"Hey maestro," Philip called out softly. "That wand looks like it came out of a cereal box. Have you tried turning the core around?"
The performer stopped his dramatic chanting and looked down at Philip with pure irritation. "Kid, please! I am channeling ancient magic from the eastern seas! Do not interrupt the sacred flow of magic!"
"Bro, your wand is literally leaking blue battery fluid onto your thumb," Philip pointed out, squinting at the cheap wooden rod. "You’re gonna give yourself hand cramps if you keep squeezing it like that."
"What is battery fluid? Is that a drink? Nevermind. It is divine essence!" the performer hissed through his teeth, trying to hide his glowing green thumb behind his back. "Now move along! You’re ruining the mystic atmosphere!"
"Okay! I’ll move," Philip smiled warmly.
While the performer turned back to the crowd to resume his dramatic chanting, Philip reached out his hand and casually snatched a large painted wooden clown mask right off the props table.
The mask was painted with bright red rosy cheeks, a ridiculously wide painted smile, and ugly yellow stars carved around the circular eye holes.
Philip slipped the wooden mask over his face to check the fit. The smooth painted wood fit his jawline nicely, covering his entire face while giving his eyes plenty of room through the star cutouts.
"Mmm. Not bad," Philip mumbled under the wooden mask, his voice sounding slightly muffled. "If Brandon comes out here looking for his silver, he won’t be able to spot me in this. Plus it covers up the glowing blue dust on my nose."
He threw a single stolen copper coin onto the stage table as a mock payment and walked away, eating his second skewer of roasted boar.
Further down the avenue, the entire crowd suddenly erupted into deafening cheers. Trumpets blared from all directions as the grand parade of high ranked Mage Knights entered the main plaza.
The knights rode on tall armored horses covered in blue silk banners.
They wore thick plates of shimmering silver armor etched with glowing blue runes, holding fine golden staves that hummed with pure magical energy.
They waved arrogantly to the screaming peasants, looking down their noses like living gods walking among mere mortals.
Philip found an empty wooden barrel near the edge of the street, climbed on top of it, and sat down with his legs dangling over the side so he could watch the spectacle.
A young guy sitting on the stone wall next to him, wearing a ragged apprentice robe, was jumping up and down with wide glassy eyes, clapping his hands together like a crazy person.
"Look at them!" the young apprentice gasped, his voice trembling with pure awe. "That’s Sir Valentino! He’s a level forty seven High Mage! He can cast three fireballs at the exact same time without even sweating!"
Philip took a slow bite of his meat skewer, looking at Sir Valentino with a raised eyebrow under his clown mask.
"Level forty seven my ass," Philip snickered loudly. "Look at the golden staff in his right hand buddy. See that tiny flickering crystal on the top?"
The young apprentice stopped clapping and looked at Philip in confusion. "What? What about the crystal? That’s a high grade sky diamond!"
"That sky diamond is running on three percent battery life," Philip said, pointing his greasy wooden skewer at the knight’s staff.
"The glow is uneven as hell. It’s pulsing fast on the left side and totally dark on the right. That guy hasn’t cleaned his mana intake valve in six months. If he tries to cast a single fireball right now, the backfire is gonna blow his eyebrows clean off."
Before Phillip became an addict in his previous life, he was once a factory worker of a huge technological giant company. He spend day and nights doing his work to earn money to secretly pay for his leisure.
He is an expert on battery life analysis that he once learned in his high school special class.
The apprentice blinked, looking back at the magnificent knight, then back at the skinny kid wearing an ugly wooden clown mask.
"You... you can tell all that just by looking at the glow?" the apprentice asked, his mouth hanging open slightly.
"Kid, I know junk when I see it," Philip laughed, leaning back against the stone wall. "This whole kingdom is obsessed with shiny silver armor and golden staves, but nobody knows how the engine actually works."
He paused to looked directly on the apprentice eyes and continued.
"Come on dude! They buy these super expensive artificial cores from fancy guilds, shove them into their suits, and pretend they’re grand wizards. It’s like buying a Ferrari and filling the gas tank with apple juice."
"I don’t know what Ferrari is but artificial cores are a miracle of modern alchemy!" the apprentice argued defensively, crossing his arms. "Without them, normal humans wouldn’t be able to use magic at all! How else are we supposed to channel arcana?!"
"You grind the core into a fine powder and snort it straight up your left nostril," Philip said casually, taking another bite of meat. "Saves you millions of gold coins and gives you ten times the mana output."
The apprentice stared at Philip for five full seconds, his face turning pale.
"You’re completely insane," the apprentice whispered, slowly sliding five feet away from Philip on the stone wall. "You’re a crazy person in a cheap clown mask."
"They called Galileo crazy too buddy," Philip chuckled, flipping a stolen silver coin into the air and catching it with a crisp metallic snap. "Now sit your ass back and enjoy the parade. The show is about to get really interesting."
Philip leaned back against the wall, taking a deep breath of the hot dusty air.
He had money in his pocket, food in his belly, and a whole cellar full of toxic magic items waiting for him back at Brandon’s shop.
Life was simple, fun, and completely under his control.
He looked up at the bright blue sky, thoroughly convinced that nothing could possibly ruin his perfect afternoon.