The atmosphere in the basement was bizarre to the absolute extreme.
Kariya Matou shrank into the corner like a terrified quail, clutching his head tightly with both hands, his eyes wide as saucers.
He watched the pool of Yoru Hayashi’s blood on the ground evaporate and disappear at a visible rate, while Yoru Hayashi himself sat on the steps shaking his leg as if nothing had happened.
What kind of bloody Magecraft was this?
Even a True Magician would bow down and call him a master!
Standing in the center of the magic circle, the insufferably arrogant face of Gilgamesh bore an expression of sheer confusion for the very first time.
As the oldest King of Heroes, what kind of monster had he not seen?
Even Nine Lives or God Hand’s twelve resurrections were bound by a limited count and the law of energy conservation.
Yet this kid had revived without a single warning sign, without leaving behind even the slightest trace of mana consumption!
“You foul-mouthed mongrel!
Do you think a few sleight-of-hand tricks can fool this king?”
Gilgamesh snorted coldly, his crimson snake-like eyes narrowing slightly.
In the next instant, he directly activated his hidden trump card—[Sha Naqba Imuru].
As a passive Noble Phantasm belonging to the King of Heroes, this ability functioned like an automatic radar combined with a plot script cheat sheet.
It could see through an opponent’s True Name, Noble Phantasms, and even their karma and lines of fate in this world.
He was going to see what kind of unspeakable secrets this brat was hiding!
However, the moment Gilgamesh locked his vision onto Yoru Hayashi, an unexpected anomaly occurred.
*Hum—!*
There was no emergence of fate lines, nor any intertwining of causality as he had anticipated.
Instead, a dense explosion of static, like an old CRT television losing its signal, suddenly burst across Gilgamesh’s retina!
Immediately following that, an unreasonable stream of high-dimensional information—laced with dozens of flashy “404 Not Found” pop-up windows—slammed directly into the neural pathways of the King of Heroes!
“Ugh!”
Gilgamesh grunted, violently closing his eyes and instinctively taking half a step back, pressing one hand against his forehead.
In that brief instant, his [Sha Naqba Imuru] had not only failed to see anything, but like a broken computer infected by a virus, it had almost crashed on the spot!
Meanwhile, inside Yoru Hayashi’s mind, the system’s voice chimed in right on cue.
[Detected external high-dimensional inspection skill (Sha Naqba Imuru) attempting to read Host data.] [System has automatically activated ‘Anti-Peeping Counter-Damage Firewall (Civilian Edition)’.
Caused a minor mental dizziness effect on the target.] [Awarded Special-Effect Title: Anti-Spoiler Nemesis (Renders all future-seeing skills ineffective against you)!]
Yoru Hayashi almost failed to hold back a burst of laughter.
Although this bastard of a system was usually tongue-in-cheek, it really shielded its own.
No matter how impressive a Noble Phantasm from the Type-Moon universe was, could it beat a system cheat with a built-in counter-attack mechanism?
“How about it?
Head spinning a bit, isn’t it?”
Yoru Hayashi stood up, dusted off his trousers, and swaggered over to Gilgamesh, stopping less than a meter away.
He stared straight into the eyes of this short-tempered monarch, showing not the slightest hint of fear.
“Goldie, let’s cut the double talk.”
Yoru Hayashi laid his cards on the table.
“I don’t care if you’re the oldest King of Heroes, nor do I care how many treasures you’ve got stashed in your Gate of Babylon.
Even if you pull out Ea today and slice me up into pieces for research, I’ll still stand right back up in front of you at full health the next second, and spit on you while I’m at it.”
“Presumptuous!”
Gilgamesh snapped his eyes open, killing intent surging in his crimson gaze as the golden ripples behind him began to fluctuate violently once more.
“Hey, don’t be so quick to attack!” Yoru Hayashi waved his hand hurriedly.
“You keep killing me, I keep reviving, and the two of us will just waste time in this trashy basement.
We’ll stall until the Holy Grail War ends, until Kiritsugu Emiya blows up the Greater Grail, and you won’t get a damn thing done except staring at me here.
You think that’s fun?”
Gilgamesh fell silent.
Arrogant though he was, he was by no means stupid.
After the two previous probes and taking a blow with [Sha Naqba Imuru], he was certain that this weirdo in the short-sleeved shirt possessed an “immortality” that truly transcended the common sense of this world.
More importantly…
what did this kid just mention?
Was that something from the future?
“Mongrel, what exactly are you trying to say?” The golden ripples behind the King of Heroes did not dissipate, but they ceased their attack, clearly granting Yoru Hayashi one last chance to speak.
Seeing that he had taken the bait, Yoru Hayashi immediately whipped out the bluffing strategy he had prepared in his head.
“I know you didn’t descend upon this era for some trashy wish-granting machine.
When all the treasures in the world already belong to you, why would you care about some pitch-black broken cup?”
Yoru Hayashi stared into Goldie’s eyes, emphasizing every single word.
“You came here purely because you stayed on the Throne of Heroes for too long and were bored out of your mind.
You want to find some entertainment in this new era, some so-called ‘pleasure,’ right?”
At the mention of the word “pleasure,” Gilgamesh’s gaze shifted slightly.
This ant had actually seen right through his core motive in a single glance?
“Since you’re here to find entertainment, then Tokiomi Tohsaka—the Master you were originally supposed to have—is definitely the most boring human you will ever meet in your life.”
Yoru Hayashi began to badmouth old Tokiomi without a shred of mercy.
“Think about it.
That old geezer Tokiomi Tohsaka wears a suit all day, holds a glass of red wine, and preaches about ‘the elegance of a magus’ to everyone he meets.
He acts deferential to you, calling himself your ‘servant’ with every breath, but does he truly revere you in his heart?
No, he just views you as an oversized nuclear weapon that can help him snatch the Holy Grail.”
As Yoru Hayashi spoke, he vividly mimicked Tokiomi Tohsaka’s pretentious, tone-straining posture, even making an empty gesture of swirling a stemware glass.
“If you follow him, you’ll be cooped up every single day in that gloomy basement, looking at his stiff poker face.
He wouldn’t even dare let you step outside, terrified that your short temper will cause trouble and disrupt his plans.
Is that the summoned experience you want?
It’s utterly, thoroughly boring!”
Listening to Yoru Hayashi’s description, the image of an old-fashioned, lifeless magus involuntarily surfaced in Gilgamesh’s mind, instantly making him feel a wave of disgust.
“And what about you?”
A dangerous curve suddenly arched at the corner of the King of Heroes’ mouth.
“Since you disparage the magus who was meant to summon this king to such an extent…
what sort of side show can you, a mere mongrel, offer to entertain this king?”
Hooked!
Yoru Hayashi was wildly ecstatic on the inside, but on the outside, he maintained the posture of an overly confident rogue.
“Me?
I might have no money or power, but I never play by the rules!
I’m the biggest bug in this world, and the freest madman alive.”
Yoru Hayashi raised his right hand, displaying the Command Seal on his middle finger, and waved it in front of Goldie.
“If you follow me, you won’t have to hide in a basement like a timid turtle all day.
You can do whatever the hell you want!
Go shopping if you want, play video games if you want!
If someone pisses you off, blast them with your Gate of Babylon to your heart’s content, and if you can’t outgun them, I’ll go up and brawl with them myself!
I’m not afraid of dying, and you’re not short on firepower—the two of us together will be the absolute terror of Fuyuki City!”
“Now *that* is called enjoying life!
*That* is ultimate pleasure!
You get it or what, you old fossil?!”
That final “old fossil” echoed loud and crisp.
In the corner of the basement, Kariya Matou rolled his eyes back and fainted completely.
His fragile heart simply could not handle this non-stop roller coaster of terror.
Yet, unexpectedly…
Facing these sacrilegious words that practically rubbed the majesty of a king in the dirt…
Gilgamesh did not fly into a rage.
Instead, he froze.
A few seconds passed.
“Bwahahaha!
Hahahahaha!”
A burst of wild, unrestrained laughter erupted from Gilgamesh’s throat. This chapter was copied from g.com without permission.
He laughed so hard his shoulders shook, and tears almost welled in the corners of his eyes.
“‘Old fossil’?
You dare use such common gutter slang to address this king?”
With a sweep of Gilgamesh’s hand, the golden ripples behind him instantly vanished without a trace, and the tyrannical pressure of mana filling the basement dissolved into nothingness.
He sized Yoru Hayashi up with deep interest, as if looking at a rare toy.
“Amusing…
truly amusing!
In all the time this king has lived, aside from Enkidu, no one has ever dared to speak to this king in such a manner.
You foolish creature, whose arrogance knows no bounds, are indeed a hundred times better than those boring bugs who can only kneel and tremble on the floor!”
“Since you have boasted that you will show this king the ‘pleasure’ of this era…
very well!
This king shall temporarily acknowledge your qualifications as a Master, mongrel.
But remember this—”
Gilgamesh’s crimson eyes suddenly drew close to Yoru Hayashi.
“If the ‘fun’ you speak of fails to satisfy this king…
even if you possess an immortal body, this king will find a way to seal you inside a Noble Phantasm, allowing you to experience a boredom longer than death itself!”
“Deal!” Yoru Hayashi exhaled a long breath, knowing that this grand deity had been temporarily pacified.
Dealing with these pleasure-seekers meant certain death if you played along meekly; only by being crazier and more shameless than them could you spark their interest.
“Anyway, Brother Kariya, stop playing dead and get up to entertain the guest,” Yoru Hayashi said, stepping over to kick Kariya Matou, who was still faking unconsciousness.
“We can’t stay here anymore, it reeks of mercury.”
“Let me show you the way, my King of Heroes.
I’ll take you upstairs to experience the corruption of modern civilization.”
Without standing on ceremony, Yoru Hayashi turned around and led the way toward the stairs to the first floor.
Gilgamesh snorted coldly, crossed his arms over his chest, and didn’t even cast a glance at Kariya on the floor, arrogantly following Yoru Hayashi out of the basement.
…
Two minutes later, in the living room on the first floor of the villa.
On the large LCD television screen, Tom the cat was being flattened into a paper cutout by Jerry the mouse with a giant frying pan, accompanied by comical sound effects.
Sakura was wearing a small pink windbreaker, sitting cross-legged on the leather sofa.
She held a slice of freshly warmed Hawaiian pizza in her left hand and a glass of ice-cold cola in her right, watching the screen with utter delight.
Hearing footsteps, the little girl turned her head.
When she saw the man behind Yoru Hayashi—radiating a blinding golden light and wearing an extraordinarily flashy suit of golden armor—she was so frightened that she hurriedly dropped her pizza and scurried behind the sofa cushion, peeking out with only her large, blinking purple-red eyes.
“Big brother…
who is this glowing uncle?” Sakura asked in a tiny voice.
Yoru Hayashi walked over, rubbed the little girl’s head, and then pointed at Gilgamesh, who was sizing up the modern appliances with a look of disdain.
“Oh, don’t be scared.
This is our house’s new Chief of Security.
His surname is King, but you can just call him Uncle Goldie,” Yoru Hayashi spouted nonsense with a straight face.
“Mongrel!
What did you just call this king?!” Three veins instantly bulged on Gilgamesh’s forehead, and the golden ripples behind him showed signs of emerging once again.
“Give it a rest, Chief.
Take off your shoes when entering the house.
Don’t get dirt from your iron boots all over my carpet.”
Yoru Hayashi casually picked up the last slice of pizza from the table and shoved it straight into Gilgamesh’s mouth just as the king was opening it to hurl insults.
“Try this.
It’s called pizza, guaranteed to taste ten thousand times better than the rock-hard baked flatbreads from your era.
Once you’re done eating, change into some modern clothes.
Walking outside in that armor, anyone who doesn’t know better would think you’re a cosplayer running out of an anime convention.”
The great King of Heroes, Gilgamesh, chewed on the gooey Hawaiian pizza pulling strings of cheese in his mouth, looking at this Master who treated him without an ounce of deference, and fell into a deep state of self-doubt.
*Who in the hell is the master here?!*