He and Her, Over and Over Again, Entangled Without End…
The next day, Ling Zhenli used the excuse of going to a temple in the outskirts to offer incense. She left the Eastern Palace alone in a sedan chair, without bringing any palace maids, accompanied only by a few guards.
Through the narrow gap in the sedan curtain, she saw the newly hung colorful silks along Vermilion Bird Avenue. They had been put up for Princess Jin’an’s wedding the day before. Phoenixes embroidered in gold thread spread their claws, imposing and magnificent.
Morning mist drifted through the forest like light gauze entwining the branches.
The first ray of sunlight pierced through the leaves, gilding the dewdrops with gold. A few tentative bird calls mingled in the woods, soothing the spirit.
Xiao Chongheng’s private residence lay against the mountains and beside the water, near Huaiming Temple. On the way, she had heard that he had spent a fortune building a pagoda at Huaiming Temple, so she was to go there first, and he would then secretly send someone to bring her to the residence to meet him.
Standing amid the incense smoke and watching people come and go, offering incense and praying for blessings, Ling Zhenli felt deeply moved.
Some were of noble status, clad in fine silks and brocade, yet still burdened with worries.
Others were ragged and poor, dragging their families along, praying only for the Buddha’s protection.
Nothing in this world could be achieved merely by praying. People came here only to seek a momentary comfort for their hearts.
She and Xiao Chongheng were not lacking in affection or fate; rather, everything came down to human choices.
Meeting again was, in truth, meaningless—nothing more than adding to sorrow.
…
Ling Zhenli stood before the door for a long while, hesitating, unwilling to push it open.
Xiao Chongheng had always been a thorn deep in her heart, capable of causing pain with the slightest touch. As long as she stayed away from him, she stayed away from pain.
But…
Xiao Chongheng’s eyes were deep and sharp, able to see through her with ease, as if her every move were under his control, as though he held her constantly in the palm of his hand, toying with her and never letting her go.
And she—had she ever truly let Xiao Chongheng go?
Ling Zhenli let out a soft sigh and pushed the door open.
What greeted her was an arrangement identical to the courtyard she had lived in at Zuixian Pavilion—down to every last ornament.
Old memories surged into her mind at once. Ling Zhenli instantly understood that this was deliberate on Xiao Chongheng’s part.
Suppressing her emotions, she went over and picked up a porcelain vase used for flower arrangements, only to find that even the chipped corner matched the one at Zuixian Pavilion exactly.
That meant that after she left Zuixian Pavilion, Xiao Chongheng had moved everything from there and recreated it here exactly as it was, building a new residence in its likeness.
Why would he do this? To him, was she not something dispensable?
But if that were truly the case…
She lowered her eyes, clasping her hands tightly together. Unease welled up inside her—panic mixed with an inexplicable urgency.
With a heart full of trepidation, she walked toward the sleeping chamber.
As expected, the chamber was also preserved exactly as it had been on the day she left Zuixian Pavilion.
As though revisiting the old place, she seemed momentarily possessed. She sat before the dressing table, pulled open the bottom drawer, her heart pounding violently with fear…
Sure enough, the moment the drawer opened, a small goose-yellow garment came into view.
Ling Zhenli picked up the little garment. The tears she had held back for so long finally spilled over.
Drop after drop fell, soaking the small padded jacket cradled in her hands.
This was the piece she had sewn stitch by stitch, full of hope, for her child.
The child she had lost… the child she had once prayed for day and night to be born into this world…
Unknowingly, a cat climbed up beside her legs. After a long absence, it rubbed against her, seeking attention.
At the doorway of the chamber, the man appeared quietly while she was lost in her grief.
Seeing her in such pain, Xiao Chongheng’s heart twisted in agony.
After the child was gone, both of them had mourned in their own ways.
If that child had lived, everything would have been different. If only… if only.
Ling Zhenli had sensed Xiao Chongheng’s arrival the moment the cat rubbed against her legs, but her sorrow was overwhelming, leaving her no energy to respond.
She cried for a long while. Only after she had regained some control, wiping her tears and nose with a handkerchief, did she finally turn to look at him.
Xiao Chongheng’s eyes were also brimming with tears.
“Why did you do this?” Ling Zhenli asked.
After speaking, she sniffed and turned her gaze away, her heart in knots, unwilling to look at him.
Seizing the moment when she was not paying attention, Xiao Chongheng quickly wiped away the tears in his eyes, which were now red-rimmed.
“A-Li, I missed you.”
Ling Zhenli did not want to play the emotional game with him—the more she did, the more it hurt. She did not look at him at all.
“Don’t say useless things. What’s past between us is long over.”
“Is it really over?”
“…”
Ling Zhenli did not answer. After three seconds of silence, she asked instead, “What exactly do you want?”
“Let’s maintain our relationship—just like before.”
Xiao Chongheng did not look as though he were joking, yet Ling Zhenli could hardly believe he had said such words.
“I am the Crown Princess now. What delusion are you indulging in?”
Xiao Chongheng seemed almost mad, speaking without restraint. “How could it be a delusion? A-Li, you and I were intimate without reserve. We even had a daughter. I gave her a name—Chiying. I built a pagoda for her and buried her at Huaiming Temple. Let’s go light incense for her together. Even for the child’s sake, don’t leave me…”
Ling Zhenli found it hard to decide, yet she knew she could not have further contact with Xiao Chongheng. She could only remain silent.
Seeing her silence, Xiao Chongheng grew even more anguished.
“Why won’t you speak?! Could it be that you’ve already fallen in love with Pei Xuanlin? He treats you well only because of your status as the Chancellor’s daughter—you are the designated Crown Princess! You are you! He doesn’t even know who you truly are. How could his affection be sincere? I am the one you truly loved. I know it—you were not merely humoring me. Otherwise, you could not have loved that child, the child we had together. We’re still young—we could still have children. When Pei Xuanlin becomes emperor, his harem will be full of beauties. How could there still be a place for you in his heart!”
Xiao Chongheng’s accusations came crashing down on Ling Zhenli, suffocating her. Her heart twisted in pain, tears streaming uncontrollably.
“But what about you! When I loved you, what did you do to me? It was you who thought I was lowly, unworthy of you. It was you who, for the sake of marrying a noble-born commandery princess, aborted my child! And now you use the child to torment me and threaten me! Do you know how desperately I wanted to give birth to her?! You understand nothing! All you ever do is bully me, accuse me, judge me from on high, and turn the blame back on me!”
“Was I supposed to watch you grow so weak and blood-depleted that both mother and child would die? In your heart, am I such a cold-blooded and heartless man? When you were pregnant, your body was already so frail—you knew better than I did that the child would be hard to save!”
Xiao Chongheng’s retort enraged Ling Zhenli to the point that her eyes burned red. She broke down, shouting hysterically to vent all the resentment in her heart.
“When I had just lost her—when I needed you the most—you were heartless and cruel, not even offering a single word of comfort! You only cared about your new wife, never coming to see me for months. I was so devastated that I even thought of seeking death! And what did you do? You abandoned me outright—you didn’t want me anymore! Did you know that without you, I couldn’t even recover from my injuries and had no choice but to keep selling myself? If you loved me, weren’t you afraid I might die? Or did you wish I would hurry up and die!”
She shouted until she was utterly exhausted, crying until her head spun. Anger and grievance choked her breath. Seeing her like this, Xiao Chongheng could no longer bear to argue with her and further刺激 her.
After a wave of dizziness, Ling Zhenli collapsed against the bed, gasping for air, on the verge of fainting.
Xiao Chongheng rushed over, gripping her hand tightly as he explained, “I’m sorry, A-Li, I’m sorry. My mother transferred me out of the capital—that’s why I couldn’t come to see you. Abandoning you was forced upon me. I wronged you, but I was truly afraid my mother would harm you. A-Li, forgive me…”
“Is that so?” Ling Zhenli gave a weak, cold laugh, not believing him.
If one were truly determined to protect someone, how could they ever fail to do so?
Pei Xuanlin’s father had become emperor and still died for the woman he loved. Yang Chengxiu could almost be called a remnant of the previous dynasty, yet Princess Jin’an still protected him with all her might. In the end, it was simply a matter of not loving enough. In Xiao Chongheng’s eyes, power still mattered most.
“Believe me, A-Li.”
Ling Zhenli turned her head away, closed her eyes, and refused to look at him.
“A-Li, look at me…”
Seeing that she remained silent, Xiao Chongheng felt deeply frustrated. He regretted that he had once thought her status unworthy of him and that, when his mother threatened him, he had given her up.
She was right—what if she had gone to seek death?
Ling Zhenli was a woman without power or influence, at others’ mercy. Xiao Chongheng knew perfectly well what would happen to her after he abandoned her, yet at the time he had been blinded by power, forgetting that emotions were just as important.
It was his fault.
All of it was his fault.
He had hurt Ling Zhenli, yet still foolishly dreamed of returning to the past.
And Ling Zhenli, eyes blurred with tears, was caught in constant inner struggle and confusion. She lifted her head and looked around the sleeping chamber in a daze.
The chamber was filled with various antiques and curios, warmly and beautifully arranged. In the past, the two of them had shared unforgettable passion in every corner of that room. Now the scene was the same, but the feelings were gone.
She admitted that Xiao Chongheng was right—she had truly loved him.
After a long while, Ling Zhenli stood up and sat on the edge of the bed, as if having made up her mind.
“You were the one who led the troops to confiscate my family—and you hid it from me.”
“…Yes.”
Xiao Chongheng was the executioner who destroyed her entire family. Out of his own selfish desires, he had hidden his identity and kept her as a caged bird. When she finally fell in love with him, he then abandoned her without mercy.
“You should have told me earlier,” Ling Zhenli said with a weak smile. “You should have told me the moment after you took my virginity. I would have smashed my head against the wall and died. That way, you wouldn’t have lost out—you’d at least have had me, and you could even have had a laugh.”
“No, A-Li, I truly loved you—that’s why I chose such a course. I was too afraid of losing you…”
“Shh…”
Ling Zhenli pressed her index finger to his lips. Her gaze drifted, a faint smile at the corner of her mouth. She was utterly exhausted. She interrupted him.
He was never afraid.
But she was tired—heart-tired. She did not want to keep dragging up the past. She wanted only to focus on the present.
And what she needed most right now was to protect her secrets.
So her expression softened, her voice slightly hoarse, gentle to the ear.
“A-Xun, I’m a little tired.”
Seeing her finally soften her attitude, Xiao Chongheng quickly sat down beside her, leaning closer.
Ling Zhenli did not avoid his approach. Instead, she cooperated, looking at him. Having just cried, she was drowsy, her expression unfocused, her eyes hazy.
The atmosphere gradually turned ambiguous. Seeing that she neither rejected nor accepted him, Xiao Chongheng tentatively raised his hand and removed a jade hairpin from her hair. In the next instant, her dark hair fell like a waterfall, a few strands winding around his fingers.
Just like him and her—over and over again, endlessly entangled.
Ling Zhenli closed her eyes and breathed steadily. Xiao Chongheng tested again, touching her arm. She did not push him away.
Gradually, his palm brushed her face.
The one he had longed for day and night was now right beside him.
His fingertips traced slowly along the curve of her ear, the warmth drifting to her neck. Feeling the faint tremor of her pulse, the heated touch made Ling Zhenli feel a tingling itch. He deliberately lingered at the hollow of her collarbone.
Her breathing grew slightly unsteady. Xiao Chongheng drew closer and closer, closing his eyes as well, reverent and devout. His nose brushed her flushed cheek, his breath scorching.
He lightly bit her lips, teasing and lingering. Though Ling Zhenli did not respond, her silent acquiescence was already the furthest she could go.
With a flick of his hand, the thin ties came undone.
As her robe loosened halfway, he hooked a strand of her hair with his finger and kissed it at his lips, sincere and heartfelt.
“I love you.”
Her fingertips brushed across his palm. Outside the window, the cicadas’ cries suddenly ceased, leaving only their interwoven breathing, ever clearer in the heated room.
Ling Zhenli felt as though she were immersed in a sea of flowers. The floral fragrance was intoxicating, making her unwilling to part. She held between her lips a vividly blooming flower, its scent rich and heady, wanting to tear it apart and swallow it whole.