My chest rises and falls with hers, our breathing synchronized.
We’re tangled up in my sheets, both of us naked and exhausted from going at it again after the shower. Alyssa’s pressed against my side, her leg thrown over mine, one hand resting on my chest where she can probably feel my heartbeat slowing down.
I’m drifting. That pleasant space between awake and asleep where everything goes soft around the edges. My eyelids are heavy, my body completely spent.
“Hey!” The word cuts through the fog like a knife.
“Hmm?” I manage to open one eye halfway.
“Wait a minute!” She props herself up on one elbow, and I watch her face shift from post-sex contentment to something sharper. “You never told me why you were cheating on me with that blonde bitch.”
The accusation hangs in the air between us. I blink a few times, trying to pull my brain back online.
“Oh, Madison?”
“Yeah, yeah, I know all about her.” Her voice gets this edge to it that makes me more alert. “So explain it to me, Caleb.”
“I wasn’t cheating.”
The temperature in the room drops about twenty degrees. I watch Alyssa’s expression go from annoyed to something colder, harder. Her green eyes narrow as she stares down at me.
“Talking to other women is cheating, Caleb.”
I can’t help it. A soft chuckle escapes my throat before I can stop it. The sound feels strange in the sudden tension, but it’s so perfectly her that I can’t hold it back.
“Yeah, that sounds like something you’d say.”
Her face shifts again, and suddenly I’m looking at something raw. Vulnerable in a way that doesn’t match the fury from two seconds ago.
“Please tell me what happened, Caleb.” Her voice cracks slightly. “Please.”
“I wasn’t keeping it a secret. Madison said she finally believes I didn’t kill Lauren.”
Then Alyssa’s face transforms. The vulnerability vanishes like it was never there, replaced by something more dangerous. Her lips pull back slightly, and the sound that comes out of her throat is almost a snarl.
“And what led to her change of heart?”
The possessiveness in her voice makes my pulse quicken. Not from fear, but a dollop of excitement.
“She found Lauren’s diary.”
I watch her process this information, her green eyes flickering with thoughts I can’t quite track. Her breathing picks up slightly, and I can feel her heart rate increase where her chest presses against my side.
“A diary.” The words come out flat. “Lauren kept a diary.”
“Apparently. Under the floorboards in her old room. Madison only found it two years ago when their parents moved.”
“And it says you didn’t kill her.”
“I have no idea what it says.”
Alyssa blinks. Once. Twice. Three times. Like her brain just hit a wall and she’s trying to reboot. Her mouth opens slightly, then closes.
Her hand shoots out and grabs my collar, twisting the fabric tight enough that I feel it pull against the back of my neck.
“You are not allowed to see Madison again.” The words come out sharp and final. “Or ever open that diary.”
“Why?”
Her face contorts into this expression of pure disgust, like I just asked the dumbest fucking question in the world.
“Because I don’t want you reading anything your loser ex wrote.”
A laugh escapes me before I can stop it. The description is so petty, so perfectly Alyssa, that I can’t help it. Calling Lauren a loser. My dead girlfriend.
“But don’t you want to know what’s in it?” I ask, wondering if she’s even curious.
“Yeah! So bad, Caleb!” Her grip on my collar tightens. “And I’ll find out. And I’ll relay anything I deem important to you.”
She pauses, her eyes darting away from mine. “Fuck.”
I shift slightly against the pillows, turning my head to look at her more directly. “What is it?”
“It’s gonna be tricky for me to see Madison again.”
I watch her face carefully, trying to read what’s underneath the admission. Her eyes won’t quite meet mine, focusing instead on some point past my shoulder.
“I’m pretty sure they’ll give her a restraining order.” She says it matter-of-factly, like she’s discussing the weather. “But worse than that I promised some important people I wouldn’t seek her out again.”
The weight of that statement settles over me. Important people. The kind who can get you out of jail in under two hours.
I nod slowly, processing this new layer of complexity.
A wide smile spreads across her face, the one that makes her look slightly unhinged and completely beautiful at the same time. Relief floods her expression like I just gave her permission for something she was terrified I’d deny.
“Well, it’s no problem!” Her voice picks up that manic energy again. “I’ll figure it all out in due time.”
The certainty in her words should probably worry me more than it does. But as always none of this even matters.
“Okay.”
What else am I going to say? She’s going to do whatever she’s going to do regardless.