Entering the [Deep Focus] state again, I notice how my skills have not gifted me anything as ‘active’ as raising dough. They fall more into a ‘manipulation’ and ‘support’ category. Self-support, obviously, but still support.
The book does
not
want me to learn magic from its tit. Is this the foundation of a well-rounded mage gunning for [Archmage], or is it that everyone goes down this path? In my focused state, the first answer seems more plausible.
I crack my neck and get back to work.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
I look at the matrix levitating a few meters from me, and I pick out ten different points I could start from. I choose eight on one side, and two on the other. It’s a clear imbalance that should allow me to see how this ‘polarity’ works.
It’s much harder than I’d initially thought.
I fail to fill up the wobbly lines more than once. In the end, it’s the seventh attempt that goes well.
Even though in this case ‘well’ is a bit of a stretch.
The [Light] orb I created suddenly speeds up toward the wall, then it brakes, and starts going once again. It continues its choppy dance for about ten seconds, before hitting the wooden walls with a soft
thud
.
I summon another matrix and this time I just stare at it.
I investigate the lines as if they could give me an answer.
Why was the movement so jerky?
I just put more points in the direction I wanted the [Light] to move and they—
How am I going to get a circular motion?
That’s another concern.
But [Deep Focus] brings me back to the staggered pace.
The first time I was tracing it, the book highlighted how important
time
was. The dimensions I’m working in are not just spatial.
How much time you need to trace a line influences the outcome.
How much mana you use for each line, too.
And how many points.
These are three variables, so far.
Time, space (points), quantity.
A creepy sensation comes over me and I shiver, quitting at once the [Deep Focus].
I know what this is.
Holy Mother of macaroni.
This is
goddamn Physics
!
I now want to pull out my hair, one by one.
How can it be
Physics
?
It doesn’t make sense!
I summoned ten [Lights] based on intuition, improvisation and focus.
But wasn’t I simply manipulating different
vectors
?
I have a gut feeling.
St. Peter almighty, please shield my soul from those terrible memories.
The jaggedness comes from
vectors
.
I swear, I have tears in my eyes.
I like to say that I’m not good at science, but it’s mostly because I
don’t want
to be good at it. Now, you might think ‘what an arrogant self-entitled prick’, and some of you might even be right!
But the truth is that math is
hard
. You only get so far with a great understanding. You have to put in the hours if you want to understand greater problems!
My sadistic professors took pleasure in torturing me with always more complex problems. My mother even told me that they should hold me back a year if I refused to do them. My own mother!
Wasted talent
.
For God’s sake.
Shoot me.
I swear to God.
Someone, go take a pistol and put three—no, twenty-three bullets in my brain!
I refuse!
I said,
I refuse
!
I still remember my Physics professor jokingly saying, ‘come on, Joey! Physics is
more enjoyable
than math! It’s all about thinking, not just stupid numbers!’
A Physics doctorate student used to come to my bakery and hang out with me at times. The few times he talked about his job, I felt the primal need to choke him.
I don’t want to learn
!
If I watch National Geographic sometimes, it’s only because I hope that one day a tiger will maul the cameraman and they will let us enjoy trash television in peace, without the need to watch a documentary every once in a while to avoid feeling guilty.
If I need brainy moments, I look into books. And even then, fiction, or ancient epic poems. Non-fiction is for people who believe they will be the next Elon Musk. Bless them for trying, for sure, but I’m not interested in your 4-hour workweek, pal.
I don’t want to optimize my life; I don’t want to run faster or learn better! I want to enjoy the time I have, that’s all!
And
Physics
is my archenemy.
But I’m forced to look at the matrix again.
Because now I’m
interested.
Goddammit.
That’s the worst. That’s how the professors tricked me: they would pique my curiosity, titillate my ego, and make me feel much smarter when I solved one of their stupid thingies.
And now I cannot look away from the matrix.
I think I’ve figured out a part of the problem.
This ‘polarity’ thing is about making the vectors go in the same direction. But they are not
firing
at the same time. There’s not just a force behind them, which makes them go faster or slower, there’s an actual
trigger
, isn’t there?
This is utterly fascinating.
I don’t even need the [Deep Focus] right now.
I simply stare at the world made of mana in admiration.
If any scientist worth their salt could see what I’m seeing right now, they would soil themselves from all the excitement.
What’s a vector?
It’s like a bird that starts flying and pushes something or just goes somewhere.
It can push or fly, that simple.
Here, we have a bunch of birds flying away at the wrong time, causing a chain-reaction. Imagine a bunch of cars stuck in traffic, very close to each other; now, each car accelerates at a different time instead of moving when the green light is on or when the car in front moves. So, they bump into each other at an irregular interval.
I click my tongue, ready to tackle the problem and low-key hating myself for it.