One day, when the guards were less attentive, Shen Molan took the opportunity to visit Shaoqing. Shaoqing’s guest room was located in the most secluded western part of Feng Manor, farthest from the main quarters. After observing for a while, Shen Molan confirmed where Shaoqing was staying, so it was easy for him to find him this time.
Recently, something strange had happened. Feng Wuhen had loosened his vigilance over the two of them so much that Shen Molan, who had only planned to watch Shaoqing from the rooftop, realized upon arrival that there were no guards around.
After thinking for a moment, Shen Molan exhaled a barely audible sigh, jumped down from the roof, and knocked on the door.
“Shaoqing?”
There was silence from inside. Shen Molan pushed the door open and entered.
Although Feng Wuhen didn’t like Chen Shaoqing and had placed him in the most isolated part of Feng Manor, the room was fully furnished, even equipped with ice basins to prepare for the coming summer heat.
Shen Molan couldn’t help but feel a little moved.
He walked to the bed and gently lifted the soft curtain. Shaoqing was still asleep, but his complexion had significantly improved.
Finally, Shen Molan felt reassured. He didn’t want to wake him. As he was about to turn and leave, Shaoqing, sensitive to someone’s presence, opened his eyes.
“…Shen-dage?” Chen Shaoqing blinked in confusion. He thought he was dreaming, seeing Shen Molan standing by his bed without anyone else around.
Shen Molan showed his first genuine smile of relief in months. “It’s me. Are you feeling better?”
Chen Shaoqing nodded blankly and murmured, “Much better. He… He saved me…”
Though Shaoqing didn’t specify who “he” was, both of them knew. Shen Molan’s smile faded, and he nodded slightly, saying, “Yes…”
Chen Shaoqing didn’t think much of it. “I’ll make sure my family sends him a few chests of gold and silver as thanks.” In his mind, merchants only cared about money.
Shen Molan smiled slightly and didn’t say much, only asking, “Do you feel any other discomfort?”
Shaoqing replied, “I feel weak all over, and my dantian is sealed. Your friend must have given me some kind of medicine that temporarily disabled my martial arts…” His tone became involuntarily agitated.
Shen Molan knew how much Shaoqing valued his martial arts, and he also knew that Feng Wuhen had done this to better control the situation, but it was not something he could explain to Shaoqing. Feeling a bit irritated, he touched his nose and said lightly, “Shaoqing, once the poison is completely cleared, we’ll be able to leave. It won’t be long. I’ll come back in a few days.” This story is hosted at novelping.com.
“…Shen-dage!” Shaoqing protested, widening his eyes, but he could only watch as Shen Molan left. Frustrated, he hit the bed frame hard—but in his current weakened state, it barely made a sound.
After successfully checking on Shaoqing, Shen Molan returned to his room without encountering anyone. Though he felt relieved, he was also puzzled by Feng Wuhen’s recent change in attitude.
But it was just a passing thought; he didn’t want to delve too deeply into it.
Recently, he and Feng Wuhen had rarely spoken, let alone shared any intimate moments. Feng Wuhen seemed to be hiding something, often distracted, and slower in his reactions, but Shen Molan didn’t bother to ask. However, Feng Wuhen still maintained the habit of holding him to sleep every night, though he slept increasingly longer and had to be woken up by his maid Xiao Lian in the morning. Otherwise, he wouldn’t wake up.
Shen Molan watched indifferently as Feng Wuhen rushed to get up. Sometimes, when he got up too quickly, he would trip—Feng Wuhen had recently become slower, though Shen Molan wasn’t sure if he was pretending. Regardless, he never offered to help. Xiao Lian, on the other hand, would glare at him angrily as if he was the villain.
Shen Molan would only sneer, look away, and drink his tea, not bothering to argue with the little maid.
Shen Molan had stayed in Feng Manor for nearly eight months without leaving. Feng Wuhen had once invited him to go out, but Shen Molan had refused without hesitation. While he wanted to leave, he didn’t want to go under heavy surveillance. The feeling of being confined was worse than staying in the manor.
After all, it was almost over.
Shaoqing’s poisoning.
And their relationship.
A faint sense of melancholy arose in his heart, which Shen Molan found somewhat ridiculous, so he forcefully suppressed it.
He visited Shaoqing a few more times. Since the security had become so lax, it was easy for him to go and return. As Shaoqing’s condition improved, Shen Molan felt at ease but also began to feel a slight sense of guilt toward Feng Wuhen.
After all, Feng Wuhen had done his best to save Shaoqing. Although the terms of their agreement had made Shen Molan uncomfortable, in retrospect, he realized he might have been too harsh in his judgment.
Recently, Feng Wuhen seemed to have become busier. Shen Molan thought about their relationship and realized he couldn’t let it continue like this. He no longer wanted to engage in any intimacy with him. Once everything was over, they would part ways—Shen Molan would continue as a wandering swordsman, and Feng Wuhen would be a merchant — each minding their own business, never having to meet again.
But it seemed Feng Wuhen had sensed something. He persistently tried to tempt Shen Molan with the promise of seeing Feng Manor in September.
“You’ll come, won’t you? I’ll send someone to fetch you.”
“Feng Manor is beautiful in September. You wouldn’t want to miss it.”
“I’ll wait for you.”
Shen Molan grew irritated again, unable to bring himself to refuse.
He wasn’t acting like himself anymore.
Even so, in the end, he didn’t give Feng Wuhen a clear answer. He couldn’t agree, but he also couldn’t bring himself to say no.
However, he knew he wouldn’t go.
He didn’t understand why Feng Wuhen was so eager for September. For him, although he liked the daily variety of pastries at Feng Manor and the soft beds compared to the hard ones in the inns, he had no desire to return. He had already seen all of Feng Manor and had no particular love for autumn. In contrast, the feeling of being trapped in Feng Manor was too overwhelming.
The day he left was in the height of summer. For once, he seriously looked at Feng Wuhen’s face. His cheeks were unnaturally flushed, but Shen Molan couldn’t bring himself to ask about it. This time, he sincerely thanked him for saving Shaoqing’s life and told him to take care.
But he didn’t say goodbye.
Feng Wuhen once again invited him to come to Feng Manor in September, his amber eyes sparkling like a star-filled summer night sky, so bright they made Shen Molan’s heart soften slightly.
He frowned, irritably turned his gaze away, and boarded the carriage.
In the end, he couldn’t think of anything to say, and in silence, he drove the carriage out of Feng Wuhen’s sight.
He didn’t want to leave any more hope for him. Although part of him wanted to turn around and see the expression on Feng Wuhen’s face—it was sure to be full of loss. However, his decision was final.
…Let all the coldness, cruelty, hurt, forgiveness, and the tangled mess of their relationship… fade away with time.
Translator’s Note
It’s painful that the coldness, cruelty, hurt, forgiveness, and the tangled mess of their relationship… would all disappear with death.
“I’ll wait for you.” Feng Wuhen was willing to wait, but his body could not.
My ghad, I want to smack Shen Molan to hell. (T-T)