"I didn't expect you to be younger than me", I said, "I wish MM had finished the story but maybe it would be better hearing it directly from you."
Ruby hesitates. Bread and cheese appear in her hands and she tosses me some. She sighs and takes a big bite of cheese before turning back to me. She begins to explain, "I'm not the Ruby from MM's story. But just like her, I chose the name Ruby. It's significance called out to me, demanded of me." She looks up, a guilt and shame mix on her face, she's waiting for some type of reaction.
"So you decided to change you name, your old one must've been a bad one. Like maybe an old person one?"
Ruby looks confused.
I quickly try to clear the air, "You had maybe a guy name?" She seems to relax at this, I'm on the right track. "Yeah I think I remember MM mentioning that Ruby the Red Mage had a guy name too." I smile, nodding my head.
Ruby's head collapses into her hands. She exasperatedly says, "How can ya know NOTHING?" She looks at me like I'm some strange bug she's never seen before and continues, "But how can ya be training with M's if ya're not trans? How ya even here?" Then a magic moment happens, the strange realization dawns on Ruby. A look of pity and sorrow flashes across her face. She asks me softly, "Ya don't even know, do ya? Your egg has just barely cracked, if at all. I'm so sorry, I-I shouldn't have been the one to do this."
She tries to get up and run but it's my turn to grab her arm. I look into her eyes, "Please tell me. I don't know what's going on and all MM ever wants to do is practice magic. I'm not getting it. I can't cast spells if I don't even know why I'm here." I think for a moment and add, "Or who I even am."
Ruby sits back down. In an instant, we have poured glasses of grape cider, full decked out sandwiches, and a bowl of delicious fruit.
"H-how did you do that?"
Ruby smiles at me, "Ya think I took this name for no reason?" The tips of her fingers sparkles and crackle as a small orb of electricity pops out and vanishes after sparking once. "I'm a wizard too." Her face blushes, "Just some small transportation spells, I can't get the dang creation stuff at ALL." Ruby catches herself quickly from getting lost in thought about the intricacies of her beloved magic. "We were talking about ya, and now we can do so with yummy food." She starts to dig in. With a full mouth she mumbles, "So, ask away."
I take a bit of the sandwich, rich savory cheese melted onto thick slabs of salty meat engulf my mouth. The bread is absolutely divine, it's soft and buttery and just the perfect amount of firmness to hold the sandwich together but still tear about with ease. I sip the cider, it feels like grapes are having a dance party in my mouth it's an unbelievable blend of sweetness with a hint of tart, and lastly some warmed cinnamon was placed in the cup giving it a complex and rich flavor. It's the best food I've ever had. Why the hells is MM just eating dried protein slabs and vegetable mash all day? She told me this was what everyone on farms eat. I'm never trusting her again. At least, not with food... maybe with magic.
My eyes begin to well and I say, "This is the best thing, I have ever eaten. This is everything I could've ever asked for. Thank you, Ruby."
She nods curtly and replies, "Of course, it's the only way I would've wanted it for myself. Now since ya seem a little hesitant or hells maybe ya just don't even know what to ask, I'll just start explaining, exactly what my", she gulps, "childhood was like. You'll get it from there."
"I was born rich. My father, a small-time baron. We were a family of a long and narrow lineage. All winemakers, passed down from first born son to first born son. There were few children born each generation maybe 1 or 2. It was not strange that I would be an only child. But father could tell there was something different about me from an early age. He tried everything he could think of to change me. doctors, swordmasters, any specialist who would see me, even a diviner from the king. The diviner only made things much worse. She said she saw a great potential in me, as a wizard. Father wouldn't have it. He got desparate and started intense bouts of verbal and physical abuse, even beating my mother, and finally, when nothing else worked, turned to alcohol."
"But why wouldn't he want you to be a wizard?", I questioned.
"In this world, you can be a wizard, you can be trans, but you can never be both. And besides all my father truly wanted was a son.", Ruby replied.
I scoff, "Well, it's not your fault you were born female, people can't help how they're born. All children should be loved. And if he really wanted to be that selfish he could've always adopterd."
"But that's exactly what was so difficult, no for him, impossible. I wasn't born female. I was born as his son." Ruby looks at me with a dangerous vulnerability. "I have the soul of a woman yet the body of a man."
I'm stunned, shocked. It feels like my world is falling apart. Reverberating in my head over and over, "the soul of a woman." Clawing through my skull and ripping through my throat, "the body of a man."
Memories begin to flood my head. It was right after the first Green Fever. My dad and mom were still alive. The letters hadn't come in yet. We were eating oats with milk for breakfast. Afterwards my brother Johnny and I chased our sisters, Betsy and Caroline through the fields in our backyard. When we came back my oldest sister, Jamie and I were wearing crowns of daffodils. We were all laughing. I remember him throwing me against the wall, hard. It knocked the wind out of me. He threw my flower crown at me, it stung, but what hurt worse was the look of disgust on his face. He told me, "We don't raise your kind here in the valley."
The letters came the very next day. Jamie told me all about them, told me to run but I wouldn't, I couldn't, she said she had a real bad feeling. That we were the only family in town that received them. She told me with tears in her eyes that father informed the family he would tell whoever had requested us personally, the he had no son named Lucas, only a miscarriage that hadn't been properly recored.
I watched them all march down deeper into the valley, where the new Queen was said to be staying. They had no clue what was to be expected, and neither did I. But when I saw my father marching proudly, sticking his chest out, I thought, they will be safe. For the last time in my life, I turned and I ran. I never knew I would never see them again.
I hid within myself. I hoped if I kept just trying to be Lucas. Maybe just maybe they would come back. Maybe they were looking for me. How could I just abandon the last remnants of what my family left me. And I realize, what they left me, no, what father left me, is nothing but an open wound. I can still honor and respect my family, by living out exactly who I'm supposed to be. By fighting for a wonderful future I can show them all. I just hope my fathers ultra special super deluxe premium handcrafted cell on the 3rd floor of hell isn't too horrifically painful.
"You've mentioned the word trans twice now. I don't know what it means."
Ruby smiles, "To be trans is to transition between genders. Whether it be going from one gender to the lack of one, going back and forth, or in my case, going from one gender to the other. I was born a man and now I'm undoubtably a woman. I transitioned. I am trans. So is MM actually, although her transition is entirely magical."
I say, "But how can that be possible? I thought you said being trans and a wizard isn't possible?"
"It isn't. Not until 7 and a half years ago. MM petitioned the king, she convinced him to enact a secret project, Ruby Redone. The raising and grooming of trans wizards hidden deep within the kingdom. A secret weapon. We're nothing more than that."
I question, "Well, if the king is willing to do this, why is there still a worldwide ban?"
Ruby shrugged, "He's crazy for war. Loves it to death. Literally. But in all seriousness, MM tricked the King, she told him she would raise a super army of trans wizards capable of conquering the world in an entire night. Now she complains if her weekly salary gets withheld a few extra ooins due to taxes. She says she's not worried, but I think she ought to be." She continued, "There's a worldwide ban due to what Ruby the Red Mage was capable of all those hundreds of years ago. She took over her kingdom wihin days. Within months the world populaton was cut in half, all directly by her hands. It took the remaining forces fully combining their strength to best her. Even then, she did not go done without claiming the lives of all the leaders present in the attack. Since then, people are fearful of trans women, but most of all trans wizards. From culture to culture, it is always said to bring great curse and calamity."
Solemnly, Ruby says, "I don't think we are bad luck. But why did I name myself after our greatest reputation ruiner? Because I want us to be the wizards that reclaim it all. Our prestige, heritage, and even our freedoms."
"You keep saying our, and the way MM acts, and even the Queen of our Kingdom. How can people know I'm trans? Even when I don't. Or at least I think I don't." My face flushes, I feel free. Completely in the present moment, in my body, for once.
"Because, when you transition, your life changes. Your every moment changes, you're no longer the you trapped inside your body. You become the you, that was always meant to be. Just like Artemis got to spread her wings and now she's growing her horn. We trans wizards must devot ourselves both to our transition, to aligning our soul with our bodies, only then can we soar. I really think that's what has been hindering your magic."
"I know exactly what you mean, Ruby, exactly." I reach out a hand, she takes mine and I squeeze hers.
"I know, so what will you do?" Ruby looks deeply into my eyes, her fierce gaze filling me with strength and courage.
"What else is there to do? I'll start."