Author’s Preface
Let me make one thing clear right from the start.
It’s a joke.
All of it.
Every last bit is a joke.
I do not, under any circumstances, seriously think the way I do in this chapter.
“I’m…
exhausted…”
I was on my way back from training with Master Danzomaru.
Dragging my utterly exhausted body along, I staggered through the Rukon District.
People passing by seemed to be wondering what had happened to me, but I didn’t have the energy to care.
“Honestly…
I’m so grateful to Ma’am…”
My destination was the only bathhouse in Riosa.
A public bath, in other words.
The proprietress had apparently guessed I’d come back drenched in sweat.
Along with the things she’d packed for me, she’d included a change of clothes and enough money for the bath, and told me to stop in and wash up on my way home.
I still had to work at the restaurant tonight, after all.
Turning up reeking of sweat would hardly be hygienic.
Maybe that was part of why she’d told me to take a bath.
Whatever her reasons, I was grateful.
Because it was a bath!
An actual bath!!
They had one!
A bathhouse!!
I paid at the attendant’s counter, stripped off my kimono, and headed straight for the water!
…After washing myself first, of course.
I scooped up some hot water with a bucket and rinsed myself off.
Then I used a washcloth to scrub away the dirt and grime, poured more water over myself, and finally stepped into the bath.
You’re not supposed to put your washcloth in the bathwater.
That’s just good manners.
“Ahhh…”
The warmth seeped into my tired body.
Oh, that felt good…
I’d been washing myself before, of course.
Just with well water.
Sinking into a proper hot bath was something else entirely.
And since the bath was so big, I could stretch my arms and legs out too.
“Oh, sorry!”
“Not at all.
Don’t worry about it.”
Whoops.
I’d relaxed a little too much.
Apparently, my outstretched leg had kicked one of the men…
sharing the bath with me.
He said not to worry, but it was only polite to apologise.
…Hmm?
Oh, yes.
It’s a mixed bath.
Apparently, mixed bathing was the norm in Japan in the old days.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do, right?
So, embarrassing as it was, here I was, bathing alongside everyone else.
And yes, of course we were naked.
Men and women alike.
Completely naked, with nobody even trying to hide anything.
Quite a sight, really.
What on earth passed for public modesty around here?
Back when I was alive, I might have been delighted by the view.
But I’m a woman now, so it doesn’t make me particularly happy or anything…
Well.
Maybe a little.
Then I noticed that the men were staring at me rather intently.
Some of the women were glancing my way too.
I suppose everyone had their own thoughts on the matter.
With a body like this, I could hardly blame them for looking…
Thinking that, I lightly rested a hand on my chest.
Breasts so big I couldn’t fit even one of them into a single hand.
I’d touched them a few times before today, but their sheer size was still something to behold.
Was this, in its own way, proof that I belonged in this world now?
Maybe I just had to accept the attention as the price of being famous…
or something.
Anyway.
As I let myself relax in the warm water, I started thinking about the future.
Really, it was more of a review of the things I’d been mulling over whenever I had a spare moment these past few days.
First things first.
I only know bits and pieces of the story, and I don’t even remember those bits properly…
Let’s see.
If I remember right…
Ichigo gets Soul Reaper powers from Rukia.
Rukia gets taken back to Soul Society.
Ichigo and the others go to rescue her.
It turns out Aizen was the mastermind behind everything.
Then they fight the Arrancar…
And after that?
That’s where my memory gets even hazier.
Given how the story goes, Ichigo must defeat Aizen.
But how did he beat him again?
I can’t remember.
And after Aizen…
they fight the Quincy, I think.
I vaguely know that much.
But the details?
No idea.
I don’t remember the timeline at all…
The annoying thing is, I still remember all sorts of weird little bits of trivia.
Aaargh!
If I’d known this was going to happen, I’d have reread the entire series until I had every chapter memorised!!
…What?
Then how did I know about Bambietta Basterbine?
Oh, I just picked that up from things I’d seen online.
I know what she looks like.
I hardly know anything else about her.
“Taking all that into account…”
I’m going to become a Soul Reaper.
That means getting into the Shin’ō Academy is a must.
No problem there.
The first real question is which division I should join…
The Fourth Division, maybe?
If I remember correctly, there’s a part where Captain Unohana goes to Hueco Mundo—that’s the Hollows’ home, right?
When that happens, I’ll make sure I get a chance to meet Harribel!
Which means I need to become strong enough for them to take me to Hueco Mundo in the first place!!
And since Harribel and Bambietta are on opposing sides, I’ll need strength to deal with that too!!
At the very least, I need to make lieutenant!!
“But the way I am now…”
Getting that strong is going to be difficult, isn’t it…?
Today’s training made that painfully clear…
If only I could get strong enough to defeat the Demon King in three months or so.
But I’ve already proved I don’t have that kind of talent…
I’ll have to find someone powerful to train under and level up the hard way.
…Oh!
Come to think of it, I read somewhere that Captain Unohana is actually really strong.
Maybe if I ask her to teach me, things will work out.
Besides, joining the Fourth Division, which I at least know a little about, would be much less nerve-racking than joining a division under some captain I’ve never even heard of!
And healers are useful in just about any situation.
That’s it!
I could defeat someone, heal them afterwards, and use that as a way to get to know them!
If I play my cards right, maybe I could do something like that with Harribel and Bambietta too!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that the Fourth Division is the right choice!
No, it’s the perfect choice!!
“Um, are you all right, Airi-chan?”
“…Huh?”
Someone spoke to me, interrupting my thoughts.
When I looked up, I saw someone I recognised from the restaurant watching me with concern.
“You’ve been muttering to yourself for a while now.
I was getting worried.
Thought maybe the heat had gone to your head.”
“Ah, haha…
I’m fine.
I was just thinking about something.”
Oops.
Had I been saying all that out loud?
“Well, I did do a bit of physical work earlier today…
or something like that.
So I am pretty tired.”
“What!?
That sounds rough.
If you’re tired, I could give your shoulders or your lower back a nice rub—”
“N-No!
No, really!
I’m fine!!
The bath’s already made me feel much better!!”
Sensing something distinctly worrying in the air, I scrambled out of the bath and made my escape.
That was close…
Who knows what might have happened if I’d stayed?
Still shuddering, I dried myself with my washcloth and began getting dressed.
And then something occurred to me.
“…Oh.
Right.
Massage is an option, isn’t it…?”
An option for what?
Why, for achieving my ambition of groping boobs, of course.
A massage is supposed to loosen up the body.
Naturally, that means touching someone’s bare skin with your bare hands.
And instead of having to wait around for an opportunity, the other person comes to you.
Better yet, I’m a woman too.
There’s no need to feel awkward about it!
Since it’s a treatment, I’d even have a perfectly respectable excuse to touch them wherever I wanted.
Could anything be more perfectly suited to my goal of grasping the peak in these hands—of fondling boobs?
This was nothing short of divine inspiration.
Could it be that my true calling was to become a massage therapist!?
Maybe I should change careers right now—
No, no, no!
Absolutely not!!
Then I’d never get to meet Orihime, Rangiku, Harribel, or Bambietta!!
What would be the point!?
Hadn’t I decided to reach out and grasp the peak of heaven, a place I was never supposed to be able to reach!?
Was my vow to fondle those boobs a lie, then!?
“Anyway, no time like the present!”
I hurried to finish dressing and went straight back to the izakaya, where I begged the owner and his wife to let me learn bodywork too—*anma*, as they would call it in this era.
Luckily, there was an anma practitioner in Riosa, so I started visiting whenever I had free time to learn from them.
And what did I do with everything I’d learned?
“How’s that, Ma’am?”
“Ohhh, that’s lovely…
The pain in my back’s just melting away…”
“And how about you, sir?
Anything bothering you?”
“I’m fine, thanks to you.
That stiffness in my shoulders has practically vanished.”
Well, there you have it.
For now, I’m putting my new skills to use on the two of them, helping ease their aches and fatigue.
And the reviews have been excellent.
Author’s Note
My goal: become the number-one massage therapist in Soul Society!
I’ll say it again.
It’s a joke.
Please don’t take it seriously.
● The Bath
It’s the old days, so the bath is mixed.
Apparently, Commodore Perry was astonished by the sight of men and women bathing together.
Something along the lines of: “These people bathe together, men and women!?
What’s wrong with their sense of modesty!?
And I’m supposed to bring people like this into international society…?”
● The Bare Minimum I’d Like to Achieve
[Illustration](http://syosetu.org/img/user/265368/95634.png)
● It Would Be Nice to Get This Far
[Illustration](http://syosetu.org/img/user/265368/95635.png)