"I know for sure I'm yummy now," Christina smiled. "You drooled so much saliva into my mouth, it's like you were about to eat a beef tongue."
"Sorry," I mumbled. "Probably gross?"
"Well, that was my first pancake, so at least there was enough juice to dissolve the lumps..."
"Don't smile," I interrupted, putting my hand on Christina's cheek. "Please. Not in moments like this. It makes me feel like you want to run away from me."
"They said in the lecture that you have to awaken the hunter instinct in a man." Christina smiled anyway, though at least it wasn't as carefree as usual. "Did I lose?"
"Lose what?" I didn't get it right away.
"The comparison with her." Christina anticipated my thought, but kept her eyes locked on mine.
"That's not true," I lied. "You're just different."
"You're only making it hurt worse. I saw your kiss with her..."
"Sorry."
"At least now I can finally hate UKARI properly." Christina gave a fake smile. "It took away my licked lollipop."
"Well, maybe we can figure something out?" That was pretty bold of me, considering I was obviously suggesting we keep our relationship a secret, even though I hated the idea myself.
"I don't want to be a cowardly side chick. It's humiliating. You probably just thought that we could talk to Christina and she'd give permission?"
"No," I lied again, because the thought had crossed my mind, though strictly as an unsolvable problem. "Or rather, we could just say UKARI planned it all along. We have different supervisors, and there's even a parallel version of me in the system. Maybe we could even pull off two weddings."
Christina genuinely cheered up, without a hint of sarcasm.
"There are countries where polygamy is legal, you know." I tried to sound more serious. "We just change our location, and that's it. By the way, maybe that's exactly why UKARI glitched in the first place."
"What about your laziness?" There wasn't even hope in Christina's voice, just some kind of silly faith that the absurd plan I'd blurted out might actually work. "Two wives, you know, that's more than just two mothers-in-law. You know the principle of diminishing returns?"
"I've heard something about it." I tried to accept the fact that two wives were roughly like one and a half, but with double the expenses. Still, since I was already a cheater, I had to take responsibility and serve my sentence.
"Basically, it's like studying and holding down a part-time job," Christina gave a vivid example. "At first it's cool, then you get burned out."
"Did you have a part-time job?" I was surprised. "You already get plenty of allowance."
"At my dad's restaurant. I just wanted to feel like an adult."
"Well, if you guys don't demand the impossible from me, I can manage," I brought the conversation back to the topic of mildly frowned-upon love in a triangle.
"Yeah, and then you'll get two more," Christina pouted. "And you'll end up with four, like a sheikh."
"I didn't expect that from you. I thought it was the other Christina who dramatized everything out of nowhere."
"I was just playing along." Christina broke into a smile, but then turned serious. "Though I must be crazy to joke about this. Sorry."
"Nah, it's fine," I brushed it off. "You're fun and..."
"Why'd you stop? Fun and irresponsible?"
"No. Fun, and I love you for it." I pushed past the fear and confessed.
"You're blushing."
"No, I'm not," I argued, right as a flush crawled up my face purely at the thought that I might be blushing. "Okay, now I am."
"Mhm." Christina reached up, stole a kiss right off my lips, and added: "Me too... Shall we order lunch?"
"How did it go?" a stranger working at the UKARI Hall asked, letting us out of the room.
"You saw everything for yourself," Christina No. 2 snapped back, pulling her phone out of the locker.
"We don't have access to the cameras," the employee said, smiling at our backs. "Video and audio stream directly to UKARI."
"Everything was fine," I redirected the attention to myself. "We cleared up our disagreements and withdrew all objections."
"For now," Christina No. 2 specified.
"Ah, yes, speaking of which," the employee remembered. "We called the coordinators and sorted out the glitch. The other girl will be issued additional benefits and a new husband candidate, and you two are cleared to get married at any moment. We've already sent the relevant notifications to the registry office."
"Wait, wait, wait," I panicked.
Christina No. 2 was in total shock too, blinking rapidly as she looked between me and the employee.
"According to the system analysts, UKARI accidentally output some raw contemplation text into the console, and the parser read it as a dual result. But with AI, there's a strict rule that only the final output counts. So..."
"Do you have any idea what you've just done?!" I panicked so hard I temporarily forgot my locker passcode.
"It was supposed to be the opposite," Christina No. 2 whispered, and it was entirely unclear what she was feeling right then. Panic? Shame? Joy? Hatred? She wasn't joking. She was scared.
"You can redo everything however you want. UKARI is a recommendation, not an obligation," the employee said, noticing our distress. "You can decline the assignment without any consequences this time. All system errors are covered by state insurance..."
"Without consequences? Insured?" Christina No. 2 repeated in a whisper, burying her face in her hands.
I finally remembered my locker code, yanked the door open, grabbed my phone, and held down the power button. I grew furious at how painfully long it took to boot up, and the second the loading screen cleared, I video-called Christina No. 1. She answered with tear-streaked eyes, clearly waiting for me to pass a verdict on our relationship, because only an absolute idiot would let her fiancé lock himself in a room overnight with a female friend who was harbouring secret feelings.
"Okay, stay calm," I demanded, mostly trying to convince myself. "Nothing happened. It's just another glitch. I'll fix everything. You hear me?"
"Mhm," Christina No. 1 agreed, swallowing her tears and trying to trust me.
"Christina is here too. Do you want to talk to her?"
Christina No. 2 glanced at me, shook off the daze of the shocking news, and forced her usual casual smile back onto her face. I held out the phone, but seeing that Christina No. 2's hands were trembling, I stepped closer and tilted the screen so she was in frame.
"I'm in shock myself," she put on her familiar lighthearted persona. "Got married off without my consent, or rather, got husbando'ed." Christina No. 2 grabbed the fabric of my jacket just out of camera view. "Nothing happened between us, we just sat there and chatted. There were even different beds, and cameras pointed everywhere. And don't listen to Alex, he has zero idea how to comfort anyone. You were already on edge, and then bam, worst prank of your life. Come on, should we come over to your place?"
"Ugh, no," Christina No. 1 refused.
Unexpectedly even to herself, Christina No. 2 let out a small sob and gripped my jacket tighter.
"Anyway," I suddenly remembered what could be upsetting Christina No. 1 the most, and turned the camera back to myself. "I've changed my mind about UKARI, and I'm actually using my own brain now. I'm not going to blindly follow instructions anymore, especially when one contradicts the other. Let's all get some rest, think things through, and then we'll sit down and figure out what to do. Nobody's forcing us to act right this second."
"Right, of course," the UKARI employee chimed in, finding a moment to be supportive. He clearly realized that the dispute resolution department had handled the complaint too formally, hiding behind personal data privacy laws instead of trying to understand the teenagers' actual feelings. "Maybe some of the perks will drop off, but UKARI has no right to interfere with your own free will. If you agree to live with each other even without bonuses, what is that if not love? Ultimately, UKARI is supposed to bring happiness, not take it away, which is why it won out over other demographic tools. Besides, people make mistakes sometimes. You have the exact same names, someone probably just didn't pay attention. Shall I call right now and roll back the whole situation?"
"No!" I snapped back, making the employee shove his phone right back into his pocket. "You've rolled enough for one day. Just give us some time to think."
The panic mode in both Christinas seemed to dial down a notch.
"Okay," Christina No. 1 agreed, her voice finally clear. "I'll calm down... sniff... and we'll talk."
"I'll call you tomorrow," No. 2 forced out.
"Alright, then we're heading home," I said. "Good night. I love you. Stop crying, or I won't find any peace."
"Mhm," Christina No. 1 rubbed her eye.
We exchanged a few more meaningless phrases, Christina No. 2 repeated that she would call too, and then we said goodbye to No. 1.
UKARI provided a taxi for us, and since custom dictates that you drop the girl off first while the guy plays escort, and with no objections raised, the driver took that exact route.
"Coming up to my place?" Christina No. 2 asked as we got close to her house. "I just can't process all of this alone." She rested her hand on my shoulder, and I could feel that she was still shaking.
"Let me just text my parents first."