Lin Xigu couldn’t fall asleep that night.
The little prince of his dreams had held his hand. Lin Xigu conjured the image of She Xiao’s face: the way he had frowned, recalcitrant and a little childish, and the sincerity in She Xiao’s eyes as he looked into his own.
Lin Xigu’s right hand formed a loose fist which he rested against his chest.
Closing his eyes, he could feel the touch lingering on his hand, and the sensation of She Xiao’s cold hand sliding down from his wrist to his palm. He had squeezed his finger, had said his was broken there. Lin Xigu was finally starting to grasp what had happened. She Xiao had been trying to explain something to him? Was the explanation about how he had injured his hand, and how he had not been in a fight? Or had he simply been trying to get his attention?
Lin Xigu took a deep breath. Some things were not meant to be speculated on. The more he puzzled over them, the more awake he became.
In his imagination, those fingers slipped like cool silk between his own, plucking at and rousing every fibre of his being. A tent formed in his pajama pants as the heat stirred inside him, volatile and relentless.
Lin Xigu did not want to do such a thing just because She Xiao had held his hand. It made him feel vile, like he was sullying She Xiao. If She Xiao ever found out, he would be thoroughly repulsed.
But he was young and inexperienced when it came to controlling his desires. His brain was smothered with impure thoughts about She Xiao.
Lin Xigu buried his face against his pillow, suffering, until he at last sucked in a sharp breath and slowly inched his hand downward.
It wasn’t his first time doing something like this, but his thoughts during the act were usually filthy, depraved. He didn’t want it to be like that.
She Xiao was so good. So why was he besmirching him in private?
Lin Xigu, you’re the worst.
His face was flushed, the phantom touch burning where it had branded his right hand. His chest heaved and his movements were rough, as though wanting everything to end as quickly as possible. But the pleasure couldn’t build fast enough to release him from its grip.
Unintelligible whimpers spilled from his throat. Lin Xigu’s brows were knit tight. He was starting to chafe from his hand. As time dragged on, he felt incomplete, anguished from not being able to finish.
With his left hand, he slowly retrieved his phone from under his pillow. He opened his text conversation with She Xiao and scrolled through the messages while increasing the brutality of his right hand.
His mind was filled with self-loathing. His hatred of the act was all-consuming, but so was his need.
When he finally choked out his release, tears had beaded in his eyes.
He couldn’t control his thoughts. No matter how much he reprimanded himself, She Xiao still filled his brain.
With his head bowed, he cleaned himself off with a tissue. Had anyone else fantasized about She Xiao in that way, doing what he had just done, he would have been so thoroughly disgusted that he might have vomited.
Lin Xigu sniffed. His affections for She Xiao were approaching that of a fanatic.
Even the slightest of impure thoughts this late at night felt unacceptable to him.
The next day, when She Xiao appeared around the corner, Lin Xigu was too mortified to run up and greet him. She Xiao walked over instead, his eyes fixed on him, and Lin Xigu at last gave him a smile. “Good morning, She Xiao.”
”Good morning,” She Xiao said quietly.
His voice was raspy, eliciting an immediate frown from Lin Xigu. She Xiao’s voice had always been hoarse, and Lin Xigu used to think the sound of it stood in stark contrast to his appearance, but his voice at the moment was even rougher than usual.
His skin was pallid – not his usual porcelain, but ashen. Even his lips were bloodless, as pale as the rest of him.
Lowering his voice, Lin Xigu asked, “What’s wrong?”
She Xiao shook his head. “Nothing.”
Lin Xigu looked down at She Xiao’s hand, and tried again, “Is your hand hurting?” The source of this chapter is novelping.com.
She Xiao paused before nodding once. “A little,” he admitted slowly.
Lin Xigu’s heart clenched. That’s right, bone fractures were always the most painful. As a child, he had cried all night after breaking his arm, never mind the fact that the fingers were connected to the heart. She Xiao had probably lost sleep because of the pain; he could tell just from the pallor in his face.
She Xiao watched him for a while. Lin Xigu was lost in his own feelings of empathy, silent, his head lowered.
She Xiao’s mouth twitched and he continued walking, his strides light and brisk.
“I can ask Zhou-ayi to make some bone broth?” Lin Xigu peeked at him, afraid She Xiao might refuse. “Come home with me for lunch… okay?”
She Xiao looked at the sincerity on Lin Xigu’s face with which he cautiously waited for his answer.
She Xiao nodded, and said softly, “Okay.”[1]
He actually agreed. Lin Xigu momentarily stopped breathing. He very much wanted to grab She Xiao’s hand and swing it around.
But he exercized self-restraint this time. He didn’t dare touch She Xiao’s hand again. The consequences were too severe; he had tossed and turned the whole night without sleeping.
She Xiao indeed followed Lin Xigu home for lunch that day.
Lin Xigu never dreamed that She Xiao breaking his hand would result in such a windfall for himself. And it was not a one-time event. From that day on, Lin Xigu would invite She Xiao over for lunch every day; She Xiao never refused him.
On one of those days, after the two of them had finished their lunch and Lin Xigu had washed the dishes, he walked out of the kitchen to find She Xiao already asleep on the couch. His head was tilted back. He slept peacefully.
Lin Xigu tiptoed over to him. In that instant, he was suddenly struck by how close they had become. He crouched down beside She Xiao and looked up at his sleeping face, reflecting on when their relationship had grown so close.
He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, but they had gradually, step by step, arrived at where they were. Lin Xigu felt incredibly content. He had never imagined that one day, She Xiao would be sleeping at his house while he sat in front of him, quietly watching.
She Xiao’s hand dangled loosely off the sofa.
After a brief moment of consideration, Lin Xigu went and retrieved a cushion. Injuries like She Xiao’s needed to be elevated, particularly that broken finger of his; he had researched it thoroughly on the internet. He gingerly lifted She Xiao’s arm and placed the cushion under it.
She Xiao had always been a light sleeper. It was impossible for him to stay asleep with Lin Xigu touching him like that. He opened his eyes and had only managed to twitch a finger when he saw Lin Xigu hovering close to him and immediately stopped moving.
Lin Xigu was kneeling as he carefully placed something under his arm, looking attentive and completely absorbed in the task.
Lin Xigu’s eyes were wide and round, his lashes long. From this angle, his eyes were particularly beautiful.
She Xiao shut his eyes and was asleep again in no time at all.
Presently, the two of them were practically joined at the hip. They not only walked to and from school together, but even their lunches were spent in each other’s company. The whole school knew that She Xiao had a “Lin Xigu” by his side now, and that apart from bathroom breaks, the two of them were inseparable.
Even the dean himself took notice and kindly probed Lin Xigu about it, mentioning that he had frequently seen him with She Xiao. Did he have any concerns? Did he know that he shouldn’t be scared to speak up if he did?
Lin Xigu fought the urge to laugh as he shook his head. “Yi-shu, you’re overthinking it. There’s nothing to be concerned about. Where I live happens to be on his way to school so we’re just walking together. That’s all there is to it.”
”He’s not bullying you, is he?” The dean did not feel altogether assured. No matter how good She Xiao’s grades were, his priors at the school preceded him. The dean had given his word that Lin Xigu was to be protected at all costs. He would have no excuse if his ward were being bullied right under his nose.
“No, that’s impossible.” Lin Xigu answered, smiling. “What would he get out of bullying me? He’s been helping me with my studies.”
“That’s fine then,” the dean nodded. “If anything happens, anything at all, you come to me. Your dad’s not around; don’t take your shushu for a stranger.”
“Okay, will do. Thank you, Yi-shu.”
As Lin Xigu turned to leave, he shook his head with a wry smile. Was She Xiao all that different from a typical model student? On their last monthly test, he had once again ranked among the school’s top three. Why was it so difficult for everyone to believe that such an outstanding student could also be a good person?
When Lin Xigu returned to the classroom, She Xiao was looking out the window in contemplation.
“Hey, Xigu, you’re back?” Yi Xiaodong, who sat in the row ahead, turned to engage him. “Li Balei just left a note on your desk. I stuck it under your book.”
Lin Xigu nodded and was about to respond when he heard Dong Xuan say, “Well, that was uncalled for.”
“Don’t talk to me.” Yi Xiaodong rolled his eyes at his tongzhuo, then turned back to Lin Xigu. “Let me know if you’re ever feeling squeezed for space. Jabba the Hutt here takes up too much room. Honestly, if he takes up any more, I won’t be able to reach the desk from my chair.”
“Quit being overdramatic. There’s only so much room—no matter how much space I take up, it’s not like I can physically enlarge the size of the room.”
“I’ve lost 6 kilos since being seated with you. Well done.”
The two of them had devolved into an insult match with unsmiling expressions; Lin Xigu was bewildered. Though they bickered every day, at that moment, their expressions seemed more severe than usual. Perhaps they really were mad at each other.
He looked at She Xiao. Sitting down, he whispered, “What’s going on with those two?”
Puzzlement appeared on She Xiao’s face.
If he hadn’t been in a room full of people, Lin Xigu might have clapped a hand to his chest and cooed. She Xiao’s expression was too adorable for him to cope. Any expression on a face that good-looking deserved to be photographed and displayed on a wall.
”I… don’t know,” She Xiao answered.
“Mn, don’t worry about it.” Lin Xigu would have thought it endearing no matter how he replied. That’s right, how could She Xiao possibly know? He’s too busy daydreaming about the scenery outside. Our She Xiao didn’t hear a thing. “You keep doing what you’re doing. It’s nothing important.”
“What’s not important?” Lin Xigu had thought they were being quiet but Dong Xuan suddenly turned without warning. ”Oi, Xigu, what happened to the Bro Code? Your neighbours are duking it out on your front lawn and you’re not going to intervene?”
Lin Xigu was tickled as he looked between the two of them. “Then you tell me—what’s going on?”
”It’s a war of words, obviously.” Dong Xuan pointed first at himself, then at Yi Xiaodong. “Looks like we won’t be able to keep sitting together. We can’t stand each other.”
“We? You can’t stand me? I’m not even 50 kilos and you can’t stand me? I don’t think you can find a guy smaller than me in our class. Who can stand you then? Can you even get under 90 kilos? The audacity.”
“You hear that?” Dong Xuan griped to Lin Xigu. ”Isn’t he blatantly bodyshaming me? He discriminates against me every day for being fat. This is the body I have. Is it my fault for needing a little extra room?”
Lin Xigu found their quarrels amusing and quickly prodded them back into position. “I’m not fit to judge your problems. Hurry up and argue. If you don’t get it out of your system before class starts, you’ll be constipated.”
They both turned away in a huff.
Lin Xigu retrieved Li Balei’s note from under his book.
— My birthday’s on Saturday. We’re all going out to eat, my treat. Xigu, old pal o’ mine—please come.
Lin Xigu smiled and looked over. Li Balei happened to be looking his way as well. Lin Xigu made an OK sign at her.
Li Balei shot him a thumbs up in reply.
“Can I… drink your water?” Just as Lin Xigu looked away from Li Balei, he heard She Xiao’s quiet question, spoken with the drawl and intermittent pauses that were unique to him.
Lin Xigu looked at him with astonishment, then blinked and nodded hastily. “Of course! You don’t even have to ask. Are you thirsty? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I would have had time to get you something to drink. If you… if you don’t mind, then drink up. Hurry.”
Lin Xigu placed his water bottle on She Xiao’s desk, then, quick as lightning, hunched over on his own desk, hiding his face in his arms.
Anything slower than the speed of the light would have been unacceptable. He had to be quick! Because his face was already ablaze, reddening at the pace of a wildfire on the plains.
[1] She Xiao says 好啊 (with an “ah” as a modal participle) instead of just 好. It sounds friendlier than his usual “okay”. I was tempted to translate this as “Okie” instead of just “Okay”, but I don’t see She Xiao ever saying “Okie”.