The big wolf made deep growling and barking noises. The goblins made high pitched squeaks and angry clicking sounds. The skeletons rattled their rib bones like a giant bag of loose metal forks and spoons.
"Stay back!" Phillip screamed at the top of his lungs. He reached down and grabbed a small broken twig off the grass. He pointed it at the giant gray wolf like it was a sharp iron sword. "I have a stick! I am not afraid to poke you right in the eyes!"
The giant gray wolf stared at the tiny stick in Phillip’s hand. The wolf tilted his big furry head to the side.
"Is he threatening us with a twig?" the wolf asked the goblins, squinting his yellow eyes. "Is that a stick from an oak tree?"
"I think it is a birch tree stick," Gary the goblin said, squinting back. "Birch is very weak wood. One tiny bite and that stick turns into soft sawdust."
"Look at his posture," another green goblin laughed, pointing his finger at Phillip’s shaking knees. "He thinks he looks scary. He looks like a angry wet cat holding a toothpick."
"Kid, just drop the stick," the wolf said in a calm, tired voice, taking one slow step forward. "We are not trying to eat you right now. We just need to take you down to the main council hall. It is the sacred law of the forest. Just cooperate and put the stick down so we can go home."
Phillip saw the wolf take a step closer. The wolf’s yellow eyes looked huge in the dark night. The wolf opened his big jaws, showing two rows of long sharp white teeth.
"GROWL! BARK! BARK! RUFF!" was all Phillip heard in his head.
"I warned you!" Phillip yelled, waving the tiny two inch stick wildly in the air. "I will swing this weapon! I swear to good dusts I will swing it!"
Phillip swung the stick at the air as hard as he could. The stick snapped in half instantly because Phillip squeezed it way too hard in his sweaty hand. The top half flew through the air and fell uselessly into the dirt. Phillip was left holding a tiny stub of wood that was shorter than his thumb.
The group of goblins burst out laughing at the same time. Gary the goblin fell flat on his back in the grass, kicking his tiny green feet in the air. "He broke his own weapon! That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life!"
"Even I think that was embarrassing," Cris the skeleton muttered, shaking his bare skull head side to side. "And I do not even have a knee bone."
Phillip tossed the broken stub of wood behind him in total frustration. "Okay, fine! No stick! Great! I didn’t want the stick anyway!"
He backed up until his shoes hit the bottom of the giant stone wall. He looked left and right on the ground, searching for a big heavy rock to throw at the wolf’s face.
Right next to his left boot, growing directly out of a small crack at the bottom of the gray stone wall, was a very weird mushroom.
It was not a normal forest mushroom. It was as wide as a large dinner plate. The round cap of the mushroom was a bright, glowing neon purple color. It was pulsing with a soft purple light, expanding and shrinking like a little heart beating.
Every single time the cap pulsed, tiny clouds of sparkling purple dust shot up into the air, making a faint fizzing sound like a cold bottle of soda.
Phillip stared down at it. His brown eyes went wide with shock and excitement.
"Hold on a second," Phillip whispered to himself, his voice suddenly full of hope. "A glowing purple mushroom growing in a magical dark forest? This is totally a secret magic power up!"
He remembered all the cool fantasy storybooks he read back at home. Whenever a hero in a story found a glowing plant in a dark cave, it always gave them super human strength, or made them completely invisible, or let them shoot giant fireballs out of their hands.
"If I eat this thing or sniff this stuff," Phillip thought in his head, "I will probably gain dark magic powers instantly. I will grow giant rock muscles and smash these green monsters into pancake batter!"
He crouched down on his knees in front of the glowing mushroom. He put his face close to the neon purple cap. He took a small test breath through his mouth. The glowing purple dust floating around the cap smelled funny, like old spicy cheese mixed with sour apples.
The giant gray wolf saw Phillip crouch down over the glowing purple mushroom. The wolf’s yellow eyes instantly went huge with absolute horror.
"Oh no," the wolf gasped out loud, stopping dead in his tracks. "Oh hell no no no no!"
"What is the human kid doing down there?" Gary the goblin asked, leaning forward to see past the wolf’s big furry body.
"He is putting his nose right next to the Corpse Fungus!" the wolf screamed, waving his front paws wildly in the air like a crazy person. "Is he completely insane?"
"Hey! Human kid!" Gary the goblin yelled at the top of his lungs, waving his arms around. "Get your face away from that thing! That is the stink mushroom! Do not sniff that nasty stuff!"
"You go stop him!" the wolf ordered the skeleton soldier.
"I cannot run fast without my knee bone, boss!" the skeleton rattled back loudly. "If I try to sprint, my whole leg will fall off!"
The wolf took two fast steps forward, barking as loud as he could. "Kid! Listen to my voice! That mushroom is super nasty! It just makes your whole body smell like a dead trash bin in the summer! Stop right now!"
To Phillip, the entire monster army was suddenly freaking out for no reason. They were waving their arms, screaming at each other, and stepping toward him with panicked looks on their faces.
Phillip looked over his shoulder at them and saw the panic on the wolf’s furry face.
Phillip smiled a dirty, smug smile.
"Aha!" Phillip thought happily. "Look how scared they are! They know what this mushroom is! This must be the ultimate forbidden power source of the whole forest! They don’t want me to sniff it because they know I will become an unstoppable god!"
"You guys are way too late!" Phillip shouted back at the wolf, tapping his own nose proudly with his finger. "You thought you had me cornered against this wall! But now I am going to take your secret magic power for myself!"
"What is he saying now?" Gary the goblin asked, looking super confused. "Why is he tapping his own nose like a total idiot?"
"I think he thinks he is being cool," the wolf groaned, dropping his furry head into his paws. "He has no idea what he is about to do to his own nostrils."
"Kid, please listen," Gary the goblin yelled again, making a pushing motion with both green hands. "We are actually trying to help you here! The terrible smell from that purple fungus stays on your skin for three whole days! It tastes like rotten socks and wet garbage!"
"GROWL BARK GROWL!" was all Phillip heard coming out of the goblin’s mouth.
"Save your breath, big dog!" Phillip laughed out loud, bending his head down even lower over the bright neon purple cap. "You can beg all you want! I am taking all the magic power for myself and leaving you in the dirt!"
"I am not a big dog, I am a thunder wolf!" the wolf shouted back angrily. "And I am telling you that thing is totally gross!"
"Look at him, boss," the skeleton soldier said, leaning heavily on his spear. "He is really going to do it. He has that wild, crazy look in his eyes."
"Everyone cover your noses right now!" the wolf ordered, backing away five big steps. "Get behind the big boulder! Move, move, move!"
The group of green goblins scrambled backward in a huge rush, trying to hide behind a giant mossy boulder. They pushed and shoved each other out of the way.
"Let me get in front!" Gary squeaked, squeezing between two other goblins. "My nose is way more sensitive than yours!"
"I do not even have a nose, but I am still terrified!" a skeleton soldier yelled, hiding behind a tree trunk.
Phillip took a deep breath through his open mouth. He lowered his face until his nose was only two inches away from the pulsing neon purple mushroom cap.
The soft purple powder floated upward in tiny clouds, dancing around his nostrils like tiny glowing purple stars.
Phillip closed his eyes tight. He puffed out his small chest as far as it could go. He prepared his body to receive the grand, unstoppable legendary power of the dark forest.
"Time to become a super hero and destroy everyone," Phillip whispered to himself with a smirk.
He closed his mouth tight. He flared his nostrils as wide as they could possibly go.
Then, Phillip took a huge, massive, deep breath right through his nose.
He inhaled every single glowing speck of purple dust floating above the mushroom cap. He sucked in the glowing purple clouds like a giant high powered vacuum cleaner. The pulsing purple light on the mushroom cap instantly dimmed as all its spores were dragged straight up into Phillip’s nose.
Phillip held the deep breath inside his lungs, waiting proudly for the dark magic to spread through his blood.
He waited for his arm muscles to double in size.
He waited for glowing laser beams to come out of his eyeballs.
He waited for giant dragon wings to sprout from his back so he could fly over the high stone wall and wave goodbye to the stupid gray wolf.
The wolf and the goblins peeked out slowly from behind the mossy boulder, watching Phillip in complete horror and total silence.
"He did it," Gary the goblin whispered, shaking his green head. "He actually inhaled the entire spore cloud."
"May the ancient spirits of the forest have mercy on our nostrils," the gray wolf groaned softly, pulling his bushy tail up to cover his snout.