"I need steering! I need something to counteract the butt thruster!" Philip screamed into the wind.
He looked down while speeding past the burning market stalls at extreme speed.
Below him, an overturned merchant wagon was sitting in the middle of the street. Its wooden cargo crates had split open, spilling a velvet lined box onto the cobblestones.
Inside the box were four high grade ocean mana cores, glowing with a soft, soothing azure light.
Using his lightning static reaction time, Philip reached down with both arms as he zoomed past at rooftop height.
He snagged all four glowing ocean cores right out of the velvet box, brought them to his chest, and smashed them together in his bare fist with all his force.
CRUNCH!
The blue cores pulverized into a glowing paste of watery arcana. Without slowing down for a single second, Philip brought his glowing knuckles right up to his nose and took a massive, wet snort of the pure ocean powder mid flight.
"Come on water magic!" Philip prayed out loud, his wooden mask vibrating violently. "Give me some ice hands or a water shield! ANYTHING!"
The ocean magic flooded his system instantly, but because his body was currently filled with chaotic, compressed dragon energy, his nervous system once again completely misrouted the spell instructions.
PLUSH!
Twin high pressure water cannons violently erupted directly out of Philip’s eye sockets like a localized firehose tsunami!
"AAAHHH MY EYES!" Philip yelled, though it came out muffled as two roaring streams of heavy blue water gushed out of his eye holes with enough pressure to push his head backward.
Water surged out of his eyes in a massive, roaring flood of literal high pressure tears, blasting against the cathedral wall below and creating a massive forward thrust that completely countered his trajectory.
So there he was.
Floating over the burning capital city in a painted wooden clown mask, shooting a forty foot beam of blue rocket fire out of his bare backside for altitude, and weeping an endless, roaring ocean of high pressure water out of his eyes to steer through the sky.
He looked like the most terrifying, utterly insane demon the world had ever seen.
Down on the plaza floor, the surviving high mages and knights scrambled to their feet, staring up into the smoky sky with their mouths hanging open so wide their jaws almost unhinged.
"Look! Is that... is that a weeping clown?" Sir Valentino stammered, dropping his useless broken staff onto the stone. "Is he flying on butt fire?!"
"He’s weeping an entire river from his eyes!" the Grand Master Knight yelled, pointing a trembling, dirt covered finger into the air. "Look at the pressure! He just put out the fire on the cathedral roof with his tears!"
"What kind of ancient god is that?!" another mage sobbed in pure awe. "Has the heavens sent us a Savior Clown?!"
High above the city, Philip was furiously blinking through the roaring streams of water shooting out of his face, desperately trying to lock his sights on the massive dragon.
"Okay!" Philip yelled into the wind, balancing the rocket fire from his rear and the flood of high pressure tears from his eyes like an elite fighter jet pilot testing an experimental aircraft.
"The steering actually works! I mean my eyes hurt like hell and my butt is completely numb, but we got flight controls!"
The S rank metallic dragon turned its giant, ugly head toward the sky. It had been about to unleash its ultimate breath attack on fourth street, but the sudden appearance of a crying, fire-farting clown floating at its eye level was thoroughly confusing the massive beast.
The dragon blinked its giant yellow eyes, letting out a low, puzzled rumble that sounded like a giant question mark.
"What are you looking at you overgrown gecko?!" Philip roared, his voice distorted through the wet wooden clown mask. "You almost burned my thunder cores! You almost ruined my whole business model!"
The dragon snapped out of its confusion, opening its cavernous jaws wide to snap the noisy clown in half.
"Rocket boost initiate!" Philip screamed, clenching his stomach muscles with all his might.
BOOM!
A fresh blast of blue dragon fire erupted from his backside, shooting Philip forward like a bullet fired from a cannon.
He shot right past the dragon’s giant razor sharp teeth, dodged a sudden swipe of its massive metallic tail, and banked sharp left using a sudden burst of eye water to pivot in mid air.
Philip flipped upside down, soaring directly toward the dragon’s exposed, unarmored throat.
"Take this you stupid lizard!" Philip yelled, cocking his right fist back until his knuckles crackled with combined water and fire magic. "THE SPECIAL WHATEVER PUNCH!"
He slammed his water infused fist directly into the base of the dragon’s neck with every single ounce of momentum his rocket thrusters could provide.
BOOM!
The icy ocean magic from his weeping eyes combined with the extreme metallic dragon heat inside his fist triggered a violent, catastrophic thermal shockwave right inside the dragon’s throat.
The air around them imploded with a deafening CRACK that echoed across the entire valley!
The giant S rank dragon let out a muffled, gurgling wheeze. Its massive yellow eyes rolled back into its skull, its dark metallic hide instantly lost its terrifying glow, and the colossal beast went completely limp in mid air.
The kingdom’s greatest calamity fell out of the dark sky like a giant, dead gecko.
CRASH!
The dragon slammed directly into the cobblestone plaza below with an earthquake so violent it knocked three guard towers flat on their sides.
Dust, stone chips, and blue sparks erupted into the air, settling slowly over the completely silent city.
Philip came crashing down a second later, tumbling across the dragon’s massive metallic neck, his pants completely gone, his rear end smoking faintly, and his eyes still leaking twin small streams of puddle water onto his wooden clown mask.
He laid on top of the dead dragon’s head for a long five seconds, groaning in absolute physical agony.
"Lesson learned," Philip wheezed out, rolling over onto his back. "Never... ever... snort a fucking dragon skin on an empty stomach."