she had arguments with Feng Yu over the Noble Consort entering the palace, her father had advised her to be magnanimous and tolerant, which always left her somewhat disappointed. If it were His Majesty, he definitely wouldn’t give her such advice…
Feng Jue saw the reluctance on her face and could only say, “If you don’t want to go back, then don’t. The palace won’t let you go hungry.”
Zheng Xiangyi detected the helplessness in his tone and puffed out her cheeks. “It was Your Majesty who wanted me to stay. How can you drive me away now?”
“I’m not driving you away,” Feng Jue stroked her head, a hint of laughter in his voice. “But, good girl, you will have to marry someday. You can’t cling to me for a lifetime.”
Watching her tie up her long hair and secure the hairpin at last night’s banquet, her lovely face capturing the gaze of everyone present, he had suddenly felt a touch of melancholy. How had she grown up so quickly? Just a few days ago, she was still a charmingly naïve little girl, and in the blink of an eye, she was almost ready to marry. Who was worthy of his Xiangyi?
He picked through the noble young men in his mind, dissatisfied with every one.
Hearing him suggest she should marry, Zheng Xiangyi grew anxious and grabbed his hand. “I won’t get married!”
What was so good about marriage? Feng Yu, who had been so earnest before the wedding, had also changed his heart later. In this lifetime, she would never marry again. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to stay by his side, bringing him joy and comfort, for the rest of her life?
Feng Jue frowned. “How can you not marry?”
Thinking she was just shy, he patiently coaxed her. “You are my most beloved princess. You can choose from among all the noble young men in the world. Whomever you like, you can have. If…” He paused, then added, “If you want a few more, that’s fine too.”
The customs of the current dynasty were quite open. The Grand Princess, having been widowed for many years, kept male consorts in private, and the court officials turned a blind eye. If Xiangyi was dissatisfied with her husband after marriage, she could emulate the Grand Princess’s behavior. Xiangyi was born noble; naturally, she deserved to be cherished by many.
Zheng Xiangyi looked up and saw his indulgent gaze. A sudden surge of anger rose in her heart, and she turned away in a huff, facing the jade-carved screen depicting lakes and mountains. Clearly, in her past life, he had done everything to stop her from marrying Feng Yu, even to the point of coughing up blood in anger. Why was he now so eager to send her off to marry?
“I won’t marry,” she said petulantly.
It wasn’t the first time she was acting willful like this. Feng Jue, with his good temper, leaned down to soothe her. “Alright… don’t marry then. Don’t upset yourself.”
Hearing his tone, as if coaxing a child, Zheng Xiangyi felt an inexplicable surge of grievance. Her eyes misted over. “I don’t want to get married…” She clutched his lapel, resting her forehead against his chest, leaning against him in a dependent manner.
Feng Jue gently patted her back, the puzzlement in his heart growing deeper. This was the girl he had raised with his own hands; naturally, he could sense her grievance and sorrow. But where did these emotions come from? He paid close attention to Xiangyi in every way; he knew everything that happened to her. Yet now, he always felt as if an invisible mist had settled between him and Xiangyi.
This gave him a hidden sense of discomfort, as if this child who had always been under his eye had suddenly acquired little secrets he knew nothing about.
“Xiangyi…” The usually decisive Emperor found himself unsure how to ask for the first time. He was afraid she would be upset, afraid she would refuse, and even more afraid the outcome would be something he didn’t want. In the end, he simply held her gently, saying nothing.
Zheng Xiangyi hadn’t been sitting in the study for long when Eunuch Gui came in to announce that the Crown Prince and the Second Prince had come together to pay their respects. Feng Jue’s harem was sparse; after many years on the throne, he had only two princes and one princess. The eldest princess, Feng Yue, was his first child and had married three years ago, choosing the heir of the Anyang Marquis as her consort. The Crown Prince, Feng Qin, was sixteen this year, born to Consort Yao. The Second Prince, Feng Yu, was the same age as Zheng Xiangyi; his mother, Consort He, had passed away the year before last. If counting Zheng Xiangyi, who had grown up by Feng Jue’s side since childhood, she should actually be the youngest child in the palace.
The Emperor had few offspring. Court ministers had repeatedly submitted memorials requesting selection of beauties to fill the harem, but Feng Jue had suppressed them all. Raising children was a draining affair; he truly had no extra energy to spare.
Hearing that Feng Yu was coming, Zheng Xiangyi instinctively wanted to avoid seeing him. But on second thought, Feng Yu was the one who had wronged her. Why should she hide?
Feng Jue naturally wouldn’t avoid her presence and had her sit beside him. Zheng Xiangyi held a cup of tea, thinking she would find a way to provoke Feng Yu when he came in. After all, His Majesty would definitely be on her side.
When the two entered, catching sight of the figure hanging his head behind the proud, spirited Crown Prince, Zheng Xiangyi was momentarily stunned, then suddenly curved her lips into a smile. She had almost forgotten—at this time, the Crown Prince was riding high, while Feng Yu, born of a lowly mother, could only be a follower trailing behind the Crown Prince. In this lifetime, she wanted to see how Feng Yu, who was neither the eldest son nor born of the legitimate wife and lacked maternal family support, would manage to ascend to the position of Crown Prince.
“This son pays respects to Father Emperor.” Feng Qin saw Zheng Xiangyi and gave her a smiling glance. “Sister Xiangyi is here too. Yesterday was Sister’s coming-of-age ceremony. I specially prepared a gift for Sister and will have it sent to your palace later.”
Zheng Xiangyi’s relationship with the Crown Prince wasn’t particularly close, but she didn’t dislike him either. She smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Eldest Brother.”
Feng Yu finished paying his respects and stood quietly with his head bowed, not as free and easy as Feng Qin in chatting and laughing. Remembering how Feng Yu had held the Noble Consort high and mighty just yesterday, and now stood meekly below her, Zheng Xiangyi felt an indescribable lightness in her heart.
She didn’t want Feng Yu to have it easy and deliberately said, “Did Second Brother not prepare a gift for me?”
She had already forgotten whether Feng Yu had given her a coming-of-age gift in her past life. Anyway, whatever Feng Yu gave her later, she would throw it out to embarrass him. It was strange though; she actually couldn’t remember when she had first started noticing Feng Yu in her past life. Those memories of being madly in love with him seemed as distant and unreachable as a dream.
Feng Jue glanced at her sideways, his fingers tapping thoughtfully on the imperial desk. Although he had raised Xiangyi to be somewhat willful, she never actively sought trouble with others. As for coming-of-age gifts—Xiangyi, so precious and noble, when had she ever coveted such things?
So, when had Feng Yu offended Xiangyi?