As the extension of Road of Fire to the Rajputana took place, the people and rulers of Amber (Jaipur), Marwar (Jodhpur), Mewar (Udaipur), Bikaner and Sisodia empire and Kota were extremely delighted and whole heartedly supported and acknowledged the plan.
I returned with Rajput envoys to Jhansi with special gifts and souvenirs.
The souvenirs from the west were breathtaking in their variety and craftsmanship.
Boxes overflowed with exquisite ‘Meenakari jewellery’ from Amber (Jaipur) delicate enamel work in deep blues, rich greens, fiery reds, and shining gold.
Intricate necklaces, earrings, bangles, and anklets sparkled under the lamplight, each piece featuring fine floral patterns and miniature paintings of peacocks, lotuses, and royal elephants.
Some pieces were so finely detailed that they looked like living art.
Next to them hung rows of beautiful sarees and attires specially painted with ‘Sangameri prints’ from Amber; vibrant reds, sunny yellows, deep maroons, and soft pastels adorned with elegant block-printed motifs of flowers, vines, and geometric designs.
The fabric felt incredibly soft and flowed like water when merchants shook them out for customers.
Dozens of carriages had followed immediately after the envoys.
One row displayed magnificent horses from Mewar (Udaipur), famous for their unique ear tips and graceful build.
These proud animals stood adorned with colourful saddles, silver bells, and embroidered reins that jingled softly with every movement.
Other carriages carried high-quality leather goods, embroidered leather shoes with intricate stitching, sturdy yet elegant bags, holsters, and belts made from supple camel hide sourced from Bikaner.
The leather had a rich, warm scent and was dyed in deep browns, blacks, and maroons, some pieces even embossed with traditional Rajput motifs.
Kota had sent numerous full bags of its world famous ‘Kota Doria textiles’ extremely fine, lightweight sarees in pastel shades of peach, mint, lavender, and ivory.
These sarees were so delicate they almost floated in the breeze, yet strong enough for daily wear, with beautiful gold and silver zari borders that caught the light beautifully.
The Sisodia prince himself had come to Jhansi, accompanied by royal handcrafted treasures: exquisite ‘Katputli puppets’ with colourful wooden bodies and flowing silk clothes, miniature paintings on ivory and marble, ornate silverware, and beautifully carved sandalwood boxes filled with fragrant incense and rare herbs.
After a brief discussion, the Jhansi kingdom held a grand feast of Rajput merchants’ merchandise.
There were many shops of different artworks and handicraft works.
People were astonished by the quality of goods and many different designs and colours they provided.
The shops were filled with cheers of joy and voices of bargaining customers.
Rani herself visited the fair with her royal guards.
I followed a few steps behind her, my face still pale, the weight of Awadh pressing heavily on my chest like a stone.
Every burst of laughter from the crowd felt distant and hollow.
Every bright colour and sparkling jewel reminded me of the blood I had spilled in Awadh.
While these people celebrated the beauty and prosperity I had helped bring, I could only see the faces of the British officers I had broken without mercy.
Their screams still echoed in my ears.
How could I stand here among this joy when I had become the very monster I swore to fight?
She was intrigued by the vast diversity of the goods and culture of the west.
Seeing me she halted a little to create distance between her and soldiers.
She stepped closer and whispered into my ear, “Thank you, for your efforts.
This would have been impossible without you.” Her voice was different, that usual commanding and straight tone had a sudden slight feel of intoxication.
The fierce eyes became vulnerable for a moment.
The tough cover of Rani was broken for a moment and I caught a sudden slight glimpse of sanctified Manikarnika which I had longed for.
My heart raced, my eyes tried hard to focus to regain my composure.
Somehow I was able to keep myself calm during the exhibition.
By the end of the evening we returned back to the castle.
I was exhausted from the work and preparation, relaxed on my chair and closed my eyes.
Suddenly my own haunting images of the massacre at Awadh came into my mind.
Tears rolled down my eyes as the wounds still fresh bled again.
I touched my cheek remembering the slap of my Rani and her desperate cries begging me to return.
Although I had made the alliance much stronger than before, I doubted that I hadn’t regained my full humanity yet.
It had been quite some time, but still I wasn’t able to recover from the guilt and sadness of my actions in Awadh.
I desperately cheered myself up.
If the pillar of Jhansi himself broke, who would my beloved queen look up to.
Suddenly I heard a knock on my door.
I opened it to find Rani standing there, still in her simpler evening attire, her hair loosely tied, a faint scent of jasmine lingering around her.
The usual royal poise was present, but her eyes carried a softness I had rarely seen outside our stolen moments.
Rani Lakshmibai (voice quiet, almost hesitant):
“May I come in?”
I stepped aside without a word.
She entered and gently closed the door behind her.
For a long moment, silence wrapped around us.
She walked slowly to the window, looking out at the moonlit gardens, her fingers lightly resting on the sill.
Rani (softly, without turning around):
“I saw you at the fair today, smiling for the people, carrying the weight of everything on your shoulders.
But I also saw the shadow behind your eyes.
The same shadow that has been growing since Awadh.”
Her eyes gleamed with serenity.
They had a sense of relief in them, as if the violent storm which was brewing inside of her suddenly had calmed down.
But they also had a sense of worry in them.
She pulled me closer, her gaze locked into my eyes, as if she was searching for something very precious, something very loved dearly.
“You have proven yourself time and again.Yet every night I lie awake wondering if the man I love is still there, or if only the anger remains.”
I didn’t say anything.
I just hugged her and burst out crying.
All guilt, anger, fear and frustration in my voices fading away into uncontrollable violent sobs.
Me (violently sobbing):
Please….
Please, My Queen!!
I beg of you.
Please redeem me from this choking guilt.
I just can’t take it anymore.
When you shed your precious tears on me, I was moved by your love for me and by your caring attitude.
I tried my best to control myself.
But those filthy British dogs just said so many abusive things about you I just couldn’t hold back.
They even insulted my “Behen”.
How could I ever stand still and let that happen.
But instead of a protector to a sister and a shield to my beloved Rani, I became the opposite, completely opposite.
The monster you two loathed the most.
I beg of you please free me of this guilt.
She held me closer, and closer, until only a breath separated us.
Her hand rose gently and touched the cheek she had once struck, her thumb brushing softly over the skin as if trying to heal the invisible wound.
Rani (wiping my tears, voice barely above a whisper, eyes glistening):
“Tonight I don’t want the Guardian who plans wars and alliances.
I want the man who will carry me through the corridor like I am his whole world.
The man whose touch still makes my heart race.”
She leaned in and rested her forehead against mine, that quiet, intimate gesture that had become ours alone.
Her breath was warm against my lips.
Rani (whispering):
“Stay with me tonight.
Let me remind you who you are.
Let me hold the light in you before the darkness grows any stronger.”
I couldn’t hold back any longer.
My arms wrapped around her waist tighter, pulling her close.
She melted into me without resistance, her hands sliding up to rest on my chest, feeling the rapid beat of my heart.
Our lips met in a slow, deep kiss, not hurried, but full of all the words we hadn’t said.
Her fingers curled into my tunic as if afraid I might pull away.
I held her tighter, one hand gently cradling the back of her head, the other pressing her body against mine.
We moved together toward the bed, clothes slipping away like forgotten burdens.
Every touch was tender, every caress filled with quiet reverence.
She held me like I was both her strength and her weakness, and I held her like she was the only thing keeping the darkness at bay.
Later, as we lay tangled in each other’s arms, her head resting on my chest, she traced gentle circles on my skin with her fingertips.
Rani (softly, voice thick with emotion):
“I love both your light and shadows.
But promise me you will fight to come back to me.
I need my Guardian but more than that, I need the man who makes me feel like Manikarnika again, safe, cherished, and no longer alone.”
I kissed the top of her head, holding her closer than ever.
Me (whispering into her hair):
“I promise for you, I will try.
Every day.”
She smiled against my chest, her breathing slowly becoming peaceful and steady as sleep claimed her.
For the first time in many nights, the haunting images of Awadh felt a little farther away, held back by the warmth of the woman I loved more than anything in this world.