As the years passed, my heart hardened as the little girl from that day died along with Nene. I still had vivid nightmares when her eyes lost their light. When that woman who was my sworn enemy called me a monster, she wasn’t wrong. That same day, I learned I was one.
Seeing me so inconsolable, Papa finally explained to me how I came to be.
What I am, what they hope for me to be.
Everything was so overwhelming, but something stuck with me. They linked my life to two boys who hid me from the living gods who wished to have me.
Well, if I can save them from their mortal dilemma.
I raised my hand towards the ceiling of the broken-down house; we had been staying there for the past few months. It was hard to believe how six years passed in the blink of an eye as I was eighteen, and a full-fledged witch, too.
No, I’m worse than a witch.
The brooch that my father had given me was the one thing that contained my power from leaking out. If I ever took it off and let my emotions run wild, my most authentic self would radiate out of me. White light would consume my already fair skin, turning it paler than snow. My eyes would turn into the cosmos I used to adore while gazing at them with Nene, and my hair would go blond, almost golden, like I always wanted.
It’s freaky and inhuman—a normal thing since I’m not human at all.
When I first took it off and let myself go, the change startled me, yet I couldn’t keep my eyes off it. As I finally saw who Rem witnessed that day, a true abomination. Even so, I wanted to stay out of her grip. That night was still present in my mind.
“Am I a monster, Papa?” I sobbed, unable to remove the feeling the hybrid had invoked in me.
In response to my question, Dad appeared conflicted as his blue orbs squinted, kneeling towards me. A soft smile formed on his lips, gently touching my cheeks, prompting me to lean into his warmth. Nene and he were the only ones who ever gazed at me with those tender eyes.
“I’m sorry, Vi. People will see you as they want, but you can’t let it define you. You’re so much more than what they’ll ever see.” He tried to avoid the subject, triggering Lilith, who was nearby, to scuff at him.
She stood behind him after being fetched from the village on the way out. Dad had the power to control the shadows, which allowed him to traverse through them like portals. This made him one of the rarest warlocks to have ever existed.
One in a Million births.
These types of witchcraft users could only be male, much like the time-controlling female variant, who were eternal witches.
Like me…
“Cain, you’re the only one who would ever see her as a being deserving of love. She should know that. It’ll make everything much easier in the end.” The elf rolled her eyes, prompting his eyes to fire up as they shimmered, alerting her that his magic was swirling within him.
I had never seen him like that before.
“Only Daddy will ever love me? Why? What did I do wrong?” I kept going as Lilith smirked at me.
“Lilith, don’t you dare!” Papa snapped at her.
She shrugged off his warning, “Because you, little one, are the reincarnation of a powerful goddess, which can’t be loved by normal means. This doesn’t only apply to you, as some of us are simply not meant to be loved. I’m like that too.”
What? Goddess? No…
“But, but Nene loved me! Her light stopped while she was protecting me!” I countered Lilith, who sighed, shaking her head before walking towards me.
“Enough,” Dad grabbed her arm, only for her to tug it away from him.
“Geez, relax sugar, I won’t harm her. She’s the only piece left of our mother. The one thing I cared about. It’s past due that she knows some of her history. It’ll define her future.” The elf huffed, turning back towards me.
At the time, I didn’t know, but she would also be one of the few who would love me.
“Look, I know Edna wanted her to have the best childhood she could, but those only last as long as the peace. You know that more than anyone else.” She declared, prompting Papa to click his tongue, allowing her to get to me.
Slowly, she kneeled before me as her eyes were cold, yet there was a sliver of light in them when she gazed at me. Before I knew it, her hands touched my cheek. It was the first time she had ever done so. For a moment, she sweetly caressed them with a slight smile on her lips.
“You look almost identical to her. Your father’s features ruin it, though.” Lilith mumbled. “Now, where was I? Ah, yes… That girl, Nene, was devoted to you because you’re the divine who gave her a gift.”
I grabbed onto her hand, “But, but I’m not a goddess! I’m a human girl!”
A frown formed on her lips as she shot a glare at Papa, who winced before slumping his gaze towards the floor.
“Cain, you haven’t even told her. How do you expect her to stay safe?” The elf huffed.
It wasn’t long until he glanced back at me with those blue eyes of his I adored.
“I’m sorry, baby girl. She’s right.” Papa’s voice cracked as I shook my head.
“You’re the reincarnation of a powerful divine, Vivian. The one that’s known as the Book of Life. Your Dad will tell you more when you calm down, but you should know that we mortals will always revere your kind.” Lilith took the front as I bit my lip.
Then… I…
“That was all that girl ever saw you as. These mortals would grovel for you because of it. But it’ll never be the true love you seek. Admiration and love are two different things, little sweet girl. Remember that.” She held back no punches, causing me to weep because of it.
Nene didn’t love me? I…
“Lilith, I think that’s enough.” Papa stepped in as I couldn’t keep my tears from coming down my cheeks.
My hands and knees were still stung from the wounds I got from the rocks by the river, too. Noticing it, Lilith grabbed one of my injured limbs before casting a healing spell on it. Even though that pain was gone, it didn’t stop my sobbing.
Moon elves like her could heal any wound. Well, most, if one were too far gone, nothing could be done.
“Cain, it’s time to stop pretending she’s a normal child. Shielding her will only hurt her in the end. Trust me when I say it’ll mess her up even more when everything falls apart around her.” Lilith chided Dad, who scowled at her in return.
“You are out of line.” He huffed, picking me up in his arms, as I hugged him tightly.
“Hey, I know it isn’t bad not to have love. I mean, I never had any either, and look how great I turned out!” She winked at me.
I knew nothing of her past, yet she was trying to reassure me that everything would be fine.
Dad, on the other hand, rolled his eyes at her. “You turned out just peachy.”
“It’s okay, little one, you’ll always have us. We aren’t normal mortals, so we’ll love you instead!” Lilith hummed, pinching my cheek as I couldn’t help but shove her away before clinging to Papa tighter.
“I don’t like you!” I huffed, puffing my cheeks as she clung to her chest as if I had wounded her.
“Hah, I think, Vivian will be fine as long as she trusts that gut of hers.” Papa chuckled as I shifted my gaze toward him.
“Do you—” I went to ask as he placed his fingertips on my lips, silencing me.
“Don’t even ask that. You may hold the reincarnation of an all-powerful goddess, but you are my blood, Vivian. I will always be on your side, and of course, I’ll love you.” He smiled as I couldn’t help but feel filled by that.
“Then… tell me everything, Papa.” I breathed as he softly nodded.
The memories of that night replayed in my head; luckily, I had gotten to where I no longer shed tears because of it. It had been years since I had cried for anything. After learning the truth, there was little I could argue, so instead I steeled my heart.
I don’t need anyone else. Papa and Lilith are good enough for me, along with the witches and warlocks who work under them and worship me.
Though they were only faithful followers who ran to us because they were hunted, they all sought me as if I were some savior.
Pathetic, really. I don’t intend to save anyone; I just want to save myself. If I’m a goddess, I’m surely not a benevolent one, nor do I want to be.