She was used to this guy popping up anytime, anywhere, used to it spouting inexplicable things from time to time, and used to it causing trouble all day long—most importantly, she discovered that this monkey was the “key” to the system.
Want to open the system panel?
You have to find it.
Want to accept a quest?
You have to find it.
Want to check your Pleasure Value?
You have to find it.
I don’t know if it was intentional, but this crappy system hid itself inside this monkey, forcing Sparkle to play a battle of wits against a monkey every day.
As for what this monkey was called…
“Fuli.” Sparkle called out listlessly.
The monkey was gnawing on a banana and ignored her.
“Fuli!”
The monkey continued to gnaw on its banana, turning its butt toward her.
Sparkle took a deep breath, jumped off the chair, walked barefoot to the desk with a “pitter-patter” sound, reached out—and grabbed the monkey by the scruff of its neck, lifted it up, turned it around, and faced it toward herself.
“I’m calling you, are you deaf?”
The monkey blinked, its mouth stuffed with banana, and said indistinctly, “My name is Jiao-jiao, not Fuli.”
“Your name is Fuli.”
“My name is Jiao-jiao.”
“Fuli.”
“Jiao-jiao.”
“Fuli!”
“Jiao—Jiao—!”
The monkey threw the banana peel onto the table, “Why are you so unreasonable, woman!
I have a name!
My name is Slumbernana Monkey!
You can call me Jiao-jiao, Jiao-taro, Jiao the Great—but I am not called Fuli!”
Sparkle looked at it expressionlessly: “You are the system, and the system is called Live-Streaming Fuli-hime, so you are called Fuli.
The logic holds up, no problems there.”
“What kind of twisted logic is that!”
The monkey struggled, “Put me down!
This is animal abuse!
I’m calling the police!”
“Go ahead and call them,” Sparkle sneered, “What are you going to use to call?
A banana phone?”
The monkey froze.
Sparkle put it back on the table, clapped her hands, turned, and walked toward the bed, muttering, “Can’t be bothered to argue with you…
It’s already annoying enough that my follower count isn’t going up…”
She had only walked two steps when a “plop” sound came from behind her.
Looking back, the monkey had kicked a piece of candy off the table.
Sparkle-chan ignored it and kept walking.
She walked two more steps.
“Plop.”
A pen fell.
Sparkle-chan paused and looked back.
The monkey was standing straight on the table, its little paws behind its back, looking up at the sky with an innocent “It has nothing to do with me” expression.
Sparkle-chan narrowed her eyes.
She slowly turned around and stared at the monkey.
The monkey continued to look at the sky.
Sparkle-chan spoke, her voice low, carrying a certain deliberate authority:
“Temee—”
The monkey’s ears twitched.
Sparkle-chan took a step back, crossed her arms over her chest, lifted her chin slightly, her white hair seemingly radiating light under the sunlight from the window, a dangerous glint flashing in her red eyes.
She used that extremely chuunibyou tone, saying word by word:
“You—this—guy—”
The monkey’s gaze shifted from the ceiling and landed on her, and then—
“Yare yare,” the monkey scratched its head with its little paw, its tone suddenly becoming lazy and annoying, “What a smelly woman.”
Sparkle-chan’s eyes widened for 0.5 seconds, then the corners of her mouth slowly curled up, revealing a smile that could be described as ferocious.
“Oh~?”
She lunged forward with a big stride, leaned forward, brought her face close to the monkey, her white hair almost brushing the tip of the monkey’s nose, her red eyes burning with a chuunibyou soul, her voice rising an octave:
“Temee—!!!”
The monkey didn’t show any weakness, slapped its little paws on the table, stood its small body straight, stretched its neck forward, and roared back with all its might:
“Yakamashii—!!!”
The air froze for a second.
Then, two drama queens spoke at the same time—
“Who do you think you’re talking to?
Huh?
Do you think you’re the protagonist?
Do you think you’re that Jiao-taro who wins every time?
Oh?”
Sparkle put her hands on her hips, twisted her body like a pretzel, and laughed wildly like Dio, “WRYYYYYY—!
Look closely, this is my—Sparkle D.
Sparkle’s territory!”
“Shut Up!”
The monkey jumped up, spun in the air, and landed in a classic JOJO pose, pointing its little paw at Sparkle-chan, “You’re the crazy one!
Always ‘Temee’ this, ‘Temee’ that, do you think you’re a villain?”
Sparkle leaned back, took a deep look at the monkey, and said in a low voice:
“Oh?
Looks like you guessed it?”
The monkey’s expression froze.
Sparkle continued, her voice becoming lower and more magnetic.
Although her voice was naturally sweet, this act made it sound a bit funny, but she was completely unaware, immersed in her own performance:
“That’s right, JOJO—”
She spread her arms, her body began to sway frantically from side to side, her white hair swinging with her movements like seaweed in a storm:
“I—am—renouncing—my—humanity—!”
The monkey widened its eyes, covered its mouth with its little paws, and let out an exaggerated gasp:
“Shimatta—!!!”
Then it also started screaming frantically, jumping around on the table, stepping on the keyboard, making a “didi-dada” clatter, while shouting: “It’s over, it’s over, it’s over!
This guy is crazy!
She’s really crazy!
Someone save me!
I’m going to be eaten by a crazy woman!”
Sparkle continued to sway, getting more and more high.
The monkey continued to scream, getting louder and louder.
“Ora ora ora ora—!”
“Muda muda muda—!”
Two lunatics—no, a young girl and a monkey—were performing an absurd play in the room that only they could understand.
Then, tragedy struck.
While the monkey was jumping around, its paw accidentally swiped the mouse on the table.
The mouse drew a beautiful parabola in the air—
“Plop.”
It landed on the ground.
Sparkle’s swaying stopped abruptly.
The monkey’s screaming stopped abruptly.
Both the human and the monkey looked down at the mouse on the ground at the same time.
The mouse’s shell was broken, the scroll wheel had rolled to one side, and while the wire was still connected to the computer, the main body was already shattered into pieces.
Sparkle was still maintaining her wild Dio pose—body leaning back, arms spread, one leg raised—looking like an abstract sculpture.
The monkey’s movements were also frozen; it was stuck in a mid-jump pose, one paw stretched forward, one paw swung back, its two eyes wide open.
The room was so quiet that the sound of distant traffic outside the window could be heard.
Three seconds later.
The monkey slowly turned its head and looked at Sparkle.
Sparkle also slowly turned her head and looked at the monkey.
The monkey’s little mouth moved, squeezing out a sentence:
“Shi…
can we reconcile?”
Sparkle’s eyes narrowed.
She didn’t speak.
She just slowly retracted that abstract pose, slowly put down her raised leg, slowly stood up straight, and then—with a sudden big stride, she rushed to the computer desk, grabbed the monkey by the scruff of its neck, and lifted it up completely!
“Squeak—!”
The monkey let out a shriek that didn’t sound like a monkey, its four short legs kicking wildly in the air, “You, you, you, you, you, calm down!
Calm down!
We can negotiate!
We can talk!
I’ll pay you back!
I’ll pay you back, okay?!”
Sparkle’s hand tightened, she leaned close to the monkey’s ear, and said in that low and dangerous tone:
“You guy…
you aren’t joking, are you?”
The monkey shook its head frantically.
“Also,” Sparkle’s voice became colder, “Why are you acting like a monkey at a time like this?
Huh?
Weren’t you good at acting just now?
JOJO?
Jiao-taro?
Know to be afraid now?”
“Hmm—!”
She roared the last word.
The monkey stopped struggling.
It slowly turned its head and looked at Sparkle.
Then, it opened its mouth—
And bit Sparkle’s hand.
“Ah—!!!”
Sparkle screamed, let go, and the monkey fell to the ground with a “plop.”
She held her bitten hand and jumped on the spot: “A wild monkey bit me!”
After landing, the monkey rolled, hid behind the chair, poked out half its head, and let out a “squeak squeak squeak” laugh while baring its teeth.
Sparkle shook her hand, tears welling up in her eyes—that bite was really forceful; although it didn’t break the skin, it really hurt.
She glared at the monkey hiding behind the chair, gnashing her teeth: “You just wait—”
The monkey continued to “squeak squeak squeak.”