A second ago I was sitting on my couch, eating chips with my eyes glued to the TV screen while enjoying a series.
The next second, the chips were gone, the couch was no longer there, and my body was simply floating in the middle of nowhere.
It was a dark, infinite space, devoid of gravity.
But what was even more fucked up wasn’t the void, but the being right in front of me.
It was gigantic, imposing, with a silhouette covered in stars and a design that immediately reminded me of Alien X from Ben 10.
“So… are you saying I died?” I asked nervously, looking at the imposing entity.
“Yes.”
The answer was so blunt it left me frozen.
When I was about to ask how it happened, or why I couldn’t remember anything about my tragic end, the being raised a cosmic hand and cut me off.
“I erased that to avoid problems.
Trust me, you don’t want to remember how you died.”
The words got stuck in my throat.
I desperately wanted to argue, to demand my rights as a deceased person, but when I looked at the abyss flickering within its body, I swallowed my complaint.
With beings like this, it’s better not to play games.
“Well, let’s skip all that nonsense.
I’m ROB and I’ll give you the chance to reincarnate,” the entity said while snapping the articulated fingers of its hand.
A dull sound echoed through the void and a huge, bright, multicolored roulette wheel fell from the sky, floating between us.
“Spin it,” ROB said simply.
I looked at the self-proclaimed God, expecting some detailed explanation, but the guy didn’t even flinch.
Seeing I wasn’t going to get anything out of him, I had no choice but to step forward and do what he asked.
Even though he hadn’t explained anything, I already had an idea of what this was; I had read enough web novels to know.
On the roulette were various names of series, movies, and popular anime.
I could perfectly guess what it was for: it was going to determine my destiny.
I grabbed the edge tightly and pushed it.
The roulette began spinning at full speed, the colors blending into a whirlwind.
Slowly, the momentum decreased.
My eyes widened when I saw where it was stopping.
“Please!
Please land there!” I thought desperately.
It was about to land on Monster Musume.
A peaceful world full of beautiful monster girls, with no apocalyptic threats.
The paradise of any reincarnator!
But at the last fucking second, the roulette seemed to gain strength from nowhere.
It gave a small extra jump and landed on the next slot: DC.
I almost collapsed while floating in the air when I noticed this.
I felt like my soul was leaving my body… well, my soul-body.
I still had a sliver of hope, wishing the roulette was just picking my favorite food or something stupid, but ROB’s next words shattered my last illusion.
“Congratulations, you will transmigrate to DC,” ROB said, with a voice that tried to sound enthusiastic but came out terribly flat.
Before I could start mourning my tragic fate—because, let’s be honest, DC is a nest of maniacs where an alien in a cape or a psychopathic clown can erase your city from the map on a random Tuesday—ROB didn’t give me a chance to complain.
He snapped his fingers again.
Another giant roulette appeared in front of me.
“Spin it,” he repeated in the same monotone.
I swallowed nervously.
I approached the new roulette and noticed that this time it was full of well-known characters.
I saw the names Goku, Naruto, Asta, among many others.
“Alright, if I’m going to DC, I need something broken.
Give me someone strong!”
I grabbed the roulette with both hands and spun it with all the strength my digitized soul could muster.
The artifact spun like a demon.
The pointer passed over incredible names.
It began slowing down… it slowed right above Saitama.
“Saitama!
Yes!
With Saitama’s power I can survive Darkseid!”
But luck is a bitch.
The roulette gave one last microscopic spin.
It looked like it would land on Goku, but at the very last microsecond, it stopped sharply on a name: Superboy.
“Nooo!!” I screamed, desperation overflowing from my throat.
However, I forced my mind to work quickly to contain the panic.
I tried to comfort myself with comic fan logic.
“Calm down… relax, it’s not that bad.
It’s Superboy.
He has Superman’s genes, he’ll eventually get all his powers, heat vision, flight…”
Before I could finish comforting myself in my mind, ROB intervened, destroying my house of cards.
“It’s the Superboy from Young Justice, not the one from the comics.”
A long, dense, and sepulchral silence filled the dark space.
The animated series Superboy… the incomplete clone who can’t fly, doesn’t have heat vision, doesn’t have X-ray vision…
The silence lasted until ROB broke it in the most mature way possible.
“HAHAHAHAHAHA!!” he laughed loudly, the cosmic sound echoing in my ears.
I just looked at him with a completely lost expression, my soul dead for the second time that day.
As if noticing he had gone too far, the being tried to stop laughing, clearing its nonexistent throat while saying: “Sorry, sorry… I try to stay as serious as possible.
After all, it’s my first day on the job, so I tried to look as professional as possible, hahaha.”
ROB wiped an imaginary tear from his starry face.
“But man, you’re screwed.
Who would’ve thought my first soul would have such bad luck, haha.
Alright, alright, I’ll stop, don’t make that face.
Look, I’ll give you something.” He snapped his fingers again.
I looked at him, a spark of expectation shining in my eyes.
A power-up?
The Superman Prime template?
“Ta-da!
I changed your look so you’re different from Superboy.
Now you’ll be more handsome!” ROB said proudly.
I was stunned and speechless.
“Tsk, you can’t take a joke,” ROB muttered when he saw my total lack of amusement.
“Fine, I did give you a real small gift.
I unlocked in advance the tactile shields that clone uses in the series, and I also gave you the power of flight and heat vision… you’re welcome.”
I wanted to scream at him asking why he didn’t just give me all of Superman’s powers at once, but considering how my luck was going today, I decided it was better to stay quiet and accept the gift.
“Thanks…” I said through my teeth, forcing the words out.
“Well, wipe that funeral face off and continue.
Here’s the last gift: the chance to choose two companions.
Who knows, maybe you’ll get Kakarot or even Saitama,” the cosmic being said as two more roulettes fell from the ceiling of the void.
“Well… I hope I’m lucky this time,” I sighed with very little conviction.
Still, I stepped forward and spun both roulettes at the same time.
They spun in perfect sync and slowly began to stop.
My eyes followed the pointers until they clicked into their respective slots.
Brightburn (Brandon Breyer) and Homelander (John).
Silence reigned again.
“Pff… HAHAHAHA!” ROB burst out again, slapping his starry thigh.
“Man… your luck… your luck is something else, seriously hahaha.”
“Shit, I’m screwed,” I muttered, holding my head.
I was going to reincarnate in the DC universe, in the body of a limited clone, and my two “companions” were the two most psychopathic, heartless, and deranged child versions of Superman in entertainment history.
An alien child who tears apart his adoptive family, and a lab-grown baby who grows into an egomaniac with a god complex.
“Well… calm down,” ROB said, trying to regain control of his laughter.
“Look on the bright side… you’ll have two super powerful Superman versions as your personal thugs.”
ROB’s words managed to calm me a little.
If I thought about it coldly, having those two on my side was an absurd military power boost.
But then, as if a bolt of pure common sense hit my head, I remembered the nature of those two characters and stared at the cosmic being.
“Those two… will they be loyal to me, right?” I asked.
ROB went silent.
His starry body flickered.
“…”
“Well… no.”
“…”
“But don’t worry, I have a plan!” he said with overflowing confidence, although those words didn’t reassure me in the slightest.
“Well, trust me, I’ll fix it.
And also, since you’re my first official reincarnated soul, I’ll give you two more gifts for the trouble.”
“Well… thanks,” I replied with a completely forced smile, feeling like I was signing my death sentence.
“Alright, my friend!
Go and enjoy your second chance,” ROB exclaimed enthusiastically as a bright, swirling portal opened right under my feet.
I began falling into the portal, but before I was fully swallowed, I heard ROB’s voice echo in my mind one last time:
“And don’t worry about loyalty and those things with the two extra companions I gave you!
I already fixed everything so you won’t have problems… and I know you’re going to like it.”
Before I could ask what the hell he meant by “extra companions,” the portal’s gravity fully sucked me in, dragging me toward the blinding light of my new life.