“Castle!” Aoife immediately greeted her fellow teammate as she opened the door to the shared dorm room.
“Aoife.” Castle responded, monotonously as ever. Their hands were dug deep into the pockets of their jacket, as they almost always were when their hands were not otherwise occupied.
“Castle?” Owen managed to stammer out as the unexpected guests strolled into her dorm room.
“Owen.”
“If this is an intervention, I’d like to say that the only time I’ve recently indulged in Swamp Thunder was because of-”
“-no it’s not-” Aoife immediately interrupted to assuage Owen’s concerns.
“Swamp thunder?” Castle’s eyebrows instantly lifted to the top of their forehead.
“I don’t think we have time to get into Swamp Thunder and the other monstrosities we found in her fridge.” Aoife did her best to steer the conversation away from the disturbing collection of off-brand seltzers that Owen had in her fridge. Finding a way to explain the concept of Tropical Enthusiasm as a flavor was far beyond her current wits.
“Is it not my right as gender Yoda to be informed about any and all swamps?” Castle asked, with the smallest glimmer of a mischievous smirk sprouting in the corner of their mouth.
“I’m deeply regretting the title I’ve given you, Castle. I think it’s getting to your head.”
“It’s already gotten to my head. You’d have to jam a crowbar into my head and bounce on it like a trampoline to get it out at this point.” Castle shrugged as they stepped further into the room. For a second, Owen thought that they’d immediately sit down onto her chair, but they stopped just next to the chair instead.
“That’s disturbingly detailed, Castle. Whatever your therapist is being paid, it’s not enough.” Owen moved towards her own desk chair. With a slight push, she moved it closer to Castle, in an effort to get them to have a seat,
“Aww, mate. My therapist loves me. She gets a kick out of my weekly word vomit. I’m so close to unraveling her childhood trauma.” Castle flopped backwards into the chair with a wry grin.
“Her trauma? Are you trying to psychoanalyze your therapist?” A stochastic splatter of emotions flashed across Aoife’s face.
“Why would I want therapy to be a one sided affair? Besides, I’ve already picked up on her competitive nature so I’m sure she’ll get a kick out of our competition.” Castle replied, flicking their eyes back and forth between the two roommates, who shared equally befuddled expressions. “But enough faffing about, I was invited here for a reason, and I thought we ought to get to it.” Castle slung the shoulder bag from their back over to their chest and began to unzip the bag. Aoife seemed to immediately grow excited about whatever was about to happen. From inside of the bag, Castle pulled out an even smaller bag, zipped up tightly with as much contents as could possibly fit in the small bag.
“Right… either of you care to fill me in? Or am I just supposed to stand around confused for the next few hours.” Owen stood between Castle and Aoife, who were both looking to one another with a shifting range of facial expressions. Owen could only loosely keep track of the nonverbal conversation that was happening between the other two. Reticent questions were asked between the two, followed by apparent realizations and epiphanies. All of which Owen was attempting to decipher in the oppressive silence.
“With a couple hours before practice tonight, I thought it might be nice to give you a little test run. A sort of Winrar free trial for you, as a treat, before we have to spend a couple hours around the other teammates.” Aoife shot a tender smile towards Owen, in an effort to stay as gentle as possible.
“...test run of?”
“Makeup.” Castle replied, spilling out the content of their bag into their lap. It was a surprisingly diverse selection of different products, from eyeshadows and eyeliners, to nail polish and a scant few lipsticks. One in particular stood out to Owen. A bright red tone that reminded her of the large Target balls that would line the entrance to Target. The lipstick reminded her of a choice she continued to make in nearly every character creator. She would almost always choose the bright red lipstick for her characters.
“Why do you have that much makeup, Castle?” Owen immediately blurted, upon seeing a more extensive selection than she ever imagined Castle would wear.
“To see if I could buy enough makeup to launch my own cosmetic brand at the local mall.” Castle shrugged, nonchalantly. A gesture that almost made the bizarreness of their statement seem completely par for the course.
“Why would you-”
“To wear, mate. Why else would I own it?” Castle interrupted Owen’s question before she could even finish it. Castle’s monotonous sarcasm seemed to still slip under Owen’s radar. Owen felt like it was becoming increasingly difficult to determine which of Castle’s jokes were actually jokes at all. She wouldn’t put it past them to actually be engaging in a psychological joust with their therapist.
“You just don’t seem like the type to wear much makeup.” Owen shrugged. Almost immediately, she decided to follow up her statement to clarify that she was aware of how Castle wore makeup in each of their previous conversations. “Aside from the makeup you always wear, I mean. You’ve got enough eyeshadow to blacken the sun, and your eyeliner is always winged enough that it looks like you could fly away at will. But… lipsticks and blush? Doesn’t seem very Castle to me.”
“It’s not anymore. But that’s the point, mate. Experimentation helped me find my niche. I tried it all, found what I liked, and rolled with it. Figured you could use all of my unused shit since it’s been sitting around.”
“That was sort of the plan I messaged Castle about. We wanted to dress you all up today and give you our extra makeup when we’re done.” Aoife added. Immediately, she could see the swirling reels of film behind Owen’s eyes as she processed her reaction to their offer. It was a lot to take it, and something that Aoife felt far more nervous about doing following the personal conversation that Owen and Aoife had. Owen had just expressed fear about moving forward with things faster than she was comfortable with.
“I mean that’s awfully nice of you two. I’m just not sure if it’s the best idea right now.” Owen finally spoke her mind as she wrapped her right hand around her left index finger and squeezed.
“You could take it off right after if you’d like! It could just be for a quick look in the mirror, and then we could tabula rasa that pretty facade-ah.” Aoife suggested with an excited grin.
Owen and Castle flashed confused expressions towards one another. Aoife immediately took note and sighed. Castle took the words directly out of Owen’s mouth when they asked, “Pretty facade-ah?”
“I couldn’t think of a rhyme for tabula rasa… Sue me.”
“I just don’t want to risk anyone getting suspicious at the practice. It’s already taking my full attention to try to play well with the stupid PertinentHorse account.”
“That’s understandable. I can promise you that all of the makeup will be gone if that’s what you’re concerned about, Witch.” Aoife did her best to assure Owen that there wouldn’t be any way to “uncover” the fact that she was wearing makeup earlier in the day.
“Witch?” Castle looked to Owen to clarify, despite Aoife being the one to say the name.
“It’s part of my username. Witchofthew3st. Aoife’s just using it while I sort out… whatever it is I’m trying to sort out.” Owen confessed. She didn’t feel like there was much to hide from Castle at this point. They had already picked up on everything that was unsaid in their lunch conversation yesterday. It wouldn’t be much longer before they unravelled the last few knots, so why not lay it all out for them?
“It seems like you’re bouncing a lot of ideas around in that head of yours right now. I don’t want to add any more to the boiling pot if doing your makeup is going to make it spill over.” Castle said, closely eyeing Owen as she continued to squeeze her index finger.
“I don’t know… I mean I was just telling Aoife that I feel like I’m being slingshotted through a series of questions I’ve never even considered until now. I don’t know if all of this experimentation is going to make things better or worse, and I’m scared to even try.” Owen explained as she clutched her left hand in her right.
“Then we’ll do it another day, when or if you feel like you’re ready for it. I’m not in the business of crossing boundaries.” Castle said, quickly. The reaction was as stark as it was the last time something similar occurred. When Owen had accidentally outed Aoife as trans to Castle, they made a swift and firm response to ensure that violation of boundaries was not repeated. It made Owen wonder why Castle was so intense about boundaries. Not that it wasn’t appreciated, simply that it felt more important to them than your average person.
Watching Castle slowly put away all of the makeup on their lap made Owen feel guilty. A small part because she was ruining the plans that Aoife had set up for the day. Another small part because the gestures of kindness from the other two were being rejected. But much more than those reasons, she felt guilty for spurning the part of herself that almost leapt out of her seat when she saw the makeup spill out from the bag. There was something there. A sort of joy that tickled her heart with possibilities of open doors, previously closed. More than joy, even, a kind of euphoria.
“Yeah, what Castle said. I think I just got ahead of myself. I need to stop thinking that your journey will be anything like mine.” Aoife might have plastered a smile across her face as she spoke, but Owen could see the curls around the edge of her smile. There was a disappointment that lingered behind her smile, however it was unclear if the disappointment was due to Owen’s rejection, or feeling as though she pushed too far too fast.
“I appreciate the thought. I really do, Aoife. You as well, Castle. But even if I have a safety net made up of two wonderful friends to catch me, I’d rather not fall in the first place.” Owen said, eyes still locked on the bright red lipstick as it was tucked away into Castle’s makeup bag.
“You’re still using PertinentHorse for tonight?” Aoife asked, addressing Owen’s earlier mention of her smurf account.
“Why wouldn’t I be? It’d be weird if I walked in with and used my Witchofthew3st account.” Owen explained, laying out the words in the air between the three as if they were fundamental tenets of existence. Unquestionable and irrefutable.
“Why would it be weird?”
“Because I’m a-”
“Didn’t we just establish that you’re not?”
“To me, sure! To you and Castle as well. But not to the Everett esports team! What does it matter what I’m feeling in my dorm room if it’s not what others see in public?”
“I don’t know! What does it matter what they see? If they don’t see you as a woman, does that make you any less of one?”
“I-” Owen’s chest puffed up with the intentions of a rebuttal. The air that was sucked into her lungs was fit to burst with a vehement denial. But Owen couldn’t bring herself to say it. All of the air in her lungs was pathetically pushed out until all she could do was mutter. “It feels like it, yeah…”
Castle flicked their head back and forth between Aoife and Owen as they spoke. They expressed an impressive amount of restraint to insert themself into the conversation once a lull between Aoife and Owen started to blossom. “I think I’m getting a sense of what you two were talking about before I came into your dorm.” The two roommates twisted their heads towards Castle, then back towards one another. The interruption had quelled the rising tempo of their conversation, leaving them to both grow quiet.
“I’m sorry, Witch. I’m not trying to be pushy… I just… I feel like I’m talking to myself from a couple years ago. I’m trying to keep you from making the same mistakes that I did. I want to spare you from the anguish I rolled around in for far too long.” She paused for a moment, as if she needed to wrench the next words free from the back of her mind. “But you’re not me. We might be making the same journey, but taking different paths to get there, and I’m sorry for trying to put you on the same path as me.
Owen nodded towards Aoife. It was a small gesture, reserved and hesitant. It exemplified Owen’s cautious acceptance of Aoife’s apology. She didn’t believe that Aoife intended to harm, it made no sense for her to. But it didn’t stop Owen from feeling like Aoife was viewing her as if she was the same person as herself. Owen couldn’t blame her for wanting to help. Far from it in fact, she was providing a comfort that Owen appreciated more than she could put into words. But a helping hand that knew not which direction to pull from, was not as helpful as it seemed.
“Could we just play some UMDK casually to warm up for tonight? I appreciate the company, and everything you two are trying to do, but having to spend the evening in a room full of mostly strangers is really stressing me out.” Owen asked as she moved around the large wooden conjoined desk in the middle of the room to stand by her monitor.
“Sure. Maybe you just need a little giddy gooey groove to get your nerves under control.” Aoife smiled. It wasn’t what she had planned for the evening, but that was okay. It felt strange to move at a slower pace than felt comfortable for herself, but she had to keep reminding herself that this wasn’t the path she took. This was Owen’s path. “I can sit this one out if you wanna use my computer, Castle.” Aoife called out towards their guest as she pushed her chair backwards towards her desk.
“I’ll be fine, mate. I run UMDK off of my laptop. I just need a surface to set up some stuff.” Castle replied, pulling out their gaming laptop from the shoulder bag. With another few seconds of rummaging, they pulled out the charging cable for the laptop, as well as a bluetooth mouse.
“Does that run UMDK as well as your desktop does?” Owen asked while launching UMDK with Witchofthew3st already logged in due to Owen and Aoife’s hours of play the previous night. Owen was still awkwardly standing at her own desk, however, due the fact that she offered her desk chair to Castle earlier out of courtesy.
“I don’t have a desktop.”
“You only play UMDK on that? I honestly can’t believe you’ve gotten as good as you have with that thing. That’s like reaching diamond rank on Overwatch with your Nintendo Switch.” Aoife gawked as Castle moved over towards Owen’s side of the room to set up the laptop.
“Not quite as bad as that. I’ve gotten so used to it that the provided desktops for Everett esports honestly throw me off of my game.”
“You can use my bedside table for space, if you’d like.” Owen said, already moving towards her bedside table to slide away the lamp that sat on top of it. The offer was also a not so subtle way to provide Castle with seating, to allow her to take back her own desk chair. Find the original chapter at g.com.
“Mint. I appreciate it, mate.” Castle gave a curt nod as they sat on the edge of Owen’s bed and slid the bedside table across the carpet to its proper position between their legs, with the laptop now sitting just above hip height.
“I’ll send out the invites in a sec!” Owen called out as she sat down in her newly repossessed desk chair.
“If we’re all queuing up together, you know what that means, right Owen?” Aoife asked, a pervasive sense of mischievousness in her tone.
“Oh boy…” Owen rolled her eyes. Aoife’s infectious whims were enough to push a smile onto Owen’s face.
“What does that mean? When you two start colluding things never go well.”
Owen turned around in her chair to look at Castle as they cozied up on the edge of her bed. Castle was a few steps behind in the dance that Aoife had already started. “It means you’re gonna have to say the catchphrase, Castle.”
“The groove one? Absolutely not.”
“Why noooooot?” Aoife whined, even poking her head up above the desk to pout towards Castle.
“It’s ridiculous. You call it a catchphrase, but not a single part of it catches onto anything in my brain. You want a good catchphrase? Open the almighty almanac of Scooby Doo catchphrases.” Castle explained.
“Why isn't giddy gooey groove as good as any of the four Scooby Doo catchphrases?" Aoife questioned, already fired up to protect the baby that was her very own catchphrase.
“Surely you mean five.” Castle huffed, indignantly, as if they were personally slighted by Aoife’s miscount.
“Fred doesn’t have a catchphrase though.” Owen retorted.
“He does! You think they would give every single member of the mystery gang a catchphrase except for Fred?.” Castle raised their voice in protest.
“No he doesn’t! Scooby has ‘ruh oh’, Shaggy has ‘zoinks’, Daphne has ‘jeepers’, and Velma has ‘jinkies’! Fred doesn’t have anything!” Aoife joined the fray with a passionate fervor for the mystery gang.
“Yeah, what are you talking about, Castle? Did they broadcast a different UK version of Scooby-Doo where Fred says ‘oi mate!’ or something?”
“Oh now you’re coming for my nationality, Witch? You don’t want to open that can of worms, mate.”
“Is can of worms a British delicacy alongside beans and toast?” Owen replied with a smug smile stretched ear to ear.
“Let’s split up, gang! That’s his catchphrase.” Castle replied, opting to ignore Owen’s second jab. Moreso because it amused them enough that they didn’t dare try to respond.
“What? That doesn’t count!” Aoife exclaimed.
“Yeah, that’s not even a catchphrase! They all have one word catchphrases!" Owen added.
“Oh, but ‘let’s get our giddy gooey groove on’ counts? That’s far more than one word. Even more than Fred’s catchphrase! I think you just don’t want to admit that ‘let’s split up, gang’ is a better catchphrase than your icky sticky groove catchphrase.” Castle smirked towards Aoife as she peaked her head over the top of the large wooden desk. Her offended reaction was everything that they were hoping to elicit.
“It’s catchy! It’s already picking up steam with Witch!” Aoife defended her catchphrase as if it was her own precious child.
“I have to admit, it’s a lot more catchy than it seems at first. I thought the same way as you until I started saying it.”
“Fine. Then I will say it now, and never again to prove that it isn’t going to catch on in the slightest.” Castle smiled confidently towards the two roommates. “Let’s get our giddy gooey groove on. Happy now?”
“The seeds are sewn.” Aoife smirked.
The trio exchanged mirthful laughs as they all joined into Owen’s party to queue up for a match. It was exciting for Owen to be able to play a couple of casual rounds of UMDK as Witch in the company of someone other than Aoife. Even if they were unaware, Owen had been playing with Aoife on the Witchofthew3st account for months. It meant that this first match would break a small, but significant record for Owen as the first Witchofthew3st match with someone that she personally knew, aside from Aoife.
It was everything that she felt that she needed in the moment. A distraction from the nagging feeling of needles in her mind. Little pricks of anxiety that threatened to send her over the edge into a full on panic attack if they were not dismissed or ignored. They ravaged her mind with every second she wasn’t occupied. “What if it ruins my life? What will my parents think? Will I ever get to be the girl I want to be?” All of the questions were daunting and unanswerable until she made a decision to come out and follow this path. But one question could be answered at this very moment. It was a question that circled around to the forefront of Owen’s mind for the last few minutes. A question that would continue to fester in her mind as the trio played a couple of matches of UMDK. A question that felt low stakes enough that it was almost irresistible to Owen.
“What would I look like in that red lipstick?”
It couldn’t be that bad to try it on once, right?