LEXIE HOWARD
Lexie had known Remus for years now.
He was Rue’s brother, and he had always been the cool and calm voice in the room.
She often felt envious of Rue for having someone like him to lean on.
She did not know how lucky she was to have someone like that.
Someone who could be a shield for you, a form of wall holding back all of the troubles of the world.
Rue and she had been good friends, and so when she saw her dabbling with drugs, she had gone to him to intervene.
He had tried, but Rue was set in her ways.
There had been a big fight between the two siblings, and after that, her friendship with Rue had become strained.
Lexie had felt rather guilty about the whole affair, but things had gotten much worse after Remus and Cassie had become a pair.
She had felt rather strange seeing her sister together with him.
Only later would she realize that she felt envious of Cassie for being Remus’ girlfriend.
It hurt her more to see that the two of them were good for each other.
Remus liked Cassie, and for the first time in a long time, her sister had chosen someone both caring and responsible as a boyfriend.
For a second, Lexie found herself imagining a future where the two of them grew up and got married, and it was a beautiful picture.
Remus would graduate and go to college.
He was smart enough to become an engineer or a doctor.
Cassie was not so smart, but she would go to college and get a useless degree.
They would marry a few years later and then live a happy life.
She imagined it, and it did not make her happy.
Not at all.
Then, as Rue’s condition worsened, Remus’s attention was split between her and Cassie, and her sister was always starved for attention.
It happened at a party just before New Years, and Lexie saw Cassie kissing McKay in a room.
She should have remained quiet.
She had already done enough damage.
But she could not, and so she left a small anonymous text to him about the incident, and with that, they broke up.
Remus caught Cassie and McKay in the act and left the party all alone.
She wanted to talk to him, but she had seen his face when he had left the party.
She had seen his swollen eyes and simply could not bring herself to call out his name.
The scandal did not last long and was easily swept over by the usual high school life drama, but it strained their relationship even more.
She began seeing less and less of him, and then she learned of the accident.
It was a tragedy, and the news spread like wildfire.
Texts were being exchanged all over the school, and for a few days it was all they talked about.
Rue had overdosed, and Remus had crashed the car rather badly while trying to take her to the Hospital.
Someone shared pictures of the crash, and Lexie could barely keep herself contained as she saw the condition of the car.
There were even rumors that he was dead, and she would cry herself to sleep every day, feeling responsible for this whole thing for some reason.
She wondered if things just might have been different if she had made a few different choices.
She learned that he was in a coma and that the doctors were not very optimistic about his chances.
Still, ten days later, news came that he had miraculously woken up.
She was relieved, and then she gathered the courage and texted him asking him about his health, and much to her surprise, he answered.
They talked for a bit, just like old times, and Lexie found herself enjoying their conversations.
She promised to help him with his schoolwork, and so a few days after his return, she came to meet him.
She reached his home, but despite multiple texts, he did not reply to her, which was rather strange.
She rang the bell and learned from Gia that he had gone out with his friend Elliot.
She knew Elliot, and he was her senior, just like Remus, and was one of his best friends.
He was a loner much like Rue’s brother, and the two of them often jammed together at his home like aspiring musicians.
She went to his place, and that was when she first heard him sing.
Lexie knew that Remus dreamt of being a musician, and that he was even somewhat talented as a vocalist.
But she could not control herself as she heard him sing, and it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever heard.
She realized in that moment that perhaps becoming a singer was more than just a dream for him.
Perhaps it was destiny.
They made plans for doing a proper recording at a studio, and as the horn buzzed outside her home, she quirked up.
“Mom,” Lexie jumped to her feet and picked up the bag she had prepared.
“I am leaving,” and her mother was watching TV with a glass of wine in her hand.
“Where?” she asked, and Lexie had already told her about her plans last night, but as always, she was not listening to her.
“Downtown. I am going with Remus and his friend,” and she said nothing more as she rushed out of the door and saw his car waiting outside.
“Come on, get in, Howard,” and for some reason, Elliot preferred to use her second name.
It was strange that he did so often for quite a few other people as well, and she did not really care much for it.
“Be careful,” her mother’s voice came from the porch as she slid into the back of the new car, and Remus waved to her mother.
“When will you be back?” Suzanne asked.
“I will have her back before ten, Mrs. Howard,” Remus answered from the driver’s seat, and it was barely eleven right now.
They rode ahead afterward, and there were a few bags in the back apart from her own.
“So, what’s the plan today?” she asked excitedly.
“We have nearly finished about three songs, so we should make use of the time to record all three,” and that seemed like a good enough plan.
Some half an hour later, they pulled into the parking lot of a rather small building.
There were guards at the gates, and Lexie took out the camera they had bought and began recording.
Elliot was eager to add commentary as they walked into the studio and turned on the lights.
She did not know anything about music or studios at all, but even she could tell that the place was both professional and expensive.
There was a glass wall separating the recording booth from the rest of the place.
There were a couple of rooms at the back as well, and they took a few minutes to explore the building and unpack their stuff.
She had noticed it before, but over the course of the recording, it became even more evident that the accident had changed Remus.
Rue’s brother had always had a good sense of humor, but over the years it was dulled by the troubles of his life.
He became quieter and more serious as the years went by, but ever since his return from the hospital, he had been in a much more jovial mood.
There had been a sense of impatience and nervousness in him before, which was now all gone.
He seemed much more confident and at ease now.
Elliot spent a few minutes setting up the equipment as she filmed their banter.
Remus sat on the sofa with a bottle of warm water in his hands, taking sips slowly as he tried to prepare himself for the day ahead by doing a few exercises.
“Ok, let’s start,” and then he walked into the booth and the atmosphere shifted.
Elliot’s smile vanished as he played with the dozen buttons and switches in front of him, while Remus adjusted the mic.
“Here, take this,” and he gave her a pair of headphones.
She put them on, and then after a few tests, he gave him the countdown, and the slow thrum of the music filled her ears.
‘I fell by the wayside, like everyone else.
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
But I was just kidding myself.
Our every moment, I start to replace
‘Cause now that they’re gone
All I hear are the words that I needed to say’
And it was the same song as the one she had heard in Elliot’s room, yet the only difference was that it sounded even cleaner and more refined.
She did not know how to say it, but there was a rather British angsty tinge to his voice now that only added to the emotions of the song.
He sang that first, and for the next four minutes, only his voice filled the room.
‘Before you go
Was there something I could’ve said
To make your heart beat better?
If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could’ve said
To make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless.
So, before you go’
The song ended, and Elliot pressed stop recording as he gave Remus a thumbs up.
“Let’s go again,” and she frowned.
“Why? That was perfect,” she asked, and Elliot turned towards her.
“It doesn’t work like that. It may have sounded perfect to us now, but perhaps there are some parts that he could have messed up a bit. So, we do a few more recordings, and then if we need, we can stitch together the best parts from each one,” and that resembled moving making more than she had realized.
“You should sit down. It’s going to be a long day,” and then he had him sing again, and again.
He sang that same song four times until Elliot finally gave him the ok.
“Let’s go to the next one,” and now she was excited, for she had not heard this one herself.
Remus sipped his water before he smacked his lips.
Let’s go, and she held her breath as he brought his face near the mic and began singing.
‘Counting days, counting days
Since my love up and got lost on me’
And this one was just as raw, if not more raw, than the previous song.
‘And every breath that I’ve been takin’
Since you left feels like a waste on me.
I’ve been holding on to hope.
That you’ll come back when you can find some peace’
It was slower, and there was only a simple tune in the background, and the song was being entirely carried by Remus’s vocals.
”Cause every word that I’ve heard spoken
Since you left feels like a hollow street’
And she could not believe her ears, and perhaps it finally began to settle inside her that this was not just a side gig.
No.
He was going to be a musician.
He was going to be huge.
‘I’ve been told, I’ve been told to get you off my mind.
But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind.
And then the chorus began, and she watched as Remus gave it his all.
His neck and his face turned red from the sheer power he was projecting into those heartfelt lyrics.
She did not notice it, but a single tear ran down her face, and she only realized it later as Elliot pointed it out to her.
“You are crying, Howard,” and she broke out of her trance.
She quickly wiped away her tears.
“Sorry, but can you blame me?” she teased, and Elliot shook his head.
“Not really. The bastard’s going to make the whole world cry at this rate,” Elliot whispered.
“Hey, shut it,” Remus added from the inside, as they all chuckled.
“What is this one called?” She already knew the name for the first one.
“Bruises,” Remus answered, and it seemed like an apt name.
“It’s good. Very good,” she added.
“Ok. We will take five, and then we will go again,” and they took a short recess.
They huddled together as they discussed lunch and video.
The plan was to have a late lunch and finish the recordings by then.
They would have lunch and then shoot an MV for one or two of the songs.
The five minutes turned to thirty, but they resumed once more.
And so he sang it again, and again and again.
Until Elliot was finally satisfied.
She looked at the clock, and it was 2 o’clock already.
Though by Elliot’s own admission, they were moving way ahead of schedule.
“Let’s go for the last one,” Elliot roared, and then the music began once more, and she frowned for a second.
“This one seems a bit upbeat,” she questioned, and Elliot smirked.
“You have no idea, Howard,” and just before Remus was about to speak, the music shifted, and she understood his words very well as Remus’s voice rang through the studio.
‘I wanna take you somewhere so you know I care.
But it’s so cold, and I don’t know where
I brought you daffodils in a pretty string.
But they won’t flower like they did last spring’
It was heavy.
It was different than his previous songs, but it felt just as grief-stricken and heart-touching as the others.
‘And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright.
I’m just so tired to share my nights.
I wanna cry, and I wanna love
But all my tears have been used up
On another love, another love
All my tears have been used up.
On another love, another love’
She said nothing more as she listened to him pour out his heart, and as he finished the song, he was tired and out of breath.
She could not help but turn towards Elliot as she asked him worriedly.
“Did he write this all himself?” she asked, and he nodded.
“Yup. Every single line,” and so they continued recording well past four.
They had lunch at five, and then they began working on the videos at six.
They had no plans, and they had spent the lunch discussing ideas.
The studio had a few props in it for them to use, and then they agreed on a rather rustic and simple approach.
The setup was simple, with Remus sitting on a three-legged stool with a guitar.
The lighting was unidirectional, though they would have to do most of the work in the editing.
They messed up a few times and joked around quite a bit.
By nine, they had shot down the videos for two of the three songs and were too tired to do the third one.
They hopped into the car, and she felt proud of being part of something this big.
“When will you be finished?” she asked Elliot.
“I have to catch up with some other work,” and he eyed his friend for some reason.
“So, a couple of weeks,” and that was good.
“Yeah. I think I will be done editing one of the videos by then as well,” added Remus, and that did not seem so far away to her.
They dropped off Elliot first, and she came to sit on the front as Remus drove them to her home.
He pulled up in front of her House, as Lexie found herself staring at his face.
“So, this is it,” he added as he smiled towards her, and in that moment she realized that perhaps this just might be her last chance ever to confess what lay in her heart.
“Lexie,” he called out, trying to break her out of her trance, and she tried to gather the courage, but in the end it was too hard to muster as she gave him a smile.
“Goodbye,” she added weakly as she pushed open the door and began walking towards her door, regret beginning to fill her heart.
“Goodbye….”
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/ Drkest
Have a fantastic day!