What does dying feel like?
People who've never died say all sorts of things. That it must be excruciatingly painful, that your eyes simply close without you feeling anything, and so on.
It's all bullshit.
Speaking from experience, now that I've died twice....
It just....
Fucking sucked.
I'd thought it was pain I never wanted to experience again.
'...Ignorant Barbarian.'
Even if he was a god, he was still a Barbarian god, so his behavior was the height of stupidity.
Murdering me right from the start?
Fortunately, I'd come back to life immediately after dying this time, too.
"You're awake?"
But the face greeting me wasn't a welcome one.
They say you can't spit in a smiling face, but I felt like I could spit in Donar's face again and again when he was wearing that obnoxious grin.
"What did you just do?"
That was supposed to be training?
I had absolutely no idea what I was meant to have learned from what had just happened.
I'd charged at him.
And my head had promptly exploded like a firework.
Had there been some profound lesson in that instant that I'd somehow missed?
I thought about it for a moment.
'Hmm....'
I hadn't learned a damn thing.
How the hell was that training?!
"Did I not tell you it was training to eliminate your fear of death?"
"I understand that. But if I die before I even have time to feel afraid, all I experience is pain. There's no fear at all!"
"Pain also becomes dull if you experience it often enough. Barbarians are a race that adapts well, after all."
That wasn't what I meant, but he seemed to have understood it differently.
"So you're telling me to keep dying like this?"
"Yes. This is not something you learn with your body. Nor can you learn it with your head. If you have to think before acting, you are too slow, and merely having your body react does not count as success."
What kind of nonsense was that?
If I couldn't learn it with my head or my body, then how the hell was I supposed to learn it?
Donar thumped his fist against his chest, near his heart.
"The heart. You must make your heart beat calmly and steadily, unchanged in the face of any fear."
Donar raised his hammer with a serious expression.
But there was a problem, despite the seriousness of the situation.
"When you hit me without warning, my heart doesn't even have time to react."
"......?"
Donar looked at me as if I'd said something ridiculous.
What am I supposed to do when I literally can't see the attack coming?!
***
"I see...."
Donar nodded.
I'd done my best to make him understand.
Donar and I were fundamentally different from birth.
Donar had been born with a body comparable to that of a primordial god, even among Barbarians.
But me?
Sure, I had a sturdy body, but compared to one of the divine race, mine was naturally nothing special.
"I did hold back and use less strength just now."
Donar fell into thought for a moment.
Was there really time to stand around thinking?
I had no idea when I might be kicked out of this place.
And there was no guarantee I'd ever be able to enter again.
'I need to get as much as I can out of this....'
This might be my last chance to learn anything from a Barbarian.
While I was worrying, Donar finished thinking.
Well, at least he seemed to have some sense of responsibility.
"Very well. I need not personally oversee this training. Go elsewhere and rid yourself of the fear of death."
"What? Didn't you say there wasn't much time?"
"I believe you have about a week left by this world's reckoning. If you have talent, you will learn it within that time. And when it comes to overcoming fear, nothing beats being thrown into a place suited to your abilities and learning through experience rather than receiving one-on-one instruction."
How could he say something so irresponsible?!
Forget what I just thought.
If he'd brought me here, he ought to take responsibility for me!
"Then where am I supposed to go?"
"I do not know. You will find out when you get there."
They say you have to have at least one screw loose to reach the pinnacle of something.
Donar clearly had several screws loose.
"There is little time, so I shall send you off immediately."
"W-wait a minute...!"
I called for a time-out so we could talk, but....
CRUNCH—!
'Oh, for fuck's sake....'
Donar's hammer had already smashed my skull.
"This is the most basic of basics. Once you master it, I shall teach you what you must learn next."
***
When I opened my eyes again, I was in a forest.
And not just any forest. A forest of demonic beasts.
There was a reason the Barbarian tribes had settled in the east: the great forest known as the Nau Great Forest, also called the Forest of Demonic Beasts, lay there.
Since Barbarians couldn't wage war all the time, they relieved their stress by hunting demonic beasts.
That was why Barbarians undergoing their coming-of-age ceremony had to enter the Nau Forest and prove their strength.
I was supposed to have come to the Nau Forest after choosing my weapon.
So why was I here now?
[The Nau Forest. It has been a long time since I last saw it.]
"What the hell?!"
When I looked beside me, I saw a hammer floating in midair.
And a voice was coming from the hammer.
Listening closely, I realized it was Donar's voice.
So it hadn't been a dream?
[For a Barbarian, you certainly are timid. Kid, it seems the Nau Forest has been chosen as your training ground. There are plenty of opponents here, so that is not a bad thing.]
The demonic beasts of the Nau Forest, one of the continent's Four Great Demonic Regions, included many creatures that even well-trained soldiers struggled to face.
Of course, Barbarians began hunting demonic beasts as early as their coming-of-age ceremonies.
But did that mean they could hunt every demonic beast?
Not at all.
The deeper you ventured into the great forest, the more it teemed with outrageously powerful monsters. I'd heard there was even one demonic beast that no one had managed to subjugate in three hundred years.
As for me, I could just fight the weaker demonic beasts that appeared near the outskirts.
[Kid. Head toward the center.]
"...Pardon?"
[What you must learn now is the Heart of the Beast. You cannot acquire it by fighting opponents equal to or weaker than yourself. It will be difficult to learn even if every moment puts you under threat of death.]
"Understood."
If it meant I could learn something, I'd risk my life.
That was what it meant to survive in this world.
It wasn't like my comfortable previous life.
Everyone here did whatever they could to avoid dying.
[So you are a Barbarian after all.]
"Pardon?"
[You are so timid that I thought you would refuse to go. Yet you agreed immediately.]
"Well, isn't this a world you created, Lord Donar?"
How else could I suddenly wake up in the Nau Forest?
This wasn't reality anyway.
So it shouldn't matter if I died.
[You do have a good head on your shoulders.]
"I am considered the wisest warrior in my tribe, after all."
[A Barbarian should excel in physical ability, not intelligence.]
Without replying, I started walking toward the center.
Fortunately, I still had all the things I normally carried with me.
The trees in the Nau Forest were enormous.
You had to crane your neck back just to see their tops.
If I wanted to stay relatively safe here, I'd have to live up in the trees.
So....
"Heave-ho!"
[What are you doing?]
Donar asked when I gathered some usable pieces of wood, tied them together, and strapped them to my back.
"I need to build myself a shelter first."
[A shelter? A shelter?! Rather than go straight after the demonic beasts? What an utterly absurd fellow.]
"I've heard demonic beasts appear constantly in this forest, without giving you a moment's rest. So I was taught that it's important to find a place where you can take a break."
[Yes, that is true. But you are here to learn the Heart of the Beast. You should be looking for a place where you can engage in combat at any moment, not somewhere to rest!]
Donar had a point.
With so little time, doing this was a waste.
But I didn't follow his advice.
Even when I worked as a carpenter, we'd take a fifteen-minute break after an hour or two of hard labor.
No matter how tight the construction deadline, we always made sure to take our breaks.
That was how you kept your productivity up and avoided putting too much strain on your body.
If I mindlessly hunted without resting, my body would wear down and my efficiency would drop.
No matter how tough a Barbarian's body was, it couldn't fight continuously for hours on end.
"Phew...."
I climbed a suitable tree, making my way up to where the branches grew thick.
I took the hand axe from my waist and began shaping one of the pieces of wood I'd carried on my back.
[What are you doing?]
"I'm going to build a wooden platform."
[What an absurd fellow. You intend to build a platform up in a tree? How?]
"You'll see."
I was called the wisest warrior in the tribe partly because I was intelligent, but also because I'd used modern carpentry techniques to improve the tribe's living conditions.
At first, the lack of tools had made things difficult, but Barbarians possessed strength that surpassed what tools could provide, so I'd adapted quickly.
THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!
A heavy sound rang out as I chopped at a wooden post with my axe.
The trees of the Nau Forest were incredibly tough and resilient.
Even a Barbarian hacking away with all his strength would have trouble felling a single tree.
That meant once I built my platform, it'd be sturdy enough that I wouldn't have to worry about it collapsing.
[Never in all my years did I expect to see a Barbarian this insane....]
"Aren't you already dead and living in Valhalla, Lord Donar?"
[........]
The hammer trembled, and the atmosphere turned ominous.
If I pushed him any further, there was a good chance that hammer would smash my skull again. I'd better keep quiet now.
I cut a diagonal notch into a wooden post and fitted one of the branches I'd brought into it.
TAP! TAP! TAP!
I picked up Donar's hammer, which had gone quiet, and struck the end of the piece of wood.
After I repeated the process several times, Donar finally spoke.
[If you keep making such a racket, the demonic beasts will swarm here.]
"Isn't that exactly what you want, Lord Donar?"
[With this much noise, there is a good chance they will arrive in a horde, not just a manageable number.]
"Sounds fun."
[Hm? Fun, you say?]
"Yes. There's a thrill to beating demonic beasts to death, isn't there?"
[It is hard to believe that coming from you.]
Modern knowledge might make me seem like a coward, but I was still a Barbarian with the blood of a warrior race flowing through my veins.
I knew just how exhilarating the rush of dopamine from fighting could be.
"Done!"
My simple wooden platform was complete.
The quality was a little lacking because I hadn't used proper materials, but I wasn't going to live there forever. It was only somewhere to rest.
There was enough room for about three people to lie down comfortably.
Ooh-ooh! Eek-eek!
I heard the cries of a demonic beast from somewhere nearby.
Judging by the sound, it was a monkey-type demonic beast.
There were many kinds of monkey beasts, but we were still close to the outskirts, so there shouldn't be any particularly strong ones here.
[It is coming!]
Donar warned me that a demonic beast was approaching.
I secured my axe at my waist and picked up the hammer.
Now that I was learning from Donar, I ought to fight with a hammer alone.
Ooh-ooh! Eek-eek!
A shape was approaching rapidly through the trees.
I focused on the sound.
I'd be at a disadvantage if there were many of them, but fortunately, there was only one.
Eek-eek!
At last, the monkey revealed itself.
It was a gibbon demonic beast.
Information about the creature surfaced in my mind.
It used its long arms like spears.
Its specialty was a powerful thrust.
I'd memorized all the information I could about the demonic beasts I might face when I entered the forest for my coming-of-age ceremony.
Donar watched me without saying anything.
'All right, shall I make a proper impression on my master?'
I'd made a rather poor impression on him so far, but that was part of my strategy, too.
When someone who'd been doing badly suddenly did well, it made their performance look all the more impressive.
The gibbon climbed onto my platform.
How dare it set foot in my resting place?
I'd have to teach it a lesson.
Its shoulder shifted slightly.
That was the preparatory movement it made before thrusting.
I saw its right arm shoot forward.
If I made a mistake, I'd end up with a new breathing hole punched through my body and die on the spot.
But I wasn't particularly frightened.
Its attack was aimed straight at my heart.
I twisted my upper body slightly.
The attack narrowly passed by my side.
Then I brought my hammer down on its elbow.
CRUNCH—!
The joint twisted at an unnatural angle from the precise blow, and the creature lost its balance.
SCREEE!
It shrieked in terrible pain.
[Kid, did you aim for that spot just now?]
Donar, who'd been silent until then, spoke up after a single attack.
"Of course. The demonic beasts here are so tough that you have to target their weak points."
[I see....]
Donar fell silent again.
Instead, the enraged gibbon charged at me once more.
This time, it thrust with its uninjured left arm.
Too predictable.
This time, I dodged by moving my head slightly, then slipped inside its reach.
And I struck its temple precisely with my hammer.
CRUNCH—! POP—!
Its head shattered, and brain matter spilled out.
It was weaker than I'd expected.
I'd definitely heard that it was considered fairly strong near the outskirts of the Forest of Demonic Beasts.
[Kid. Tell me honestly. Are you not afraid of dying?]
"Pardon?"
Was I not afraid of dying?
Well, of course....
'Come to think of it, even when I think I might die, I'm not particularly afraid.'
I felt as though I'd been that way ever since arriving in this world.
Was it because I'd died and come back to life that I no longer feared death?
And just as I was about to answer....
Ooh-ooh! Eek-eek!
It sounded like quite a few of them had gathered.
In that case, I should find out this time.
Whether I really was free of the fear of death or not.