Titania (Part 1)
They say a rhinoceros has poor eyesight, but with its stats, that’s hardly its problem.
An old saying.
Leaving Salisbury wasn’t as simple as I’d hoped.
The Council and the Rune Knights had blocked off the railway station, and renting a manamobile, or a magic carriage, whichever term you preferred, was completely out of the question.
These measures had been introduced to make life difficult for corrupt officials who suddenly wanted to flee a city that had abruptly stopped being cooperative.
The city gates weren’t much better.
Council troops had replaced the usual guards.
Fortunately, I’d anticipated something like this and had arranged for an exit permit at the magistrate’s office, complete with the Council messenger’s personal seal.
Speaking of leaving, I’d also discovered another amusing little problem.
Under Fiore’s laws, I was only entitled to a quarter of the value of the thieves’ guild’s immovable property.
Nobody was going to search my spatial pocket for trophies, of course, but everything beyond my legal share would have to be inventoried and confiscated.
Goodbye, mahogany tables and sandalwood panels.
They’d even been nailed down, but why let good material go to waste?
Fortunately, I had enough manpower for that.
Unfortunately, most of the officials responsible for inventorying the spoils had already acquired fashionable bracelets with equally fashionable chains attached to them.
The Rune Knights weren’t interested in doing the paperwork either.
In the end, everyone simply decided it was easier to close their eyes to a few souvenirs taken by a mage from Fairy Tail than to drown in bureaucracy while the city’s administrative machinery was practically nonexistent.
My reputation clearly wasn’t high enough yet.
They had no idea that almost everything valuable in the guild’s hideout had disappeared, leaving little more than bare walls.
The only thing that genuinely annoyed me was that I’d have to walk all the way to Magnolia.
Gray annoyed me too.
I understood that guild honor was sacred to him, and after spending time in a guard cell, he’d probably worked himself into a considerable state of guilt.
Still, I’d hoped he was somewhat more reasonable.
That was only half my problem.
The other half was the Ice Mage’s guilt.
At first, he outright refused his share of the contract payment, arguing that he hadn’t helped at all and had nearly ruined the entire operation.
Gods, it took an absurd amount of effort to convince him that, yes, he’d acted like an idiot, but the situation had ultimately turned out rather well.
I thought I’d finally convinced him.
If only I’d known how wrong I was at that moment, and what kind of mess the Ice Mage would unintentionally drop into my lap in the near future…
Unfortunately, I’d never been much of a prophet, so I remained blissfully unaware.
We eventually managed to leave the city.
It wasn’t an especially long walk, the weather was pleasant, and overall my mood was rather good.
The two enormous carts loaded with trophies helped considerably.
Fullbuster offered to help transport my loot.
I suspect he thought I’d nobly refuse.
Yeah.
Sure.
I immediately put the Ice Mage to work.
And I mean that literally.
Poor Gray spent the next several hours paying for his sins through hard physical labor.
Then we entered the forest.
Forty minutes later.
“What do you mean you don’t know where we’re going?
You’ve traveled through this forest on missions dozens of times!
Or am I remembering incorrectly?”
Great.
Just what I needed.
Getting lost in the forest would complete my perfect day.
“That’s exactly what I mean!
I thought you were keeping track of the road!
And besides, I was busy with the cart!” the Ice Mage protested.
“How am I supposed to keep track of the road with my topographical incompetence?!”
Hmm.
Had I ever actually told him about this charming little trait of mine?
“Damn it, how was I supposed to know that?”
Apparently, I hadn’t.
“This is bad.
Very bad,” Fullbuster muttered gloomily.
“Oh, come on.
We got a little lost.
At worst, we’ll lose a day, maybe two.
We’ll get somewhere eventually.”
I’d completely misunderstood why the Ice Mage was worried and tried to encourage him.
“That’s not the problem.
According to my calculations, Elsa should be returning to the guild any day now, and we’d better be in Fairy Tail when she does.”
Maybe Fullbuster intended to say more, but at that exact moment we finally emerged onto something vaguely resembling a road.
And, to my immense relief, Lucy was walking along that very road.
Natsu and his flying cat were with her too.
“YOU!”
The synchronized yell came from two throats.
I doubt I need to explain whose.
Yeah…
Looks like we’d have to stop here for a while.
The sweet couple immediately began arguing, while the cat happily flew around them, adding fuel to the fire by commenting on various parts of their “conversation.”
I decided to exchange a few words with Lucy.
It wouldn’t do to leave her standing there all alone looking bored.
“I have to admit, running into you here was unexpected.
Pleasantly unexpected, though.
What brings you here, Lucy?”
I walked toward her, stretching my stiff shoulders.
Half a day of hauling carts wasn’t exactly the sort of activity my body considered particularly enjoyable.
“Hi, Sephiroth.
We’re coming back from a job,” the girl answered somewhat sadly.
“We are too.
But why the long face?”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Well, we completed the job, but we didn’t take the payment…”
“The client refused to pay?”
“Of course not!
It’s just that…
Hmm, I think I should start from the beginning…”
And the girl began telling me about her first mission.
“I see…”
I tapped my fingers thoughtfully against the hilt of the blade hanging from my belt.
My spatial pocket was so full that, even with my inhuman endurance, I wouldn’t be able to put the sword inside it without killing myself first.
“I’m not sure whether I should envy Natsu or feel sorry for him,” I told her with a sly smile.
“What are you talking about?”
She gave me a suspicious look.
Had she sensed something?
“Well, breaking into a beautiful girl’s home, especially while she’s taking a bath…”
There it was.
Her reaction.
She was already turning red and drawing a deep breath, preparing to tell me exactly what she thought about the matter.
Maybe she’d even give me her opinion on the Great and Terrible One.
Time to move on.
“How completely devoid of self-preservation do you have to be?!
Such blatant disregard for your own life deserves the respect of a true paladin!
There’s just one thing I’m curious about.
What happened to him afterward?”
“Well…”
Lucy became completely flustered.
“I hit him…
with my foot…
on the head…
several times.”
“Poor guy.
You didn’t hurt your foot, did you?”
Surely I wasn’t actually supposed to worry about Natsu.
“A little.”
Heartfilia rubbed her ankle.
“Nyaaa!
Sweet couple!
What are you two lovebirds talking about?”
Lucy turned completely red and hurriedly moved away.
Cat…
I promise you, you’re not going to die of old age.
My mood was thoroughly ruined.
After giving the walking nightmare of a stoner a murderous glare, I began preparing to continue the journey.
We still had quite a distance to cover.
“Gray, weren’t we in a hurry?
You said something about Elsa…”
The name of the red-haired Valkyrie produced a truly magical effect.
The “arguing couple” froze in mid-motion.
“Elsa?
What’s wrong with Elsa?” Natsu asked nervously, looking around.
“Gray said she was returning to the guild soon.”
I shrugged.
“Could it really be that Elsa?”
Hmm.
That strange gleam appeared in Lucy’s eyes again.
Something was definitely wrong with her.
“What is she like?”
“Horrible!”
“Terrifying!”
“A monster!”
The pink-haired idiot, the Ice Mage, and the cat gave their authoritative opinions.
They then proceeded to describe a woman nearly ten meters tall, with an insane temper and the habits of a hardened thug.
They emphasized her “ugliness” in particular.
Hmm.
I think I was beginning to formulate a plan for getting revenge on this little group for all the wonderful things they’d done.
Cruel?
Perhaps.
But they’d earned it.
Hmm.
Who was sneaking toward us?
Another strange hybrid between a human and some kind of amphibian or reptile.
Wait.
Weren’t these the guys who tried to eat Happy in the anime?
Should I help them with that noble endeavor?
No.
As unfortunate as that was, I’d actually started getting attached to the blue nuisance.
Besides, if they ate him now, how was I supposed to kill him myself in the future?
How interesting.
Apparently, hunger really does make a mage think more rationally.
At least one particular individual had the sense to create a small sandstorm and use it as cover to steal the cat.
He also covered my carts in sand.
Now I was definitely angry.
Gray was already barely managing to drag his assigned cart, and now it had become several kilograms heavier.
I didn’t waste any more time and immediately chased after the malicious thief and saboteur.
The pursuit led me to a small camp where the villain had reinforcements waiting.
Naturally, that meant new opponents for me.
I didn’t bother waiting for the others from Fairy Tail.
I simply knocked the bastards unconscious.
Hmm.
Among the spoils was another staff-lighter and a pair of sai.
I’d been meaning to acquire something dagger-like for situations involving narrow corridors.
I wondered whether Gray would appreciate the additional weight.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t knocked out the fortune-teller quickly enough.
The bastard managed to predict complications in my personal life that could potentially result in serious bodily harm.
Wonderful.
By the time I reached the cat, I was feeling rather depressed.
Happy had already been tied to a pole.
A fire had been prepared beneath him, and someone had even gathered firewood.
All that remained was to light it and wait for dinner.
My evaluating gaze didn’t escape the cat’s attention.
He immediately hurried to assure me that he was completely inedible, useful to society, and, most importantly, my good friend.
Hmm.
I don’t remember ever calling this flying nuisance my friend.
Still, I had to admit that he was quite entertaining.
“All right, hallucination.
Don’t worry.
I’m not hungry enough yet to roast hallucinations, even mass-produced ones.”
Meanwhile, the rest of the Fairies finally arrived at the scene.
And somehow, I ended up being the bad guy.
No, seriously.
I had just rescued their cat, and now they were accusing me of preventing the brave Fairy Tail mages from having their fun.
And people wonder why I don’t bother doing good deeds.
I explained this to everyone with an appropriately devastated expression.
Yeah.
Appealing to Natsu’s conscience was pointless.
The request would get lost somewhere along the convolutions of his brain and never reach its destination.
Lucy, however, sincerely thanked me for rescuing the “animal.”
Somehow, we ended up once again inside each other’s personal space.
Happy looked like he wanted to say something about that, but after catching my gaze, he swallowed whatever he’d been about to say and awkwardly flew farther away.
About thirty minutes passed.
Natsu and Gray were trying to wake the tied-up criminals so they could answer the most important question of all.
Why the hell did they need their cat?
Was there really no other wildlife in the forest?
Meanwhile, my attention shifted toward something strange in the landscape.
Ah.
There was Kageyama.
I had to admit, he was hiding himself extremely well.
If I hadn’t recently studied the fundamentals of Shadow Magic, I might not have noticed that the shadow cast by one of the trees was slightly darker than it should have been.
If I remembered correctly, this was the moment when he was supposed to kill his captured comrades so they couldn’t reveal anything.
Should I intervene?
I glanced at the girl sitting beside me.
At some point, Lucy had become slightly drowsy and had fallen asleep against my arm.
Sorry, guys.
But if I moved, Lucy would wake up.
And I wasn’t willing to allow that.
The events that followed were almost exactly like canon, except Kageyama dealt with his comrades much more “cleanly” and quietly.
He simply strangled them with shadows before disappearing without a sound.
Logical.
In canon, they regained consciousness much sooner and started talking nonsense.
After my little intervention, they wouldn’t wake up for at least three hours.
Gray, however, discovered traces of the shadow strangulation around the prisoners’ necks and somehow even found the spot where their killer had been lying.
Natsu attempted to follow the trail using his sense of smell, but after reaching a small river, he lost the scent and returned empty-handed.
Lucy continued sleeping peacefully.
After some sensible discussion, we unanimously decided that telling her what had happened to the attackers was unnecessary.
The cat’s opinion was heard and ignored.
Then, after a little charisma on my part and an appeal to the Dragon Slayer’s gentlemanly nature, or whatever he had instead of one, we reached the final result.
Natsu and Gray, quietly hissing curses and affectionately mentioning my Hamster with some very choice words, including what I was almost certain was the phrase “Elsa number two,” were now dragging the carts full of trophies.
And I, trying to walk as smoothly and carefully as possible, carried a still-sleeping Lucy in my arms.
Heh.
I liked this division of labor.
And that was how we entered Magnolia.
Only a couple of days later, Elsa returned to the guild.