Dong Zhuo was eating when I entered.
This offended me on a spiritual level.
The Dong Zhuo in my head was a historical monster.
Historical monsters should loom over maps.
Perhaps execute someone.
At minimum they should possess ominous lighting.
My father was eating breakfast.
There was meat in one dish, steamed grain in another, several smaller plates, and a stack of documents occupying the side of the table he had apparently decided not to eat from.
He was large.
Not the grotesque mountain later stories liked to depict.
Large in the way of a man who had spent decades riding, fighting and drawing bows before discovering that the capital offered better food than the frontier.
His hands were thick.
His face was weathered.
His beard showed streaks of grey.
He looked dangerous.
Then he saw me.
His entire face changed.
"There he is."
Warmth.
Actual warmth.
I hadn't prepared for that.
He pointed at me.
"Come here, you useless thing."
That I had prepared for.
I sat.
A servant moved forward with food.
Father looked me over.
"Your mother says you nearly drank yourself dead."
"Malicious gossip."
Xu An stood behind me.
"Seven cups."
Traitor.
Father laughed.
Big laugh.
No cultured restraint.
Mother sat down farther to the side.
Qiao'er wasn't here.
Good.
I could embarrass myself in front of fewer people.
Then Father reached across, took a piece of meat and dropped it into my bowl.
"Eat."
I stared at it.
He noticed.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Then eat."
I ate.
It was good.
That was inconvenient.
I had expected Dong Zhuo to be easier to hate.
Cruel tyrant.
Usurper.
Villain.
Instead, this morning, he was Dad.
A terrifying Dad who had replaced an emperor yesterday.
Still.
Dad.
"So," he said, "today you begin."
My chopsticks stopped.
"Begin what?"
"Work."
"No."
The room went silent.
Mother closed her eyes.
Xu An stared at the floor.
Two officers near the doorway suddenly became interested in architecture.
Father looked at me.
Then he began laughing.
"I was worried the wine had changed you."
My heart jumped.
He continued.
"Still useless."
Relief.
Sweet, beautiful relief.
"Consistency is a virtue."
"Not yours."
He pointed toward a thin man standing near his right.
"Wenyou."
Wenyou.
The man looked up.
Neat beard.
Scholar's robes.
Quiet eyes.
Li Ru.
Of course.
Lü Bu behind me.
Li Ru in front.
If Wang Yun entered through the other door, I was going to crawl beneath the table.
Father said, "Explain to my son why a man of nineteen cannot spend every day listening to women sing."
Li Ru considered me.
"Because eventually the women grow tired of him."
I stared.
Father burst out laughing.
Mother hid a smile behind her cup.
Li Ru's face remained perfectly straight.
Oh.
He was funny.
That was terrible.
I had hoped to hate him.
"Lord Li," I said, "we have only just met this morning and you've already wounded me."
"We have met before."
Fuck.
"I meant spiritually."
His eyes lingered on me.
Careful.
"Your father wants you to learn the household properties," he said. "Fields. Storehouses. Tenants. Income."
I almost laughed.
Death had taken me from procurement and reborn me into procurement.
There was no justice in Heaven.
"I refuse."
Father pointed his chopsticks at me.
"You have refused military service."
"Correct."
"Riding practice."
"Reasonable."
"Archery."
"My arms are delicate."
Lü Bu made a quiet sound behind me.
I ignored him.
"Now you refuse to count grain?"
"I have principles."
"What principles?"
"Never become good at work you don't want to do."
Li Ru looked at me.
That one may have been too modern.
I added, "Competent servants are punished with more tasks."
Xu An's expression behind Father told me he had just experienced religious revelation.
Father snorted.
"What do you want, then?"
There.
The opening.
I already had a plan.
"A small estate."
He blinked.
"You have access to several."
"My own."
"For what?"
"Retirement."
Mother sighed.
Father stared at me.
"You're nineteen."
"I would like to leave undefeated."
That got him.
Father laughed.
Even Li Ru's mouth moved.
Good.
Keep them laughing.
A clown was not a threat to the throne.
"What will you do on this estate?" Father asked.
"Very little."
"Specific."
"Sleep."
"Naturally."
"Eat well."
"Naturally."
"Drink."
Mother's gaze moved to me.
"In moderation."
Nobody believed me.
I sighed.
"Fine. Occasionally without moderation."
Father grinned.
"And?"
"Music."
His grin widened.
"And?"
There it was.
I knew what he wanted.
I looked at Mother.
She looked back.
I looked at Father.
He waited.
"A beautiful wife would make rural life tolerable."
Mother set her cup down.
Father roared with laughter.
Safe.
Perfectly safe.
I could live as this man.
I would cultivate uselessness with religious devotion.
Perhaps Qiao'er could help.
Purely administratively.
Father wiped his beard.
"Where?"
"West."
Li Ru looked at me.
Tiny movement.
I noticed.
I wished I hadn't.
Father did not care.
"How far?"
"Far enough."
"From what?"
"Luoyang."
Now he cared.
Mother looked over.
I should have said scenery.
I should have said horses.
No, not horses.
Women.
There were women everywhere.
"Why west?" Li Ru asked.
Casual voice.
Not casual question.
I shrugged.
"Yuan Shao went east."
Silence.
My stomach dropped.
That had come out too naturally.
Father leaned back.
"What does Yuan Shao have to do with your estate?"
"He doesn't. That's the attraction."
Father laughed once.
Li Ru didn't.
He was looking at me properly now.
Wonderful.
"Explain."
I wanted to say no.
Unfortunately, the most powerful man in China had used the tone that meant no was not included among the available answers.
I put down my chopsticks.
"Lord Yuan argued with Father in the capital."
"Yes."
"He left."
"Yes."
"Which makes him safer."
Father's eyes narrowed.
"Safer?"
"From Father."
Lü Bu went still behind me.
Maybe don't say that with Lü Bu in the room.
Too late.
"If I insult Father here, I die."
Father nodded.
At least we agreed.
"If I insult him from several hundred li away, someone has to saddle a horse."
Father laughed.
Li Ru's eyes did not.
I continued because I was an idiot.
"Distance makes courageous men of cowards."
Li Ru said, "You think Yuan Shao is a coward?"
"I think most men prefer danger at a distance."
That included me.
Especially me.
Father reached for his cup.
"And then?"
Then he forms a coalition and tries to kill us.
I couldn't say that.
So I backed into the truth.
"The Yuan clan has served at court for generations."
"Four," Li Ru said.
"Four."
Shit.
Good thing he supplied it.
"Their old subordinates are everywhere. Men owe them favors. Men want favors from them."
Still common knowledge.
Probably.
"If Yuan Shao wants revenge, he doesn't need to say 'avenge Yuan Shao.'"
Father stopped drinking.
I noticed.
Too late again.
Li Ru's voice became quieter.
"What does he say?"
The room had changed.
No laughter now.
I looked around.
Dong Zhuo.
Li Ru.
Lü Bu.
Mother.
Officers.
I had somehow transformed breakfast into an oral examination on how best to overthrow my father.
Excellent work.
I chose my words carefully.
"He says the emperor was coerced."
No reaction.
"He says loyal men must restore order to the court."
Father's face hardened.
"He says nothing about his own quarrel. Nothing about fear. Nothing about pride."
I swallowed.
"He makes it about loyalty."
Li Ru finished softly, "And gives every ambitious man east of the passes a righteous reason to raise troops."
I stared at him.
Yes.
Exactly.
The bastard.
Father looked from him to me.
I needed this conversation dead.
Immediately.
"So," I said, "I would like an estate."
Silence.
Father blinked.
I spread my hands.
"If I am wrong, I get land, wine and a wife."
Nobody spoke.
"If I am right, I get land, wine and a wife somewhere people are not marching."
Father's mouth moved.
There.
Almost.
I pressed the advantage.
"I fail to see the weakness in this strategy."
Father started laughing.
Thank Heaven.
"You coward."
The greatest compliment I had received in either life.
"I have never claimed otherwise."
Mother shook her head.
The officers relaxed.
Even Lü Bu looked amused.
Li Ru did not.
That was becoming a recurring problem.
He asked, "Why west?"
I looked at him.
"We covered this."
"We covered why you dislike the east."
"Is that not enough?"
"No."
I hated educated people.
"West is closer to Father's strength."
Li Ru's gaze sharpened.
Damn it.
"And farther from men who have reasons to hate him," I added quickly. "This is not complicated."
"Your mother?"
"What about her?"
"Does she remain in Luoyang while you enjoy your estate?"
I looked at Mother.
The question was absurd.
Then it wasn't.
Dong clan exterminated.
My grandmother.
Mother.
Who else?
I didn't know.
Mother was watching me.
Not as Lady Song.
Not as a political figure.
As the woman who had checked my head for injuries twenty minutes ago.
I looked away first.
"No."
Father stopped smiling.
I pretended not to notice.
"I'd take Mother."
Her expression changed.
Very slightly.
I immediately felt uncomfortable.
Sentiment was dangerous.
Greed.
Add greed.
"And her jewelry."
Father's smile returned.
Good.
"The silver too."
"Naturally."
"Anything portable."
Li Ru said, "Grain?"
I hesitated.
Why had he asked that?
Because grain mattered.
Of course it mattered.
Money was useful until nobody wanted to sell you food.
War moved prices.
Armies ate everything around them.
Refugees ate what remained.
Those were not secret military insights. They were obvious to anyone who had ever dealt with a shortage.
Unfortunately, Original Dong Yu had probably never dealt with anything more complicated than an empty wine jar.
"Obviously grain."
Li Ru's eyes settled on me.
I regretted the word obviously.
"Why?"
"Because silver tastes terrible."
Father barked a laugh.
Li Ru did not even blink.
I continued.
"If roads become unsafe, grain gets difficult before jewelry does. Mother cannot eat bracelets."
Mother spoke for the first time in a while.
"When did you begin worrying about grain?"
Thank you, Mother.
Excellent question.
I had no answer.
Xu An rescued me.
"My lady, Young Master once hid dried cakes beneath his bedding because he heard bandits were on the road to Lintao."
Everyone looked at him.
I looked at him too.
"How old was I?"
"Fourteen."
"You remember that?"
"I found the ants."
Father nearly choked.
Mother covered her mouth.
Even Li Ru looked down.
My strategic reputation died before being born.
Blessed boyhood.
"I rest my case," I said. "I have always been a visionary regarding snacks."
Father laughed harder.
Safe.
Completely safe.
I leaned back.
Done.
Conversation over.
Then Father said, "Very well."
I froze.
"Very well?"
"You want the western properties."
Hope bloomed.
"Yes."
"Learn them."
Hope died.
"No."
He ignored me.
"Wenyou."
Li Ru inclined his head.
"Send the household registers to Yu's rooms."
I stared at Father.
"Why?"
"You want an estate."
"I want to live on an estate. Those are different ambitions."
"You'll inspect the nearer holdings first."
"Father."
"The stores."
"Father."
"The households attached to them."
"Father."
"If you still want land afterward, I'll give you something."
I looked at Mother.
She calmly drank from her cup.
Betrayal.
I looked at Xu An.
He had the indecency to appear pleased.
More betrayal.
Li Ru actually looked satisfied.
This was a conspiracy.
"I withdraw my request."
Father shook his head.
"Too late."
"I have rediscovered my love for Luoyang."
"Good."
"I never wish to leave."
"Excellent."
"Then there is no need to inspect anything."
Father pointed at me.
"This is why you need work."
I had walked into that.
Fine.
Annoying.
But survivable.
A few registers. Some storehouses. Perhaps I could delegate everything to Xu An and spend the day appreciating Qiao'er's mole.
I could recover.
Then Father looked past me.
"Fengxian."
No.
Lü Bu stepped forward.
"Father."
That word was going to haunt me.
"You are going west tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"Take Yu."
My soul left my body.
"Father."
He ignored me.
"Let him see the storehouses. If he falls off his horse, put him back on."
"No."
The room went silent.
I corrected myself.
"That is unnecessary."
Father grinned.
"Which part?"
"All of it."
Lü Bu said, "I can choose a quiet horse."
I turned.
Why was he helping?
I did not want his help.
I wanted his complete lack of interest in my existence.
"How quiet?"
"Very."
"Old?"
"If you prefer."
"Slow?"
A pause.
"Very slow."
Better.
"Does it bite?"
"No."
"Kick?"
"No."
"Excellent."
Lü Bu's expression remained serious.
"It belongs to the stable master's twelve-year-old son."
Father exploded.
I stared at Lü Bu.
The room filled with laughter.
Even Mother turned her face.
Li Ru was smiling.
The bastard had done that deliberately.
Lü Bu.
Lü fucking Bu had made fun of me.
I pointed at him.
Then remembered halfway through the movement that pointing accusingly at Lü Bu was an unhealthy habit and turned it into an adjustment of my sleeve.
"You are enjoying this."
His face remained perfectly composed.
"No."
Liar.
Father slapped his knee.
"Tomorrow. At dawn."
"Dawn?"
"Yes."
I looked toward the ceiling.
Perhaps death in 192 was not the greatest threat.
"Dawn is unreasonable."
"Fengxian trains before dawn."
"Then he has already made one poor decision."
Lü Bu's mouth twitched.
Stop.
Stop making him like you.
Father was still laughing when Li Ru spoke.
"My lord."
Every instinct I possessed told me I was not going to enjoy this.
Dong Zhuo looked at him.
"If the Young Master truly intends to prepare a western residence for Lady Song, it would be sensible for him to examine what could be moved from Luoyang as well."
I turned slowly.
Li Ru met my eyes.
This bastard.
He had taken me seriously.
Not completely.
Not enough to think I was a genius.
But enough.
Father's laughter faded into thought.
"Valuables?"
"And stores," Li Ru said.
"No," I said.
Father ignored me.
"Do it."
"No."
"Yu."
"I was speaking hypothetically."
"You spoke too much."
There was no defense against that.
Li Ru inclined his head toward me.
"I will have the relevant registers delivered before evening."
"Lord Li."
"Young Master?"
"I don't like you."
His expression did not change.
"I had assumed as much."
Father started laughing again.
I looked around the room.
My father had deposed the emperor yesterday.
Lü Bu was taking me riding tomorrow.
Li Ru was sending me work tonight.
My mother thought I had finally begun worrying about the family.
And all I had wanted was enough land to drink myself irrelevant somewhere history couldn't find me.
I had been in ancient China for perhaps an hour.
Already my retirement had become an assignment.
I stood.
"May I go?"
Father waved me away.
Gladly.
I bowed.
Turned.
Made it three steps.
Then Dong Zhuo called after me.
"Yu."
I stopped.
"What?"
"If you're right..."
Every trace of laughter left his voice.
I turned.
My father was looking at me differently now.
Not proudly.
Not suspiciously.
Seriously.
"If Yuan Shao does gather men in the east, I want to hear your thoughts before anyone else's."
My stomach dropped.
No.
Absolutely not.
I smiled.
"Then let us both pray I am an idiot."
Father laughed.
Li Ru didn't.
That was the problem.
I left the room with Xu An close behind me.
We crossed the first courtyard.
Then the second.
I kept walking until I was certain nobody important could hear.
"Xu An."
"Young Master."
"I need money."
He sighed.
"We discussed this."
"No. We discussed whether I had money. I need to know how much."
"Why?"
Because the emperor was nine years old.
Because my father was Dong Zhuo.
Because the man who would murder him had just arranged a horse for me.
Because Li Ru had looked at me as though I'd turned into a puzzle during breakfast.
Because somewhere east of here Yuan Shao was alive, angry and surrounded by the sort of family reputation men used to build coalitions.
Because Cao Cao was still somewhere in this mess.
Because Sun Jian was down south.
Because 192 was coming.
I needed an estate.
I needed silver.
I needed grain.
I needed Mother out eventually.
And apparently I needed to accomplish all of this without anyone realizing that I knew something was coming.
Simple.
"Young Master?"
I looked at Xu An.
"I have decided poverty is beneath me."
He stared.
I continued walking.
"Find Qiao'er."
"Why?"
"She knows everything."
"About the household?"
"About me."
That was much more dangerous.
We found her near my courtyard speaking with an older woman from the inner household.
Her entire manner changed the moment she saw me approaching.
Back straight.
Hands gathered.
Eyes lowered.
No little remarks.
No smiling.
There it was again.
Private Qiao'er and public Qiao'er were not the same woman.
Of course they weren't.
Why would they be?
She finished speaking, waited until the older woman left, then approached.
"Young Master."
"How much money do I have?"
She blinked.
Not the question she expected.
"I don't know."
"You manage my rooms."
"Not your accounts."
"Who does?"
"Steward Han."
"Good. I need him."
"Why?"
"Everyone asks me that."
"Because Young Master has never asked to see Steward Han's accounts."
Excellent.
Another habit violated.
I lowered my voice.
"Then we'll say I owe Miss Yue money."
Qiao'er looked at me.
"You do."
I stopped.
"How much?"
"Two bolts of silk."
"For what?"
"Her hands."
Xu An made a choking sound.
I shut my eyes.
Of course.
The beautiful hands.
"Did she at least like me?"
Qiao'er considered this with cruel seriousness.
"She liked the silk."
"Cold woman."
"You told her one bolt would insult her."
"Was I drunk?"
"Very."
"Then why did anyone let me negotiate?"
Neither answered.
Fine.
"Send the silk."
Qiao'er's expression changed.
"Both bolts?"
"I apparently promised both."
"You don't remember."
"That does not make the promise disappear."
She studied me.
That gaze again.
Too perceptive.
I smiled.
"Besides, if I refuse now she might tell every beautiful woman in Luoyang I'm cheap."
There.
Her expression settled.
Much safer.
"An unbearable fate."
"Precisely."
Qiao'er turned to go.
I looked at her.
"Qiao'er."
She stopped.
"Was Miss Yue prettier than you?"
Xu An closed his eyes.
Qiao'er looked back at me.
For a moment she didn't answer.
Then:
"Young Master spent three hours looking at her."
"I was drunk."
"You spent 6 years looking at me."
I opened my mouth.
Nothing came out.
She bowed.
Perfectly.
Then walked away.
Xu An waited until she was beyond the gallery.
"She won."
"I know."
"You should stop challenging her."
"Never."
"Why?"
I watched the pale green of her robe disappear around the corner.
The tiny mole beneath her eye flashed through my mind.
Then I remembered Lü Bu.
And Dong Zhuo.
And tomorrow.
My mood collapsed.
"Because," I said, "I may not have many pleasures left."
Xu An laughed.
I did not.
Back in the main hall, Dong Zhuo had already moved on.
Another report lay open before him. An officer was discussing men quartered near one of the gates. The emperor had been changed yesterday. The government still required breakfast the next morning.
Li Ru listened.
For several minutes he thought of nothing except the report.
Then Dong Zhuo dismissed the officer.
The room thinned.
Li Ru remained.
Dong Zhuo noticed.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Then leave."
Li Ru did not.
Dong Zhuo sighed.
"Wenyou."
Li Ru folded his hands.
"The Young Master surprised me."
Dong Zhuo snorted.
"He surprised himself."
"Most likely."
"What are you thinking?"
Li Ru considered his answer.
He did not believe Dong Yu had hidden some secret genius for nineteen years.
That would have required Dong Yu to possess enough discipline to hide anything for nineteen years.
Li Ru had once watched the boy escape an archery lesson by climbing over an inner wall, only to discover halfway down that he was afraid of the drop.
There were limits to theory.
"He is frightened," Li Ru said.
"Obviously."
"But not of Yuan Shao."
Dong Zhuo's eyes narrowed slightly.
"Explain."
"Not specifically."
Li Ru looked toward the doorway Dong Yu had used.
"He is frightened of what follows Yuan Shao."
Dong Zhuo drank.
"Same thing."
"No."
Li Ru thought of the sequence.
Distance.
Justification.
The Yuan network.
His mother.
Portable wealth.
Grain.
None of it was extraordinary by itself.
Zhou Bi and Wu Qiong had already warned that pressing Yuan Shao too hard could drive the Yuan clan's old students and officers into opposition. The danger was known.
Dong Yu had not invented it.
That was precisely why Li Ru found the conversation troublesome.
A prophecy could be dismissed.
A reasonable conclusion reached by the wrong person was harder.
"He asked for the west before we questioned him," Li Ru said.
"My son wants an estate because he wants women."
"Yes."
"You heard him."
"I did."
"Then what?"
Li Ru almost smiled.
That was the irritating part.
There might be nothing else.
A coward had imagined danger.
A lazy man wanted distance.
A spoiled son wanted his mother and valuables brought with him.
A man fond of eating had remembered grain.
Perfectly ordinary.
Except Dong Yu had always been ordinary in much stupider directions.
Dong Zhuo laughed to himself.
"Did you see his face when I told Fengxian to take him?"
"Yes."
"That was fear."
"Undeniably."
"There's your answer."
Perhaps.
Li Ru bowed.
"My lord."
He turned to leave.
At the doorway, Dong Zhuo spoke again.
"Wenyou."
Li Ru looked back.
"If the boy is right?"
There was no laughter now.
Li Ru considered Yuan Shao beyond Luoyang.
The Yuan clan's name.
The court's resentment.
Men in the provinces who would need very little encouragement to call ambition loyalty.
"It would be wise," he said, "to know exactly what we have west of the capital."
Dong Zhuo was quiet.
Then:
"Send Yu the registers."
"I intended to."
"And?"
Li Ru looked toward the courtyard.
Somewhere outside, Dong Yu was complaining loudly that two bolts of silk for a woman's hands constituted extortion.
Li Ru listened.
Then smiled.
"Nothing."
He left.
For now, nothing.
Tomorrow would probably cure his curiosity.
After all, there was only so much mystery a man could preserve while riding a child's horse beside Lü Bu.