Uma Musume: Pretty Derby.
Some people claimed the title could also be translated as “Horse Girl, Beautiful Derby.”
They were correct.
Uma Musume was a horse-girl-raising game developed by Cygames.
Players repeatedly trained different horse girls in a roguelike-style cycle.
They watched their trainees stay up too late, gain weight, lose motivation, fail training, lose races, and perform countless other blood-pressure-raising actions.
Then they restarted without hesitation.
For players, the greatest joy came from personally raising an outstanding horse girl.
But to achieve the desired result, they had to train again and again.
They repeated the same three-year career endlessly.
For the player, it was a never-ending cycle of three years.
Changing the horse girl merely meant moving into a different cell.
The game offered few rewards, inflicted enormous stress, forbade erotic fan art, and aggressively encouraged spending.
Both players and devoted fans called it a one-good-part-to-four-bad-parts disaster and warned newcomers never to touch it.
This was Uma Musumeeeeeee!
Yet Zhou Yu’ang had played with tremendous enthusiasm.
Because he was a horse-loving gentleman.
A horse-loving gentleman who adored both real racehorses and horse girls.
“‘Pretty’ refers to the races being magnificent… probably.
‘Derby’ refers to the Derby Stakes, held in the town of Epsom and associated with the origins of modern flat racing.”
Zhou Yu’ang casually explained the title while launching the game.
Once the game opened, the audience saw Tracen Academy displayed across the system’s widened screen.
Numerous familiar horse girls lived and trained within its halls.
Suzuka was astonished to discover many girls she knew.
She even saw herself.
“But I’m only an ordinary horse girl.
Why would I appear in the game?”
Suzuka was not the only one confused.
Several other viewers recognized themselves as well.
[Tracen Pun Master]: What is this game?
I can see Tracen and several horse girls I know.
[Invincible Seaside-sama]: +1
[Festival Girl]: +1
“This game uses the real Tracen Academy as its basis.
You play a newly hired Trainer, select a horse girl to raise, and spend three years together as Trainer and trainee… Oh, and the game contains more than seventy turns.
Each turn represents half a month.”
As Zhou Yu’ang explained, the game finished loading.
The audience saw an empty Tracen lobby.
“Since I just created this account, it’s completely empty.
I don’t own anyone yet.”
When several viewers asked why there were no horse girls present, Zhou Yu’ang continued explaining.
“This is a traditional Japanese gacha game.
If you want characters, you have to summon from banners.
Fortunately, the game gives us a selection ticket.”
Unlike the original mobile game, which began with a fake gacha animation before handing the player a fixed group of starter characters, this version began with nothing.
Every horse girl had to be summoned from a banner.
However, each career required considerable time.
No matter how many characters a player owned, they could only train one horse girl per run.
They also needed to summon Support Cards from a separate banner to assist with training.
Fortunately, the Three Goddesses had mercifully granted Zhou Yu’ang roughly ten thousand jewels as startup capital.
More importantly, he possessed the essential beginner tool: a selection ticket.
It allowed him to choose one of the launch three-star horse girls as his first character.
“Since this is my debut stream, I won’t waste everyone’s time.
I’ll pull some Support Cards, use the selection ticket, and then begin the game.”
Zhou Yu’ang quickly opened the gacha screen.
Ignoring the horse-girl banner, he selected the Support Card banner.
Paid banners existed in this version as well.
Zhou Yu’ang could spend the real salary he earned as a Trainer.
A Trainer’s base salary was respectable.
When a trainee won a race, the Trainer also received a small portion of the prize money.
But using money earned from real horse girls to summon other horse girls and Support Cards inside a game felt rather strange.
So Zhou Yu’ang chose the Support Card banner.
“Support Cards are divided into seven categories.
Five correspond to the horse girl’s core attributes: Speed, Stamina, Power, Guts, and Wit.”
The remaining categories were Friend and Group.
Friend Cards were nearly mandatory during the early game.
Group Cards would not appear until the game’s first-and-a-half anniversary.
According to the Three Goddesses, however, future banner releases depended entirely on Zhou Yu’ang’s preferences.
He studied the banner containing the launch-era cards and rubbed his chin.
Very few early cards were genuinely useful.
This was a Japanese mobile game, after all.
Launch units were destined to be buried in the graveyard of power creep.
Still, several cards retained their value for an exceptional length of time.
Fine Motion’s Wit card remained extremely powerful more than two years later, holding a high position among Wit Cards.
Like Kitasan Black’s god-tier Speed card released one month after launch, it was an old card that could remain useful until the game shut down.
A new account needed it.
Super Creek’s Stamina card also deserved mention.
Because Stamina Cards faced less competition than other categories, it remained one of the strongest until the divine Stamina Mejiro McQueen finally knocked it from the throne.
But in the early game, players mainly alternated between Speed and Wit.
A few basic Speed and Wit Cards were enough.
As for Friend Cards?
Fortunately, players only supplied five cards of their own.
The sixth had to be borrowed.
Version-specific cards could simply be rented from someone else.
“Since I’m the only person playing, I’ll pull casually.
There’s no need to compete with anyone.”
Zhou Yu’ang spoke in his delightfully shameless voice.
The comments immediately filled with dissatisfaction.
[Horse Girl Enthusiast]: That’s too cruel!
Are you saying you’re the only one who can play this horse-girl game?
I want to spend a simulated three-year career with horse girls too!
The horse girl behind that shameless multi-oshi username was not alone.
Many viewers wanted to try the game.
Even if they had no interest in raising themselves, they could train their idols, seniors, or friends.
That alone was enough to excite them.
“Well…”
Letting them play Uma Musume was like convincing people to play Dark Souls.
Zhou Yu’ang looked at the indignant comments and nearly laughed.
This game was famous for causing hypertension.
Some horse girls might become so furious after playing that they hunted down the girl they had raised and demanded to know why she had slacked off.
Others might train themselves, discover what an impossible little princess they could be, lie awake all night, slap themselves several times, and admit that they were terrible people.
Low blood pressure?
Play Uma Musume.
“I’ll ask the Three Goddesses later whether they can install it on every horse girl’s phone.”
Fine.
Joy shared was joy doubled.
They could all happily enter prison together.
Then something on the enlarged screen caught Zhou Yu’ang’s attention.
“Oh?
Rainbow.”
R cards were white.
SR cards were gold.
SSR cards were rainbow.
Although horse girls and Support Cards had only three rarity tiers, a player could spend two hundred pulls, hit pity, and receive a single SSR.
Sometimes that one SSR was merely the card purchased with the two hundred exchange points.
A rainbow-colored label appeared upon the album representing the Support Card.
Zhou Yu’ang used the mouse to skip the animation.
The card surprised him.
It was a Friend Card.
The featured character was Tazuna Hayakawa, the chairwoman’s secretary he had spoken with earlier.
The illustration depicted a newly hired Trainer entering Tracen while Tazuna handed over work documents.
[Tracen Pun Master]: Isn’t that Miss Tazuna?
And what is this scene supposed to be?
“As a side note, Support Card illustrations depict various events involving Tracen’s horse girls, Trainers, and staff.
Don’t worry.
The game won’t include any images too embarrassing for public viewing.”
Zhou Yu’ang reassured the audience.
Several horse girls who behaved lazily around Tracen sighed in relief.
They did not want their worst moments turned into cards and placed inside someone’s deck.
Then he continued pulling.
Japanese mobile games perfectly demonstrated the principle of saving for an entire year and spending everything in fifteen minutes.
Most of the initial ten thousand jewels disappeared immediately.
He did obtain several rainbow cards.
Setting aside Tazuna’s Friend Card, he also summoned Fine Motion.
Unfortunately, Support Cards without enough limit breaks were not even qualified to sit in a wheelchair.
Whales could casually field six SSRs.
Free players relied on SR cards as the backbone of their decks.
For a fresh account, obtaining Fine Motion—the strongest early-game Wit Card—was excellent.
Tazuna was useful as well.
A few Speed Cards such as Sakura Bakushin O and Nishino Flower would be enough to begin.
After finishing the Support Card pulls, Zhou Yu’ang moved the mouse to the horse-girl banner.
The audience saw various horse girls activating their unique skills.
Everyone at Tracen was familiar with such displays.
Uma Musume were not only athletes.
They were also idols.
Whenever a horse girl prepared to compete in her first Grade 1 race, Tracen issued a racing outfit designed specifically for her.
Under the protection of the Three Goddesses, even the most impractical outfit did not hinder performance.
Instead, it enhanced the wearer’s strength.
Tracen also filmed special-effects promotional videos featuring horse girls in those racing outfits.
The unique-skill animations in the game were essentially those promotional videos.
“Only three thousand jewels remain.
Let fate decide.”
Support Cards mattered far more than characters.
Not every horse girl could compete effectively in PvP, but strong equipment was essential.
Zhou Yu’ang clicked.
The gacha animation began.
Tazuna waved toward the screen while running down a hallway.
She reached a red door and pulled it open, revealing the grass of a racetrack.
Starting gates stood at the end of the course.
Every closed stall contained the blurred silhouette of a horse girl.
Among the white gates, a few gold gates appeared.
White represented one-star characters.
Gold represented two-star characters.
The rare rainbow gate represented a three-star character.
This was Uma Musume’s distinctive ten-pull animation.
Countless Trainers threw away their jewels, only to watch the green devil open the red door and reveal nothing but white and gold disappointment.
[Supersonic B70]: Miss Tazuna opens a door… and there’s a grassy racetrack behind it?
Suzuka found the sequence strangely amusing and posted a comment.
Then she glanced toward the feed and froze.
She noticed the ID beside her own message.
It seemed… painfully bright.
B70?
Was that some type of missile?
Comparing a horse girl to a missile made sense, since horse girls were fast…
Wait.
Suzuka looked at the three glaring characters.
She folded her hands and instinctively placed them over her chest.
The physical feedback made her lower her eyes.
Then she remembered why those characters looked so familiar.
Wasn’t that the bust measurement recorded during her recent physical examination?
“This can’t be real.”
Why had the system assigned her such a username?
She was only slightly smaller than average!
Suzuka looked pitifully through her account settings, searching for a way to change it.
Zhou Yu’ang did not notice her comment.
He had been hoping the beginner bonus would produce a miracle.
It did not.
No guaranteed three-star rainbow gate appeared.
[Horse Girl Enthusiast]: Why is there only grass and no dirt?
Does this game only include turf horse girls?
It discriminates against dirt racers just like the JRA!
Disappointed, Zhou Yu’ang turned toward the feed.
The comment from that obsessive multi-oshi viewer immediately caught his attention.
“No.
The game includes both turf and dirt.
They simply didn’t create a separate dirt-track animation.”
Japanese racing absolutely discriminated against dirt.
A turf race could easily become more popular than a dirt race of the same grade.
Unhappy?
Go argue with the JRA.
Most Japanese horse girls specialized in turf.
Dirt runners would not receive their golden age until the second anniversary.
At launch, there were barely any.
“Since no three-star appeared, let’s continue.”
He watched familiar one- and two-star horse girls emerge from the gates.
Then he performed another ten-pull.
Tazuna once again fulfilled expectations by opening the red door rather than the gilded door that guaranteed a three-star.
Miss Tazuna, you’ve already been running so much.
Why don’t you let the chairwoman open the door instead?
“What a shame.
If the chairwoman appeared instead of Miss Tazuna, it would guarantee a three-star horse girl.”
Zhou Yu’ang could not help thinking about Tracen’s chairwoman.
She wore a blue-and-white Western dress and, like Tazuna, disguised herself as a human.
However, she did not hide the white streak in her hair—the marking commonly called a blaze.
She was petite, with long orange hair and a white streak.
Her manner of speaking was old-fashioned rather than cute.
But she was legal.
Having reached that point, Zhou Yu’ang glanced at the comment feed.
Several viewers were discussing the gacha animation.
Others seemed prepared to chat among themselves.
He immediately added a warning.
“By the way, this stream has no special rules, but I recommend that viewers avoid revealing their real names.”
[White-Eyed H-Manga Sensei]: Why?
Does revealing our identities cause someone to knock on the door and investigate us?
Will something indecent happen afterward?
[Horse Girl Enthusiast]: I feel like the person above is strangely excited by that possibility.
Your ID suits you perfectly.
“There’s no deeper reason.
A mysterious masquerade is simply more entertaining.”
Zhou Yu’ang had no intention of inventing elaborate excuses.
His actual motive resembled that of a certain cowardly demon king from Demon Slayer.
He feared everyone identifying one another, forming a group, and beating him to death together.
What happened if several horse girls gathered and someone suddenly suggested they search for the streamer?
Tracen contained no shortage of rich heiresses.
A single order to their family staff could launch a nationwide search.
Then Zhou Yu’ang would be captured offline with ease.
[Horse Girl Enthusiast]: I see.
For horse girls, that does sound like a fun way to interact.
“Exactly.”
Zhou Yu’ang exited the gacha menu and returned to the empty home screen.
“All right.
The resources are gone.
Next comes the career mode.”
He circled the enormous zero beside the jewel counter with his mouse, then looked at the Three Goddesses beside him.
Wonderful.
Why not pick up the abacus and smash it directly into their faces?
If he kept behaving this way, they were going to punish him for assaulting deities.
Byerley’s mouth twitched.
She wanted to curse, but as a former warhorse, she could not bring herself to use vulgar language.
[Dutiful Female Officer]: Stop waving the mouse around and train a horse girl.
Go play Uma Musume!
Zhou Yu’ang blinked.
Byerley stood directly beside him, yet posted comments instead of speaking aloud.
He lifted the screen with one hand and pointed at her with the other.
How was that different from refusing to speak and communicating through written notes?
This stern-looking but secretly foolish goddess was rather adorable.
Perhaps he could trick her into coming home with him.
“Don’t you still have your salary?”
The quiet blue goddess, Godolphin Arabian, approached from behind.
Representing wisdom and the sea, she leaned close and pointed toward the plus sign beside the jewel counter.
Selecting it would allow him to spend his salary.
“Buy paid jewels and summon from the guaranteed horse-girl banner.
Don’t forget the guaranteed Support Card banner beside it.”
Godolphin was the most beautiful of the Three Goddesses.
Her gorgeous hair, jewel-like eyes, and gentle smile could easily captivate anyone.
When she moved near, Zhou Yu’ang caught a refreshing floral fragrance reminiscent of sea wind.
How could someone who looked so angelic speak like such a devil?
“No.
My family is poor.”
“Then find a rich heiress among the horse girls and marry into her family.
At worst, she’ll use steel wool on you every day, crush your pelvis, and leave you bedridden from the waist down.”
Zhou Yu’ang hereby declared Godolphin the most dangerous of the Three Goddesses.
“I was wrong.
Forget I said anything.”
Godolphin’s smile remained gentle enough to make his scalp tingle.
Zhou Yu’ang turned away and resumed the stream.
“Sorry.
I thought I heard the basement door.”
The words slipped out without thought.
Yandere horse girls locking Trainers in basements was among the fandom’s most famous fan-created concepts.
As a streamer, surely he would not literally have a horse girl knocking at his door.
[Invincible Seaside-sama]: A basement?
A door?
Streamer, do you live in a basement because you’re poor, or because you enjoy it?
As that comment floated past, Zhou Yu’ang wanted to slap his past self.
More questions immediately followed.
“No.
Only the streaming room is in a basement.
I’m a cheerful and sunny young man, so naturally I live in a normal apartment.”
His mind worked quickly.
He casually invented a lie.
Anyone attempting to dox him could search basements.
Perhaps they would discover actual crimes and rescue people in need.
“A livestream from a basement?
Does that mean this activity can only be performed somewhere hidden from public view?”
Suzuka stopped worrying about her ID.
As long as no one mentioned it, no one would notice that the sweet-looking, soft-spoken horse girl possessed a B70 measurement.
[Unbreakable Glass]: Where does the streamer work?
Was that truly an acceptable question to ask?
Zhou Yu’ang nearly cursed, then looked at the username.
Never mind.
“This is confidential.
My contract forbids me from revealing my workplace.
Enough about that.
It’s time to continue.”
He opened the in-game mailbox.
Two tickets marked with three stars awaited him.
These were the legendary selection tickets, allowing him to freely choose one Support Card and one horse girl.
However, selection tickets only covered three-star units released within a limited period.
That made later tickets somewhat awkward.
“Now we begin raising a horse girl.
This is the main event of today’s stream.”
Zhou Yu’ang immediately selected another Fine Motion card and raised it to two limit breaks.
Three breaks were the minimum for comfortable use, but he was not competing with anyone.
He could improve it gradually.
Hearing that he was finally about to raise a horse girl, many viewers became curious.
Perhaps they would receive the game themselves later.
They wanted to learn how it worked.
“First, we select a three-star character.”
In any game, high-rarity characters should generally be trained first.
Low-rarity units could also be useful, but three-star characters usually carried players further.
Zhou Yu’ang opened the selection ticket.
Rows of characters appeared.
Some viewers did not recognize many of the one- and two-star horse girls.
But the three-stars should be famous.
Sure enough, as Zhou Yu’ang browsed the choices, viewers began searching for familiar faces.
[Invincible Seaside-sama]: That’s the president!
Streamer, you have to start with the president!
The excitement practically radiated through the text.
The little horse girl behind the screen seemed ready to seize the mouse and select her beloved president personally.
The “president” was Tracen’s student council president, Symboli Rudolf.
She was considered one of the highest peaks in Japanese horse-girl racing history.
A supreme powerhouse among supreme powerhouses.
Before a new generation of young monsters emerged, she stood unchallenged at the summit.
Everyone considered Rudolf invincible.
But only one horse girl praised her like a child worshiping her own father.
Tokai Teio.
In the other world, the real Tokai Teio was Symboli Rudolf’s son.
They were genuinely father and child.
In this world, however, they had become unrelated senior and junior students.
Even without Zhou Yu’ang’s knowledge, several viewers could probably identify the commenter.
“No.”
Uma Musume prioritized affection first and strength second.
Zhou Yu’ang was not like the president’s single-minded daughter.
He would not choose her father without thought.
In real racing and this world, Symboli Rudolf was an extraordinary champion.
In the game, however, it was as though she had personally murdered the developers’ mothers.
Her strength was terrible.
At launch, one could blame poor design and the disadvantage of being released too early.
Her later alternate outfit was equally useless.
Worse, the supposedly heavily promoted Group Card featuring Rudolf and two of her offspring was born at the worst possible time.
It released during the final month of the scenario most suited to it.
One month later, a new career scenario arrived.
Many players spent one hundred eighty thousand yen to fully limit-break the card, only for it to become obsolete almost immediately.
Two scenarios later, the card finally became usable again.
Players rejoiced and screamed, “Rise again, my beloved!”
Then, one month after that scenario launched, a more powerful Three Goddesses Group Card appeared, perfectly designed for the new mechanics.
The goddesses personally crushed their descendants.
Eventually, stat inflation produced an excellent Guts card for Rudolf.
But Rudolf herself still could not compete.
Choose Rudolf?
She was not even useful as a supporting runner.
Among the nine launch three-stars, only five had meaningful value.
The best choice was Zhou Yu’ang’s real-world trainee, Oguri Cap.
But if he selected Oguri here, what would the viewers think after the broadcast?
The real Oguri had only just arrived at Central Tracen and had yet to establish her reputation.
Some horse girls might become curious, seek her out, and discover Zhou Yu’ang.
Thus, the most valuable choice became the one he could not select.
Fortunately, he could touch the real Oguri.
The game version could not—
Well, touching the real Oguri required earning her complete trust first.
“Character selection should be based on gameplay experience and personal preference.”
Zhou Yu’ang explained.
The world’s number-one Rudolf fangirl, however, had entered full childish tantrum mode.
Comments such as “The president is definitely the strongest!” and “If this is a career game, the president must provide the best experience!” appeared repeatedly.
She nearly formed an army by herself.
Zhou Yu’ang wanted to abuse moderator privileges and mute her.
Fortunately, someone defended him.
[Tracen Pun Master]: The streamer already said this is a game.
Game strength doesn’t necessarily match real-world strength.
A fair and reasonable statement.
I’ll send a book of cold jokes to the student council later.
Hopefully, a certain vice president would not see it.
“Are you truly planning to give this game to horse girls?”
Zhou Yu’ang looked toward the Three Goddesses.
If horse girls played this game, the negative consequences could be incalculable.
“It’s fine.
Horse girls are students.
We’ll simply impose playtime restrictions.”
Godolphin smiled.
Zhou Yu’ang wanted to give her a thumbs-up.
Only goddesses could devise such a perfect solution.
Then he would recommend Uma Musume to horse girls and let them experience the suffering endured by horse-loving gentlemen.
“As for these nine, I won’t say anything too offensive.
I asked the Three Goddesses, and they agreed to let you play the game yourselves.”
[Horse Girl Enthusiast]: Really?
Hooray!
Long live the Three Goddesses!
Certain horse-girl enthusiasts would undoubtedly become addicted.
That was no longer Zhou Yu’ang’s problem.
“If you merely want to experience training your favorite horse girl, choose whoever you like and enjoy the game.
But if you care about strength, select this girl.”
Zhou Yu’ang circled Oguri Cap with the mouse.
[Hates Flashbulbs and Lunatics]: Is that… the rising star Oguri Cap, who recently transferred from the regional leagues to Central?
The Empress, who had spent considerable time searching every corner of the screen for a report button, had nearly begun swearing in frustration.
Then she remembered a recent report.
[Tracen Pun Master]: It is Oguri Cap.
She’s a highly promising newcomer, though she has only just arrived at Central.
Does the streamer have high expectations for her?
On the other side of the screen, the individual who loved terrible jokes rubbed her chin.
She clearly remembered making a personal trip to the countryside to ensure that Oguri Cap’s talent would not be wasted in the regional leagues.
“High expectations?
She’s more than promising.
She’s the kind of horse girl who could become my father!”
Oguri Cap’s base version was among the easiest characters to raise.
Her alternate version was a weapon of mass destruction that allowed players to slaughter the competition.
There were only two types of Trainers in the world.
Fans of Oguri Cap and worshipers of Oguri Cap.
During one fan-count event, the entire player base trained horse girls to accumulate followers.
Of the three trillion fans earned, at least two trillion had probably been generated with Oguri Cap.
Once her alternate banner arrived, those who did not believe in Oguri would face divine punishment.
[Maternal Demon]: Calling a young girl your father is rather rude.
At least call her your mother.
[Grade-Skipping Genius Girl]: Agreed.
That’s excessive.
Damn.
Two mothers appeared.
These were also women capable of becoming his mother.
Seeing their gentle comments, Zhou Yu’ang abandoned the joke.
“I’m kidding.
Oguri Cap has the broadest versatility among these characters.
Most horse girls have never competed on dirt.
As a regional rising star, she fought her way upward through dirt tracks before coming to Central.
She handles both turf and dirt, and aside from sprint races, she can compete at every distance.
That makes her the most recommended choice.”
He had wanted to say that Oguri was the strongest game character among them.
Unfortunately, several important figures were watching.
Offending them was unwise.
What streamer began their first broadcast by arguing with the comment section?
Such people should be dragged outside and executed.
“The next best option is Taiki Shuttle.
Her aptitudes aren’t as broad as Oguri Cap’s, but she also handles both turf and dirt and is an excellent early-game character.”
Zhou Yu’ang desperately wanted to criticize several horse girls whose designs were too weak.
Unfortunately, the real girls stood before the screen listening.
If he spoke too harshly, where would his conscience go?
After recommending the two most valuable choices, he considered discussing high-quality inheritance parents.
The wording, however, would become complicated.
Better to explain after completing one career.
[Horse Girl Enthusiast]: So are you choosing Oguri Cap?
[Tracen’s Madoka Higuchi]: You’ve explained enough.
Isn’t it time to begin?
He had not even discussed the most complicated systems, yet some viewers were already impatient.
Certain horse girls were practically salivating for him to place the game before them.
“Don’t worry.
I’ll choose now.”
The idea that, with the Three Goddesses’ permission, he would lure a crowd of horse girls into prison filled him with excitement.
It was comparable to leading a group of young women into medical school or teaching them programming.
Most importantly, the Three Goddesses approved.
He would lose neither moral virtue nor lifespan.
Committing evil without owing anyone anything made the prison flag rise proudly.
“As for personal preference…”
Zhou Yu’ang checked the comment feed.
After confirming that no username resembling a certain person was present, he placed the cursor over an exceptionally future-proof character.
She was extraordinarily beautiful.
Her figure, however, inspired sympathy.
“Without question, among these nine horse girls, she is my favorite.”
Without hesitation, Zhou Yu’ang selected the exchange option.
An animation began.
A horse girl in a racing outfit burst from a rainbow gate and sprinted through a colorful corridor.
“Toward the lead… toward a sight no one has ever seen!”
Thank you so much for reading until the end.
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