“Slowly, slowly, my heart turns to iron Slowly, slowly, I face rejection”
Haru hummed a cheerful, off-key tune as he strolled all the way back to his estate.
His elderly servant, Yuriko, had already gone to bed.
Haru slid his bedroom door open, revealing the desolate courtyard bathed in the cool, liquid silver of the night.
“Such gorgeous moonlight,” he declared to the empty room.
“This is the perfect weather to sleep naked!”
A true man always followed through on his words.
He immediately unfastened his sash and began stripping.
“Hey, hey!
I mean, I really don’t mind seeing you naked, but I do have a question first.”
A voice suddenly floated out from a shadowy corner of the courtyard just as he was halfway out of his robes.
Haru paused, completely unruffled.
“Ask away.”
A dark-skinned girl stepped out from behind a tree, her expression exasperated.
“You really aren’t surprised at all, are you?” she yelled.
“Pull your pants up first!”
‘With skin that perfectly blends into the shadows…
no wonder she’s the Commander of the Executive Militia,’ Haru mused as he casually tugged his pants back up.
“Your gaze is incredibly rude right now, kid!” Yoruichi ground her teeth, flashing her sharp canines.
She had a distinct feeling he was mentally insulting her.
“Lady Yoruichi, visiting a gentleman’s private chambers so late in the night,” Haru teased, waving a hand dramatically.
“You must know the Soul Society is a deeply conservative place.
Men and women shouldn’t interact so casually.
Since you’ve already seen my body, you have to take responsibility for me.”
To his surprise, Yoruichi didn’t miss a beat.
She offered a sultry, teasing smile.
“Sure, why not?
But I couldn’t see a thing anyway.
It’s too dark out.”
“Well, if you hadn’t interrupted me, I’d be completely naked by now,” Haru grumbled.
“Spit it out.
What did you want to ask?”
“I just wanted to know what moonlight has to do with sleeping naked.”
Haru closed his eyes and began spouting absolute nonsense with total conviction.
“It is a well-documented fact that sleeping naked under the moonlight allows your skin to absorb lunar essence.
It makes your skin incredibly soft and smooth!”
“Really?” Yoruichi blinked.
No woman on earth was entirely immune to skincare tips.
“I never lie,” Haru said smoothly.
He waved a hand, igniting the charcoal under his tea kettle.
The two sat across from each other.
Yoruichi clutched her teacup, taking a small sip with an unusually awkward expression on her face.
“If you don’t like it, don’t drink it!” Haru huffed.
‘This pampered princess!’
“It’s not that,” Yoruichi shook her head.
“I just…
I feel like I owe you an apology.”
As she spoke, she snuck another glance around the room.
Even though it was kept clean, to someone who had grown up in the opulent Shihōin mansions, the peeling walls and barren, weed-choked courtyard were a jarring sight.
Knowing exactly what she was looking at, Haru shrugged.
“Don’t blame yourself for the house.
My deadbeat dad did this all on his own.”
“Right…” Yoruichi hesitated, carefully choosing her words.
“Before today, I didn’t really know anything about you.
But after listening to Shaolin talk about you, I realized I might have misjudged you.
When I ran off, it wasn’t because I hated you.
I just really, really didn’t want to get married.
So…
I’m apologizing.
I’m sorry!”
Yoruichi bowed her head.
A long moment passed in total silence.
Unable to take the suspense, she finally looked up.
Haru was staring right at her, his eyes wide with expectation, vigorously gesturing with his eyebrows.
“I said I’m sorry!” she repeated.
Still nothing.
Yoruichi’s temper flared.
“What kind of compensation do you want?!” ‘You ungrateful brat!’
Haru kept staring at her with bright, expectant eyes.
“An apology!
Shouldn’t an apology start with a loud smack against the floor?
I’m talking a full-blown dogeza!
Forehead pressed to the tatami, butt stuck up in the air, your outer robes neatly folded to the side, shoes and socks removed, and your Zanpakutō placed on the floor next to your knees!
And you absolutely cannot get up until I forgive you!”
Yoruichi stared at him in deadpan silence.
“You’re pushing your luck!”
After a brief, chaotic wrestling match that trashed the room even further, the two sat across from each other again, panting heavily as they resumed drinking their tea.
It was as if nothing had happened.
One was a majestic Great Noble about to be inaugurated as a Captain.
The other was a model educator—the fastest person in Shin’ō Academy history to be promoted from an assistant to a full instructor.
Haru studied the girl sipping her tea.
Yoruichi really had it all: gorgeous looks, a phenomenal figure, and an incredibly fun personality.
It was impossible not to like her.
She was the absolute perfect candidate for a best friend.
Her only flaw was that she was a bit too tomboyish and careless.
Plus, there was likely an annoying blonde guy in a striped bucket hat standing between them.
Did Yoruichi even know Kisuke Urahara yet?
Because of Haru’s transmigration, the timeline seemed to have shifted forward significantly.
The moment Omaeda arranged the engagement, Yoruichi had bolted to the World of the Living, and now she was back and already preparing to take over Squad 2.
Judging by her appearance—hovering perfectly between a teenager and a grown woman—and her Captain-class strength, everything was happening way earlier than he remembered.
‘I’ll have to corner Omaeda and ask him for the exact details later,’ Haru noted mentally.
As everyone knows, when a man is deep in thought, his gaze naturally wanders.
Letting one’s eyes drift downward is a perfectly normal, physiological response.
Completely understandable!
“Hey!
Haven’t you looked enough?!” Yoruichi yelled, her face bright red.
Inside her white tabi socks, her round toes curled tightly in embarrassment.
She really was still young and easily flustered.
She had endured it for several minutes, but this guy was getting increasingly brazen.
His stare was absolutely shameless!
She was sitting cross-legged on the wooden floorboard, having kicked her sandals off.
And this bastard was just…
staring intently at her feet.
“They’re pretty small!
Huh?” Haru suddenly snapped out of his trance.
Seeing Yoruichi’s flushed, angry face, he feigned complete innocence.
“What’s wrong?
Why is your face so red?
Were you…
staring at me?”
The sheer audacity of the victim-blaming!
Yoruichi was rendered completely speechless.
“I haven’t even settled the score with you yet!” she snapped.
“Huh?
Settled what score?”
“For completely brainwashing that idiot Yūshirō!”
Haru actually felt a twinge of guilt at that.
He couldn’t deny it.
His little brother-in-law had been way too enthusiastic, instantly accepting Haru into the family.
Yūshirō had been handing over highly classified clan secret arts like they were candy.
If Haru hadn’t actively stopped him, the kid probably would have stolen one of the Shihōin clan’s Heavenly Sacred Treasures and shoved it into Haru’s hands.
“Hahaha, well,” Haru chuckled dryly, “we’re all family!
Why sweat the small stuff, right?”
“Oh?
Family?” Yoruichi rested her chin in her hand, a dangerous glint in her eye.
“And how exactly are we family?”
“By you being a good little wife, of course!
Marrying into the illustrious Shimizu family, staying home to raise our kids, and dutifully serving me tea!”
“Pfft,” Yoruichi scoffed.
“I didn’t realize you were such a chauvinist.”
Then, a brilliant idea flashed through the dark-skinned girl’s mind.
“But speaking of careers…
do you have any interest in coming to work for me?”
“Work for you?
Join Squad 2?”
“Yeah.
Think about it.
The Third Seat is retiring soon—”
“No,” Haru instantly rejected her before she could even finish her sentence.
“That fast?
You won’t even think about it?”
“I don’t need to.
Look at it logically.
The Omaeda family has a permanent monopoly on the Lieutenant position, so that’s blocked.
You’re going to be the Captain.
I wouldn’t mind being under you, but I refuse to be under Omaeda.”
Yoruichi’s face flushed a deep crimson.
“What kind of nonsense…
are you saying…”
‘I wouldn’t mind being under you’?
What the hell was that supposed to mean?!
Completely oblivious to the wildly inappropriate double entendre he had just dropped, Haru kept rambling.
“Since Captain and Lieutenant are out of the question, that just leaves the Third Seat.
That position has to manage the Maggot’s Nest.
I am a man destined to shine at the absolute pinnacle of the Soul Society.
Being stuck in a dark, depressing underground prison doesn’t suit my aesthetic.
So, I’ll pass.”
Yoruichi found herself laughing despite her embarrassment.
“Then what exactly is your grand ambition?”
“To storm the First Division barracks and marry Captain Unohana!”
Pffft!
Yoruichi spat a mouthful of hot tea right into Haru’s face.
“Well, that’s certainly ambitious!” she cackled, wiping her mouth.
Then, remembering something, she leaned in with a mischievous grin.
“By the way, have you ever met the Captain of the Twelfth Division?”
‘Mayuri Kurotsuchi?’ Haru thought, confused.
‘Why is she bringing up that creepy freak?
Wait, isn’t he still locked up in the Maggot’s Nest right now?
Who’s the Captain of Squad 12 again?’
He shook his head.
Smiling like the proverbial cat that got the canary, Yoruichi held her hands out in front of her chest, dramatically curving her fingers to mime an absolutely massive bust size.
“Let me tell you, Captain Hikifune is much, much larger-hearted than Captain Unohana!”