The time had come.
I had to actually act, rather than menace a bunch of scared or excited otherworlders, as well as put down resistance from the natives. Obviously, I’d formed a plan for interacting with the Earthlings. I just had to wipe away the immediate pests without driving those I needed towards fear.
“Lady Mage Hero,” the court mage from earlier announced his return, “I have had guest rooms prepared, as well as arranged for the detached palace to be cleaned for the extra space.”
It was great timing.
“Thank you, Minion #1. Please have these heroes guided to their rooms, and ensure no action is taken against them.” He bowed before turning away, apparently accepting his new title with grace. Then, I turned to RioRio. “I’ll just handle things with this lot. Please, look after the others for me? Try to group people based on how they are handling the sudden transition. And don’t allow anyone to run off alone. Buddy system or something.”
That was about the best I could think of in the moment. Keeping people orderly? As a goddess of chaos? Cute joke.
Rio nodded, a smile on her lips. “Absolutely. We yuri cosplayers need to stick together!”
It took me a moment to work through that while she bounced down the steps towards the crowd. Then it hit me—Nanoha… and Symphogear. Our cosplay outfits were both solidly in the yuri anime genre. I happened to be doing the debut of my Fate cosplay, making it the first event where we’d matched up our tastes that well.
If I could get the girl with the literal ‘Hero’ class into my harem, then the rest would be easy mode.
I turned to the king as the heroes filed out under the supervision of Minion #1.
“What is your problem, asshole?”
He glared at me, finally shutting his mouth properly. It was actually nice to have a moment without his voice nattering in the background.
“Fine. I need your country’s money. We’re going to the vaults, and you’ll open them for me. Alternatively, I can vaporize my way through your castle until I find it myself.”
He remained there, still silently glaring. Not even attempting to stand up again.
With a long sigh, I turned to the thunderstruck chamberlain nearby, who had finally moved when I’d blasted the king’s throne, but only to hide behind the… larger throne nearby. I rifled through my memories and wondered if I had that wrong, but no. The king had the smaller throne.
“You, Idiot #1,” I waved my hand at the chamberlain, “how do I get to the vaults?”
“Only the queen may grant a person access to the vaults. None of us have access.”
I closed my eyes, feeling the tangle of minor magic that wove through the castle around my senses. What I found was quite enlightening.
Why had the king summoned heroes using human sacrifices? Why had they summoned heroes when they didn’t have a clear idea what the threat was first? Why had they all acted like idiots, including the chamberlain’s reaction to the orb being turned to glass dust?
They were going behind the true ruler’s back. A queen who didn’t trust the staff in the castle with access to the riches, didn’t sanction a rushed summoning ritual with minimal intelligence, and likely had no idea someone had removed the orb and hidden it aside for the exact use I’d sat through. I rather liked the way the queen operated. If my hunch turned out to be accurate, I was adding her to my harem targets list.
I smiled down at the king, a knowing gleam in my eye. “Arranged marriage? Loveless thing, yes? I bet she never even let you lay a finger on her. Any heirs to your thrones?”
His eye was twitching, his jaw working more and more as veins popped.
“You’re a downright idiot, you know that?” I huffed, settling into character fully. “I was hoping to enjoy my retirement in peace. But of course not. You fools summoned me, and instead of wrapping us around your finger, dancing to your tune, I’m going to put you all in your places. Ironically, your kingdom would’ve been in for less upheaval and calamity if you’d just not summoned us.”
The chamberlain was pale, and I grinned. It was nice to gloat, and the man had already told me that both men had no value to me. The guards in the room hadn’t done anything, aside from a handful who’d been present from the ritual, and their minor saber rattling hadn’t even drawn my attention.
I lifted my hand, conjuring a globe in my palm that glittered with golden lightning, perfect for my costume. With the flourish, I raised my voice to the watching court mages.
“A lesson for all of you. All elemental magic comes from its own home plane of energy. Those planes overlap a little, where you get the real creative stuff like lightning. Little known fact, though? A mage who is strong enough can do more than pull energy out of those planes. They can reach in and put things back.”
With that, I turned towards the king and chamberlain. “If you manage to survive… I’ll be amazed. It’s very possible to survive the plane of lightning. It’s not half as bad as the plane of fire. If you’re not idiots, you might make it back out with a few more active brain cells. Then again, we’ve already established that you’re both idiots, so… sayonara.”
I waved my hand, and the orb in my hand grew, quickly swallowing both men, even as the chamberlain tried to run away.
In the end, my performance wasn’t for the mages or guards. Who knew when a deity might be watching the proceedings? Which made it rather important to settle into my disguise fully. Yes, I’d thrown whatever game the gods of the unknown world were playing into disarray. I was never not going to do that. But I’d played those games. I knew how those children thought. If I was going to break things, I had to do it in ways that would entertain the deities above enough to not stop me.
Good thing my mortal shell wasn’t a facade, though. I made it high quality to better hide on Earth. A deity would have to confront me in person to confirm my identity. Deific treaties around their games always had rules about direct intervention on the game board. Confront me and find I’m human? They’d be in violation and get penalized. I had to keep on the right side of reasonable suspicion.
And on the horrifying chance Su’el happened to be running the game I found myself in? I hoped I would be able to hold myself back from breaking all his favorite game pieces.
Then again…
I chewed my lip in thought as I stepped towards the lightning orb as well, emerging onto the waiting plane of conceptual energy beyond.
If I did find myself in the middle of the gods’ games, but wasn’t actually a part of the rules, not having signed onto their treaties? Well, that could be fun.
Li’erz, Goddess of Magic, Chaos, and Avarice. I had been the antagonist in a lot of games. I’d been alone against a dozen or more deities. They were lazy, taking their born superiority and not caring about growth. Me? I was just bored.
I drew in a long breath, scuffing the sparse vegetation with my toe as I looked down on the king and chamberlain with disdain.
“I’m not evil. That’s not how I operate. I’m not fair, sure, but that’s why I’m leaving you here instead of just doing to you what you threatened me with. I’m even going to lay out the basics for you, even though I’m not kind.
“Welcome to the elemental planes. They’re not quite places, since they’re just masses of energy mages can draw upon with some freedom. I’m dropping you two in a place where most of the elements meld together, but it’s mostly lightning-hued. It’s actually safe compared to places where there’s nothing but seas of lava. But even if you exist here, you’re not in reality. No hunger. No day or night, unless you venture towards the plane of light or dark. Go on, learn to survive, or just die. If either of you make it back to reality, I’ll pardon you for ruining my retirement.”
At that, I ignored indignant cries and pleas for forgiveness, returning back to the throne room.
I smiled, mentally combing over the way my plans were going. First date confirmed. Rough outline of how to get back to Earth. Kingdom nominally conquered, too.
I’d have to get the weebs into a training regimen before they got themselves dead by slime or goblin or something. I’d have to manage my own popularity with them carefully beginning as soon as they recovered from their brief bout of summoning weakness.
I turned to the guards in the room and picked out the one with the most ostentatious armor. The moment my gaze landed on them, the guards each took a step back, or began to look nervously at their nearest superior. That narrowed the search to a woman with an honest-to-goddess—let’s be real, honest-to-me—tachi at her hip.
“You.” I pointed at the woman.
Her shoulders slumped, and she briefly glared at the other royal guards.
“You’re in charge of this lot?”
She stood up straight, her hand on the grip of her blade. “Fukushi, descendant of the last Sword Hero.”
“Right.” I sighed, processing that I’d have to operate with families being around who claimed the ancestry of the previous heroes. More pressure to act heroic, that. “You’re lucky you’re pretty. If you were some cocky man, I’d reassign your ranks. I need trainers prepared for the heroes at first light tomorrow. They won’t all be fighters, but I’m not about to let them die to something stupid. We’ll also need to get them fitted for armor at some point, but I hope you can arrange enough training equipment by then?”
“Understood.” The woman bowed at the waist in an extremely Japanese fashion, then turned and strode out of the room with her guards at her side. Her hips swayed as she walked, and I realized she was short, but wearing four inch heels to make up for it. That was a cute insecurity I could only smile at.
I added her to my list.