There were dignified ways for a nobleman to return from inspecting his family's estates.
I knew this because I was currently using none of them.
"Slower."
Xu An looked back.
"We are walking."
"Then walk less."
He stared at me.
I stared back.
My thighs had declared independence somewhere beyond the western gate.
The rest of me was considering joining them.
"You said Little Grey was comfortable."
"He was."
"Then?"
"The horse and I had an excellent relationship. The saddle hated me personally."
Xu An's mouth twitched.
"Don't."
"I said nothing."
"You inherited that from Qiao'er."
We entered my courtyard.
As though summoned by slander, Qiao'er appeared beneath the gallery.
She took one look at me.
Then at the way I was walking.
Then back at my face.
I pointed at her before she could speak.
"No."
Her brows rose.
"I haven't said anything."
"I know your face."
"Young Master noticed it yesterday."
"An error I continue paying for."
She came closer.
"Did you fall?"
"No."
"Did the horse throw you?"
"No."
"Did General Lü make you ride quickly?"
"No."
She considered this.
"Then what happened?"
I lowered my voice.
"The horse was shaped incorrectly."
Xu An turned away.
Qiao'er stared at me.
"All horses are shaped that way."
"Then the entire species is at fault."
That got her.
Not much.
Just enough that her mouth betrayed her.
Victory.
I took another careful step.
Her amusement vanished.
"You're actually hurt."
"I'm actually sore. There is a difference."
"Where?"
I looked at her.
She looked back.
Xu An looked extremely interested in my answer.
"I've decided modesty is one of the great virtues."
Qiao'er understood.
Her eyes lowered.
That was worse.
Xu An started laughing.
"You."
I pointed at him.
"Leave."
"I'm your attendant."
"Then attend me from farther away."
Qiao'er covered her mouth.
I hated everyone.
She called for hot water, then looked over the dust on my robe.
"How was the inspection?"
"Horrible."
"Young Master received an estate?"
"No."
"Then why did you go?"
"An excellent question. Please ask Father while I'm not present."
Xu An said, "He counted grain."
Qiao'er looked at me.
I saw disappointment.
Not concern.
Disappointment.
As though I had betrayed something sacred between us.
"I was forced."
"He asked how much could be moved."
"Under extreme pressure."
"He asked about carts."
"Against my will."
"And oxen."
"I don't even like oxen."
Qiao'er stared.
"Young Master worked."
"Do not spread that."
Her eyes sharpened.
"Why?"
"Reputation."
Xu An laughed again.
I looked at him.
"One day, you will need my mercy."
"Will Young Master be awake?"
I had nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Qiao'er looked away.
Her shoulders shook.
These people had become too comfortable.
Then she said:
"Miss Yue sent word."
Everything below my waist remained dead.
Everything above it returned to life.
"What word?"
Qiao'er saw the transformation.
"So quickly?"
"Music has healing properties."
"I haven't told you what she said."
"She's beautiful. I choose optimism."
Xu An made a disgusted sound.
I ignored him.
Qiao'er drew a folded strip of silk from her sleeve.
I reached for it.
She moved it away.
"Wash first."
I stared at her hand.
"Give me the message."
"You smell like a stable."
"I spent half the morning beside Lü Bu. Be grateful I returned smelling only of horse."
A laugh escaped before she could stop it.
I took advantage and stole the message.
"Young Master."
"Too slow."
I unfolded it.
The handwriting was elegant.
Annoyingly elegant.
I had spent most of the previous day worrying that someone would discover I had become a different person.
Now I had another fear.
At some point, somebody was going to hand me a brush and expect me not to write like a drunk chicken.
I read.
Miss Yue thanked me for the silk.
Then informed me that the piece I had interrupted three times was still unfinished.
If I wished to hear the remainder, I could visit after sunset.
She added one final line.
I looked up.
"She's insulting me."
Qiao'er nodded.
"Yes."
"While inviting me."
"Yes."
I looked at the silk again.
"Exceptional woman."
"What did she say?"
I read it aloud.
"'Wine may accompany Young Master, provided it does not perform in his place.'"
Xu An burst out laughing.
I folded the message.
"This is slander."
"You challenged a qin."
"The instrument started it."
Qiao'er looked at Xu An.
"He accused the floor earlier."
"The floor moved."
"It did not."
"Two witnesses against me already. I need new servants."
Qiao'er held out her hand for the message.
I gave it back.
"Prepare a carriage."
"You just returned."
"I worked today."
She waited.
I spread my hands.
"What?"
"Young Master inspected one storehouse."
"Exactly. I have exceeded my annual quota."
Xu An said, "The year began months ago."
"Then I am behind schedule."
Qiao'er shook her head.
"You should rest."
"I intend to."
"At Miss Yue's house."
"The atmosphere is better."
"For resting?"
"For being alive."
I started toward my rooms, then stopped.
"And you're coming."
Qiao'er blinked.
"Why?"
"Because if I become drunk enough to challenge another musical instrument, I need someone loyal to stop me."
Xu An raised a hand.
"I was there last time."
I looked at him.
"You let me challenge it."
"You don't listen to me."
"You see the problem."
Qiao'er looked between us.
"He vomited on me afterward," Xu An added.
"Twice," I said.
His face darkened.
Qiao'er lost control.
Good.
Much better.
My legs still hurt, but spiritually I had recovered.
Miss Yue's residence immediately became my favorite place in Luoyang.
There were no soldiers.
That alone placed it above Father's house.
There were flowers near the inner court, actual flowers instead of spears pretending to be decoration, and the first sound I heard after entering was music rather than somebody shouting about grain.
Civilization.
At last.
A young woman was playing the flute in the receiving room when we entered.
She was pretty.
Very pretty, actually.
Round face, graceful hands, a red ribbon worked into her hair.
I appreciated this responsibly for several seconds.
Then Miss Yue entered.
The flute player ceased to be a pressing issue.
Ah.
Now I understood the hands.
Miss Yue was perhaps twenty-five. Her beauty was not delicate. Her eyes were calm, her mouth almost always seemed close to smiling, and she carried herself with the ease of somebody accustomed to powerful men staring at her and therefore no longer impressed by the achievement.
Her robe was blue-grey, simple compared to what a noblewoman might wear but cut from excellent cloth.
And yes.
The hands were beautiful.
Original Me had been drunk.
Original Me had not been blind.
"Young Master."
She bowed.
"Miss Yue."
Her eyes passed over me.
Stopped briefly at my posture.
Then rose again.
"You seem uncomfortable."
I hated attractive women with observational skills.
"Emotionally."
Qiao'er lowered her head behind me.
Miss Yue's smile deepened.
"Only emotionally?"
I sat.
Very carefully.
"No."
She laughed.
Fine.
If humiliation was the price of admission, I would pay.
Tea was served.
Tea.
I looked inside my cup.
Then at Miss Yue.
"Where is the wine?"
"Safe."
"From whom?"
"You."
Qiao'er turned her face.
I looked at Miss Yue.
"I was invited here under false pretenses."
"You were invited to hear music."
"Wine traditionally helps me listen."
"It traditionally helps you interrupt."
Brutal.
I liked her.
This was becoming expensive.
She sat across from me.
"Do you remember my hands?"
"I remember receiving the invoice."
Qiao'er made a small sound behind me.
Miss Yue laughed.
"Then the silk improved your memory."
"Two bolts would improve anyone's."
"You offered them."
"I was drunk."
"Yes."
"You accepted them."
"I was sober."
I stared.
She smiled.
Damn.
Professional.
I needed to stop challenging women in their own homes.
"Play," I said.
"Already?"
"Before I lose more money."
"Young Master speaks as though I robbed him."
"You used music. It was sophisticated."
She laughed again.
Then someone entered with another cup.
Still tea.
Tyranny had spread.
Miss Yue noticed my disappointment.
"Several of my patrons are no longer drinking."
"See? Political disorder."
That came out automatically.
Her expression shifted.
Only a little.
"Political?"
I waved at the city beyond the walls.
"Father changes the emperor once and suddenly nobody knows how to enjoy an evening."
Qiao'er became still.
Miss Yue studied me.
I realized perhaps jokes about Father changing emperors were not appropriate everywhere.
Wonderful.
I drank tea.
Miss Yue said:
"Several patrons cancelled today."
"Then they're fools."
"One left Luoyang."
My cup paused.
Not much.
Enough.
"Before hearing you play?"
She smiled.
"Young Master is very kind."
"I'm serious. Where did he go?"
There.
Too direct.
I corrected without changing tone.
"If beautiful women are losing customers, I need to know where the competition moved."
Miss Yue looked at me.
Then laughed.
Better.
"East."
"With money?"
Her smile faded slightly.
"What?"
"Men flee for two reasons. Fear or debt. If he took his money, probably fear. If he left it, send someone after him."
Qiao'er looked at me.
Miss Yue did too.
That one had actually sounded like me.
Good.
"He sent his household ahead."
Interesting.
"Whole household?"
"His wife. Children. Several servants."
"Furniture?"
Miss Yue blinked.
"Furniture?"
"Important distinction."
"Why?"
"If a man leaves with two servants, he's visiting someone. If he takes his wife, children, servants, chests and favorite chair, he's discovered a new hometown."
The flute player covered a smile.
Miss Yue looked toward her.
Then back at me.
"Several chests."
Ah.
Not a visit.
"See? Chair pending."
Qiao'er spoke from behind me.
"Young Master."
"Hm?"
"Why do you care?"
There it was.
And unlike Miss Yue, Qiao'er knew me.
I leaned back.
"Because I spent this morning discovering Father owns storehouses I didn't know existed."
"So?"
"If rich men are quietly discovering better places to live, I would like their recommendations."
Qiao'er's eyes narrowed.
"Young Master already chose west."
"Exactly. I require confirmation that my cowardice remains fashionable."
Miss Yue laughed.
Qiao'er did not.
She was thinking.
Stop that.
I turned back to Miss Yue.
"Who else cancelled?"
Now she knew I wanted to know.
That changed the game.
She took her time pouring tea.
"Young Master has never cared who visits me."
"That isn't true."
"No?"
"I care deeply."
"About their names?"
"No. Mostly whether they're uglier than me."
The flute player laughed before catching herself.
Miss Yue finally smiled.
There.
Still Dong Yu.
Still useless.
Still safe.
"One gentleman sent his family south," she said.
"Alone?"
"His family."
"He stayed?"
"Yes."
I nodded.
Different.
Not fleeing.
Hedging.
Miss Yue watched me register that.
Damn.
I reached for a sweet from the tray.
"Smart man."
"Why?"
"Because if nothing happens, he remains in Luoyang pretending he was never frightened."
"And if something does?"
"His wife gets to tell him she was right."
Miss Yue laughed.
Qiao'er didn't.
Too perceptive.
I ate the sweet.
Excellent.
"Anything else?"
Miss Yue's fingers rested on the edge of her cup.
"I heard men east of the capital are already speaking of raising troops."
My chewing slowed.
Already?
That sounded early.
Or did it?
What exact day was the coalition organized?
January?
Early 190.
But local preparations could begin well before proclamations.
I didn't know.
Shit.
I swallowed.
"Men say many brave things while sitting indoors."
Miss Yue smiled.
"You don't believe it?"
"I believe men."
"And?"
"I believe them less after the third cup."
A small laugh.
Good.
I continued:
"If someone truly means to raise soldiers, I doubt the first step is announcing it to every musician in Luoyang."
The flute player looked offended.
I raised a hand.
"No insult intended. I would trust musicians with my life."
Miss Yue's brows rose.
"Would you?"
"No. But I would trust you with somebody else's."
That got her.
A real laugh.
Good.
Then I added lightly:
"Who said it?"
Her laughter stopped.
Not fully.
Just enough.
There.
That was the trick.
Never stop being Dong Yu.
Ask the serious question from inside the joke.
"A guest," she said.
"Name?"
"Young Master is curious."
"Terribly. It's my worst flaw after women, wine, laziness and riding."
Qiao'er said, "Young Master forgot arrogance."
"I assumed it was included with women."
Miss Yue smiled.
But she still hadn't answered.
Smart.
I liked smart women.
This was becoming a serious financial problem.
"Someone attached to a household from Runan," she finally said.
Runan.
Yuan territory.
My appetite vanished.
Not visibly.
Hopefully.
Yuan Shao.
Yuan clan.
Former officials.
All those connections Li Ru had been discussing.
Could be nothing.
Probably nothing.
Possibly very much not nothing.
"Did he say whose troops?"
"No."
"How many?"
"No."
"Where?"
"No."
I frowned.
"So he said 'men are raising troops' and supplied no men, troops or location?"
Miss Yue's eyes brightened.
"Yes."
"Excellent rumor."
She laughed.
I relaxed.
A little.
"Treat it like a drunk man's marriage proposal."
She tilted her head.
"Meaning?"
"Interesting until morning."
That one made even Qiao'er laugh.
Good.
The music finally began.
And for perhaps half an hour, I stopped thinking about Yuan Shao.
Mostly.
Miss Yue was good.
Much better than I expected.
At first I watched her hands because I was a man of principle.
Then I stopped noticing them.
The room quieted around the music.
She did not perform beauty.
That was what struck me.
Her face became still. Her attention narrowed. Every note seemed placed exactly where she wanted it, and suddenly the woman who made a living being observed appeared not to care whether anyone was watching.
When she finished, nobody spoke immediately.
Including me.
Miss Yue looked up.
Our eyes met.
"So?"
I exhaled.
"I owe you an apology."
Her brows rose.
Qiao'er looked at me.
"For the silk?"
"No. That was excellent judgment."
Miss Yue's mouth moved.
"For what, then?"
"For trying to play."
Silence.
Then she laughed.
Not the polished laugh.
Not the one used to make a paying guest feel clever.
She bent her head and actually laughed.
I liked that one much more.
Qiao'er was looking at me again.
I ignored her.
Some things were worth suspicion.
Miss Yue eventually recovered.
Then, quietly:
"Young Master."
The room changed.
I heard it before she continued.
"If people truly begin leaving Luoyang..."
No smile now.
"...should I?"
There.
No performance.
No joke.
A woman asking whether the city she lived in was safe.
I looked at her.
At the flute player beside the wall.
At the maid who had brought tea.
At the residence itself.
Employees.
Musicians.
Servants.
Perhaps relatives.
People whose future did not appear in any game I'd ever played.
I knew what happened to Luoyang.
At least I knew the broad shape.
The court moved west.
The city suffered.
People suffered with it.
That was suddenly less entertaining when one of them was sitting across from me.
"Do you have somewhere else?"
"Relatives west of the capital."
"Can they take you?"
"Probably."
I nodded.
Then stopped.
Careful.
I wasn't a historian.
I wasn't an oracle.
And every sentence I spoke could become somebody else's decision.
"If you already intend to leave," I said, "don't wait until everyone else has the same idea."
Miss Yue did not move.
Neither did Qiao'er.
I continued, quieter.
"I'm not telling you Luoyang will fall apart tomorrow. I don't know that."
True.
"But crowds are stupid. Roads become worse when everyone wants them at once. Prices rise. Carts disappear."
Chen Lan's storehouse flashed through my mind.
Five usable carts.
Not eleven.
Reality was always smaller than the register.
"So if you have somewhere safe and you've already decided you might go..."
I looked at her.
"...leave while it's still your choice."
No one laughed.
Good.
This wasn't funny.
Miss Yue lowered her eyes.
"Thank you."
I suddenly wished I hadn't said anything.
Because she might actually listen.
And if I was wrong?
Then I had frightened her out of her home.
Future knowledge had been much more enjoyable when it was trivia.
I stood.
"My mother will accuse you of corrupting me if I return too late."
Miss Yue smiled faintly.
"Only me?"
"Qiao'er already has immunity."
"Do I?"
Qiao'er asked.
"No. But prosecuting you would require explaining too many things."
The room breathed again.
Not quite comedy.
Enough to leave.
The carriage was waiting outside.
Xu An opened the door.
I climbed in carefully.
Very carefully.
Qiao'er noticed.
Naturally.
She was about to follow when Miss Yue called:
"Qiao'er."
Qiao'er turned.
"A moment."
I looked between them.
Dangerous.
Two intelligent women.
Private conversation.
About me, almost certainly.
I had experienced enough politics for one evening.
"Xu An."
"Young Master?"
"Go."
Qiao'er looked at me.
"I'll follow."
I waved a hand.
"Conspire slowly. I want time to escape."
Miss Yue smiled.
Qiao'er didn't.
More concerning.
The carriage rolled away.
Miss Yue waited until it had turned beyond the end of the street.
Then she looked at Qiao'er.
"Has he been like this long?"
Qiao'er knew exactly what she meant.
The answer should have been easy.
Young Master had always been lazy.
Always shameless.
Always too interested in beautiful women.
Always willing to joke when he ought to be serious.
None of that had changed.
But yesterday morning he had forgotten Xu An's name.
Then remembered things nobody had told him.
He had asked about Yuan Shao.
Asked for an estate west.
Spoken of grain.
Today he had gone to inspect storehouses.
And now he had sat here smiling, eating sweets, teasing musicians...
while quietly asking which households were leaving Luoyang.
"No," Qiao'er said.
Miss Yue's expression sharpened.
"How long?"
Qiao'er hesitated.
"Since yesterday."
"Yesterday?"
The word sounded different when Miss Yue said it.
Qiao'er immediately disliked that.
Miss Yue looked toward the road.
"Yesterday was when the emperor changed."
Qiao'er said nothing.
A memory returned.
Dong Yu lying back on his bed.
Pale.
Confused.
I reject this.
At the time, she had thought it was nonsense.
Now she remembered the way he had looked when he said it.
For the first time since yesterday morning, Qiao'er wondered whether the strangest thing about Young Master was not that he had changed.
It was that he seemed frightened of things that had not happened yet.