Should I be thankful that at least one person listens to me?
Or should I be depressed that the ’one person who listens’ is a woman who pulls a gun just for hearing a nickname?
"What’s even the deal with that Ma– Ahem, with that nickname?"
The second I saw Audrey’s eyes sharpen, my survival instincts kicked in and I corrected myself.
"Hah~ Wondering why someone so quiet gets called that? It’s because... she did this sort of thing even in prison."
"This sort of thing?"
Ruby gestured with her eyes toward the gun that had been pointed at her head. Beside her, Audrey sighed softly before answering.
"...When I encountered something aesthetically repulsive, I took it upon myself to correct it."
"Yeah, with her fists. She’d keep punching them with a straight face until they were begging for death instead. If she’d had a gun, she’d probably have just shot them right then. Like this, bang–."
Ruby mimed shooting herself in the temple and laughed like it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard.
Audrey didn’t deny a word of it.
As if it was all true.
"She thinks she’s the world’s janitor. People call me a crazy bitch all day long, but the real crazy bitch is right here. They don’t call her Madness for nothing."
"I am merely fulfilling my duty."
"Ahaha, and that right there is proof you’ve completely lost your mind!"
So, to summarize... one is a crazy bitch who’s fanatically devoted to her own amusement.
And the other is a crazy bitch who personally ’corrects’—with physical force—anything that offends her ’aesthetics.’
’Ah, I get it now.’
Now that I get it... is there any chance I could get a refund?
Maybe I should call Maya first and ask if exchanges are even an option...
"So, boss, what’s the plan? Are we testing out the beds in this fancy hotel, the three of us together?~"
"...We’re going shopping."
"Shopping?"
I ignored Ruby, who was crossing her legs in an exaggerated way and talking nonsense, and went on.
"The rooms are set, but you still need things to use. We’ll buy plenty of clothes and daily stuff."
"A sensible plan. I approve, boss."
"So much praise, boss!" This chapter was copied from g.com without permission.
...Hearing that kind of praise from these two doesn’t make me feel good at all.
"What do you want to do? Rest at the hotel a bit longer, or go shopping now?"
"I would prefer to begin with shopping."
"Hehe, then let’s all go out and drain the boss’s wallet dry"
Maybe it was because this was our first real outing on our own, without a security team watching them since they left prison, but even Audrey, who usually showed no expression, seemed a little excited. Ruby definitely was.
The department store is going to be packed with people... are these two really going to be okay?
Even if they’re not, making it okay is my job, I guess.
’Please, let nothing happen.’
Even though my prayers had already been betrayed once, I clung to that hope and prayed stubbornly anyway.
Then I headed to the department store with the two newest members of the penal division.
*
"Boss, why’s your car so tiny? Can people actually fit in this?"
"You’re both fitting in it just fine right now."
"A vehicle utterly devoid of aesthetic merit. I strongly recommend replacing it at the earliest opportunity, for all our sakes."
"...Why don’t you buy me one first and then talk."
"Wow, boss, your lips are sticking out like a duck’s Boss, do a quack-quack. Duck, quack-quack!"
"I’m driving, so could you both please be quiet? ...Mmph!"
Is this my punishment for bothering Maya Sinclair on the way to the hotel?
It feels a little too harsh.
"Boss, the right to make such a childish face is reserved for those under seven. While it possesses a certain aesthetic appeal in its own right, still..."
"Mmph, mm-is mm-aladea mm-aking me mm-o mm-is...!"
"...Pfft."
"Look, boss! Even Madness laughed!"
"I did not laugh. And I believe I told you not to call me that...!"
"Boss Duck, save me! That crazy duck is trying to hurt me!"
I felt a nervous twitch developing every time I heard ’boss,’
and a powerful urge to just drive the car into something right then and there.
I was enduring a trial far too severe for a sinner like me.
"...You two are going to be together from now on. Can’t you try to get along, even a little?"
"It appears the boss has a hobby of demanding the impossible."
In the elevator going up from the department store’s underground parking lot.
The sound of their endless bickering during the drive still rang in my ears, so I’d offered some advice.
Next to Audrey, who shook her head with a perfectly serious face, Ruby added her own comment.
"We’re like fire and oil, boss."
"...Not water and oil?"
"Water and oil just don’t mix, that’s all. Fire and oil... when they meet, they burn each other up."
"First of all, I wonder if there’s anyone you don’t burn, Ruby."
"Ah-ha~ Is that so?"
Is that so, she says.
All I said was to get along, and now we’re talking about burning people?
"For starters, you could just stop using the nicknames Audrey hates."
"Mm, that’s not it, boss."
"What’s not it?"
"First, then it wouldn’t be any fun. And second..."
"Even setting that aside, I find each and every one of Ruby’s aesthetically bankrupt actions personally offensive."
"...That’s what she says."
Ruby grinned and winked at me.