After returning home from a useless session at the chess club, I was surprised to see Ass actually at home.
"Luna, Teresa come sit down we're going to do game night."
"Not yet dear, I've got to get dinner ready." Mom backed out almost immediately.
Hehe, she must be scared of losing to me.
"Alright Luna, we already played Monopoly, so you can choose now."
Ooh, I get to pick then I've got to go for the best game of all time.
"Uno, because I always win."
Seb rebutted, "Because you always cheat and try to win on a wild card, everyone knows you can't do that but you try to do it every single time."
"Eh, the rules are what we make them, you know in official uno rules you can't stack +2's, but guess what we do that everytime. So why don't we just write down all of the rules now then."
Ass or Dad as he likes to be called chimed in, "That'll take too long how about we just play and then vote during the game if we find something to be against the rules."
And like that we started the game and I started with a pretty meh hand, so the one with the hand that seemed to only contain wild cards, Seb, was on his last card already.
Lucky for him he said "Uno," should I just make up a new rule like 'people named Seb always pick up' have us all agree and make the rule a reality?
No, if I do that they'll just do the same back to me later and then get all wishy-washy about it.
"Hehe +4." Tim placed down his +4 while laughing as he forced onto Seb who he was sitting next to.
"Hehe I win!" Seb, laughed back as he played a +4 down to counter and therefore play his last card.
Ass, Tim and I all looked at each other with a look of mutual agreement and as I stated, "Everyone knows you can't end on a wild card what kind of obvious cheating is this?"
Ass added, "Yeah it's quite obvious and well established in the Uno world that this is blatant cheating."
Felix added, "I agree."
And finally Tim stated, "I concur." Okay mr. big brain using big fancy complicated words.
Seb responded, "But my hand was entirely wild cards I didn't have a choice and Luna you always end on a wild card why can't you allow it this one time, it was literally impossible for me to play any other way."
In my most gentle (mocking) voice I could muster I responded, "Tough luck, screw nut, pick up 50 cards to make amends to our poor brains for having to even dignify a response."
Ass intervened, "Luna 50 cards is a bit too much let's make it only 20 cards, after all he didn't really have a choice."
"But I won the game, you guy's can't just give me 50 more cards, for no reason, at most I'll take 3 more cards."
Hehe, me and Ass looked at each other immediately with a knowing grin.
"Fine, Seb you can pick up 5 cards while I'm being generous." I magnanimously replied.
Knowing that if he didn't take my offer now due to me previous kindness (terror) throughout the house he took me up on the offer and picked up his cards.
And just like that it was Felix's turn and as he played a red 4 as we agreed the previous card was a red, Ass then said "Uno" and at the same time played his last card.
"I win!"
Almost instantly we all erupted, ""Cheater!""
What kind of trickery is this he clearly had 2 cards in his hand last turn how can he so boldly claim to have won.
"Hehe, you kids have a lot of learning to do, look at the card." Ass (Dad) responded.
Looking at the card a red 5 it was clearly ripped and not even in the middle it was slightly slanted in such a way that if you ignored the missing bottom half it could actually look like 2 uno cards in someone's hand.
"Huh, that's actually kind of genius..."
"Another loss..."
"Will I ever win a family game night..."
While my pathetic siblings wallowed in misery I countered, "Ignoring the clear hiding of cards in your hand and misleading actions, there is still the big issue of property destruction, by altering the card like this you have made it possible to cheat by knowing exactly what card it is."
"Yeah, she's right!"
"Thank god Luna's on our side right now."
"Luna's the best at arguing, she could even argue against a wall of paint and win before it dries."
Hehe, I can win any argument is what I think they meant to say but, they're still growing, they'll learn how to articulate their words better as they get older.
"You make a good point Luna, but how can you prove the card wasn't already ripped when I first got it?"
...Umm, we would have noticed?
How to to phrase it eloquently...
"Cheater, cheater!"
And like that we stopped playing Uno with 0 winners and a whole group of cheaters/losers.
Just as we were about to start playing MarioKart.
"Dinner's ready!"
""Coming!""
Everyone but me shouted.
As we put our controllers back in the charge ports and cleaned up the area swiftly the smell of chicken wafted through the air to my nostrils.
My consciousness blurred, I ended up sitting right at the dining table with a tiny bit of chicken a small amount of potatoes and a literal mountain of salad.
"Mommm, can I have more chicken pwetty pwease." Acting cute always gets me what I want.
"How many times are you trying that trick out it's never worked." Tim commented.
"What trick?"
As I responded literally everyone gave me the look as if I was talking out of my butt.
"What trick? The trick you did on that half-time show, the trick you do to sound cute everytime you want something with the hewllo." Felix explained.
Nah, I'm pretty sure I don't do that. I'd know if I did after all I'm me.
"Felix I think you've gone crazy I don't speak like that. Anyway mom, can I pwetty pwease have some more chicken."
"Haaa... eat what you have on your plate first then maybe."
Hehe, mom always agrees with what I say.
"Say Luna, do you want to be all big and muscular when you grow up?" My favourite father named Aaron asked.
"Nah, I want to be look just like Mommy but be super strong too."
"Awww..."
Hehe, if mom is the prettiest girl in the world what does that make me who can only possibly look better than her when I grow up?
Obviously a god(dess) and the strongest, fastest, smartest one at that.
"Well sorry to say this Luna, but to be as skinny as Teresa, you're going to have eat next to nothing but if you want to be strong you're going to have be as big as I am and eating as much as you are now you're going to look just like me when you grow up." Ass replied.
Nah, in the worst case scenario I'll just have to try and get an ability that compacts muscles or something so I can be the strongest without being that big. Not that anyone would believe me if I said I had a status window that grants me supernatural abilites.
"Nah, it'll work itself out, I've got mom's genes so I'll be at least the second prettiest girl in the world with no effort."
Mom perked up at that, "Who'd be the prettiest then?"
Hehe, I didn't realise you were desperate for compliments mom.
"I'd like to say me, myself and I but realistically it'd be you mom, you still look like your 20 after all."
"Hehe, I do don't I."
That's the most Narcissistic mom has ever sounded damn. Which means when I grow up I can be that narcissistic and no one will question where it comes from.
"Dad why are mom and Luna making the same scary face right now?" Tim asked.
"Better to not ask questions you don't want the answers to."
After eating my first plate I managed to get some chicken to fuel my growing muscles and skipping desert entirely we all went to go play mariokart.
As per usual mom completely smashed all of us and even in our last race where we all tried to target her we only managed to make her come 2nd with one of the CPU'S taking 1st.
But from the cheers coming from the couch you'd think that we'd won the world cup.
Well it was a rare occasion after all, this is the first time mom didn't get first place in a video game.
"Hehe, Teresa it seems your skills have rusted, you going to go crawling back to get lessons from Dora?"
Dora...
Where have I heard that name before?