Slash whoosh thud
“Fall back to the next supply line.”
Thud
“Leonidas, we might not make it. Let’s just leave the bananas behind and run. Those bastards at HQ… let’s just leave, they aren’t helping us, so why should we help them?”
The camera pans the battlefield, then focuses on me as I am about to make a heroic speech which will inspire even the junior before me into defending our homeland.
“It’s alright junior, I’ll stay behind and make sure we get those bananas back to base… even if it kills me.”
“Le-Leonidas, you don’t have to do that, just leave the bananas behind, you're more important th—”
* * *
“Luna, Luna, Luna…”
Poke poke poke
“Ahhh, who’s poking me!”
“”Tim did it.””
Tim, Tim, Tim, how could you do this to me? I was about to get the bananas back to HQ and star in a Hollywood blockbuster.
“No, I didn’t, you assholes. I’m over here. How can I even reach over there?”
“TIM!!! This is the last time you poke me while I am saving the Banana Republic.”
“Buahahhaha! Tim, how could you let the Banana Republic down like that? Do you have no respect for your country?”
Felix further denouncing his fellow triplet, how despicable I could never do that. After all I don't have a twin let alone a triplet.
Tim took a deep sigh and erratically ran up the stairs.
Does he think that's all it takes to avoid the revenge of the banana kingdom?
With the power invested in me by the status window, I shall chase him to the ends of the earth.
* * *
Huff huff huff
…Maybe it wasn’t enough.
“GOALLL!!! Aaron Leonidas from outside the box scores his second goal of the match!”
““GOAALLL!!!””
“...Goaaallll.” I weakly cheered in unison.
Felix, Seb and I cheered Dad’s sudden goal while Tim disrespectfully ran away.
I’m gonna tell Dad when he gets home.
“Oh, did Daddy score his second goal already, woo! Lets go!”
Mom came in and put a fruit platter on the table.
“Luna, here’s one banana if you hold onto it for ten minutes and don’t open it, I’ll give you another one.”
“Woo, so generous today, thanks Mom.”
Hehehe, does Mom think I don't know of the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment?
It's arguably one of the most famous tests done on children to determine success in life and she thinks I can't do it?
Just a simple delayed gratification test is too easy for my already developed brain.
It does look kinda tasty though…
All I need to do is peel it…
“Look at the curve on the ball, it’s insane the goalkeeper didn’t even move.”
“Wow!”
Dad then did a rather nasty celebration, dancing in front of the fallen enemy goalkeeper.
“The Leonidas special. Toeing the line of outright mockery and celebration to destroy the opponent's morale, how remarkable that he’s still doing it at the ripe old age of 36. I'll tell ya back in my day...”
I knew Dad was good, but I thought Australia as a country would hold him back too much. It seems we are easily qualifying for the World Cup.
That dance or whatever is just his usual antics; many fans believe it’s just his on-field persona, but sadly, that’s his real personality.
“Mommm, when can we watch Dad play in person? Ethan gets to watch him all the time. Why can’t we? It’s been a year?”
“Felix, don’t worry, Dad’s playing here in Sydney in a few days, even Luna’s coming this time.”
I can finally leave the house… No way.
Maybe I can finally finish these damn quests.
Be recognised by 1000 people (34/1000)
Secure the upcoming opportunity (???)
* * *
While I have to wait a few days for 2 of my quests, my other quest:
Develop a skill to a semi-professional level (0/1)
Is most definetely something I can achieve with my current resources.
“Tim, can I have your tablet for a bit, please?”
I said with my best puppy dog face.
Tim slowly turned his face toward me, looked directly into my eyes and—
“Hell no.”
—flicked my forehead.
Whimper
I shouldn’t cry. This is only the 4th time I’ve asked Tim for the tablet today, I’ve been reasonable.
“Mom, Tim hit me!”
Screech
Mom came running over, skidding across the hardwood floors with her socks screeching across as she turned the corner at breakneck speed.
“My baby, where does it hurt? Oh my we can't have you dy...”
I pointed right to my forehead, which was definitely bleeding (was not) and that would permanently disfigure my face (definitely would not).
“Oh, never mind. Luna, have I told you about the girl who cried wolf?”
Who hasn’t and it's the Boy Who Cried Wolf?
“Of course, I know the Boy Who Cried Wolf. The moral behind the story is to ask for help when you need it and not to play pranks or be an attention seeker.”
“Hmm, hmm. Luna, you’re correct, so why are you crying wolf right now?”
Mom took me to master bedroom and rushed me toward the dressing room mirror and pointed right at my forehead, where there was… nothing.
Well, except for cute little old me.
“Hoooo. Oh, thank god I thought it was going to be a scar and that it would ruin my looks forever.”
“Luna, are you sure you are my kid? You seem a bit… much. Definitely Aaron’s, though.”
Nope, I am definitely Mom’s daughter; our faces are the exact same. Our blonde hair and green eyes even match.
“Mom, we look the exact same. Oh yeah, Mom can I have the tablet? Tim won’t let me use it and then hit me afterwards.”
Distant yelling
“She asked 4 times in a row and couldn’t take a no!”
Mom looked at me while putting her arms on her waist, looking down on me as if to say, ‘What are you gonna say now?’
“Mom, can I borrow your phone?”
“Why?”
Heh, this is the easy part. What child wouldn’t want their kid to be smarter?
“To play chess, the greatest game in the universe.”
“Ahh, that’s why… Then no.”
My carefully constructed plan… why is it being tarnished?
“But Mom, I wanna play. But, the triplets are really bad; they can’t even last 20 moves. How am I meant to have any fun?”
Mom put her finger to her chin, acting as if she were a master detective.
After a few seconds, her face brightened as if she were trying to portray a light bulb.
“Why don’t you just teach your brothers how to play better, then you won't need to play online, right?”
Mom sure is against me going online, I mean, with my triplet brothers being chronically online, I can see why, but I am not someone that lacking in self-control.
“Mom, could you teach Tim women's fashion?”
“How is this related?”
“Just yes or no?”
Distant yelling
“I can hear you Luna. Don't make me Mom do any weird stuff!”
Jeez, so nosy.
“Well, no Luna, he wouldn’t be interested and there is no point in him learning it, so I don’t see a reason to teach it.”
“That is my answer too, Mom.”
“Luna, you think I was born yesterday? Tim loves chess and plays with you all the time. It’s probably just that you can’t teach very well.”
What kind of mental gymnastics is this, Mom? I have to beg Tim, Seb and Felix until they play with me out of sheer annoyance.
“Mom, I’m 4 years old, I shouldn’t be teaching my 9-year-old brothers chess in the first place and they're not even bad, it’s just that they aren’t on my level.”
Distant sobbing
Hehehe, keep on sobbing Tim, you’ll eventually come back to me on your knees begging to become my disciple.
Honestly, I’ve been playing Mental Chess against myself lately and I’m too good; I get a draw every time.
I need an easier opponent.
“Hmm, I used to play. Back in the day, I was the champion of Elderwood Girls School.”
* * *
10 moves later…
“So, Mom can I have your phone now? Even Seb lasts at least 15 moves.”
Mom was looking at the board with blank eyes as if all the bananas in the world had been burnt in front of her.
She eventually handed over the phone with trembling hands.
Yay, I can finally complete this damn quest.
Alright, using ChiChess (the superior chess app) my rating used to be 2200, but my brain is working better than it did in my previous life, so I should be able to get to 2300, maybe 2400 within 2 hours.
* * *
Games 1, 2, 3 and 4 were all basic rating calibration games and I’ve gotten to 1900 already.
In game 5, I start as Black and White plays a4, a very bold (and a very bad) move and after playing e5, it seems he is just planning to do a meme opening.
And then in the next 10 moves, I won very easily.
Is Highway Brain’s thought processing making these blitz games too easy?
* * *
After another 5 games, it appears I am a genius. How else can I describe having a 2400 rating?
A rating so high I am now on ChiChess TV as one of the top 20 games playing currently.
“Luna… do you want to try going to a chess club?”
Mom said after not so subtly peering over my shoulder for the last hour.
Ah, chess clubs, I went once, but they were just too inconvenient to get to, I mean who wants to drive for an hour just to play for only 2 and then drive an hour back?
Now I have Mom, who can take me.
“Yes, Mom I want a challenge. Playing chess here makes me feel like I might develop a monkey brain.”
“Luna… all the bananas you eat will do that to you first, so don’t worry.”
“Aww, Mom thanks for trying to cheer me up, but everyone knows that you should try to avoid being the smartest person in the room. It limits my horizons and my intelligence.”
“Luna, maybe I need to teach you some manners before we go out.”
“”…””
“You know Mom, bananas are related to what scholars coined the great Monkey Brain dilemma. I dare even say the Infinite Monkey Theorem has a direct correlation with banana supply in rooms containing typewriters and monkeys, so from that we can underst—”
“Luna! Do you want to go to the chess club or not?”
Maybe I got a bit excited.
“Yes, Mom…”