Ayla kicked the doors open and crossed the room with a bag so full it was bursting apart at the seams. "Don't say anything," she said. "Just let me set up."
"Set up what?"
"Shh. Trust me."
She dropped the bag and started pulling things out. First came candles, thick, yellowish, lumpy candles that she placed around the throne room in pairs. She ignited them with a flick of her fingers and they came alive with a sputtering flame. The scent permeated the air almost instantly.
"Ew. What is that smell?"
"They're beast fat candles. The vendor said they're very romantic."
"I think you got ripped off."
"Shh. Ambiance." She waved the smoke away from her face while placing two more near the throne. Her eyes were watering, but she blinked the tears away.
A blanket was the next item. She unfolded it and dramatically threw it over the armrest of my seat. The fur was dense, rough, and sported short, stiff bristles that were upright in every direction.
"I skinned it myself." She declared with pride, her chest puffed out. "Cave bear. Level 38. Took it down on Tuesday."
"You skinned a bear and brought me the skin? Why?"
"Because your throne room is cold and I thought you might... it's a nice gesture! Be grateful!"
I pulled it over my lap.
"Whatever," I said.
Her face brightened. Next, the bottle made its appearance. She held it up. It was glass, darkly tinted, and the liquid inside was thick, glowing faintly green and clinging to the sides of the bottle.
"Ayla, what is that?"
"Hellsap. The vendor said it's real top-shelf stuff."
"Why is it glowing?"
"That means it's good."
"It has the consistency of mucus."
"That means it's aged." She unscrewed the bottle, and a viscous, glowing substance emerged from its neck. It was thick and luminous, coating the inside of the cup she was holding with a film. The smell hit me, and I gagged.
"Yeah, I'm not drinking that," I said.
"Me neither." She shoved it back into the bag. "The vendor made it sound way better. Whatever, we don't need it. Look at what else I brought!" She dug into her bag and pulled out a plate wrapped in cloth. She carefully unwrapped the package, revealing a platter with a blackened exterior and a shiny interior, accompanied by what seemed to be an oddly shaped root vegetable that had been roughly chopped and spiced. "I cooked! The butcher said demons love cave elk, so I bought cave elk and made it. I followed a recipe."
"I think you burnt it."
"No, it's supposed to be like that. The inside is perfect." She cut into it with a knife, and the inside was raw. "See?"
"That elk is still alive."
"C'mon, this is nice, right?" she beamed at me.
It was the worst dinner that anyone had ever cooked for anyone in the history of our lives, and yet I wanted to cry because she made it for me. It was terribly inconvenient, but I thought it was super cute. Even if she was just trying to gain my trust to kill me.
"It's fine," I said. I pulled the bear blanket higher.
"Anyway, you should have seen me this week. Three guild contracts done in two days. I cleared the basilisk den in 42 minutes. New personal record. And then there was this ogre situation near the southern pass. Six of them. Took them all out before they finished their war cry. The last one didn't even see me coming."
I fake yawned. "Spite," I called out. "What time is it?"
Spite scurried over with a clock. "The fourteenth bell, Your Wickedness."
I briefly looked at it. "Sorry, what were you saying? Something about hogs?"
"Ogres."
"Right, right."
Her fists were clenched at her side. "I'm sorry, am I boring you?"
I had to bite my inner cheek. I could feel the smile. "No, no. I'm listening. You killed some pigs."
"They were ogres! Six! And I did it solo and it was... you know what, forget it." She folded her arms across her chest. "You could at least pretend to care."
"I care very much."
"You're literally yawning."
"I'm tired. Long day of sitting on this throne. Very demanding."
As she opened her mouth to speak, the doors behind her suddenly swung open.
Sami walked in. Whatever switch she flipped between her real personality and this version was seamless. The spoiled, immature noble's daughter was replaced by a charming individual. If I hadn't known better, I would have believed every second of it.
Sami came to a halt at the entrance, glancing at the candles, then at Ayla.
"Oh," she said, pressing a hand to her chest. "Oh, this is so sweet. You set all this up?" Sami entered the room, looking around, touching a candle, examining the blanket. "Dinner? For us?" She turned toward me, her eyes sparkling. "That's so thoughtful."
"That's not—she didn't—" Ayla's face was full of fury. "Those aren't for YOU."
"This isn't for us?" Sami sat on the armrest of my throne, right on the bear blanket.
"Ayla set it up," I said with a knowing smile.
"She really went all out." Sami gave Ayla a grin. "Thank you, kid. Honestly. Nobody's ever set the mood for one of our dates before."
"Those are MY candles! That's MY hellsap! I bought that! For HER! Not for you! Get off the blanket, I skinned that myself!"
"Hey, you," Sami addressed me, disregarding Ayla completely. "You look good today."
"Thanks." I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, I glanced over at Ayla to gauge her reaction.
"Let's go, you and me, right now!" Ayla pulled out her staff.
"Whoa!" Sami held up one hand. "There is a process for these things. If you want to challenge me, you submit a formal request, we agree on terms, a mediator is assigned, and we meet at a sanctioned arena. That's how civilized people handle disputes."
"I don't care about your stupid process."
"Only common blood start fights like this. Jumping someone in the middle of a conversation? In someone else's home? That's tavern behavior."
A bolt of lightning struck Sami in the chest as she sat on the throne. She was sent flying through the air to hit the far wall hard enough to crack stone.
[Ayla casts: Arcane Lightning Bolt (Lvl 6)]
[Damage: 28,440 → Sami]
Sami peeled herself off the wall. Her hair was smoking. Her armor bore a scorch mark across the breastplate. She stood up straight and brushed the debris from her shoulders.
"I'm not doing this," Sami repeated.
Something purple shot from Ayla's staff and hit Sami's ankles. Sami's legs locked together and she pitched forward, landing face first on the ground.
[Ayla casts: Fumblefeet Jinx (Lvl 5)]
Sami scrambled upright. "She's cheating!" Sami grabbed my arm. "That's an immobilization hex and she used it outside of sanctioned combat, which is a violation of guild code section —"
Something struck her ankles once more. She went down, face first, again.
[Ayla casts: Fumblefeet Jinx (Lvl 5)]
"It's not FAIR!" Sami was tugging at my legs from the ground. "Tell her to stop! There are RULES!"
Sami stood up, only to fall for a third time.
[Ayla casts: Fumblefeet Jinx (Lvl 5)]
"Oh, that's IT!" Her palms were on the ground, and I saw the effort in her face, the light building up in her hands. A puddle about two feet wide formed on the floor.
[Sami casts: Tidal Surge (Lvl 3)]
Ayla charged at her, stepped directly into the puddle, and her boots went out from under her. She hit the floor on her back hard enough to crack the floor.
"Seriously?" Ayla said from the ground.
Sami was standing now, pointing at her. "Not so fun, is it?"
Ayla got up, soaking wet. She lunged at Sami. Sami evaded and threw another puddle directly in Ayla's way. Ayla's boots sank into the water, causing her to stumble and fall once more.
[Sami casts: Tidal Surge (Lvl 3)]
Ayla tripped Sami from the ground with a spell. Sami landed face down in her puddle.
Ayla scrambled up and ran to Sami. A third puddle appeared under her feet. Down again.
[Sami casts: Tidal Surge (Lvl 3)]
"Can you STOP doing that?" Ayla shouted from the floor.
Sami shrugged. "It's the only spell I know."
"Are you serious right now? A puddle? That's what you bring to a fight?"
"It worked, didn't it?" Sami was grinning.
Sami's legs locked and she fell down.
[Ayla casts: Fumblefeet Jinx (Lvl 5)]
"Only someone of your breeding would use a spell like that," Sami said from the floor. "A gutter spell. Where did you even learn that, some roadside academy?"
"What are you gonna do about it? Run to Mommy?"
Sami's eyes narrowed, and she planted her palms. Another puddle appeared directly under Ayla's boots. Ayla stumbled and fell flat on her back.
[Sami casts: Tidal Surge (Lvl 3)]
Sami giggled. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that beneath you? The great and powerful mage, taken down by a little water?" She made a pouty face. "Maybe you should try being less clumsy."
Ayla scrambled up and fired a bolt. Sami dodged. Ayla fired another one. Sami jumped behind a pillar.
"You're the most overrated mage in this kingdom," Sami shouted from behind the pillar. "People talk about you like you're some sort of prodigy but you can't even keep your balance on a wet floor. My father's stable boy has better footing."
Something purple hit the column, and cracks appeared all over the stone.
"Come out from behind there!" Ayla shouted.
"Make me!"
Ayla vanished suddenly and reappeared instantly behind Sami. Sami swung her sword, but Ayla was gone. She was now on the other side of the room, leaning on her staff and waggling her fingers.
"Over here, Barbie!"
Sami charged. Ayla disappeared once more. Now she was right next to the throne. Sami spun around, ran at her, and Ayla blinked to the far wall.
[Ayla casts: Short Blink (Lvl 4)]
"Not touching you." Ayla blinked again. She was now right next to Sami. She poked her shoulder. Blinked away before the sword came down. "Not touching youuuuu!"
"I swear on my father's name —"
"Still not touching you." Another poke. Another blink. Sami's sword cut through empty air.
Sami's face was red. She was wildly swinging, but not making a single hit.
[Ayla casts: Puppet Hand Jinx (Lvl 5)]
Sami's right hand froze, then rose and slapped her across the face on its own.
"What the —"
It slapped her repeatedly. Sami was holding her own wrist with her left hand, trying to wrestle it down, but the jinx had full control.
"Why are you hitting yourself? That looks like it hurts. You should probably stop." Ayla flashed a smile.
"You're—this is—you UTTER—"
Slap. Slap. Slap.
"Lily!" Sami turned to me, hitting herself in the face while she talked. "She's making me hit myself! That's—slap—not—slap—FAIR—" Sami pulled her hand down with her whole body weight. The jinx wore off. She was there, her face flushed from anger and repeated slapping, her chest heaving.
"You think you're so clever," Sami said. "You're a common little —"
"I think I'm hilarious."
Sami cast a puddle directly at Ayla's feet. Ayla fell in the middle of a laugh, her staff flying out of her hand. Her back hit the floor with a crack.
[Sami casts: Tidal Surge (Lvl 3)]
Sami was giggling again. "Oh no, did the powerful mage fall down again? In her little puddle? How embarrassing for her."
"Guess daddy's money can't buy you skill."
Sami's laughter stopped. Her hand reached for her sword.
She blurred. The sword came down and connected with Ayla's barrier, which shattered. The force launched her through a column. The column exploded, and Ayla hit the far wall, gasping.
[Sami uses: Crescent Slash (Lvl 18)]
[Damage: 64,220 → Ayla]
[Ayla's Mana Shield: Broken]
[Sami casts: Tidal Surge (Lvl 3)]
It formed directly under Ayla as she rose from the column. She then fell and hit the ground. Sami cheered with a triumphant fist pump.
"Oh my GOD," Ayla screamed from the floor. "STOP CASTING THE STUPID WATER SPELL!"
"If it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid."
Ayla stood up. She wiped the blood from her lip, then raised her staff.
A shimmer appeared around Sami's throat. Her mouth kept moving but no sound came out.
[Ayla casts: Shut Your Mouth Hex (Lvl 6)]
Sami pointed to her throat and made frantic gestures with her arms while stomping her foot.
"Much better," Ayla said.
Sami's back slammed against the ground, pinning her face down and spread eagle. Something invisible was holding her down.
[Ayla casts: Earthbound Pin (Lvl 7)]
Sami struggled against the spell helplessly. Ayla walked over to Sami's fallen sword and touched it with her staff. The sword sank into the marble under its own weight, causing a crack in the floor.
[Ayla casts: Millstone Hex (Lvl 5)]
[Sami's weapon weight: x1000]
"Try swinging that."
The silence ended mid-sentence.
"—And furthermore my father will hear about this and he will—oh. I can talk again." Still pinned. "Let me up!"
"Say I'm better than you."
"Never!"
"Then stay on the floor."
Sami conjured up another puddle under herself. The water made the floor slick enough for her to slide out from under the pin. She shot across the floor on her stomach and hit Ayla's ankles, bringing her down.
[Sami casts: Tidal Surge (Lvl 3)]
They wrestled, pulling hair and kicking shins. Magic bolts shot straight at each other but missed, instead hitting the room. A chandelier came crashing down. Two additional pillars were shattered. The musical's backdrop, which I'd kept because I was so proud of it, was reduced to ashes by a stray bolt of lightning. A tapestry caught fire from a deflected blast of energy.
Sami made another puddle. They slid apart across the wet floor in opposite directions.
[Sami casts: Tidal Surge (Lvl 3)]
"Are you done?" Sami said they were both standing now, circling each other.
"Are you?"
Sami kicked Ayla's legs out, making her fall. Sami crawled on top of her. Ayla cast a bone melting spell on her legs. Sami retaliated by grabbing Ayla's staff and flinging it away. Ayla, in turn, grasped Sami's braids, while Sami wrapped her arms around Ayla's neck. They both tumbled into the wreckage of the chandelier, becoming entangled in the dangling chains.
A final bolt of wild lightning fired from the floor while wrapped in chandelier chains hit Sami in the shoulder. She skidded across the ground.
[Ayla casts: Arcane Lightning Bolt (Lvl 16)]
[Critical Hit]
Sami did not get up.
Ayla stood in the middle of the ruins, panting, her staff sparking, panting. The room was a mess: cracked columns, a shattered chandelier, puddles of various sizes, scorch marks, and the remnants of a tapestry still smoldering in the corner. She turned to me.
"See? I won. I'm better than her. She was trying to move in on my kill and I dealt with it."
"Your kill," I repeated. "Right."
"If she thinks she can just waltz in here and charm you into letting your guard down so she can take you out herself, she's got another thing coming."
From behind me, Sami crawled toward the throne. All of a sudden, she emerged at my side, hunkering down behind my legs.
"She attacked me!" Sami whined. "I was having a lovely conversation and she lost her mind because she can't handle someone being better than she is."
"Do you think you're better than me?" Ayla stepped forward, and her staff began to glow again.
Sami stood up from behind my legs. She straightened her singed hair and looked Ayla in the eye.
"I don't think it, sweetie." Her hand felt for the hilt of the sword but it was still embedded in the floor. "I know it."
"Ha! You can't even cast a fire bolt." Ayla grabbed Sami's collar, and Sami grabbed Ayla's hair. They stumbled sideways, kicking, shoving, pulling, trading insults between grunts.
"You're a fraud —"
"You're obsessed —"
"You're an embarrassment —"
"Your cape is stupid —"
"Your outfit is ugly —"
"You should both be ashamed of yourselves." They froze for a second before their heads whipped toward me.
"What?" Ayla said.
"What?" Sami said.
"Look at this place." I swept my hand over the wreckage. "This is my home. The only room I have. I can't leave this tower. And you two destroyed it because you couldn't act like adults for five minutes."
"But she —" Ayla pointed at Sami.
"She started —" Sami pointed at Ayla.
"I don't care who started it. You're both going to clean it up."
"I'm not cleaning anything, I won," Ayla whined.
"And I'm injured," Sami said, tucking herself behind my legs again.
"Pebble. Brody. Come." They padded out from behind a surviving column where they'd been watching the entire fight. "Sit with me," I told them. "We're supervising."
I leaned back, folded my arms and looked at the two women standing in the debris.
"Start with the chandelier."
Ayla stared at me. "You're joking. I'm a level 74 Archmage."
"Then between the two of you, you should be able to figure out a broom."
"I don't know where the brooms are," Sami said.
Their eyes met, united only in disbelief at being punished.
"This is so unfair," Ayla grumbled, picking up a piece of the pillar.
"Extremely unfair," agreed Sami, hobbling toward the chandelier.
"Shut up. I'm still mad at you."
"You set my hair on fire."
"That was the tapestry. Not my fault."
"Your lightning hit the tapestry."
"Your puddle made me slip into range of the tapestry. So really it's your fault."