(Author’s note: The first chapter or two were written during a rather questionable phase of my life, so the writing style is quite different from the later chapters.
I strongly recommend treating them separately from the rest of the story.
If you can’t stand them, feel free to skip straight to Chapter 3…
My pretentious literary phase was limited to these two chapters, I promise…
To be honest, even I didn’t realize how much of a dumbass I used to be.)
“Say, Old Hong, are you absolutely sure there’s nothing wrong with these light bulbs?”
Inside the dimly lit general store, Old Lee tapped a light bulb sitting on one of the shelves.
He then turned toward the white-haired young man outside, who was sitting with his legs crossed, holding a newspaper and wearing a pair of dark glasses.
“Of course there’s nothing wrong with them.
When it comes to Hong the Know-It-All, you’ll never find a single product of questionable quality.”
The young man grabbed a handful of peanuts from the table and tossed them into his mouth, chewing leisurely.
‘Hmm, these taste a little sour…
Huh?
Why do they have the texture of gummy candy?’
‘Sure enough, nothing good ever comes from Rope’s cheap merchandise…’
‘Maybe next time she comes to my shop to stock up on goods…
I shouldn’t be so willing to turn a blind eye to her little activities?’
Meanwhile, in the storeroom behind the shop, the light bulb Old Lee had just tapped suddenly made a crisp cracking sound.
A thin crack appeared across its surface.
Seeing this, Old Lee quietly withdrew his hand and moved on to inspect the next bulb.
“What was that sound?”
The young man’s ears twitched as he turned toward the storeroom.
Old Lee froze for a moment.
However, having spent years honing his survival skills in the treacherous world of neighborhood markets, he quickly came up with an answer.
“Nothing much.
Just a relative of the Zalaks scurrying around.”
“A rat?
Hmm…
Looks like it’s about time I cleaned out the storeroom.”
With that, the young man leisurely rose from his old-fashioned recliner, walked over to Old Lee, and casually draped an arm around his shoulders.
“Anyway, what made you come all the way here to buy lighting equipment?”
“Who else could it be but that brat Aak?
He insisted on opening some sort of clinic in the lower district and performing surgeries there.
But because he didn’t have proper lighting, he accidentally removed a patient’s private parts and secretly reattached them afterward.
Now the patient keeps asking him why they don’t work anymore.”
Old Lee covered his forehead with one hand, his voice filled with helpless resignation.
“Originally, I was going to give Aak a proper scolding.
But who could’ve expected that the unfortunate patient turned out to be a notorious sex offender from the slums?
After Aak’s little reconstruction job, the fellow lost all hope and turned himself in to the authorities…”
“Pfft!”
The young man couldn’t help laughing before gesturing for Old Lee to continue.
“So what else could I say?
In the end, I had no choice but to come here and buy him a proper surgical light.”
Old Lee paid little attention to the young man’s laughter, though his voice sounded even more exhausted than before.
‘A light?
For surgery?’
“Why the hell are you buying an ordinary light?!
Old Lee, you really don’t know quality when you see it!”
The young man gave Old Lee a hearty slap on the back, nearly sending him sprawling onto the floor.
“What the hell’s gotten into you?!”
Old Lee straightened himself and brushed the dust off his clothes.
To be fair, the young man’s storeroom really was quite a mess, and Old Lee was thoroughly displeased at having gotten dust all over himself.
However, the young man completely ignored his complaints.
Instead, he rushed into the depths of the storeroom and dragged out an enormous piece of equipment.
“Behold!
Master Hong’s personal recommendation, specially selected for your surgical needs—a shadowless surgical lamp!”
Old Lee stared blankly.
“A what?”
“A shadowless lamp!
Haven’t you ever been to a hospital delivery room?”
Hongyu chuckled.
“It’s one of those lamps that illuminate everything without casting shadows.”
“Get out of here!
Why would I be delivering babies?
Of course I know what a shadowless lamp is!
What I’m asking is where you got one.
Those things aren’t cheap, are they?”
“That’s none of your business!
This Immortal Hong has his own mysterious methods.
You’re right that these things are pretty expensive, but since we’re old friends, I’ll generously sell this one to you for just 1,500 LMD!”
Hongyu thumped his chest, putting on an exaggerated display of generosity.
“Fifteen hundred?
Too expensive.
How about a thousand?”
Old Lee spoke while staring at Hongyu, whose eyes had practically transformed into dollar signs.
‘Seriously, could you at least try to control your facial expressions when you’re attempting to fleece me?’
“Deal!”
Hongyu immediately slammed his hand onto the table.
‘Damn it.
Did I ask for too little…?’
Seeing Hongyu’s expression of undisguised delight, Old Lee began to seriously suspect that he had still been ripped off.
Noticing the constipated look on Old Lee’s face, Hongyu wasted no time packing up the shadowless lamp.
He shoved the box into Old Lee’s arms, pushed him out of the shop, and promptly slammed the rolling shutter shut.
No sooner had Old Lee been thrown outside than Hongyu’s voice rang out from behind the door.
“This is a small business with small profit margins!
All sales are final!
No refunds or returns!
Thank you for your patronage!”
He delivered the entire announcement in a single breath, without the slightest hesitation.
The corners of Old Lee’s mouth twitched.
With no other choice, he picked up the box and left.
Inside the shop, Hongyu smiled faintly as he listened to Old Lee’s footsteps gradually fading into the distance.
Glancing at the sky and realizing that it was already getting rather late, he finally closed the general store for the day.
The moment the door shut, however, the smile that had remained on his face throughout the entire encounter vanished without a trace.
He removed his dark glasses, revealing a pair of grayish-blue eyes completely devoid of emotion.
Standing before a mirror, Hongyu tugged at the corners of his mouth, forcing them into a rather imperfect smile.
“I’ve gotten pretty good at imitating it.”
“Making someone who can’t feel emotions at all maintain a smile…”
He rubbed his forehead.
“That’s quite the difficult task you’ve given me…”
“I’m sure I promised someone I would do it…
But…”
“Who was it again?”
‘Whatever.’
Patting his cheeks, Hongyu returned to his old recliner and picked up the newspaper he hadn’t finished reading earlier.
[Shocking News!
Washboard Once Used to Punish Lungmen’s Governor Auctioned for an Astonishing 70,000 LMD!
(Lungmen, July 13)]
‘Are these reporters seriously not afraid of getting shut down?
Seventy thousand LMD…
Why would anyone even have that kind of hobby?’
[Shocking News!
Washboard Once Used to Punish Lungmen’s Governor Purchased for 100,000 LMD by an Unnamed Princess from Higashi!
(Lungmen, July 13)]
Princess Fumizuki: “At this point, you might as well publish my identification number while you’re at it.”
‘Still, shouldn’t family scandals be kept behind closed doors?’
[Shocking News!
Lungmen’s Governor Delivers Public Speech While Confined to a Wheelchair!
(Lungmen, July 14)]
‘Rest in peace, Lord Wei!
Even after kneeling on a washboard all night, he still insisted on attending meetings!’
‘But considering Old Wei’s physical condition, would something like that really be enough to put him in a wheelchair?’
‘Don’t tell me he’s just pretending to be miserable to win Lady Fumizuki’s sympathy?’
[Shocking News!
Penguin Logistics Breaks Record with 99 Traffic Violations in a Single Month!
(Lungmen, July 15)]
‘For some reason, I feel like ninety-nine tickets is actually a little low…’
[Shocking News!
Emperor Engages in Rap Battle Against Elderly Zalak in Public Park!
Countless Spectators Gather to Watch!
(Lungmen, July 16)]
‘Emperor really does have too much free time on his hands…’
‘Wait, don’t tell me he’s finally found an opponent worthy of him?’
[Shocking News!
The Thousand-Year-Old Empire of Ursus Officially Renamed the People’s Republic of Ursus!
New Government Issues Historic Announcement!
Chairwoman Talulah of the People’s Republic of Ursus Announces Repeal of the Nation’s Oppressive Policies Against the Infected!
(Lungmen, July 17)]
‘What?’
Just as Hongyu was engrossed in reading his old-fashioned newspaper, a faint clicking sound suddenly came from the back door of the general store.
He lowered the newspaper and walked toward the door.
“Another one?”
Muttering to himself, Hongyu reached into the mailbox mounted beside the door and pulled out a letter.
The name written at the bottom was unmistakable.
[Talulah]
However, this letter clearly hadn’t been written to Hongyu by the current leader of Ursus.
After all, the date on the letter was…
[Terra, Year 1089]
Hongyu blinked, then carefully put the letter away as he considered whether he should write a reply.
After all, this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.
It was the third.
The first time, he had received a letter dated sixteen years in the past.
The second time, it hadn’t been a letter at all, but rather…
some kind of notification?
He didn’t know what it said, since he hadn’t bothered to read it yet.
And out of the three mysterious pieces of correspondence, Hongyu had only ever replied to the first.
The name signed at the bottom of that letter was…
[Ch’en Hui-chieh]
…
…
…
“Old Lee, are you absolutely certain that Hongyu guy didn’t scam you?”
Aak pointed toward the so-called shadowless surgical lamp inside his operating room.
At irregular intervals, the lamp flashed with a dazzling assortment of colorful lights.
“Perhaps…?”
Old Lee stroked his chin thoughtfully.
For the first time, he began seriously questioning the integrity of that white-haired rascal with the rather wicked smile—the same fellow he often went fishing with along Lungmen’s riverbanks, occasionally catching a few of Lee’s distant relatives in the process.
Staring at the operating room, which had somehow transformed into a full-blown nightclub, Old Lee fell into deep contemplation.
“Maybe…
I should go ask for a refund?”
He cautiously floated the suggestion to Aak.
Aak gave him a disdainful look.
“When Hongyu kicked you out, didn’t he say something along the lines of no refunds, no returns, small business, and thank you for your patronage?”
Old Lee froze.
Then he slapped his forehead.
“Goddammit!
That little bastard got me!”