Vrika whined softly in my mindscape,
nudging
me to respond to the Alpha regardless. After a moment’s hesitation, I began
typing and retyping a reply
before finally settling on something simple enough.
C: [I appreciate the response. Will keep it in mind.]
Short and incredibly
non-committal
, giving away nothing about my location or activities. I hit send before I could overthink it further, then turned off the screen to
look for something to eat
.
Before long I resumed my walk back to the motel with plastic bags that felt extra light in my hands compared to the weight of the ’stolen’ cash on my heart. I really don’t understand how
bad people
do
awful things
to good ones...
I force myself to think of my upcoming plans, visiting multiple ATMs in the morning at best...
over several days
at worst. The prospect was frustrating and every extra moment will be
a risk
, but I’d faced worse obstacles since arriving in this world.
Soon enough, I found myself freeing up a hand and
nervously
touching one of the ’sapphire’ sphere hair ties I’d worn out. The smooth and slightly cool plastic felt
unnatural
but calming as I slowed my steps and
just stood there
for a minute.
Idly, I let my focus stray and looked through all the system interfaces, seeing
nothing new
. Nothing to tell me
I’m doing the right thing
, if I’d even believe what it said.
"...Do I want it to take real form and hold my hand as I walk in the street, too? Act like an adult..."
With a final brush down the length of
black strands
, I start walking quickly again. In my old world, servants would have handled all mundane transactions while royal treasurers managed
larger acquisitions
for the family.
Beyond that, I did have one individual I somewhat trusted to handle the money I
siphoned
from selling gifts and taking
loans
from merchant daughters. If I think of this as...
that
... then it should become easier to accept.
> It should, but why isn’t it easy? Because I’m not actually having any of the more *fun* relations with her? This place, this system, these people. My home and my life back there. And here... you, Vrika, and the child in my stomach. An apocalypse that I don’t know what even means for anything like a future! This silly woman took all day to respond! Letting me... almost start to feel like she’d taken on those hints that I can’t... I can’t deal with her. What the hells is all of this? I was raised a princess, wasn’t I?! Trained to navigate every social situation imaginable! I handled dozens of suitors trying to use me for power! I even made it through that feast without causing an incident. When that bear shifter got drunk and cornered me, I could still just talk my way through it, couldn’t I!? And now I can’t handle ONE werewolf woman who just happens to smell nice, be powerful and rich, and is considerate... to someone with nothing? Just because... because... What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t care what she thinks. I shouldn’t feel guilty using her money when she offered it with no strings. I shouldn’t be... waiting for her response all day and telling myself I was not. She has no idea who I really am. If she knew everything she’d realize I’m not worth the effort. This would be easier if she was cruel or demanding. Or at least didn’t look at me like I’m something precious instead of a burden. Because I can’t handle that changing... I’m tired of resisting. All I’m doing is prolonging what I know is coming. I should just lead it to its natural end quicker, right? <
The thoughts escaped in my
new voice
throughout the mindscape before I could stop it. The spirit lifted its head and gently rested its muzzle over the back of my neck.
For just a moment, I let myself accept the
closest thing to an embrace
it could think of. A pack animal’s comfort - and its attempt to assure me that it was at least
here, right now
.
Then I pulled away to stand up and shake my fur. Willing myself back into human form - Helene’s - since that is at least for now,
who I am
... on the surface... which is
all she knows
.
All I’d been willing to
let her know about me
, other than
too quickly
calling myself a Princess because I was
flustered
when we met.