Despite my nerves about having Cha Ju Heon watching me so closely, today’s performance went wonderfully. The moment the final note faded, applause broke out from somewhere in the room. I knew immediately that it was him.
At some point, Cha Ju Heon had neatly folded my coat, draped it over a chair, and slipped out to the car without me even noticing.
As usual, once the performance was over, the kind café owner had sent me home with all sorts of goodies. By the time I made my way toward Cha Ju Heon’s car, my hands were full—bags of coffee beans, jars of homemade fruit preserves, and more.
I suddenly worried that the smell might bother him.
After thanking the owner several times, I hurried toward the car.
To be honest, I always felt a little guilty and uncomfortable whenever he drove me somewhere like this. I knew how difficult it was for him to be surrounded by crowds in unfamiliar places. There had been times when he forced himself to make small talk or exchange greetings simply because he was with me, only for his face to go pale with nausea. Sometimes he even had to lightly pound his chest just to catch his breath.
I really had no idea what kind of power this baby possessed to make Cha Ju Heon put himself through all that.
The moment he spotted me, he got out of the driver’s seat and opened the door for me as though it were the most natural thing in the world.
I was grateful, of course, but I still hadn’t gotten used to being treated with such consideration by him. All I could manage was an awkward smile before climbing into the car.
As I carefully set the bags on the floor, Cha Ju Heon glanced down at them.
—“What’s all that?”
“Oh… these?”
I hesitated, already worried he was about to start lecturing me like he had over that hamburger the other day.
Was he going to scold me for accepting things from strangers again?
“The café owner gave them to me. I really like the coffee there, so he sometimes gives me cold-brew concentrate and homemade fruit preserves. He even prepared a separate set for you…”
I’d accepted them out of politeness, but I already knew he would never touch any of it. The owner had no idea about his obsession with cleanliness. He had simply seen me arrive with someone and kindly prepared a gift for him, too.
Now I was stuck holding a gift I knew he would never use.
As expected, he shook his head almost immediately.
—“I appreciate the gesture, but I’m afraid I’ll have to decline the actual food. You know I only eat what I normally have. Still, please thank him for me.”
“Of course.”
—-“And you can keep my portion.”
‘Wait… he’s not going to scold me?’
Not only did he not complain, he casually handed the entire gift over to me.
I nodded quietly as he started the engine.
Cha Ju Heon only ate food prepared by his private chef. As for anything from outside—even something as harmless as fruit or a drink—he wouldn’t touch it.
Watching him live like that was exhausting even for me, but the man himself seemed perfectly content with it.
Well, it was his obsessive cleanliness, after all. He’d lived that way for so long that forcing himself to change would probably make him even more miserable.
“By the way, it’s been quite a while since you last performed, hasn’t it? You were much better than I expected. Thanks to you, I got to hear some truly good music for the first time in a long while.”
I nearly turned to stare at him.
A compliment like that from someone as demanding as Cha Ju Heon was practically unheard of.
Yet he said it with such a straight face that you would never have guessed he’d just praised me. His eyes remained fixed on the road, his expression completely impassive.
Maybe it was only polite conversation, but even so, my heart fluttered and my cheeks grew warm.
No wonder the applause had sounded so loud earlier.
“Thank you. My fingers aren’t as nimble as they used to be, but I still practice from time to time. Of course, it’s nothing like when I was studying at the arts school. These days, I just practice enough to keep my hands from getting rusty.”
—“Your career has taken a different direction, after all. Still, it’s impressive that you’ve kept up with it despite being so busy. You must really love the piano.”
‘Do I love the piano?’
His question caught me off guard.
Had I ever truly loved it?
The one who loved classical music had been my father, not me.
My father was deeply passionate about classical music, and fortunately, I happened to have a talent for playing the piano. So I started learning because it was what my father wanted for me, not because it was something I had chosen for myself.
It wasn’t that I hated the piano.
But it had never really made me happy, either.
Practicing had been exhausting. The hours were brutal, and I had been expected to play like a machine, following every instruction from the adults around me without finding any joy in it.
‘Why can’t I play this part? Why are my fingers so slow? Why is this rhythm so hard? I want to go outside and play…’
Those were the thoughts that had filled my head back then.
Every trip to music lessons had been accompanied by a knot of fear in my stomach. My shoulders were always weighed down by the expectations of strict professors.
I used to wonder whether the other students actually enjoyed playing.
Was I the only one who found it exhausting? Or were they somehow able to experience music in a way that I couldn’t?
That was the burden of having a career placed on my shoulders so young.
Maybe it was the regret of having to quit while I was still studying at Cheonghwa School of Arts. Maybe it was the lingering attachment that came from giving up something before I was ready.
Whatever the reason, the truth was that I still thought about it often. And whenever I did, there was always a faint ache in my chest.
So even though I didn’t practice regularly, I would occasionally use a practice room with the help of one of my former professors. My old classmates were also kind enough to invite me to perform with them from time to time.
Even this café job had come through a former classmate.
In a strange way, they had all helped me maintain this lingering connection to the piano.
And I was grateful for that.
—“You look completely at ease when you’re performing. You don’t look like you’re working at all.”
“…Do I really?”
His words made me feel a little self-conscious, but he wasn’t wrong.
Compared to those years when music had been surrounded by endless lessons, evaluations, and expectations, I approached it much more peacefully now.
I suppose that was the difference between an amateur and a professional.
I could simply enjoy playing.
Professional musicians, or people who made music their livelihood, carried enormous expectations on their shoulders. They couldn’t possibly sit down at a piano and play purely for pleasure every time.
But I was just an amateur.
A few mistakes were easily forgiven.
I could play without worrying about perfection because music was nothing more than a hobby for me now. I was in a position where people could understand my shortcomings and let them go.
—“Then you should buy a piano.”
I blinked.
—-“I’ll get one for you. Wouldn’t it be better if you play whenever you wanted? It would be good for prenatal education, too. And you wouldn’t have to keep going to a practice room.”
The suggestion came completely out of nowhere.
He wanted to buy me a piano?
Pianos weren’t exactly cheap. I’d never even dreamed of owning one.
The fact that he was casually offering to buy me something that expensive made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
“Really, you don’t have to. I don’t practice that much, and there’s the whole issue of soundproofing in my apartment. Besides, I’ll have to move after the baby is born. Moving a piano would be a huge hassle.”
I had absolutely no intention of accepting such an expensive gift, so I desperately started listing reasons why it was impractical.
—“If you want to practice more, then practice more. We can install a soundproof booth. And when you move, we’ll hire professionals to handle the piano. What’s the problem?”
I stared at him.
His expression practically said, And? Why is any of that a reason not to buy one?
I had no answer.
Looking at him, I realized that if I kept refusing, this conversation would go on forever.
And judging from the way Cha Ju Heon operated, I would eventually lose anyway.
Sigh.
His stubborn streak was showing again.
He was absolutely going to keep pushing until I accepted.
Being cornered into something like this left me completely at a loss.
Maybe I should just pick something simple and inexpensive.
I could look at it positively.
Having a piano at home would mean I wouldn’t have to travel to a practice room anymore. I could practice whenever I wanted, and it would be good for the baby, too.
My fingers had started getting stiff lately, anyway.
Maybe this really was a lucky break.
So what would be practical?
A digital piano that didn’t require soundproofing?
I could keep the volume low, put on headphones, and no one else would hear a thing.
Perfect.
—“If you tell me what brand you want, I’ll order it right away. Or we can go try some out and choose one together. It’s better to see which keyboard feels right under your fingers.”
“A regular digital piano is fine. I really don’t need anything fancy.” New chapters come out on g.com first.
—“A digital piano? Are you sure you’ll be satisfied with that? The key action is quite different…”
He paused.
—“Since we’re buying one anyway, let’s go look at some tonight. You don’t have anything else scheduled, do you?”
“Tonight? You mean… right now? Aren’t you busy, Director?”
He simply nodded.
That was Cha Ju Heon for you.
Whenever he suggested something, he acted on it immediately.
He moved so quickly that I often found myself struggling to keep up.
Just like now.
…..
—-“Are you really sure you want this one? This isn’t exactly the kind of piano I had in mind…”
Even with his face hidden behind a mask, his displeasure was unmistakable.
He looked at me.
Then at the piano.
Then back at me again.
He clearly did not approve of the instrument I was practically admiring like a treasure.
Naturally, I ignored him.
“I told you I wanted a digital piano.”
And this was already the best model in its class.
Originally, I had planned to buy nothing more than a small electronic keyboard—something that made decent sound and didn’t take up much space.
But modern technology had come a long way.
This one looked almost exactly like a traditional upright piano, yet it was completely digital. The moment I saw it, I fell in love.
Even better, the key action was remarkably close to that of an acoustic piano, so the playing experience felt almost the same.
Technology really was amazing.
For an apartment, I couldn’t imagine a better option.
After all the hassle, finding a piano I genuinely liked put me in a surprisingly good mood.
I launched into an enthusiastic explanation of all the reasons this piano was perfect, but Cha Ju Heon’s expression only grew more dissatisfied.
He looked almost sulky.
Apparently, he was upset that I hadn’t chosen the kind of piano he wanted to buy for me.
But the expensive brands he had in mind—Steinway, Bösendorfer, and the like—were completely excessive for someone at my current level.
There was no way I could justify owning something like that.
Those pianos cost a fortune, and maintaining them was an entirely different matter. They were extremely sensitive to temperature and humidity, and I simply didn’t have the expertise—or the lifestyle—to take care of one properly.
Even when Cha Ju Heon offered to hire a professional technician to tune and maintain it regularly, I still refused.
If I couldn’t have an instrument that suited where I was now—something I could play comfortably and enjoy without feeling burdened by it—then I’d rather not have one at all.
Concert grands were wonderful instruments, but I had no need for one.
“Look, Director. Isn’t it great? It looks just like a regular upright piano, but I can switch between digital and acoustic modes. I can even adjust the volume so I won’t disturb the neighbors. I really love it.”
—“…I never considered something like this.”
He looked at the piano again.
—“I assumed you’d choose a grand.”
“A grand piano…”
I smiled.
“Maybe someday. When I move, if I decide I need one, I’ll get one then. Bringing a grand piano into my apartment right now would be way too much trouble. And besides, I really like this one.”
I rested a hand on the piano.
“I’m getting this one.”
Seeing the determination in my eyes, Cha Ju Heon finally gave in with a reluctant nod.
I immediately broke into a bright smile.
It felt good knowing that from now on, whenever I was bored or had some free time, I’d have something to do at home.
It hadn’t been part of my plans at all.
But thanks to Cha Ju Heon, I’d somehow gained a wonderful new companion.