If Only She Were Truly Xue Yingyue…
On a drizzly afternoon, Pei Xuanlin stood by the window of the study, gripping a secret letter in his hand. His knuckles were white from the force.
After Shizong Yang Mingkong lost the throne, the originally designated crown prince, Yang Xiande, should have been executed. Yet not only did he escape death, he even gained a princess as his daughter-in-law.
This princess-daughter-in-law had incited him to help her ascend the throne, promising that once she became emperor, all power would be handed to his son. Naturally, Yang Xiande was delighted.
The only obstacle standing in the way of Pei Shang’er’s claim to the throne was Crown Prince Pei Xuanlin.
Pei Shang’er had always disliked Pei Xuanlin because of the succession issue—this he knew. What he did not expect was that she actually wanted him dead.
Outside the window, the rain fell like woven threads, unable to wash away the gloom between his brows.
“Your Highness, it’s been confirmed,” a guard reported in a low voice. “Princess Jin’an’s residence was expanded, forcibly demolishing thirty-seven surrounding households. Five families refused to move, and their servants directly used violence—two elderly people and one child were beaten to death.”
A flash of cold light passed through Pei Xuanlin’s eyes.
He turned and placed the secret letter on the desk, asking in a deep voice, “Is the evidence conclusive?”
“I saw it with my own eyes. There are also blood-written petitions from the households and testimonies from several neighbors.”
The guard took out a stack of crumpled papers from his robes, the mottled bloodstains already dried to a dark brown.
Pei Xuanlin took them. When his fingers touched the dried blood, they trembled slightly.
“Notify the Ministries of Revenue and Justice. Have them report this matter and deliver the evidence to them. Tell them it is by my order.”
He folded the blood petitions carefully, placed them into a bamboo tube for safekeeping, his voice cold as ice.
“Yes, Your Highness.”
…
At court the next day, the Minister of Justice knelt, then presented the blood petitions with both hands. “Your Majesty, I have a memorial to submit. Princess Jin’an’s residence forcibly seized civilian homes and allowed servants to commit violence, resulting in three deaths and seven injuries. I beg Your Majesty to investigate thoroughly.”
The eunuch beside Pei Lian took the petitions and handed them to him. After reading them, Pei Lian frowned slightly.
He skimmed through them, then gently set the papers aside. “Has this matter been fully investigated?”
Pei Xuanlin’s gaze darkened. He sensed that today would end fruitlessly.
“Your Majesty, the evidence is irrefutable,” the Minister of Revenue added firmly. “The dead are scarcely cold, and the wounded are still groaning in pain. How could this be false?”
Pei Lian sighed, rubbing his throbbing temples. “I understand. The expansion of Princess Jin’an’s residence was approved by me as well… I will dispatch people to investigate further. The common people will not be wronged.”
“Your Majesty is wise!”
Moonlight flowed like silk, shining through the window onto the tiles of the Eastern Palace study, casting a silvery sheen.
The red candle on the stand had burned more than halfway down, layers of wax pooling like a small coral reef.
Pei Xuanlin rubbed his brow. The vermilion brush hovered over a memorial for a long time, ink gathering into a bead, about to fall but not yet.
On the surface, the emperor had said he would thoroughly investigate Princess Jin’an’s servants’ violence. In reality, the matter had been suppressed and not mentioned again.
He needed a way to force Pei Shang’er to reveal herself.
As he brooded, a gentle voice sounded beside him.
“Sanlang, it’s so late—why aren’t you resting? Be careful not to ruin your eyes.”
Pei Xuanlin turned to see Ling Zhenli standing in the lamplight, holding a freshly brewed cup of tea.
He did not know when she had entered; she had made no sound at all. Moonlight traced her soft outline, gilding her with silver, like an immortal stepped out of a painting.
“Why aren’t you asleep yet?” Pei Xuanlin set down his brush, his voice hoarse with fatigue.
Ling Zhenli placed the teacup gently on the corner of the desk. The clear tea rippled slightly, reflecting candlelight. “I was waiting for you. You haven’t come back.”
After a pause, she added, “It’s calming tea with a bit of honey. Try it.”
She was observant and perceptive. Seeing Pei Xuanlin troubled these days, she guessed he must be encountering difficulties in state affairs.
Pei Xuanlin lifted the cup. In the rising steam, he noticed the faint shadows beneath her eyes—she must have forced herself to stay awake waiting for him. The realization warmed his heart, as if a gentle current flowed in.
“A-Li, go rest. You don’t need to wait for me,” he said, taking a sip. The temperature was just right. “Court affairs are complicated. I’ll be busy for some time.”
Ling Zhenli did not reply. Instead, she walked behind him, her slender fingers resting lightly on his temples.
Pei Xuanlin stiffened, but before he could react, her fingertips began to massage in slow circles, the pressure neither too heavy nor too light—just right.
Her voice was close, her breath brushing his ear, carrying a faint fragrance. “Even when state affairs are busy, you must still take care of your health. If you fall ill, wouldn’t that be a great loss?”
Pei Xuanlin closed his eyes, allowing her nimble fingers to dispel the headaches that had plagued him these days.
Her fingertips were cool, like fine jade. Wherever they went, the tension gradually eased.
The massage techniques she had learned at Zuixian Tower were finally being put to use.
“Do you feel better?” Ling Zhenli’s voice was light as a feather.
Pei Xuanlin opened his eyes, about to answer, when he saw a strand of her dark hair slip from her temple and fall onto his shoulder. On impulse, he reached out and caught it, his fingertips feeling a silk-like softness.
“A-Li,” he suddenly called her, his voice low. “What should I do? Tomorrow, I don’t want to attend court.”
Her hands paused briefly, then continued massaging. “Then Sanlang should rest for a day.”
Pei Xuanlin turned and caught her wrist.
Caught off guard, Ling Zhenli let out a soft cry as he pulled her forward.
The distance between them shrank abruptly, close enough to count each other’s eyelashes. Her wrist trembled slightly in his palm like a startled bird, yet she did not struggle.
A hint of panic flashed in her eyes, her cheeks tinged with red. “What are you doing? You startled me.”
Pei Xuanlin gazed at her, his eyes traveling from her picturesque brows to her cherry lips. A faint rouge colored them, like dew-touched petals under candlelight, irresistibly tempting.
His throat bobbed as he slowly leaned closer, his nose brushing her hair as he inhaled deeply.
“I really don’t know what my consort bathes with every day—how can you smell so fragrant?”
His voice was hoarse, hardly his own.
Ling Zhenli held her breath, her heart pounding like a drum.
His breath brushed her ear, carrying the scent of tea and ink, and his own cool, clean fragrance.
“How about trying it… here?”
Moonlight quietly shifted, casting their shadows onto the wall, merging into one. Outside, a pear tree swayed in the night wind, petals fluttering like falling snow.
…
When the rain cleared and clouds dispersed, the two held each other close. The warmth of bare skin intertwined with the cool night breeze, their breathing gradually falling into sync within the silence.
Pei Xuanlin looked at her graceful back, his fingers tracing the curve of her spine, the corner of his lips lifting unconsciously. “Tomorrow I’ll take you out for a stroll. Is there anywhere you’d like to go? Jin Zun Pavilion has introduced quite a few new dishes—shall we try them?”
She gave a soft “mm,” then thought carefully about where she wanted to go.
Only Huaiming Temple came to mind.
So she said impulsively, “How about we go to Huaiming Temple tomorrow?”
“Huaiming Temple?” Pei Xuanlin paused. “Why the sudden desire to visit a temple?”
She casually found an excuse. “Last time I went alone to repay a vow… it didn’t feel enough. I want you to go with me.”
Sleepy and drowsy, her soft, coaxing tone left Pei Xuanlin utterly disarmed. Whatever she said, he agreed.
The next day at noon.
In a private room on the second floor of a restaurant, Pei Xuanlin placed a piece of roasted lamb into Ling Zhenli’s bowl. “Try this. I hear the Hu chef here is unparalleled.”
Ling Zhenli sipped some wine, put the meat into her mouth, and her eyes lit up. “It’s delicious.”
“This amber stew looks good too.”
“Shall we order camel soup as well? Just these dishes won’t be enough.”
Pei Xuanlin was about to respond when a sudden commotion erupted outside the window.
They both turned to look and saw a group of guards from the princess’s residence pushing around an old woman. She clutched a bundle tightly to her chest, crying out.
“My land deed! This is my ancestral land deed! The princess can’t seize civilian homes like this!” The old woman’s voice was shrill.
A burly guard stepped forward and slapped her. “Old thing, the princess taking a liking to your land is your blessing! How dare you show disrespect to the princess—I think you’re tired of living!”
The old woman fell to the ground. Her bundle spilled open, several yellowed papers scattering into the mud.
Ling Zhenli’s face turned pale. “These are Princess Jin’an’s guards?”
Pei Xuanlin pressed her hand gently, meaningfully. “Yes.”
One guard lifted his foot, about to stomp on the deeds. At that moment, a young man rushed forward to shield the old woman. “Do you have no law? Robbing people in broad daylight!”
The guard sneered. “Law? The princess is the law!”
He punched the young man in the face. The man staggered back, hit the wall, and slid to the ground, blood streaming from his forehead.
Both Pei Xuanlin and Ling Zhenli were shocked—especially Ling Zhenli, who never imagined Princess Jin’an’s guards would dare injure people so openly.
Pei Xuanlin immediately ordered the Eastern Palace guards accompanying them to intervene.
He had chosen this restaurant precisely so the Crown Princess could witness Pei Shang’er’s guards committing violence in public. With the Crown Princess’s backing by the Five Great Families, even though emperors traditionally disliked powerful clans interfering in governance, they still had to be wary.
With the support of a Crown Princess from a prestigious lineage, the matter of Princess Jin’an suppressing civilians for her residence’s expansion would finally have a resolution.
…
By the time they arrived at Huaiming Temple, the previously clear sky had grown overcast. Recent rains had been frequent; fine, slanted droplets drifted down, and Ling Zhenli’s mood darkened with the weather.
Sensing her change in mood, Pei Xuanlin dismissed the guards and maids at her request, having them wait outside. He personally held the umbrella, accompanying her into the temple.
Rain soaked into the temple’s soft earth, releasing a damp, loamy scent that mingled with the incense smoke drifting from the halls—two aromas intertwining into something unexpectedly alluring.
The enormous golden Buddha statue stood solemn and majestic. Ling Zhenli pressed her palms together, silently praying for her unborn daughter.
Chiying, your father gave you such a beautiful name. I wonder if you would have liked it. If there is a next life, you must still be my child—let Mother make it up to you.
Pei Xuanlin prayed silently as well. He wished to spend his life with the woman beside him, hoping her deliberate affection would one day become genuine, that there would be no secrets between them in the future.
He hoped she could truly love him—for who he was, not because he was the Crown Prince.
If what she loved was only the phoenix throne, then he begged all the gods in the hall to bless him with a smooth ascension.
As they prayed, a familiar yet unfamiliar voice cut through the quiet.
“Imperial Brother, Imperial Sister-in-law.”
Ling Zhenli turned and saw Xiao Chongheng standing not far away, his expression dim.
He was here too…
“Chongheng, what brings you here?” Pei Xuanlin asked casually, not dwelling on the reason.
“These rainy days have weighed on my mood. I came out for a walk and happened to pass by, so I came in to calm my mind and pay respects.”
Though he answered Pei Xuanlin, Xiao Chongheng’s eyes never left Ling Zhenli.
It had been two months since they had properly seen each other.
“Duke, I trust you’ve been well,” Ling Zhenli offered a restrained smile. “What a coincidence. Today I brought His Highness to offer incense and prayers. I never expected to meet you here.”
“Crown Princess, may you be in good health. With the rains lately, take care not to catch a chill,” Xiao Chongheng replied with a smile.
Pei Xuanlin had grown up with his cousin Xiao Chongheng. Seeing him get along harmoniously with his wife should have made him happy, yet something felt off.
“Chongheng, didn’t you bring Ruo Jia with you today?”
At this question, Xiao Chongheng seemed to recall something and chuckled bitterly. “Ruo Jia went to my elder brother’s Gao’an Prince residence. She likely has no time for me.”
Pei Xuanlin had heard some things about Pei Chanlian and Yang Chongzheng and felt sympathy for his cousin’s unremovable green hat.
“I heard you built a tower at Huaiming Temple and enshrined someone there. Is today’s visit also to see her?”
Pei Xuanlin had heard that the woman Xiao Chongheng loved had passed away after he left her, and that the tower was built for her.
“Yes… we had an unborn daughter. Her memorial tablet is enshrined in the tower.”
Xiao Chongheng smiled bitterly. Ling Zhenli’s eyes, once merely helpless, grew darker.
She did not understand why Xiao Chongheng would mention the child in front of Pei Xuanlin.
Her heart tightened with fear. She worried Xiao Chongheng might, in a moment of impulse, expose the truth.
His emotions were dangerous—his visible dejection and his unwillingness to see her beside Pei Xuanlin.
Yet Ling Zhenli also wanted to gamble—on his love for her. He knew that if the truth were exposed, she would surely die. He would not let her die.
So before Pei Xuanlin could speak, she stepped forward and feigned an apology. “Duke, when you last came here, it was also for your daughter, wasn’t it? At the time, I didn’t know the reason and thought you came for County Princess Ruo Jia. Looking back, I truly feel sorry.”
“This was not Your Highness’s fault,” Xiao Chongheng replied softly.
He saw through her anxiety and fear and decided to play along.
“Before my marriage, I had a woman I loved deeply. I blame myself for not cherishing her then—knowing she was depressed after her miscarriage, yet failing to give her proper care and comfort, caring only for empty honor and status, abandoning her. She and the child will never forgive me…”
On the surface, he seemed to explain matters to the Crown Princess; in truth, he was confessing his wrongs to her.
To Pei Xuanlin, it sounded like Xiao Chongheng was clarifying that he did not love Pei Chanlian, to put the Crown Princess at ease.
“What a pitiful woman,” Ling Zhenli said sadly, feeling herself a joke. “I too am a woman—women easily sympathize with other women… Since you have already broken one woman’s heart, Duke, please do not break another’s. Treat County Princess Ruo Jia well in the future.”
Xiao Chongheng knew she still would not forgive him and felt deeply frustrated.
Seeing the atmosphere grow strange, Pei Xuanlin stepped in to smooth things over. “Chongheng, the Crown Princess has a temperamental nature. Since she’s willing to speak gently with you, it means she doesn’t mind the minor details.”
Temperamental…
Pei Xuanlin actually called Ling Zhenli temperamental…
Xiao Chongheng felt even more wounded. In front of him, Ling Zhenli was usually cautious and eager to please. Even after losing their child and receiving no comfort from him, she dared not complain, at most acting coquettish through her tears.
Perhaps only in front of Pei Xuanlin was she her true self.
So what? If Pei Xuanlin could indulge her, he, Xiao Chongheng, could do the same.
Unfortunately, Ling Zhenli’s heart was no longer with him. This was not the right moment to reclaim her. It was best to leave for now.
“Today I have disturbed Imperial Brother and Imperial Sister-in-law. I thank Imperial Sister-in-law for her understanding. I shall take my leave.”
Xiao Chongheng cupped his hands and prepared to go.
“Stop!”
The sharp rebuke made both Xiao Chongheng and Pei Xuanlin freeze.
Ling Zhenli strode forward, anger no longer concealed, stopping before Xiao Chongheng.
“I did not forgive you, Duke of Yan. I sympathize with that woman, and if I were her, I would hate you to death. Your own life, your child’s life—both were destroyed by you. You just said I forgave you. How dare you presume my feelings? If you think a few ambiguous words mean forgiveness, then listen well: someone like you—I will never forgive. Not for a lifetime.”
With Pei Xuanlin backing her, her words grew resolute.
Tears welled stubbornly in Ling Zhenli’s eyes. She could compromise briefly, soften briefly—but she would never forgive.
How could she forgive the man who personally killed her father, drove her mother to death, and took her child’s life?
Xiao Chongheng knew he was in the wrong. He owed her far too much. She had every right not to forgive him.
“All of this is my fault. Crown Princess, please do not be angry.”
Pei Xuanlin stood aside, feeling something was odd.
The Crown Princess had never displayed such a temper toward outsiders—especially not someone of Xiao Chongheng’s rank and closeness to him. Even if she disliked him, she should have maintained courtesy. Yet now she did not even pretend.
…Never mind. A-Li was simply being true to herself.
Having settled this in his mind, Pei Xuanlin stepped forward, shielding Ling Zhenli behind him, gently patting her back in comfort as he dismissed Xiao Chongheng.
“Chongheng, the Crown Princess is a woman of strong feelings. She likely does not wish to see you now. Please step out. When the time is right, I’ll speak kindly of you.”
“Thank you, Cousin.”
Given the exit, Xiao Chongheng took it quickly. He feared upsetting Ling Zhenli further and losing control, making reconciliation impossible.
After Xiao Chongheng left, Pei Xuanlin held Ling Zhenli in his arms, soothing her.
“A-Li, don’t be angry with him. I know what he did was despicable, but things have come to this. He does feel guilty toward that woman and the child. Don’t dwell on it—it’s not worth it.”
Hearing this only made Ling Zhenli angrier. She glared at Pei Xuanlin. “Guilty? What use is guilt? The woman and the child are already gone. Who is his guilt for?”
“Yes, yes, I was foolish not to think of that. Xiao Xun really is despicable. In the future, you don’t need to acknowledge him. Don’t be angry—be careful not to harm your health.”
Seeing her upset made Pei Xuanlin’s heart ache. He no longer thought about why she was so furious—he just wanted her to smile again.
“How about this, A-Li. Since you feel so sorry for that mother and daughter, let’s go light incense for the poor child, shall we? Smile a little—if you keep frowning, you’ll scare the child when we go.”
To comfort her, Pei Xuanlin was willing to do anything. A dignified Crown Prince offering incense for a minister’s illegitimate child, just to earn her smile.
He truly loved her.
Ling Zhenli adjusted her posture, leaning against Pei Xuanlin’s chest, deeply moved.
He treated her too well—she feared she would soon be unable to stop herself from falling in love with him.
If only she were truly Xue Yingyue. Then she could love him openly, spend her life with him.
But she was an impostor. She had married into the Eastern Palace as Crown Princess for revenge. Once her revenge succeeded, her identity might be exposed…
Ling Zhenli thought that at that time, Pei Xuanlin would kill her without hesitation, erasing this stain. The woman he truly wished to marry was the noble-born Xue Yingyue—not her, Ling Zhenli.
All of Pei Xuanlin’s kindness and affection toward her existed only because she was Xue Yingyue.
Since that was the case, as long as she treated Pei Xuanlin with sincerity and gentleness during the time she accompanied him, it could not be considered owing him anything.
So she smiled and said, “Sanlang, let’s go. Let’s light incense for that child.”