[A Special Interlude Brought to You by: Me. Kazuki. The Victim.]
So.
While the universe continues to gaslight me with magical girlfriend flags I never asked for, I figured it's time to take stock of what I'm actually up against.
This isn't a normal high school romcom anymore.This is a full-on
genre survival scenario
.
And if I'm the protagonist, I deserve to at least know everyone else's stats.
So here you go.
■ Character:
Haruma Kazuki
Role:
Supposed Protagonist.
Curse:
All inappropriate or genre-cliché thoughts become reality.
Stats
Power Level:
0 (Mentally radioactive.)
Willpower:
2/10 (Falls to temptation if there's a breeze.)
Romantic Awareness:
-5 (Still believes girls just "being nice" is coincidence.)
Dangerous Thoughts per Day:
7 (on a good day)
Survival Rating:
Questionable.
Signature Move:
"NO I DIDN'T MEAN TO THINK THAT"
Comments:
"I'm not the pervert, the curse is!"— Kazuki, while hiding from himself in a laundry basket.
■ Character:
Aya Minazuki (a.k.a. Noona Next Door)
Role:
Childhood friend / Roommate / The only adult in this situation.
Archetype:
Sweet Big-Sister Type... but with tired sarcasm and a snack drawer full of revenge.
Stats
Cooking Skill:
8/10 (Accidentally domestic wife material.)
Teasing Power:
12/10 (Weaponized smugness.)
Protectiveness:
Secretly maxed out.
Attraction Awareness:
100% (Knows
exactly
what Kazuki's brain is doing.)
Danger Level:
Rising. Fast.
Special Ability:
"Mental Whiplash" — delivers emotionally confusing compliments with a side of verbal slaps.
Comments:
"If I end up in a hot spring scene because of you, I'm putting wasabi in your shampoo."— Aya, 90% joking.
■ Character:
Natsuki-sensei (a.k.a. Sensei of Doom)
Role:
Homeroom teacher / Nurse impersonator / Reality's biggest enabler
Archetype:
Chill older woman + Dangerous tease
Stats
Casual Intimacy Level:
9000
Home Invasion Frequency:
Weekly
Outfit Danger Level:
Contextually illegal
Teaching Skill:
?? (Does she even still grade tests?)
Deadpan Power:
S-class
Signature Move:
"Oh, did I make you uncomfortable? That's my
job.
"
Comments:
"It's not grooming if I'm just making miso soup."— Natsuki-sensei, terrifyingly sincere.
■ Character:
Rika Kurose (a.k.a. Ice Queen with a Rice Cooker)
Role:
Class rep / Perfectionist / Silent danger approaching
Archetype:
Kuudere with deeply buried dere
Stats
Organization Skill:
10/10 (Can alphabetize your soul.)
Emotional Expression:
3/10 (Blink twice if you're flirting.)
Unexpected Sweetness:
Lethal
Text Message Power:
Chills spine
Lunchbox Attack Damage:
1-hit KO
Special Ability:
"Precision Dere Bomb" — drops one sweet line per day that keeps you awake until 3AM.
Comments:
"I researched nutritional balance for you. Not because I care. But because it was... annoying not to."— Rika, seconds before I forgot how to breathe.
■ Character:
??? (a.k.a. The Brain Curse Itself)
Role:
Villain. Or God. Or a badly coded wish.
Function:
Grants Kazuki's most inappropriate thoughts immediate reality-based consequences.
Stats
Logic Level:
None
Timing:
Perfectly awful
Narrative Sense:
Feeds off tropes like fuel
Mercy Level:
0
Estimated Origin:
Bad sleep + anime marathons + teenage hormones
Signature Move:
"You Thought It? Now Suffer It."
Comments:
"You imagined a nurse in an apron. That's on you, bud."— Probably the curse.
Kazuki's Final Thoughts:
I need a helmet for my thoughts.Or a spiritual exorcist.Or a genre shift to horror so I stop summoning fanservice events.
At this point, I'd even accept a sports arc. Just something where no one's clothes fall off.