Those words came out of Sakuraba Ema's mouth with a smile, yet they made one's back go cold.
Hikigaya froze.
This wasn't Sakuraba's tone.
"Sakuraba?"
Those eyes of hers were watching him, as if someone else were looking at this world through her.
Sakuraba Ema's expression twisted for a moment, as if she were struggling, or being torn apart by something.
The unfamiliar smile vanished, replaced by something even more hollow.
"Hiro was right."
She spoke, her voice calm.
"I heard everything you said," she looked at him. "You said you understood me, said we were the same, said you wouldn't leave.
Do you know, Hikigaya-kun, when I heard you say those things just now, I really thought... maybe we could start over."
Her tears were still flowing, but the corners of her mouth pulled into an arc—it was hard to tell if it was a smile or something else.
"But I also heard that thing Hiro said."
The bone wings began to tremble.
"'You stood by and watched Yuki jump off the roof, yet you remained unmoved.'
She was telling the truth.
I stood there, doing nothing, watching her jump.
I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do it that day, and I can't do it today, either. I could only lie to myself, only let others save me."
She lowered her head, looking at her own hands, which seemed to be stained with blood.
"I lied to myself for so long. Lied to myself that I was the one being bullied, lied to myself that someone saved me, lied to myself that I wasn't that bystander."
She looked toward Hiro.
In those eyes, there was nothing left.
"Hiro, you know? I've always envied you."
Nikaido froze.
"You have everything—grades, ability, family background, everyone's affection. Yuki liked you best too; every time she mentioned you, her eyes would light up.
After you left, she waited for you to come back every day. Every day she would tell me, 'It'll be fine once Hiro comes back; Hiro will definitely protect us.'
But you left. You were gone for so long. I was with her every day, watching her get bullied every day, asking myself every day: why is it me standing here instead of you?
Until that day, when she leaped from the rooftop.
Do you know what I was thinking about when I heard that dull thud?"
Nikaido was speechless.
"I was thinking: if it had been you standing there, what would you have done? You would have rushed up, right? You would have protected her, right? You definitely would have been able to save her.
Unlike me. I couldn't do anything; I could only watch."
The bone wings trembled violently.
"So Hiro, what gives you the right to expose me? What gives you the right to make me remember? What gives you the right to stand there, looking at me with those eyes, as if you did everything right?
You have everything, you do everything right, you are always correct.
But what about me? I have nothing. I can only lie to myself, only pretend, only follow the crowd like a fool, unable to even speak up to protect a friend.
And now you still want to expose me and make Hikigaya-kun leave me."
She spread her bone wings to their maximum extent.
Those white needles extended from the gaps, densely packed, all aimed at Hiro.
"Stay with me forever."
"Sakuraba!" Hikigaya called out to her.
She didn't look at him.
The needles began to condense.
Nikaido stood there, not moving.
Hikigaya looked at her; her expression was very calm.
"Run!" he shouted at her.
She didn't move.
"Nikaido!"
She still didn't move.
The needle tips thrust forward.
Hikigaya rushed over.
Time seemed to slow down.
He didn't know why he moved; perhaps of those images that had suddenly flashed past.
On the rooftop that day, a group of people had surrounded that silver-haired girl.
He had rushed out.
"Stop it!"
He stood in front of her.
Those people had blanked for a moment, then surrounded him.
"Who are you?" "What's it to you?" "Get lost!"
He had told them flat out that he was the one who had spread the rumors about the girl, calling them all idiots to provoke them.
Then, they attacked.
The first punch landed on his face, the second kick to his stomach; the third strike—he didn't know who swung something into the back of his head.
He collapsed, his knees hitting the ground, the pain going numb.
Those people didn't stop. They surrounded him, beating him, kicking his back, stomping his head.
Blood flowed down, trickling from his temple, dripping onto the ground, spreading into a small pool.
He lay on the ground, unable to move, his eyes still open. Through a veil of blood, he saw the silver-haired girl crouch down.
Her face was very close. Those pale gray eyes looked at him, no tears within them.
He wanted to say something, but his mouth was full of blood.
She stroked his injured forehead, looked at him for a long time, then smiled.
"Thank you. Forget about me."
Then she stood up.
He wanted to reach out and grab her, but he was too injured to lift his hand, only grasping a handful of air.
She stepped over the railing.
Falling downward.
He hadn't been able to save her.
Not this time.
He stood in front of Nikaido.
The needle tips pierced into his body.
Through his chest, through his abdomen, through his shoulders.
It was strange—it didn't hurt.
It was just cold. Very cold.
He looked down.
Red liquid was surging out of his chest. A lot of it, and very fast.
"Hikigaya-kun!"
Sakuraba's voice came from afar.
He fell backward.
Someone caught him. Nikaido's face wavered in his field of vision. Her eyes were wide, her mouth moving, saying something, but he couldn't hear it anymore.
Her tears dripped onto his face—warm.
So she can cry too, he thought suddenly.
The sunset was very red, dyeing the sky orange-red.
That day, it was the same kind of sunset.
Hikigaya Hachiman couldn't hold his eyelids up any longer.
His vision began to darken, starting from the edges, bit by bit, bit by bit, like night falling. Nikaido's face became increasingly blurred.
I'm sorry, Komachi. Your useless brother can't watch you grow up, can't watch you get into high school, can't watch you make friends, can't watch you become an adult.
I'm sorry.
He closed his eyes.
He couldn't hear anything anymore.
The sound of the wind, Nikaido's crying, Sakuraba's screaming—he couldn't hear any of it. There was only silence, only darkness.
Like sinking into the deep sea, like falling into a dream, like returning to the very beginning.
Hikigaya Hachiman's consciousness lingered for the last time in that orange-red sunset.
Then, it vanished.
(Volume 1, End)
Read ahead (60 chapters) by supporting me on buymeacoffee com/varietl or ko-fi edwriting