The group makes it past the academic buildings and down towards the old dorms. It’s less than a ten-minute walk.
“Here we are. This is the last line of old dorm buildings. And mine is the separated one at the end.”
I tinkered with my spell stone appliances and toilet, so everything except the ice box gets hidden before I leave. The man who sleeps with a machete is a fool every night but one. I think a car guy said that in my last life.
“Just in here.” I open the door and show everyone in. “Please sit anywhere you like. I’ll prepare cups and drinks. Is everyone fine with alcohol I brought from home?”
Liara and Tim perk up at the question, while Eric and the Princess nod. I take the cups from the pantry area and fill them all with the hard cider I keep in the ice box. I place the cups at a low table in the living room, around which everyone has taken seats.
“This is a sweet alcohol similar to beer that my father has been working on. Please give it a try, and tell me your honest thoughts.”
Father should be pleased if the royal family wants more priority stock of his creations, so this just might work out.
Liara is quick to pick up the cup and bring it to her nose. “It smells like apples; are they from your father’s territory?”
“Yes, they are. We try to find new uses for anything abundant in the area.”
“It’s refreshing, and I love the aftertaste. This would be perfect with a meal,” Princess Sylvie chimes in.
Tim finishes his cup and sinks into the couch. “Do you have any more?”
I return to the icebox and bring a bottle back to the table. “I’m glad you all like it, and I don’t mind if we finish a bottle, but please be careful. I promise it gets you drunk just like beer.”
Drinks flow, and I’m reminded of my last world, hiding from the sun on a hot day with my friends and drinking until we needed to be reminded what we did the night before.
Liara pulls me from my memories and breaks across several scattered conversations. “Alfred, did you kill anything on your hunting trip last weekend?”
“Yes, I harvested a large deer-like animal I heard called a paddlehorn. The meat has been delicious.”
I haven’t gotten to brag to anyone about my hunt without my family or Shayna around. It feels nice.
“A paddle horn? Those are a delicacy…” the Princess says.
“I ran into another hunter after I processed it, and they were shocked when I offered to share some. But it’s a large animal; the return trip would’ve been difficult without giving some away.”
“Was it male or female?” the Princess asks.
I’m not loving how much information she has, or how many questions she asks.
“Male.”
“Really? The males are excellent at evading predators. The horns are also used in rare medicines and sell for a significant sum, even to a noble family- their price is substantial.”
“Oh, is that so? I don’t typically keep animal horns; I hunt for the food and to learn new recipes.” I did keep those horns because they look cool, but they’re in storage.
“Say, Alfred, if you have an ice box full of delicacy meat, I wouldn’t mind if you cooked some for us...” Eric slurs.
Sigh. No one listens to my cider warnings. “I don’t know if my cooking would be up to royal standards, Eric.”
“Even the royal palace can’t have paddle horn meat with any frequency; it’s been years since I’ve enjoyed it. I would be most grateful if you’d make some,” Princess Sylvie says.
The smile on the Princess’s face is one of utter victory. No one in the Kingdom can turn down that request from her, and that's exactly why I wanted to keep my distance. I might need to fake my death.
“In that case, I will begin preparations.”
I could scorch it, I mean, just cook it carbon black. But my pride as a chef won’t let me. I open the icebox and make a spatial opening to take out five pre-seasoned steaks, a cut of boar fat for cooking oil, and potatoes to make french fries.
I walk to the rear exit with the steaks, drawing everyone’s eyes. “I prefer steak cooked over a smokier flame, so I make them on an outdoor oven.”
Everyone stands to follow me outside. Balls, I can’t use fire magic with a crowd.
“I forgot my flint inside. Can anyone use fire magic?” I ask.
Liara jumps, almost falling over in the process. “Oh, I can!”
The hard cider is dangerous.
“Great, can you light the wooden pellets in this tray?”
“Pellets?” she cocks her head.
“They’re just compressed pieces of wood; these burn slower and with less heat. They’re great for making a juicy steak.”
Liara nods acceptingly and lights them with her magic.
“Is that common in the southern region? I’ve never heard of altering wood before using it as a heat source...” the Princess asks.
“I don’t think anyone else uses them. I read an adventurer’s travel account as a child, and he talked about a region that compresses different types of trees into pellets for different types of cooking. I thought it was interesting, so I started experimenting with it.”
It’s still just wood; I never thought to switch these out in front of guests.
Luckily, the remaining alcohol re-takes center stage once I start peeling potatoes. The smoker has a second pellet tray on the right, but it’s just a decoy, and I use a spell stone for higher heat. With it, I’m able to finish the meal outside and sear the steaks so I don’t have any watchful eyes.
Around an hour later, I return with nearly perfect plates. Steaks and french fries; it’d only be better with a side of lobster, but I’m never showing those to the Princess.
I set all the plates down and pull out a second bottle of cider after falling prey to Liara’s puppy dog eyes.
“Please enjoy everyone, it’s a basic meal, but it’s one of my favorites.”
Unsurprisingly, Tim is the first to cut into the steak and heave a piece into his mouth. “Whoa, it really is juicy.”
The rest follow his lead.
“Ah, it’s delicious; I haven’t had paddle horn in so long. If you can procure them regularly, you could make a name for yourself in the capital. Even Father would be impressed.”
I shrink just thinking about the King’s attention, but Eric resets me.
“Man, what did you do to these potatoes? They’re so crunchy on the outside, but perfectly soft inside.”
“They’re battered; it’s like adding a small layer of fried bread on the outside for a crunchier bite. It lets the inside stay softer, too.”
Yea, I went all out. I know attracting attention runs counter to my goal of fucking off to a faraway land, but once I start cooking, I can’t stop myself. I’m lucky I didn’t pull seafood out by accident.
“It’s really good, Alfred, you learned all this cooking because you like to hunt?” Liara asks.
“Yes, I brought home a boar when I was very young and asked for lessons from our family’s chef to cook it. I’ve been experimenting with new foods ever since.”
I’m smiling like an idiot, but I really appreciate it when someone likes my food. And faking my death is still on the table.
“Well, anytime you want to host a dinner party, count me in,” Eric says.
Liara’s hand rockets into the air, and she tries to sick her puppy dog eyes on me again. “Me too, please!” But her eyes are drowning in cider.
“UHUNOM.” Tim nods fervently with his mouth full.
Ah, well, friends acquired. If I can ditch the Princess, this will be perfect.