Diversion

"You didn't have to come shower too, you know." I walked slower to let Ellen catch up as I approached the bath house.

"Curiosity was killing me." Ellen hugged my shoulder and then skipped forward to pull the door open for me.

"Uh huh." I deadpanned. "What are Max and Xander going to do then?"

Ellen shrugged. "Cuddle probably. All their PDA was making me miss you."

I rolled my eyes and drew back the outer curtain of my usual shower stall. At this point I wasn't so surprised that Ellen invited herself in after me, and I decided to leave the curtain open for Carolyn's inevitable arrival.

"Didn't you shower right before the sleepover?"

Ellen nodded. "Yeah, but do you know how filthy the human mouth is? I know for a fact that you do not brush and floss with any sort of regularity."

"If my teeth fall out, Carolyn will just mod me some new ones."

Ellen bapped the back of my head and I turned a tired glare on her.

She put her hands on her hips "Relying on Carolyn to fix everything is extremely wasteful and irresponsible."

I wanted to counter with all sorts of arguments about how many mods I already had and how it probably wouldn't even be Carolyn doing it… but I also already knew Ellen's sentiments toward magic bullet solutions. I glared at her for a moment longer before returning to my little shower prep ritual.

I had just finished laying out my towel and double checking that there was soap when Ellen spoke again. "I gotta say, I expected some snark about that."

"Look." I turned on the water and straightened to face Ellen. "I enjoy being called wasteful and irresponsible as much as the next person--"

"--I didn't mean--"

"--But you're right. Carolyn agrees and has told me that she wants me to take good care of myself. I guess I just need to not joke about modding for stuff like that."

"No! No, joke all you want! I'm sorry for accusing and being so serious."

I shrugged and held out a hand under the shower spray. "While we are here, do you have any other critiques about my personal hygiene? Carolyn didn't share the report you did, but she did tell me it exists."

Ellen's face reddened and I softened my scowl into a smirk as she stammered.

"Your hygiene is fine! I'd hardly call that a report. She just wants to know you are taken care of!"

"Yeah." I checked the water again and it was already up to near scalding. I still hadn't gotten used to how much faster the water heated up here than at any of the places I'd lived before. "I'm sorry for leaping to act offended, I guess… It still kinda bothers me that Carolyn is telling you to do some things. I really don't like second guessing what is you and what is Carolyn's orders."

"Its all me, baby." Ellen threw her arms wide, putting on a mock bravado.

I rolled my eyes. "Uh huh. I should get started showering so--"

"No, seriously. Carolyn asking me to care for you is like her asking me to breathe. Like sure, I'm obeying her, but it would take a conscious effort to do otherwise and I wouldn't want to anyways."

"Goofball." I muttered and took off my robe to hang it up.

I turned back to ask for privacy and caught Ellen's eyes snapping back up. She seemed an entirely different sort of flushed now.

"That's quite the mess."

I grimaced and surveyed the damage. The sleep pants were darkened everywhere around my hips and even saturated in some places from just how much lube Carolyn had poured on me. My shirt stuck to my stomach too and it looked like a really poor attempt at a wet tshirt contest, particularly with how transparent the cotton had become.

"This is why I'm taking a shower. Can I have some privacy?"

"Oh yeah, for sure. I was just-- I mean yeah. Totally. Sorry."

"What? Did you want to watch?" I said it sarcastically but Ellen immediately nodded. I supposed that was on me for thinking there could be any other explanation for her hesitation.

"Can I? I promise I won't make fun."

"Careful making promises you can't keep." I warned but I pulled the hem of my shirt up. I didn't put any effort into making it sexy, especially since I didn't want any of the sticky mess in my face or hair, but the way Ellen held a hand over her mouth led me to suspect she didn't care. Her eyes were wide, staring with rapt attention in a way I'd gradually been growing accustomed to. Unfortunately the undisguised look of desire was becoming a reliable way to make me horny in turn.

I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my sleep pants and she knelt in front of me. "May I?"

She reached out tentatively, and I shrugged. I doubted it would make any difference to me, so I held out the front of the waistband to her.

I untied the drawstring above my tail and braced a hand against the wall as Ellen pulled the band outward before tugging down.

"Holy shit." Ellen whispered as she peeled the panties off.

"I don't understand what you are getting out of this. It's kinda nasty."

"You have no idea…" Ellen murmured, she seemed to only barely focus on helping me out of the clothes, constantly stealing looks at the real center of the mess. "Can I touch you?"

"Aww~" I let my tone take on a teasing quality. "Is seeing my pussy making you horny?"

"Like you wouldn't believe, Maddie. Please?"

"Uh… yeah, sure. Should I sit down or?..." I turned the water off. I felt kinda bad for teasing now. Everything had felt so right for me down there for long enough now that I'd forgotten Ellen still had dysphoria. I felt like I was taunting her with what she didn't have yet, but she had asked to see it so maybe it was therapeutic?

"Sitting would probably be for the best, yeah." She seemed to debate taking off her own clothes before stepping past me and sitting down on the floor of the shower.

"Did you want me to sit on the stool?"

Ellen shook her head and patted her lap. With how she was situated in the corner there wouldn't be anywhere to put my knees if I straddled her lap, so my next best guess was that she wanted me to lay back in her arms.

I stepped out of the last of my clothes and eased myself down onto my knees in front of her. She was so unbelievably out of sorts just from looking at me, and somehow it still got to me even after all these months of acclimating to Carolyn and Deyha's adoring gazes.

"I wanted…" Ellen trailed off for a moment. "I was hoping to see it from your perspective, if that makes sense."

"Oh, yeah, for sure." I turned and laid my tail across Ellen's lap before sitting down and scooting back toward her. Luckily, Ellen understood the unspoken request to help me keep from pinching my tail, so after a moment I was able to relax back into her.

It wasn't comfortable as far as chairs went, but the feeling of her arms wrapping around my stomach made up for that. I slouched so that she could see over my shoulder more easily and spread my legs. For a moment Ellen didn't move at all, but when I covered her hand with mine she unfroze, trailing her hand down and lightly touching with her finger tips.

"You can be a little less gentle, you know." I meant to sound confident and assured, but her other arm squeezed me, holding me tight even as I instinctively wanted to push myself into her fingers. My voice came out almost strained and breathy, but Ellen didn't say anything as she continued to brush her fingers over my skin.

"Ellen~" I whined and she removed her hand completely.

"Sorry, am I doing something wrong?"

"No, I mean, maybe. I uh…" I hugged her other hand to my chest. "I want your fingers inside of me…"

"Oh, I uh… sure, if you want."

"Is that not what you meant in the first place?" I laughed at the absurdity but broke off in a gasp as she returned her hand, pressing with two fingers now.

"I know I talk a big game about reading minds… but I've been wrong before, many times actually. Some things are just too important to leave to assumption. Plus, you've had a day already, and I don't know how rough Carolyn was… I just wanted to see it from this angle I guess. Imagine what it feels like, you know?"

"Just having one? Not even playing with it?"

"Well I was going to help you wash off as well…"

"How do you know so much about me without realizing my appetite for sex is bottomless?"

"Interesting choice of words."

"How?" I turned in place to look her in the eye. "How is any of this surprising?"

Ellen had regained a bit of the composure from before. She started stroking her fingers between my labia more firmly now. "Just that when you're involved there will always be a bottom around."

"God damn~~ ah!"

I lost the thread as Ellen's touch turned a sharp corner from exploration to play. She used my writhing to reposition to hold my chest with her free hand, and her fingers sank easily into my flesh as she gripped hard. If I was a little horny before this sent me into relative hysterics. My hand slapped the tile wall as I arched my back. It was embarrassing how quickly I'd lost what little composure I'd fought so hard for. Now I was gasping like some sort of porn star while Ellen only held me tighter, digging her chin into my shoulder as my hips rocked into her fingers on instinct.

Her fingers made a beckoning motion and the strength left me. I covered each of her hands with my own but did nothing to stop her as she kneaded my chest. I'd said she didn't have to be so gentle but now she was almost cruel with the force she was using. I let out a particularly loud breathy scream as she pinched and squeezed my breast, turning a familiar dripping sensation into a full spray of milk onto our legs.

She didn't stop with her fingers either, grinding her palm over my clit as she moved her fingers in and out with vicious speed.

I'd grown accustomed to relatively lazy sex. Still vigorous at times I supposed but often with many lulls to cuddle and kiss. Right now I was being used, more truly so than even Carolyn had indulged in rough fucking.

My spasms lost what little coordination they might have had, but I wasn't able to relax and let the wave of pleasure wash over me.

In the past, even when Carolyn pushed me well past the edge and held me there, I still felt like I was somewhat tethered to reality. I had some control of my body and it felt like I had the choice of when to let go and bask in the dopamine hit-- even if I always just let the orgasm hit as fast as it could.

Now though there was no choice, no control at all. I was dizzy from all the gasping and panting but more than that I was being used. My pleasure was a side effect of Ellen touching and toying.

For a moment I worried that thrashing and resisting too much would cause her to get the wrong idea and ease off, but it didn't take long at all before it became clear this was only ending on her terms. I fought her grasp and she ignored it.

At this point I was little more than a toy, a mere handheld game for her to press buttons to set off cute little sounds.

After an eternity of stimulation her grip loosened and I was able to uncoil a few of my aching muscles while I relearned how to breathe.

"Interesting."

I cracked an eye open to see Carolyn lounging on the bench outside the shower stall. She had one leg crossed over the other and was resting her chin on a palm.

It didn't surprise me that I'd been so dead to the world that I missed her arrival. I brought my knees together and let my hands fall in my lap. Ellen was just hugging me from behind now so I slumped further to lay my head back on her chest.

"So--" Carolyn continued, "are you going to tell me that was just a hands on method to clear out the extra cum-lube? You know I worked hard to put it there, right?"

Ellen chuckled and held up a hand. I wrinkled my nose at the sticky fluid that was practically dripping from her fingertips.

"Sorry, Carolyn." Ellen resumed holding me in a simple embrace. "I guess I got a little carried away."

"A little." I echoed, weighing the words with all the doubt I could muster, "One second you aren't sure if I want to be touched, the next you're finger banging the life out of me."

This gave Carolyn a laugh too. "I considered intervening, but Ellen has always had good instincts about you. She didn't go too far, did she?"

"No… no." I stared at the patterned tile walls, determined not to look either of them in the eye. "Her intuition remains impeccable."

"Awwww, Have you been inconvenienced by how much of an open book you are?" Ellen teased.

I squinted at her but made no reply.

"Poor thing." Carolyn cooed. "Ellen, what is she thinking right now?"

I debated answering first, but I suspected this would lead to a "I wasn't asking you" jab from Carolyn. Instead, I opted to look at Ellen, challenging her to read my innermost thoughts through my eyes.

"I think…" Ellen slipped her thumb up under my collar, jostling the bell faintly as she tugged. "She wants to roleplay being a pet at the groomers; sitting still and quiet while her owner and caretaker wash her."

I caught her wrist as she pulled again, but my body was betraying me in other ways.

Goddamn it.

She had me at "pet" and mentioning Carolyn as my owner while literally having me by the throat was the last nail in the coffin.

I had a feeling saying anything at this point would somewhat go against Ellen's prediction, so I just gave a nod before looking at Carolyn. I suspected I wouldn't even need to make the pleading eyes if Ellen's choice of words impacted Carolyn as much as it did me.

"Aww, look at her wagging her little tail." Carolyn teased. "I think you're right. Well, it wouldn't hurt to help her with the non-ticklish spots while she catches her breath." She stood and slipped her robe off her shoulders before hanging it up.

I pulled my knees up to my chest to give Carolyn a bit of space to stand in the shower stall. There absolutely wasn't room for three in here, but I wasn't about to mention it.

She held out her hands and I let her pull me upright. After Ellen's attention my legs felt like jelly, but Carolyn didn't poke fun as I took my time finding my footing-- or hoofing? If anything the current appendages looked more like paws.

Once I was supporting my own weight, Carolyn flipped down the folding bench and directed me to sit.

"Do you want to take care of her legs while you're down there?" Carolyn detached the shower head and pointed it at the wall while she turned the water back on.

"Sure. That works for me."

From here I could see how much the wet tile and lube had soiled Ellen's clothes. Still, she remained clothed even though it seemed everyone agreed that keeping dry was a lost cause. She repositioned to lean back against the wall opposite me and pulled a paw/hoof --poof perhaps?-- To rest on her lap.

"Ive been thinking…" Ellen mused as she began to lather soap over my skin. "It's interesting that we refer to Maddie as a cow, when technically she would be a heifer if anything."

"Ohhh." Carolyn began rinsing me down, taking care to keep the spray below shoulder level for the sake of my bandage. "I forgot there are multiple words. What's the difference again?"

"Cows have already given birth, while heifers haven't. Though I don't think people tend to be very strict with meanings since 'cow' is used whenever the sex of the animal doesn't matter."

"Oh, I wonder how our pedantic little pet feels about technically being a heifer."

I scowled up at Carolyn but she sprayed me in the face.

"Oh! Oh dear." The sarcasm was heavy in her voice. "I'm so sorry baby girl."

I shook my head and wiped my face, but decided to otherwise let the comment go. We'd established that good pets were quiet, so I suspected this was all a gambit to goad me into 'misbehaving'.

"Ooops," Carolyn turned the water off and hung up the showerhead. "Probably shouldn't get this wet, one second." She lifted my chin to check my collar before leaning in to work on the buckle.

Lately, I'd opted to just keep the key tucked into the loop that kept the adjustable section tidy, so it didn't take long for Carolyn to get it unlocked and tucked away outside the shower.

Ellen finished my first leg and shifted to cradle my other 'poof' in her lap. "Somehow she seems both more and less naked without it. Strange."

"I know, right? She's technically more naked, but it's a little less exciting without the collar." Carolyn put emphasis on the hated word again, still not quite misusing it but very intentionally setting off my displeasure at its over-use.

I began to doubt whether I was truly supposed to sit through this without misbehaving. I knew full well that Carolyn enjoyed my reactions, so I wasn't keen on depriving her of that. But I also had a personal interest in being a very good girl for her… indulging her appetite for sadism without rising to her invitations to speak out seemed like a paradox-- especially with how competitive she was. If getting me to act out felt like a win for her then this game would only get harder.

"I don't think she appreciates your teasing." Ellen spoke up. Surprising both me and Carolyn.

"Oh?" Carolyn paused halfway to turning the water back on. "I was certain of the contrary."

"In general, maybe." Ellen rested the washcloth over my knee and braced on the bench to stand. "But right now she's determined to be the perfect pet, and not being allowed to react to your teasing without misbehaving puts her in a difficult situation."

"Mmmm. She is the perfect pet. My little baby heifer; soon be ready for her first calf."

"Carolyn~" I squeezed my thighs together and clenched my jaw as she petted my head.

"Sorry love, sorry. I'm happy to perpetuate the fantasy and call you a cow. I know you don't want to be infantilized all the time."

I tried to figure out how to say that wasn't it, but the words couldn't come together. The subject of my fertility was never too far from my mind, and I couldn't help but feel that Carolyn had been bringing it up more and more lately. We'd always joked about how I wanted to be bred but it was starting to feel like less of a joke.

"I think I can handle the rest." I spoke mostly to the washcloth on my lap. "Thanks for the care though, it was very nice."

"Any time." Ellen patted my shoulder and took a moment to smooth down the edge of the adhesive bandage. "We should probably redress this when we're done here, what do you think?"

Carolyn shrugged and stepped out of the shower stall. "Better safe than sorry. Speaking of redressing, I think I made a bit of a mess of your clothes…"

"Oh." Ellen looked down, as of noticing for the first time. "I blame Maddie. It's fine though."

"Did you bring a change of clothes?"

"I… didn't plan on any of this actually so… no." Ellen scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

"Hmm…" Carolyn rifled through the clothes she'd brought along. "If you two share the outfit then you'll be mostly decent."

"What, like the get-along-shirt meme?" I scoffed and shifted in my seat so that Ellen could pass easier.

"No, like, you get the bra and shorts while she gets the panties and shirt."

"Hmmm," Ellen rubbed her chin in exaggerated contemplation. "As much as I love the idea of forcing Maddie to wear fewer clothes, I think I'll just go to my room to change. See you back at Xanders?"

"Oh, okay. See you there."

I watched her go while Carolyn piled the clothes near the edge of the bench.

"I can't believe you let her clean you out like that." Carolyn resumed her earlier seat while I got to work with the wash cloth.

"I forgot that you wanted me to leak for the rest of the evening." I waited until I heard the bath house door open and close before continuing. "It just kinda… happened. One moment she was all confidence, and then a switch flipped and she was asking so nicely… I'd forgotten how that yearning could feel when saddled with dysphoria so when she asked to touch I just wanted her to feel better, or at least that I'm not lording my good fortune over her. Then once I was sitting with her the switch flipped back and… Well, you saw."

"Kinda sounds like you were taken for a ride."

"Like, I was fooled? Or in a sexual way?"

Carolyn chuckled. "I'm glad you caught the double entendre. But yeah, you're very trusting. I hope she wasn't just putting on an act to pull your strings."

"Because that's your job?"

"Oooooh I'll get you for that one. But yeah, essentially. At the end of the day you know her best though so I'm not here to cast doubt."

I shrugged. "Maybe it was, but I don't think so. I--" I broke off. I'd been causing her to doubt her own intuition. I'd tried to give all sorts of assurances, but I had still acted like she had assumed too much back when she first visited. Maybe it had been a joke, or just my shame for being so easy to seduce, but I'd implied I hadn't chosen to play in the truck, and I'd questioned her motivations too, doubting her affections-- and why? Because Carolyn asked her to look after me?

I groaned and rubbed my forehead.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I'm such an asshole." I stared down between my knees. "I keep letting my shame control me and I end up saying shit that makes it seem like she's taking advantage of me. I am the one shaking her confidence."

"I don't think you can take all the credit."

"Why not? I keep acting like she's misread me because I can't just get over myself and accept that I'm… a bit of a slut I guess-- I don't know! I hate that people might look at me and think I'm a pervert."

"Because you are a pervert?"

"Carolynnnn." I whined. "I'm not just obsessed with sex, I have more complexity than that at least."

"Of course you do, everyone knows that, but you're also, respectfully, a bit of a slut."

"I don't think I can just own that. I don't know that I really like that about myself."

"Well you can't just keep hating yourself for it." Carolyn folded her arms. "Haven't you heard the saying: 'You can't hate yourself into a version of yourself that you'll love'?"

"I don't think so."

"Well now you have. You're too old to be dictated by cringe culture."

"I don't think that's an age thing…"

"Then you're too cute, or too gay, or too… you. Trust me, this instinct to self-sanitize and make yourself as inoffensive and boring as possible is just pointless work, especially here when Deyha and I have put so much blood, sweat, and tears into making this farm safe."

"But I don't want to be loud and inconvenient."

"I'm not telling you to stop having empathy or consideration for others, I'm saying that you have to stop… Haven't we had this conversation before? I swear I'm getting deja vu."

"Probably… I remember Jake bringing up the giving tree, and how I'm not supposed to set myself on fire to keep someone else warm."

"Exactly. It's like that. Stop trying to whittle yourself down to fit in the square hole. The world already has enough squares."

"That's right, it goes in the square hole~"

"Damn it Maddie…"