“Shinpei-kun, is this the right way?”
“Yeah. I think we turn right at the next corner.”
“You think?”
“That’s what the map says.”
“So, I can trust you then?”
“Hey, I can’t take responsibility if we get lost.”
“Fufu. It’s okay, I won’t get mad.”
Shiori laughed.
Watching her smile, Shinpei felt a slightly strange sensation in his chest.
He had never imagined that the time would come when they could laugh together like this over something so trivial.
Months had already passed since that day.
At first, they met only once a month, for a short time.
Then it became twice, then three times… until recently, without either of them realizing who started it, they naturally began asking about each other’s weekend plans.
They ate meals together.
They watched movies.
They went shopping.
They would walk through the city without any particular destination, popping into a coffee shop whenever they felt tired.
It was just a completely ordinary weekend.
If it were the Shinpei of the past, he would have been walking on air just being able to go out alone with Shiori.
What should I talk about?
Where should I take her?
What can I do to make her happy?
Obsessed with reading her every facial expression, he used to forget to even enjoy himself.
But it was different now.
If there was somewhere he wanted to go, he could say so himself.
If he was tired, he could suggest taking a break.
He no longer forced himself to eat things he didn’t want to eat.
And above all, Shiori had begun speaking up about her own wishes too.
“Hey, Shinpei-kun.”
“Yeah?”
“Isn’t it this way after all?”
Shiori held out her smartphone screen.
Their current location displayed on the map was slightly further away from the shop they were looking for.
Shinpei peered at the screen, then looked around at their surroundings.
“Huh?”
“See? The opposite direction.”
“…You’re right.”
“And after I asked if I could trust you just now.”
“That’s why I told you I couldn’t take responsibility.”
“That’s true.”
Laughing together, the two turned back the way they came.
It was as simple as that.
He wasn’t blamed for making a mistake, nor did he need to cover up his blunder.
He didn’t have to put on a cool act in front of Shiori.
To Shinpei, that was a far greater change than he had ever anticipated.
◇
Their destination today was a lifestyle goods shop located a short distance from the station.
Shiori had apparently spotted it in a magazine a while back and mentioned wanting to visit.
“Wow, how cute!”
The moment they stepped inside, Shiori’s face brightened up instantly.
Wooden shelves were lined with tableware and trinkets, while leather goods and stationery were placed further back.
Shinpei didn’t have anything specific he wanted.
He just thought it wasn’t bad to slowly browse around a shop like this.
“Shinpei-kun, look at this.”
What Shiori held in her hands was a small cat figurine.
It had a round body and short legs, looking up at them with an indescribable expression.
“…His face kind of looks like he’s in trouble.”
“Isn’t that what makes it cute?”
“Is it?”
“It is.”
Shiori nodded with a serious face.
Then, looking at the price tag, she pondered for a moment.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nno, it’s cute, but I don’t have anywhere to put it.”
“You’re not buying it?”
“Yeah. Just looking at it is fun anyway.”
Saying so, she gently placed the figurine back onto the shelf.
For a split second, Shinpei thought about buying it for her.
If it were his past self, he definitely would have done so without hesitation.
Shiori looks like she wants it.
In that case, I want to buy it for her. I want to make her happy.
He didn’t think those feelings themselves were entirely wrong.
It was just that the Shinpei of the past had confused making the other person happy with being needed.
If he gave her something, she would keep liking him.
If she was in trouble, he had to help her.
Otherwise, he had no value.
Without realizing it, he had fallen into that mindset.
And he had been taken advantage of because of it.
—578,000 yen.
Even now, it was an amount he could never forget.
He looked at Shiori.
She had moved to a different shelf and was gazing at a small glass vase.
The same face as before.
The same voice as before.
Yet, the present Shiori didn’t ask him to buy her anything.
Nor did Shinpei think to confirm her feelings by buying her things anymore.
“Shinpei-kun?”
“Huh?”
“What’s wrong? Did something catch your eye?”
“Ah, no. Just thinking about something.”
“I see.”
Shiori didn’t probe any deeper.
If it were in the past, he might have panicked, feeling he had to say something to fill the silence.
But now, even sitting in silence didn’t feel uncomfortable.
That made him feel a little happy.
◇
By the time they left the shop, it was slightly past noon.
“I’m hungry.”
“Wanna get something to eat?”
“Yeah. What about you, Shinpei-kun?”
“I’m hungry too.”
“Then, what should we have?”
“Looks like there’s a pasta place nearby.”
“Pasta, huh…”
Shiori trailed off slightly, wavering.
“Would you prefer something else?”
“Actually, I’ve been craving omurice since this morning.”
“Omurice?”
“Yeah. But if you’re in the mood for pasta, Shinpei-kun, pasta is fine!”
“It’s not like I particularly want pasta. It was just nearby.”
“Really?”
“Really. Want to look for an omurice place?”
“Yeah!”
Shiori happily pulled out her smartphone.
There was a time when her past self would hold back from Shinpei over even a tiny desire like this.
When asked what she wanted to eat, she would answer “anything is fine,” and when asked where she wanted to go, she would say “wherever Shinpei-kun likes is fine.”
Whether that was out of consideration, or out of guilt—
In the beginning, Shinpei couldn’t tell.
One day, he took the plunge and asked her.
‘Shiraishi-san, do you enjoy being with me?’
Shiori put on a surprised face.
‘I do enjoy it. Why?’
‘Because you’re always deferring to me.’
At that time, Shiori fell silent for a while before saying in a small voice:
‘…I just wondered if it was okay for me to ask for things.’
If that incident hadn’t happened, those words would have been completely harmless.
Asking the person you like for things. Choosing a pl1ace you want to go together.
Shiori was afraid of doing such obvious, natural things.
Of course, she herself was the one who caused that.
There was no need for Shinpei to endure anything just to reassure her.
Even so, if they were going to keep meeting in the future, he didn’t want a relationship where they just kept holding back around each other.
So, he told her this:
‘It’s okay to ask for things. But I’ll also say no when I don’t want to.’
After being startled for a moment, Shiori smiled with a tearful expression.
From that day on, she gradually began expressing her own wishes.
Today’s omurice was one of them.
“Shinpei-kun, I found one! This place seems to have really good reviews.”
“It’s about a ten-minute walk. Let’s check it out.”
“Yay!”
Seeing Shiori quietly rejoice, a natural smile spilled over Shinpei’s face as well.
◇
They were guided to a sunlit table by the window.
As soon as Shiori opened the menu, her eyes sparkled.
“Look, there are so many varieties just for omurice!”
“You’re right. It’s hard to choose.”
“How about you, Shinpei-kun?”
“I guess I’ll go with demiglace.”
“Eh?”
“What?”
“I was thinking of getting that too.”
“Then can’t we just get the same thing?”
“But if we order different ones, we get to see both, right?”
“Just see them?”
“…Maybe share a little bit?”
Shiori offered a modest smile. Shinpei burst out laughing despite himself.
“If that’s what you wanted, you should have just said so from the start.”
“Because it would mean reducing your portion, Shinpei-kun.”
“It’s just a bite or two.”
“Then I guess I’ll go with ketchup.”
In the end, the two of them ordered different types of omurice.
In front of the food brought to the table, Shiori happily took pictures, taking a bite and narrowing her eyes.
“…Delicious.”
“I’m glad.”
“Yeah. Yours looks delicious too, Shinpei-kun.”
“Want some?”
“Is it okay?”
“Didn’t we order different ones for that reason?”
“Right, we did.”
Laughing, Shiori shared some from her plate, and Shinpei also shared a bit of his omurice.
They tasted both together, discussing which one they preferred.
It was a silly conversation.
Yet, Shinpei had come to genuinely love these kinds of moments.
There was nothing special about it. It wasn’t an expensive restaurant either.
Even so, he could simply think that it was fun.
After finishing the meal, Shiori pulled out her wallet.
“How much was my share?”
“It was about thirteen hundred yen, I think.”
“Then I’ll hand it to you first.”
Shiori handed Shinpei the money for her meal.
In the beginning, even a single payment like this brought a strange tension.
Shiori would always try to pay her share, and there were times her expression would darken just from Shinpei casually trying to treat her.
So now, they basically paid for themselves.
Today, after finishing the bill, Shiori spoke up.
“I’ll pay for the next tea.”
“It’s fine, really.”
“I want to pay.”
“…Got it. Then please do.”
“Yeah!”
If it were the Shinpei of the past, he might have stubbornly refused, thinking “it looks uncool if a guy doesn’t pay.”
But now, he could think it was fine to be treated honestly.
There was no superiority or inferiority in that beyond an equal relationship.
Because neither of them needed to keep unilaterally giving to the other.
◇
In the afternoon, the streets were crowded with people enjoying their weekend.
“We walked quite a bit today.”
“Are you a little tired? Want to rest somewhere?”
“Yeah.”
The signal at the pedestrian crossing turned green, and they began walking along with the flow of the crowd.
Just then, trying to dodge a person coming from the front, Shiori fell a little behind.
People began pressing in from behind her.
Shinpei turned around, reaching out his hand on reflex.
“Shiraishi-san, over here.”
He took Shiori’s hand.
And only after walking a few steps further like that did he realize.
—They were holding hands.
“Ah…”
Shinpei slowed his pace. Shiori was also looking up at him in surprise.
“Sorry, there were so many people, I just…”
Just as he panicked and tried to let go—
Squeeze.
Shiori squeezed Shinpei’s hand firmly in return.
“…Shiraishi-san?”
“Um…”
Her face turned red in an instant.
“If you don’t dislike it, can we stay like this?”
Shinpei was at a loss for words.
Holding hands. It was just a small thing.
Yet to the two of them, it carried an entirely far-from-light meaning.
Shinpei looked at their joined hands.
Soft and warm. A little bit of strength was poured into them.
A memory from back when he was dating her crossed his mind.
Back then too, they held hands as they walked. He was happy. He felt blessed.
Yet, overlapping those memories was a cold recollection.
—It was all a lie. He was the only one who was serious.
For a moment, the depths of his chest went icy cold.
Even so, Shinpei looked at Shiori waiting for an answer right in front of him.
Leaving room for him to let go if he disliked it, she was gazing at him with a tense expression.
Shinpei poured strength into his own hand as well.
“…Yeah. Sure.”
“…Thank you.”
“Somehow, I feel really nervous.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
The two looked at each other and laughed a little bashfully.
After finishing crossing the pedestrian crossing, hands still joined, they set off walking once again.
◇
Entering a café slightly away from the station, they sat at a window seat.
Upon taking their seats, their hands naturally separated, and the two felt a little embarrassed again.
“…It feels a bit strange, doesn’t it? Even though we were holding hands just a moment ago.”
“Well, there’s a table between us now.”
“I didn’t mean it in that way.”
“I know.”
Listening to the gentle music playing inside the shop, they talked about harmless things.
About work, about the next day off, about movies they wanted to see recently.
Eventually, the conversation trailed off, and Shiori stared at the ice inside her glass.
“Shiraishi-san?”
“Um, you know… what kind of relationship do we have right now, I wonder?”
Shinpei blinked.
“Going out together like this, eating meals, holding hands… I just wondered what kind of relationship we have right now.”
Shinpei couldn’t answer immediately.
Come to think of it, he had never made it clear until now.
After an incident like that had happened, there was no way he could easily say things like ‘let’s date again.’
That was why they had slowly accumulated time together.
However, if asked whether the current them were just friends, that wasn’t right either.
Nor had they returned to being past lovers.
The past Shinpei knew nothing, merely reading her expression and believing himself to be happy.
But now was different. He knew what she had done. Nor had he forgotten how deeply he was hurt.
Between the two of them lay an unerasable past.
Shinpei quietly set down his coffee cup.
“…I hadn’t really thought about it. Because meeting up had become normal.”
“I… might have been thinking about it all this time.”
Tracing the rim of her glass with her finger, Shiori lowered her eyes.
“Being able to meet you, Shinpei-kun, makes me so happy. But I didn’t know if it was okay for me to hope for anything more than this. Even just meeting up like this right now feels almost too much for me…”
“I feel like I’ve heard that before. Since I say no when I don’t want something, I think it’s okay for you to say what you want to say too, Shiraishi-san.”
“…But…”
The sin she committed would not vanish easily.
However, did a relationship where she constantly suppressed her own emotions forever truly hold any meaning?
Shinpei himself had no intention of enduring anything.
On top of that, he wanted to be with her.
In that case—
“…Then, do you want to try dating?”
Shiori’s movements came to a dead halt.
“…………Eh?”
“I asked, do you want to try dating?”
“…Eh?”
“I said it twice.”
“Ah… yeah.”
Shiori blinked repeatedly, asking in a trembling voice:
“…Really? Are you really okay with me?”
Shinpei let out a small breath.
“Instead of you deciding ‘I’m no good,’ isn’t it okay for me to decide that I want to date you, Shiraishi-san?”
Shiori’s expression changed. Surprise, confusion, and a face holding back emotions that seemed ready to overflow.
“Instead of blaming yourself, Shiraishi-san, I want you to listen to my feelings too. …Ah, of course, you don’t have to answer right away.”
“…That’s not it! It’s not that I don’t want to. There’s no way…”
Shiori bowed her head, murmuring softly in a quiet spill of words:
“…I’m happy. I’m so, so happy. But I haven’t forgotten what I did to you, Shinpei-kun. I think I’ll never be able to forget it in the future either.”
“I haven’t forgotten either.”
When Shinpei said that quietly, Shiori’s shoulders trembled violently.
“I probably won’t forget in the future either. If you ask me if I’ve forgiven everything, I can’t say I have. …But lately, I look forward to meeting you, Shiraishi-san. When I think about where to go on my days off, your face pops up. When I find something interesting, I want to tell you about it. That’s why I want to try dating.”
“I don’t want to go back to how things were in the past. I want to date the Shiori of right now.”
At that moment, a single tear spilled over from Shiori’s eye.
“…I’m sorry…”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
Without rushing her, Shinpei quietly waited while sipping his coffee.
Eventually, Shiori wiped her tears and looked straight at Shinpei.
“…I want to date you too, Shinpei-kun. Not so I can try hard to make you like me again… I want to be with you, Shinpei-kun. …Please date me.”
At her straightforward words, a natural smile spilled over Shinpei’s face.
“…Yeah. I look forward to being with you.”
“…Is that all?”
“Huh?”
“No… I look forward to being with you too!”
The two looked at each other and laughed.
Just like usual. Yet, in an atmosphere where something had definitively changed.
◇
When evening came, the two walked side by side along the path toward the station.
“…Hey. About earlier, should we hold hands?”
“Yeah.”
When Shinpei held out his hand, Shiori took it.
Their fingers intertwined. This time, smoothly and naturally.
“…It feels like a lot of things suddenly changed just today.”
“But some things haven’t changed. Like how much fun it is to be with you, Shinpei-kun.”
Shinpei looked beside him. Shiori was smiling a little shyly.
“…Me too.”
Past events had not vanished.
Just because they became lovers didn’t mean everything was resolved either.
There would surely be days when anxiety returned, days when memories of the past caused pain and doubt.
Yet, the one taking this hand right now was himself.
Not forced by anyone, nor out of pity, he reached out because he wanted to be together.
And Shiori, too, squeezed that hand back out of her own will.
“When can we meet next?”
“I’m free next Saturday.”
“Really? Then can I decide where we go next time?”
“Of course. Just make sure not to get lost.”
“Geez, are you still bringing that up?”
In front of the ticket gate, Shiori briefly squeezed his hand again.
“…Shinpei-kun. I was really happy today. I’ll never forget it.”
“I probably won’t forget it either.”
Releasing his hand and passing through the ticket gate, Shiori turned around and waved.
After her figure disappeared, Shinpei pulled out his smartphone and sent a message.
‘I had fun today. See you next week.’
A reply arrived immediately.
‘I had so much fun too. Looking forward to next week.’
‘…As your girlfriend, I look forward to being with you.’
Shinpei couldn’t help laughing, sending back a reply:
‘Likewise. As your boyfriend, I look forward to being with you.’
They hadn’t returned to their past selves. Nor was there any need to return.
Bearing the wounded past and the committed sins, they still chose a new relationship together.
Shinpei tucked his smartphone into his pocket and set off walking.
He didn’t know what lay ahead in the future.
Even so, he was looking forward to next Saturday very, very much.