“Since the day I first started researching meditation I’ve always been on the lookout for books on controlling your own mind.
So, when I first entered the wizarding world almost six weeks ago; and after going to the bank and finding out I had plenty of money available to me, I stopped in at Flourish and Blotts to see if the magical world had similar books.
Of course, they do.
And I started with a book called ‘Introduction to Mind Magicks’.
From that I read about Occlumency.
“That led me to a self-study book on Occlumency and Legilimency.
From that I learned that I was so successful at meditation and building my mind palace, because I was a wizard; and that such things come easier to those such as us.
I also learned I could isolate that part in my mind where my anger bubbles away – I see it now as a seething giant cauldron, by the way – and I was able to wall it off separating it from the ‘core’ me, and put some basic controls on it.
“Now I can almost consciously monitor the condition of the cauldron and have a way to – calm the contents of it back down.
But it’s an ongoing process and I have to constantly set aside time to ensure that the cauldron doesn’t overflow; that my anger does not get the better of me.
“So, I’m sorry to say, I’m going to come across as being quite – emotionless – when I should be showing signs of strong emotion.
Some of the kids where I went to school in the muggle world thought I was turning into a robot; an android; something other than human.
They picked on me, somewhat, for it.
“However, I’m not always successful. There has been the rare time where my emotions have nearly gotten the better of me. At those times I get a splitting headache and feel as if I’m being suffocated. But – I’ve never become violent with anyone during those times. I just tend to rant and rave for a while, until I can get my anger back into check – and calm that cauldron down again.”
“Secondly, people who lie to me really upset me.
When I was growing up my aunt and uncle kept telling me I was a worthless freak and that I should thank my lucky stars they were kind enough to give me a place to live; that my drunken bum of a father got he and my – whore – of a mother killed in a car crash.
“During that time, and before I was able to organise my memories, I used to get these – flashbacks – of a time when I was a baby.
A time when I knew I was loved by adults; a man who had similar hair to my own who wore aviator style glasses, a woman I instinctively knew to be my mother who had long red hair and bright green eyes, plus others.
“Before I was able to sort these memories, because of what my relatives told me, I thought they were just daydreams of what I wished my life was like.
That they were, in effect, lies I was telling myself.
“However, after I was able to sort my memories, I learned it was my relatives that had lied to me, and not the other way around.
It took me a long time to reach that conclusion because I just did not want to believe it to be true.
I didn’t want to believe that people, my own relatives no less, could be so cruel.
“My letter from Hogwarts I received on 26th July was the final conclusive proof. It was also the day I decided to – vacate – that house and find the wizarding world. My memories led me to Charing Cross Road and The Leaky Cauldron. It was the best decision I ever made.”
When he’d finished, Harry sighed in some measure of self-pity.
“So, you see, I’m far from perfect,” he said.
“I just do my best with what I have and hope it’s enough.”
Harry didn’t even notice that, while he was talking – reminiscing – a cup of tea appeared on the table in front of him.
Nor, that he’d been playing with it.
When he’d concluded he realised he’d divulged more than he had planned to.
But that, in doing so, he felt a sense of release.
She reached out with her right hand and grasped his left in a sign of solidarity.
Astoria hoped off her own chair, slid it closer to his, and climbed back on it before wrapping her arms around him from the side.
She just silently hugged him.
Taking a deep breath Isabel said, “Well – I think we can honestly say we weren’t expecting to hear that.”
Turning to look more fully at Harry, she said, “Thank you for sharing that with us, Harry. Clearly, it was difficult for you to do so. But, just as clearly, you needed to share it with someone. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share it with us.”
“I’m sorry, Harry,” said Daphne, softly.
“I’ve been behaving like such a beast to you and you’ve already had to endure so much.”
Giving a bit of a sheepish shrug in response, Harry replied, “Like I said, I understand why you feel the way you do. I don’t blame you for it.”
“No, but I do,” she said more firmly.
“I now better understand this betrothal contract wasn’t any more your fault as it was mine. I promise not to be angry with you over it from now on.”
“Thank you,” Harry said softly.
“And now I think it’s time we all got some fresh air by making our way to Diagon Alley,” said Isabel in a tone trying to lighten the mood.
“I don’t know about you, but shopping always makes me feel better.”
And the four of them rose from the table and organised themselves for a trip to the Alley.