Heh Heh
Half of Shen Rong’s head was submerged in the water. Three minutes later, he suddenly pushed himself upright. “Say that again?”
“Ahhh, Host, I thought you were going to drown yourself! Ahhh! I knew I’d picked the right person. Even your lung capacity is amazing! You’ll never have to worry about kissing in the future!” No. 521’s mechanical voice kept chattering. “I’m the romance system that selected you, Host. It’s now the year 1348 in a parallel world, and our goal on this trip is to fall in love with the future founding emperor!”
Shen Rong: “…”
Shen Rong plunged his head back under the running water.
The system kept shrieking in his head. “Just look at the male guest I picked for you. The founding emperor! The modern market is already saturated, and the domineering CEO type is gradually going out of fashion. I searched for ages before I found a male guest in this time period who’s top-tier in character, looks, and ability! If we do a good job at romance, we’ll have no trouble living it up here!”
A few tiny bubbles floated to the surface.
Shen Rong: “Glug glug.”
521: “?”
Shen Rong: “X﹃X”
521: “!”
An inexplicable force grabbed Shen Rong by the back of his collar and hauled him up.
“Host, don’t die! If you don’t finish the mission, it’ll be forcibly carried out!”
Shen Rong spat out two mouthfuls of water, then sat down hard in a patch of grass.
An endless mountain range stretched before him. Far behind him lay a few acres of farmland, completely barren. The air held a faint smell of dried grass, along with something strange.
Like sheep or cow dung.
Shen Rong’s eyes began to glaze over again.
521: “Waaah, Host, don’t scare me! I pulled you in because I recognized that you liked this era better. I scanned tens of thousands of people, and you were the only one who wanted to go back to ancient times and work as a blacksmith. Waaah!”
Shen Rong said softly, “That’s right. I came here to forge iron, not to make out.”
“Besides, I’m a man.”
“Secondly, I’m a man.”
“And lastly, I just looked down to check. I really am a man.”
At last getting a response, 521 hurriedly said, “…But Host, you’ve never dated a girl, have you?”
The teenager looked like a shut-in. “I’m not into girls.”
The system was ecstatic. “Then isn’t that…”
“I’m not into men either.”
“I only like staying at home. I still have an order to finish, and the A City comics convention is next week. I need to get back and finish the blade I’m making.” As he spoke, Shen Rong stood up, picked up the toolbox he’d brought with him, and started walking.
Strangely, the system fell silent.
One meter, two meters, five meters, ten meters.
Shen Rong’s outstretched foot came to a stop.
The system stammered, “Since you arrived here in your own body and don’t belong to this era, you can only activate the world map by getting close to your romantic target… But don’t worry! This system provides unbelievably good romance navigation. I guarantee you’ll find a boyfriend quickly and accurately! Once you find one, you can do whatever you want. You won’t even get stranded on the way to take a dump!”
So if he didn’t follow this lousy thing, even going to the bathroom was limited by geography?
Shen Rong took a deep breath and cursed at the sky.
“Fuck!”
Ten minutes later.
Shen Rong looked at the ditch ahead, thick with weeds. “You’re sure this way’s passable? There aren’t any snakes or anything, are there?”
521: “We always provide the shortest route, and we even offer more user-friendly directions tailored to different ways of traveling. Since you can only walk right now, I’ve planned the best walking route for you!”
Shen Rong eyed it suspiciously. “This stupid navigation is useless wherever it takes me.”
521: “Host, please mind your language. You’re not allowed to call the male guest useless when you meet him!”
Shen Rong smiled. “I’m already being very polite.”
Wait.
Shen Rong: “You mean I’m going to see someone soon?”
“Yep, yep! To make sure you have a wonderful first meeting, your spawn point is already very close to the male guest! Since this is your first time using navigation, this system will also provide a beginner’s guide. Once you’ve successfully connected with the male guest, I’ll enter dormancy at irregular intervals. After that, whether you’re holding hands, kissing, or doing…”
“Stop!” Shen Rong raised a hand. “That’s enough. You can go. I can find a toi… no, I can find that guy on my own.”
521: “All right. To help you find sweet love, I can also provide you with important plot points on the male guest’s path to becoming emperor. If you need me, just shout the three-part password!”
Plot points?
That was useful. It would help him keep his eyes open, so the founding big shot wouldn’t accidentally kill him while conquering the world.
Shen Rong shifted the toolbox from his left hand to his right. His expression was one of faint despair. “What’s the password?”
521: “Xiao Yuanyao is the coolest! Xiao Yuanyao is the hottest! I love Xiao Yuanyao!”
“…”
The wind was full of menace; every blade of grass and every tree seemed like an enemy.
Xiao Yuanyao was running for his life.
“Squad Leader, the hoofbeats are catching up!”
Xiao Yuanyao raced through the woods like a leopard, with several men gritting their teeth as they struggled to keep up behind him.
That damn unit leader. How many times had this happened? Their squad always got sent on these jobs that were nothing but a way to serve up human flesh! If their squad leader weren’t capable, they’d have died a thousand times over by now!
“There’s a ruined temple up ahead!” The young man running second in line growled, “Zhao Guo, cover the squad leader!”
“Got it!”
An arrow whistled past, piercing the leaves and lodging in a dead tree trunk.
They were like wild beasts in the mountains, hunted by King Liang’s cavalry.
A streak of blood marked Xiao Yuanyao’s cheek. One after another, they leaped through the temple doors.
They turned around. Half the face of the clay bodhisattva had collapsed, and in the murky light it looked like a demon.
The survivors hardly dared to breathe. Zhao Shu went over to Xiao Yuanyao and asked quietly, “Are you all right?”
Xiao Yuanyao shook his head. “A branch caught me. Go check on Chen Liu.”
Zhao Shu hurried over to the man slumped on the ground. Black-red blood had seeped into the dirt. His face grim, he called back to Xiao Yuanyao, “The blood’s gone dark. The arrow was poisoned.”
The arrow had struck a vital spot. The man wouldn’t survive.
“King Liang is a snake. No wonder he’s got King An hopping mad everywhere,” said Zhao Guo, his voice a little higher than his brother’s. Zhao Shu and Zhao Guo were brothers.
They had once been servants purchased by the Xiao family. They’d grown up with Xiao Yuanyao and learned plenty of skills themselves, which was why they’d been able to keep up with him just now.
The others stared at Xiao Yuanyao in fear. The hoofbeats outside had stopped.
Not because the pursuers had gone, but because they were right outside the door.
Xiao Yuanyao held one hand behind him as he walked, drawing a long saber.
“Squad Leader!” someone cried. “He’s still alive!”
Xiao Yuanyao said nothing. He went over and crouched down, covering the man’s trembling eyes with one hand as he quickly slit his throat with the other.
One stroke, one death, without pain.
The men stood as silent as the dead. Clearly, this wasn’t the first time Xiao Yuanyao had done this.
“Being alive doesn’t mean he can survive.” The man stood up, noticeably taller than the others. “If I don’t kill him, he’ll only suffer more. When they storm in, can you, can I, can any of us protect him with our chipped blades?”
There was no way to carry Chen Liu out. Taking him along would only get the rest of them killed one by one.
Xiao Yuanyao shook the blood from the tip of his blade and wiped it on his sleeve.
A voice outside suddenly taunted them. “You little mongrels are so good at running. Go on, run! Why’d you stop?”
Zhao Shu and Zhao Guo clenched their teeth.
“You worthless little pests think you can come looking for trouble with us? King An doesn’t treat you any better, does he? Look at that pathetic scrap metal you’re wearing. Our horses are dressed better than you!”
Outside, a crowd laughed loudly. Someone whistled.
Xiao Yuanyao peered through a crack in the door.
At least seven or eight pursuers had caught up, each with a horse. They had only five men and four blades left, and nothing that could withstand an attack.
It seemed there was no way out.
But King Liang was fond of occult arts, and his men followed his example. Most of them revered the gods and spirits. That must be why they’d stopped outside instead of charging in.
They were probably wary of something.
Xiao Yuanyao glanced back at the half-faced clay bodhisattva, then looked around. After a few moments, he said, “Set fire to the temple.”
Zhao Shu: “No! We’ll die in here too!”
Zhao Guo looked silently at Xiao Yuanyao.
Xiao Yuanyao: “We’ll die outside, and we’ll die in here. If we set fire to the temple, maybe they’ll see it and leave us for dead. Then we’ll have a chance, however slim, to survive.”
Zhao Guo looked at Zhao Shu. “Let’s do it, brother. Trust the squad leader.”
They’d been on the battlefield for two years. Zhao Guo couldn’t claim to know Xiao Yuanyao completely, but he knew enough to know that Xiao wouldn’t let himself be trapped somewhere and die. Time and again, they’d gambled everything on a sliver of hope, and it seemed Heaven always gave them a chance to survive. The others who’d enlisted with them had long since died and turned to bones, but they were still here, with all their limbs intact.
Still, it took its toll, like stumbling around in the halls of the underworld. They could lose their lives for good any day now.
Xiao Yuanyao opened his fire striker and was about to blow on the ember when a sudden scream came from outside, followed by the sound of men and horses crashing to the ground.
He froze, then hurried to the crack in the door and looked outside.
Several of the leading cavalrymen had been knocked from their horses by something. Even the horses were spooked.
Zhao Guo leaned in too. “Good heavens! The bodhisattva’s answered our prayers!”
Xiao Yuanyao pushed Zhao Guo’s head down and kept his eyes fixed on the scene outside.
“…Ghosts! There are ghosts! A ghost hit me!” the leader of the pursuers shouted, clutching his eye. “There’s a ghost in the temple!”
The men outside fell into even greater chaos. One startled horse bolted into the woods, and their fighting strength dropped sharply.
This was their chance!
Xiao Yuanyao quickly shut his fire striker and signaled to the others to get behind him. He was about to charge out when a piercing sound stopped him.
It was like two heavy swords clanging together. Clang!
The roof tiles began to clatter down, and dust from the clay bodhisattva filled the air, making everyone cough.
This “ghost” didn’t seem to care much whether the people in the temple lived or died.
Chaos reigned outside, while strange noises continued within. Xiao Yuanyao didn’t believe in such things, but he didn’t let it show. He kept looking toward the source of the sounds.
After what seemed like forever, the noise outside finally stopped. Only then did the men cautiously open the ruined temple doors. Before them lay a mess of hoofprints and the swords the enemy soldiers had dropped in their panicked flight.
Zhao Shu and Zhao Guo rubbed their eyes in disbelief.
Had they… been saved?
The two were about to rush out and grab the good swords on the ground when Xiao Yuanyao pulled them back, one in each hand.
“Squad…”
“Shh!”
Xiao Yuanyao looked up at the eaves.
The others followed his gaze. Two pale legs dangled over the edge of the ruined temple roof, swinging back and forth.
A chill passed through them. Zhao Guo stammered, “W-what kind of immortal are you?”
The legs stopped swinging. Then an even paler face leaned over the edge.
The head hung upside down in a bizarre pose, staring at them.
A strange black box sat beside his hand. His hair was very short, and his expression looked a little resentful and displeased, but his eyes were unusually bright as they fixed straight on the men below.
He was cleaner and more beautiful than the bodhisattva in the temple, white as if he’d never once been exposed to wind or sun.
The system’s prompt sounded: “Congratulations, Host. Navigation is complete. 521 has entered dormancy. This is an automated prompt. Host may ignore it.”
Shen Rong flicked the rubber slingshot in his hand, still hanging upside down, and asked, “Hello, everyone. I seem to have taken a wrong turn. Could one of you give me a hand?”
Author’s Note:
Rong: This lousy navigation will lead you anywhere! [angry]