Chapter 18: Kiss Me or Leave

Elara stood in Ren’s doorway like she had come to collect a debt. Her hair was still damp, loose around her face. No vest. No key ring. No ledger tucked beneath one arm. Without the usual layers of work, she looked younger. More dangerous, somehow. "You answered a question badly," Ren said. "I did." "Which question?" Her eyes narrowed. "Do not make me repeat the entire attic." He waited. "You asked whether I wanted you to kiss me." "You said no." "I meant yes." Ren’s exhaustion disappeared in one clean instant. He still did not move toward her. Elara noticed. "I cannot work beside you every day," she said, stepping inside, "watch you make this place alive, watch you leave with Nia, watch you come back injured, and pretend I feel nothing because feeling something is inconvenient." The damaged latch rattled when she shut the door. "That does not mean I agree to be temporary." "I know." "No. Listen." Ren did. "I will not rebuild your home here while you spend every spare moment searching for the road back to your real life. I will not keep your accounts, save your guild, and smile bravely when you finally find somewhere that matters more." Ren flinched. She wanted him to. "I am not asking you to lie," Elara said. "I am asking you not to use honesty as a prettier form of selfishness." Rain tapped somewhere beyond the wall. "I still need to know whether Earth can be reached," Ren said. "I left people there without a goodbye. People who may think I died because I opened the wrong door during a blackout." Elara’s jaw tightened. "If I pretend I do not care because I want you, that would be a lie too." "I know." "I also want you." Her eyes lifted. Ren stood carefully. The room tilted, then settled. "If you fall over during this conversation," Elara said, "I will leave." "Motivating." "I mean it." "I know." He stopped an arm’s length away. "I want you because you are you. Your terrible jokes. The face you make when someone says a number you know is wrong. The way you make a room function without asking anyone to admire you for it." Elara’s breathing changed. "I kissed Nia," he said. "I am aware." "I wanted that too." She looked away. "I do not know what that means yet. Where I come from, I would have assumed choosing one person meant not doing this with someone else. I cannot pretend those assumptions vanished because I crossed worlds. I also cannot pretend I only want one of you because that would make this easier." Elara looked back at him. "That is an extremely inconvenient thing to say well." "I have been practicing inconvenience." "I noticed." "I will tell Nia if anything happens between us." "Immediately." "Yes." "You will not call her casual to make me safer." "No." "And you will not call me serious to make her temporary." "No." Some tension left her shoulders. Ren swallowed. "I cannot promise permanence. I can promise I will not disappear. I can promise I will tell you the truth before I ask you to build a future around me." Elara’s eyes glistened. "Is that enough?" she asked. "For what?" "One honest kiss." Ren’s pulse kicked hard. "Is honesty enough for one kiss?" Elara grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him first. There was nothing hesitant about it. Ren’s back hit the door. The latch rattled violently. Elara broke away with a startled breath. Then she laughed against his mouth. Ren kissed her again. His good hand found her waist. Her fingers slid into his damp hair and pulled him closer. The woman who aligned papers when anxious seemed to lose all interest in orderly things. Her body pressed against his. Ren’s hand moved to the middle of her back and stopped. Elara noticed. "You can touch me," she whispered. "Where?" Color rose across her face. "You are infuriating." "I am trying to be specific." "My waist. My back. My hair." Ren’s hand tightened gently at her waist. She kissed him again, slower this time. The anger went out of it and left something more frightening behind. Want. Then her wrapped hand caught awkwardly against his shoulder. She hissed. Ren pulled back immediately. "Hands." "They remain attached, unfortunately." "So does mine." "Excellent. A highly functional pair." They stood forehead to forehead, breathing too hard. "Nia," Elara said. "Yes." "And Earth." "Yes." "And you still do not know what you want the shape of this to be." "No." Elara closed her eyes. "We stop here." "Yes." Neither sounded pleased. That was what made stopping matter. Ren wanted to pull her back. The wanting itself was simple. Everything around it was not. Nia had kissed him without claiming him. Elara had just kissed him while refusing to be made temporary. Somewhere behind both women stood every assumption he had carried from Earth about what a relationship was supposed to look like. He could not solve that by choosing the answer that hurt least tonight. Elara seemed to read some of it in his face. "Do not decide for me because you are afraid of being unfair," she said. "I won’t." "And do not decide for Nia either." "I won’t." "Good." Her voice softened. "Then tomorrow may be uncomfortable instead of dishonest." "That sounds like progress." "It sounds exhausting." She straightened his shirt where she had wrinkled it, noticed what she was doing, and deliberately left one crease crooked. Ren smiled. "Do not." "I said nothing." "Your face did." Elara opened the door. The swollen latch stuck. Ren covered his mouth. "You laugh," she said, "and I add door hardware to your personal debts." Together, using only their uninjured hands, they lifted and pulled until the door opened with a wooden shriek. Before she left, Ren said, "I meant all of it." Elara looked back. "So did I." At dawn, the temporary tarp still held. Elara replaced the countdown beside the request board. SEVEN FULL DAYS. Cash remained three silver and nine copper. The roof remained temporary. Nothing important had become simpler overnight. Ren entered the kitchen carrying inspection pages and found Elara arguing with Bram about whether rain-damaged oats belonged under roof expense or pantry loss. Neither looked at the other for too long. Both failed at not looking at all. Nia walked in from the stable passage with her courier coat half-fastened and her ears still flattened from sleep. She reached for a cup. Stopped. Looked at Ren. Looked at Elara. Then back at Ren. One ear lifted. "Oh," Nia said. Elara closed her eyes. Nia smiled. "Interesting."