“And just like that, I defeated Humbaba.
Then, we became friends.”
Within the dark, gloomy Underworld temple, Gilgamesh sat upon the stone chair lined with the soft cushion, recounting his heroic exploits.
After losing the match, Humbaba, wanting to display its recognition of this new friend, had very generously gifted Gilgamesh a massive supply of top-tier cedar timber.
Gilgamesh naturally had no intention of being polite.
He unceremoniously shoved all the wood into the Gate of Babylon and brought it back.
He planned to use the timber to renovate some new public facilities for Uruk’s commoners and improve their overall living conditions while he was at it.
This is exactly the benefit of making friends everywhere!
Not only do you get a thoroughly satisfying brawl, but your treasury grows richer by the day.
Gilgamesh happily summarized his thoughts.
However, during today’s storytelling session, Gilgamesh perceived a subtle anomaly.
The mistress of the Underworld, who usually listened with rapt, unwavering attention, was entirely distracted today.
Ereshkigal sat upon her throne, her gaze drifting aimlessly.
One moment she stared at the obsidian floor, the next she looked at the glowing moss beside her.
She actively avoided eye contact with Gilgamesh, looking exactly like someone who had something to say but was hesitation-bound.
“What’s wrong, Eresh?” Gilgamesh paused his narration, looking at her with genuine confusion.
“Was today’s story too boring?
Or was Humbaba’s appearance too terrifying, making you feel uncomfortable?”
“Huh?!
N-No, it’s not that!
The story was wonderful, and Humbaba…
was actually quite cute…”
Ereshkigal waved her hands in a flustered panic, but her conflicted expression didn’t fade in the slightest.
Only after Gilgamesh repeatedly promised, “No matter what you say, I absolutely won’t get angry or mock you,” did the blonde goddess of death finally bite her lip, nervously dropping an absolute bombshell.
“Um, the truth is…
it’s about that airhead sister of mine—the Mistress of Heaven, Ishtar.”
Ereshkigal stole a quick glance at Gilgamesh, her tone carrying a distinct hint of jealousy that she herself failed to register:
“She seems to have taken a liking to you.
And she’s currently heading toward Uruk in high spirits to…
court you.”
“Huh?”
Gilgamesh blinked, his brain momentarily stalling for a full second.
This was indeed a massive complication.
In the original Epic of Gilgamesh, not long after Gilgamesh defeated Humbaba and returned to Uruk, he faced Ishtar’s loud, high-profile proposal.
In fact, according to the original epic texts, the high-and-mighty Gilgamesh had actually…
felt a momentary flutter in his heart when the Goddess of Venus first courted him.
After all, she was the supreme deity governing beauty and the harvest.
However, just as Gilgamesh was about to nod and accept, Enkidu simply couldn’t bear to watch his best brother fall victim to her schemes.
The clay doll immediately stepped forward, thoroughly educating Gilgamesh on the horrific fates of Ishtar’s ex-lovers.
Enkidu meticulously detailed exactly how every man and beast Ishtar had previously loved met a gruesome end.
By the time it finished, the original Gilgamesh was drenched in cold sweat from sheer terror.
He flipped the script on the spot, using an entire massive clay tablet to thoroughly tear Ishtar to pieces with insults.
That absolute rejection was the direct catalyst that brought down the Bull of Heaven, unleashing a world-ending catastrophe.
Evidently, while the original Ishtar was a flawless city guardian who left no room for criticism when it came to protecting her state, her personal morals and interpersonal relationships placed her firmly in the heavyweight division of toxic partners.
Even Li Xiang couldn’t help but feel a headache brewing.
Is being targeted by this woman an unavoidable, inescapable destiny the moment you farm Humbaba?
Gilgamesh let out a helpless sigh in his heart.
Yet, as his eyes settled back onto the flustered, anxious mistress of the Underworld before him, he suddenly felt that the impending storm of a romantic conflict wasn’t entirely unbearable.
At the same time, a crucial realization struck him.
Since the Ereshkigal of this world possessed the face of Rin Tohsaka, what about her sister, Ishtar?
“Right, Eresh.” Gilgamesh reined in his thoughts, asking probing politely, “What exactly is her personality like?
And what does she look like?”
Hearing Gilgamesh inquire about another woman’s appearance, Ereshkigal’s lips instantly pouted, but she answered honestly anyway:
“Her appearance…
she actually looks almost identical to me.
But her personality is incredibly malicious.
Arrogant, willful, and constantly generating massive disasters for everyone based entirely on a fleeting whim.
While her core nature isn’t completely evil, she has a knack for inexplicably dropping the ball at the absolute worst moments…
In short, she’s an incredibly exhausting, painfully troublesome person to deal with!”
Ereshkigal spoke with passion, clearly harboring an immense mountain of grievances toward her sister.
Upon hearing this description, Gilgamesh’s heart settled with absolute certainty.
It was locked in!
This face, this personality—this was unquestionably the Ishtar from Fate/Grand Order.
If that was the case, things were significantly better.
While she remained a willful, tsundere little devil, she was at least a far cry from the original mythological weightclass that literally transformed her ex-boyfriends into mutilated beasts for amusement.
Even so, being entangled by a capricious goddess of heaven remained a monumental headache.
“I see.
Thank you for the heads-up, Eresh.”
Gilgamesh wiped the casual, lazy look from his face.
Gazing at the goddess of death who had gone out of her way to warn him out of sheer concern, a profound warmth surged through his chest.
“You’re worried about me, aren’t you?”
“Hmph…
W-Who’s worried about you?!
I’m just afraid that you—the only person willing to tell me stories—will get blasted to pieces by that idiot woman, leaving the Underworld completely boring again!
Yes, that’s exactly it!” Ereshkigal snapped her head away, stubbornly firing back.
Gilgamesh let out a soft chuckle.
Rather than piercing the goddess’s defensive facade, he stood up and delivered a gentle, elegant bow.
“In truth, after listening to so many tales of the surface world, you must deeply desire to see the outside universe with your own eyes.”
Gilgamesh raised his head, his eyes locking directly onto Ereshkigal’s gaze:
“Though you are currently shackled by your duties to the Underworld and cannot easily depart…
I give you my absolute vow.”
“Should a day come in the future, I desire to personally host you within the walls of Uruk.
I will take you to see the cedar trees I planted with my own hands, feed you the sweetest wheat cakes, and thank you face-to-face for your constant listening and companionship.
This is the request of my lifetime!”
“Will you grant me this promise, Eresh?”
The air in the grand hall seemed to instantly reach a boiling point.
Ereshkigal went completely rigid upon her throne, her originally pale cheeks flushing so violently red they looked ready to bleed.
“A-A request of a lifetime…
That’s entirely unfair!
To suddenly say something like that, you absolute idiot of a human!”
The goddess of the Underworld completely overheated.
Desperately trying to mask the thunderous pounding of her heart, she unleashed a flurry of tsundere energy, shouting at the top of her lungs:
“I-I get it, okay!
If you can actually pull it off…
I suppose I can reluctantly grace your ragged, broken city-state with a visit!
Now, get your butt back to sleep, you dummy!”
Immediately following her shout, Gilgamesh’s soul was violently booted back to the mortal realm by the utterly mortified and panicked goddess.
“Phew…”
Within the expansive, luxurious royal chambers of Uruk’s palace.
Gilgamesh snapped his eyes open, sitting straight up in bed.
Recalling Ereshkigal’s incredibly adorable, hyper-embarrassed face from moments ago, the corners of his mouth curved upward into a sweeping grin.
What a thoroughly delightful way to start the day.
However, before the smile could fully blossom across his face, the grand doors to his chambers were violently slammed open from the outside.
“King!
Disaster!
A massive disaster!”
The chief administrative officer of Uruk, Siduri—who had spent her entire career being celebrated for her absolute composure and serene professionalism—currently wore a face filled with sheer panic and profound disbelief.
Even her hair ornaments were completely askew.
“Siduri?
What happened?” Gilgamesh asked, blinking in confusion.
Siduri took a deep breath, pointing a trembling finger toward the window—where the sky had somehow been painted a brilliant, shimmering shade of pure gold.
Her voice cracked slightly from the absolute shock:
“The Mistress of Heaven!
Lady Ishtar…
She—She has descended right outside the main gates of the palace!”
“And she has explicitly demanded to see you by name, claiming…
claiming she has arrived to propose marriage!”
Listening to Siduri’s frantic report, Gilgamesh’s train of thought stalled.
He turned his head toward the window, the corners of his mouth twitching violently.
Though he had been fully aware the woman was coming, still…
Wait, what?
The sun literally just broke the horizon!
Isn’t her efficiency a bit too damn fast?!